Wednesday, afternoon. After class.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuNUmZBYkS
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Unfamiliar…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5XZbucNej
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I was walking on a street that was unfamiliar to me. Glancing at the unfamiliar faces who walked past me. Looking at the unfamiliar houses as I passed by them. Shuffling my feet over the unfamiliar concrete towards an unfamiliar destination I didn’t want to reach but had to.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZtARV3lPP
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Going to meet an unfamiliar boy who made an unfamiliar request.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqaX36hGOv
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… and an unknown condition.
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What am I doing? I thought for the last time. I hoped it was the last time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMybImIFurj
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Why did I come here? I tilted my face up toward the sky, hoping that from all that blue there was something in it that would tell me the answer. There was none. There were only the clouds drifting slowly, like they were matching how I moved my feet.
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But underneath those questions, there was a quiet persistence that would talk to me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hGNxeZ5hV
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There is hope. All I have to do is hear what he has to say. Then I go home.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtti3Km4KBC
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Were they convincing? Enough... probably.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGPjHRwnsg
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I sighed and kept moving.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgly1TbrYa
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I recalled what happened this morning. It was difficult. A different type of difficult.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Y4nNx2xSD
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I’d sat in my seat before first period and looked around at everyone. I tried to find the expressions I was wearing on the faces of my friends.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTIrTGhiCi
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Hina was at her desk, clean and composed like she always was. Her eyes gazed towards the windows. Whatever she was thinking, it was only for her alone. And I never wondered what it was until that time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jguqnpH8D
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A few seconds later, I found Yui standing in front of Mika’s desk. Her expression cycled through different emotions during their conversation. She was probably talking about stories she had heard a few days ago. And Mika was more animated than yesterday. Reacting to Yui’s story the way she was supposed to. But I knew she was only trying. I knew yesterday hadn’t left her. I could see it in the moments between her reactions, a few fractions of a second where she would lose control.
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My eyes started to move without me noticing. Toward the windows. Toward the back.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0bALwVeqx
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And there he was. Completely unbothered. Absorbed by his book, entirely isolated from the noises the classroom had contained before homeroom. I didn’t even know if he noticed the empty space around him. Nobody talked to him. Nobody paid attention to him.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEjj1ElIxQ
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Except me, right at that moment.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f7o37nG8X
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I looked away before anyone caught me. I sighed.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzI2dnim5Vk
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Everyone seemed to have moved on from what happened yesterday afternoon. In this same classroom, in that heavy atmosphere. Or maybe they were doing a better job pretending they were.
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...Better than me, at least.
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Since...
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I was the one who had to walk to a near-stranger’s apartment after school. I was the one who had to prepare to hear a condition that no one knew yet. And I was the one who had to steady my face, to hide everything that I was thinking... So that my friends wouldn’t worry.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeSvnZKcjF
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I tried to keep it up all day. And I was very tired.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaHpRP7rxN
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A few times during the walk, I stopped. I turned halfway back, contemplated for a few seconds, wondered what I had been asking myself since I arrived at the station. But I always turned forward... Turned forward and kept walking.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR62RqYq96I
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He’s a person, I thought. I needed it. I needed to remind myself what I had rehearsed ever since I woke up this morning. He’s a human being. He’s a student, not a criminal. He looked intimidating. But when we talked to him, he was never violent... 159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OytFIgHxR
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Then...159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oazLpegl5
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Also, why was he unusually slow? It was very nerve wracking watching him move from one place to another while the room sat in such a tense mood. And he profiled my friends one by one, like he knew everything about them and where they rank in school, he probably knew the scores they even got, and he was right but…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh45yVSAC1V
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I paused.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPT8t0RU2D
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Well... That was actually a bit creepy. Who even does that?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRzpfJa83y
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My thoughts suddenly went in another direction…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsYzLTQHJR
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What about his condition?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYmFmciS62
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I shook my head. I needed to. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts only.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmXdFp48zE
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Instead, my mind tried to embrace quiet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yLaQv1MQG
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmf2V6BMJIr
…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Xmeb9FPsV
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxl93Apk5yL
…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtNVYAisHL
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… condition.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tZFcgSKmR
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I gave up.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6GOUTz2Tw
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The sight of the apartment he wanted me to go to finally came into view. A few more minutes of walking and I found myself standing below it. I looked up. Ten floors. It looked expensive. But maybe not. It was quite fancy, though. A little bit, but enough that it made the houses around it look small and a little embarrassed by comparison. It had solid walls, gray. They were so thick that I imagined if I went inside and screamed, nobody from the outside would hear it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdb2IC5hgf
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… That last thought wasn’t necessary.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnuhJY9ymp
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I walked to the front entrance.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SusSkHjAS
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The door was glass, sturdy and clear, and beyond it I could see a second door of the same material. I stepped forward, the outer door opened automatically, and I went inside.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDe1AwIrov
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I stood there for a second.
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This didn’t look the same as Hina’s apartment. I mean, I had known it since I saw the building from the outside. But I wasn’t sure how to proceed.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWv7t4Rhx7
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Wait… dramas…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZdUM7uSXS
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If I remembered correctly. There was supposed to be an intercom panel around here somewhere. And it was probably that one, left side beside the door.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsCkNvNGNi
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I opened the note he gave me and approached the panel. I wasn’t sure at first since there were two panels in front of me. One seemed to look like where key cards go through. Maybe this one with a keypad.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfImjZKeYZ
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“Room number 502,” I said while I typed the numbers on it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykYUdHa7ur
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I stared at the panel while I waited.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWpT0YQT05
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“Who?” A voice came through the speaker, flat and immediate.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zq2xnmef7
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“I-It’s me, Miyase Runa. I came here to talk about…”
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“Proceed.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiU7nPe1Qs
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The inner door opened before I finished what I wanted to say.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEJLYiek4W
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Right. Of course.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPT9IZt2GA
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I walked inside. There was a reception desk but no one was behind it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5ShKyQtQ5
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He’s a person. He’s a human being. He’s just a student.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPzOyoDiB9
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I told myself repeatedly all the way to the elevator. I told myself repeatedly while the elevator moved. By the time the doors opened on the fifth floor. I had told myself it enough times that it had stopped sounding like words and started sounding like a sound I was making with my mouth.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOw08WR20H
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I reached one of the apartment doors then checked the note he gave me one last time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Wmh8WCyp9
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Fifth floor. Room 502.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2p3OeH6oR
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I took a breath.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mvHDqLGAz
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Took another one.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr2jees1Ir
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And knocked twice.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCKvqCDJTa
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A few seconds later. The door opened.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrtEDQiUUO
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I gripped my bag.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29BgXowUXI
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I looked at him.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXX0Q4ZwCf
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“You could’ve used the doorbell,” he said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHNaqRnKLH
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Hmm?
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I looked to the left of the door frame.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS2hUSeo1U
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There it was. Right there. A doorbell, where doorbells had always been, in the place that doorbells had always existed, on every door I had ever encountered in my entire life.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Uex8xIyXS
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My face went warm. I tried to hide it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFj9ZZ9lGG
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“I… didn’t see it,” I said, because it was the only sentence I could locate in my head at that moment. It didn’t sound convincing, in fact, it didn’t convince me at all. Because there was no way I could have missed it. Maybe because I had not thought anything about doorbells for the past day. Maybe because I had been thinking more about what happened yesterday and what was going to happen today. And now I was standing here having knocked on a door like someone who had never encountered doors with a doorbell before.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xNF8iD0MO
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He’s definitely reconsidering everything.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7wo4lJc45
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“Come in,” he said, after looking at me for a moment that felt longer than it was.
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I took off my shoes and arranged them neatly by the entrance.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jtJzBxiPP
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“Excuse me for intruding,” I said, bowing slightly.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ezMWmLrC4
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I stepped inside.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorAsP3CWYe
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He led me to the living room.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxkxjgTMA6
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I stopped just inside the doorway and looked around without meaning to.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJdGbrtFY9
It was clean. It wasn’t empty but felt like it was since there were no unnecessary decorations inside. There were two sofas, one smaller facing the flat screen TV in the corner, and one longer that faced the door of the living room, perpendicular to the smaller one. And in the center was just a carpet. There were no tables, no cabinets, no photographs on the walls. Nothing else.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomLx17tSay
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To the right was the kitchen connected to the living room with no walls between them. And just as much as the living room, I only saw what seemed to be the necessary utensils that he needed. Or so I assumed.
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It kinda fits him, actually.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItFY6JdWA1
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I thought about it for a second.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOyEaLfwsC
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“Sit anywhere you like,” he said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPTRMZW683
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I considered the longer sofa and the smaller sofa for a second. I started walking towards the longer sofa, I sat at the other end near the smaller sofa, which put the most distance between me and the other end of the room. As I settled in I noticed a book sitting on the opposite end of where I sat. I leaned slightly, curious to what it was.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOB4EWqqxN7
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English. The cover was entirely in English.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvQb8rePiz
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“Do you want water?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVYMUSdbx3
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I straightened up. His voice came from the kitchen and it caught me off guard since I felt like I was intruding someone’s private life when I leaned towards the book. His voice is always serious, it wasn’t cold but it was different, like the strict kind of different, or maybe leaned more towards indifference? I didn’t know, I was just startled. I wondered if he was aware of how he sounded to others? Probably not.
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“There’s soda in the fridge too. Which one?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPX9XVPC5K
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“Soda please,” I answered before I finished deciding. I meant to say water. I didn’t know why I said soda.
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He came back a few minutes later with a glass of soda with little ice cubes. He handed it to me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyRTY1jPHH
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“Thank you.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAGPNw9WSG
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He went back to the kitchen. I watched him go, wondering what he had planned to do. I noticed he was going towards a small wooden table at the corner of the kitchen before he started carrying it. Then walked back to the living room and carefully set it down over the carpet between the two sofas.
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It was a low kind of table, made for sitting on the floor to write.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRDMhQNO51
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“You can put your drink here.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UHBUAaNs0
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“Thank you.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgv76HMN5S
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He walked around the table he just placed. He ended up in the other end of the longer sofa, picked up the book that was there, and sat down.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIvFA2lpIS
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And opened it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5m5l6DYUJh
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And started reading…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZV1l03lck
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Started reading…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFsmrCAWh9
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I tried to confirm what just happened. I came all the way here. Ten minutes of train ride, fifteen minutes walking from the station to this apartment, I had failed to locate a doorbell that had been directly beside the door, and now this. I thought we were going to start talking about what he told me yesterday. Instead, he started reading.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp08HWL9Q0o
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“Um.” I tried.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU7pNZ9QWB
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He turned a page.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0gpPQB1pA
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“About what we discussed yesterday…”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pDKNLONaz
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Nothing.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFtPTJ5KOI
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“…Never mind.” I let out a laugh. It sounded awkward. I immediately regretted the laugh.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nxX9FyAec
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I looked at the soda. The ice was already starting to melt at the edges. I took a sip. Looked up at the ceiling for reasons I couldn’t explain. There was nothing interesting about the ceiling. It was a ceiling.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRE2SvEAelP
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I decided to search inside my bag instead. The only things that I found were textbooks, notebooks and my test papers that put me in this situation. I cursed at them. In spirit.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3rtww3Bts
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My phone buzzed inside my pocket. I opened it. There were notifications that Mika and Yui had messaged me privately. Once from Mika, five times from Yui. There was also a flood of notifications that came from our group chat. It didn’t say who made those fifteen notifications, but I am totally sure it was Yui.
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I didn’t have the mood to reply yet. So I opened an app, found a video, maybe just watch for a little bit. Made myself look busy just like him.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6VAoAQJjQ
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Ten minutes passed.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45xEk17iHP
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I put down my phone.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ePT1zNy8P
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“Hello?” I looked at him directly this time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3H9MlZcSA
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Everything that I was thinking before coming here and everything I heard about him both were gone in that moment. I didn’t come here to sit in silence and watch videos.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgR2FcvZF9
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If he still didn’t answer me this time, I was leaving.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6w5mE7gJN3
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My eyebrows pulled together.
He slowly looked up.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wDh70pxOy
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“Are you done with your drink?” he asked.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6ifwI9LCl
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My eye twitched.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3vOjWrqfD
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I wasn’t DONE with my drink, thank you. I was DONE waiting here for nothing. If you still make me wait for one second more and waste all that effort and all those worries I had been carrying on my way here, THEN I AM LEAVING.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF21uTiHrGo
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd50n8wFeTT
I thought… they came out good in my thoughts…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFb3UMuFTWS
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLybdBTB1DK
I sighed for a bit, tried to compose myself. Okay now he is paying attention to me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8iB5g8Fbr
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rc4HinksX
“Yes,” I replied. My voice still had an edge to it that I didn’t bother smoothing out. “Thank you.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54oGrlUwTT
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLy9m8peB9a
“Follow me.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMg9I0PO3FO
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He stood up.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2B062AsOiG
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I took a breath. Smoothed my expression back into something neutral. It took a moment. Afterwards, I stood up and followed.
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He led me back out to the hallway. Two doors on the right from the living room. We passed the first one and stopped at the second, closer to the main entrance. He opened it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYAdrCvaJU
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e2TwA7sfb
I looked inside.
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5vHocDX7q
The room was the complete opposite of the living room.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4cJklBi3u
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3moDcSatm6
An electric piano against one wall, a guitar on a stand, and something that looked like a smaller, plastic version of the piano with little buttons and dials I didn’t recognize, plugged into a computer setup near the window.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonGupRE3px
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFGzQt2ZcX
One computer, but with three monitors lined up side by side, all three still on.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDufn820i2
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMaNF42v1j
The middle one had lines of text. They were small, colorful, structured in a way that reminded me of what the programmer characters in dramas were working on when emphasized. Except this looked real. Less glamorous. Just a wall of text that I didn’t know what it meant.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFAEGnSlB7
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbvzQ8nPJL
The screen on the left had a bunch of horizontal bars in different colors, all squiggly and uneven, kind of like one of those heart monitor lines from medical dramas but way more of them, stacked on top of each other, with little boxes and tiny switches everywhere.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9M3p3SWG2f
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaxprq5Efe
And the one on the right. Drawing? Just the outline of someone’s head, unfinished, floating in the middle of a mostly empty white background. No face yet. Just the shape.
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75pvucleFx
My eyes moved away from the screens, taking in the rest of the room.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcANC4uOBE9
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡha8DDFligw
A drawing tablet. Papers stacked on a separate table, some of them weighted down with pencils, some of them half-finished with marks I couldn’t fully read from here. Notebooks. Drawing pads. Crumpled paper on the floor near the waste bin. Probably were thrown but didn’t quite make it. A lot of them were not even close to the waste bin. Rulers, erasers, pencils that had been used and not put back.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PLWPvLPI6
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RayPzNRwz
It was a mess. It was surprisingly chaotic and messy.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfn5MlUGgHJ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHDZFzphBz
I thought the living room fit him well because of how he moves and how he talks. Both with a certain precision.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTLXq9DpQX
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9bqBP0wza
But this…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG9XEn8jcW
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D7CRucqfi
This explains the dark below his eyes.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUu4x3cpGi
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8JNCYMtGh
This explains the messy hair.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rDo1m84OL
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc07LPlECUK
And I could totally picture him in here. Staying up late, scratching his head leaving his hair a mess. This room gave me everything the living room didn’t. I could guess exactly where he spent his time, what he put his hours into, what he cared about. Without him saying a single word about it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieCOhSHBGI
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0imMw59XV
I forgot to breathe. So I did.
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIG5xQ5THm
“Are you…” I searched for the right question. “A musician?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL64knJhTRk
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“No,” he said. “I just bought those, I’m still learning.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrJ0N8nJF7
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeCbE6NUbL
“All of them? The piano, the guitar, and…” I gestured vaguely at the plastic thing with the buttons.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgTrm7ivuV
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzC4nsbVLD
“That’s a MIDI keyboard. I am currently trying to make music for my game.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUQpJLurRz
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhzkZwbcen
“What about the drawings?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZNe1llALK
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“Also learning.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM3WGRhHiX
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf59DmS4C0
“Are you making a manga?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc3cJPCWhg
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREX5119b0D
“No. Just drawing for my game.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHi6jcMfdw
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKSh27oQxr
“And the computer? The colored texts?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yqnuVypRc
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu68F4zv5bo
“Those are programs.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJpoaSVOiq
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlEo8vuMOd
“For making a game?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6NEHMddNX
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0pbkbA6UI
“Yes.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtvi2AWy2j
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tIghwjZdY
“Isn’t that… aren’t you amazing?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1b1B4WeFh
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDOQegcIum
“Not really. I know how to code now. I still don’t know how to draw or make music.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoxs2zRlWW
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SN4XgGh7B
But isn’t he still amazing?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1LmdvBLAR
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW45K8qo17m
I looked at the three screens again. And that reinforced my thought. The lines of text, the squiggly bars, the half-finished head all just sat there. All equally impressed me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qOSp6MREd
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxV26cdKwj
I opened my mouth but I didn’t know what I could say. The questions just ran in my head and they kept overlapping each other. And on top of that, some part of me felt like I was already prying just by standing here looking at all of it.
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“How are you finding time to learn all of this?” I asked finally.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfJ1wyMqvG
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2k7CvlMYK
“I have a schedule.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cayiBD6ES
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeoHQPV4oT
Of course. But still…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DnVOCJ5Rz
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XWCQiVQ0Z
“Since when did you start?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq20lnor0CA
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63lQ1pbBKt
“I started learning how to program since I was ten. Started making a game when I was thirteen. Started learning guitar when I was fourteen. Started learning how to draw last year. Started learning…”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9MXsYJgHX
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“Wait, okay I get it.” If I hadn’t stopped him there, I had a feeling he would list everything. And I had a feeling there was more than what I was seeing today. “So did you finish making a game?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCQyGdFQbH
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6eIg1hDqv
“I posted one online last year. Free. It was the one I’d been building since I started.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmQwsCVcYo
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujTMh4JcuP
“How did it go?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRi1f4s1BUH
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t7QTPoNEc
“Around two thousand downloads, last time I checked.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFBPJjuz6d
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufeilFVEkg
Two thousand? Downloads? That many!?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZYVY4zh50
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5cmgz8us6
I couldn’t even get a hundred views for that one dance video Yui and me posted when we were still in middle school. Isn’t two thousand like really good?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrS7qLE1ww
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkF5ICr0gD
“But that’s beside the point,” he said when I was about to say my thoughts. “Let’s go back to the living room. Let’s talk there.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvothOXp38
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUlin5htFJ
As soon as he said that, reality snapped me back to the reason why I was here.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t5pYipVvP
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9xgvEltCX
He closed the door then started leading me back to the living room.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbkEo5rnGp
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEE5cnX5v3
My eyes couldn’t resist glancing for that room one last time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozvY9AoTkH
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPT1S42cKW
I could never do that. I thought. And I meant it entirely without self-pity. It was the scale of it. This kind of sustained, quiet, solitary commitment to something was not something I had ever managed. Maybe that was part of why I was here.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCVby5d1L7
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQRt8I9tp8
We entered the living room and I sat down where I’d been before. He took his end of the sofa. And for some reason, the room felt smaller. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just different. Like I was seeing it properly now instead of through a filter of nerves.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Z9fjgg22f
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0aceTDAj8
“So,” I said. I knew what we were going to talk about now. I felt ready. “What is it?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOBw0qq3bd
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVbJUvmjlH
“If I do this,” he started, “I’ll have to set aside all of that.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqutkyjTE5K
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWI28vUQqc
My eyes widened a little. I didn’t consider that.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTZJ37CH84
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacoUAFMokQ
“My part-time job. I’ll have to quit it.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jlvsVW09R
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZfLnLZN3C
He has one? I had no idea.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc749hnUzje
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpu1kh0MVE
“All the time I would spend learning to draw, learning to play music and making games. All of them will get reduced. As well as the time I have for my own studying.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcccf3Wbyb
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMwJ0Uy3bI
I wanted to cover my face with both my hands. I felt confident opening the conversation as soon as we got back to the living room. Now, I was feeling the weight of all the things that he was saying. The heavy sacrifices that he was willing to make for my sake. And everything felt like pressure sat on my back.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDV7qNYcRC
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLxIHHfUNQ
“You don’t have to do that,” I said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHH80YCsxyW
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpG8n0LDpV
“I do.” No hesitation. “If I’m going to tutor you, I’m not doing it with half an effort. When I set a goal I intend to reach it.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEULo8e7ctR
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdJ4pfYrnu
“But...” I, on the other hand, hesitated. “But if you stop now…” I didn’t know what to say. But somehow he knew what to answer.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrA9g9xEIlR
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu7sJnSy6D
“I am not stopping. I can go back to learning once we’re done.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEIIqaGLju
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr07P3CE7c1
Why?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrJQrfjoHX
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“Why would you do all that for someone you don’t even know?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIx4dVoF1WQ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKCMqWsMts
He paused for a moment and stared at me. As if he was trying to figure out how to answer what I asked.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe1rau9whl
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwTzyQTDlR
“Because you need help,” he finally said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKwxm4zAVy
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I waited for the rest of it. There wasn’t any.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJ15ZFzsyY
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjI2Fv17ED
That’s it? I felt like he was about to say more. Was that really all? Because I needed help, he would ruin his schedule, quit his part-time job and cut into his dream?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡev8NGfRb9f
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeXHKYlHC7
I didn’t understand. I thought I had figured him out. But it felt like what I knew was far too little compared to what I didn’t know.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqgmCxzH18
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3xCnyzCSR
But he continued.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4EY3RQZgR
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“Honestly, when I first looked at your test papers I was going to say no.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbUpbi7ZAi
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Obviously.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinMT7hAmQr
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“But when I looked at the answers themselves. They weren’t random. You never left a question blank. Every answer had a logic behind it, even when it was completely wrong. That logic came from somewhere. It means you were thinking, not guessing. I saw the hard work written on every answer. They were just tangled up with the wrong methods.” He kept his eyes on me. “If we work the right way, you’ll get a different result.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡss5tAjexTY
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc6jeNZDQZ
I sat with that.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8EXp9lRtj
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Hard work written on every answer.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc8dp5zqWA
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJe1Tyy94fL
I bit my lip. I did give my all. I spent nights reading textbooks I tried to understand. In the end, I wasn’t able to and I thought it was impossible for me. And here was someone looking at the same evidence and arriving at a completely different conclusion.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5UGnqEHkO
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I wanted to believe it. Can he really make me become a top ten student in a year?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuq5VSo3Re
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7FIyTmV32
I stared at my hands.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ3UjcMEOf
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywARqnHZZ5
If I worked hard just like him, then maybe? If he thought it was achievable, then maybe? If he was sounding very sure of it… then it might actually be real.
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZHN8IT44l
“But I need some kind of insurance,” he suddenly said. “If I put everything in and you still failed, I need something in return. I don’t like wasting time.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3465oPvNDf
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OPqHCoXXH
I nodded. Reluctant. I didn’t know if I could promise not to waste his time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEryc6tdamz
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOEZAH3inj
“What is it?” I asked.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbTOoueKJJ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQokYSO78N3
“If you fail an exam. Midterms and finals, for the rest of the year. For every subject you fail, I get five minutes.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPFIddhbGC
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I waited.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEXLuK67mA
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“Five minutes. To touch you.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAimehUgtk
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The room didn’t move.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavcxWxXTJB
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfKuvt8apD
I heard the words. I understood the words individually. They just didn’t make sense when I put them together. Assembling into something I couldn’t process correctly.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3oRuejnKa
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZI7mjTzp5
“Touch me?” I said. I wanted him to say that he was just joking.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqWjCW47XJ
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“Yes.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87KSsWdxbC
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He wasn’t.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxqWF26BPH
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My hand tightened slightly on my bag.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwZZAwzVtZ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQw558Fr7S
Absolutely not. That is supposed to be the answer. Immediate. Clear. Correct.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgf4jhw3xE
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4ktbBYCmY
If he failed me on purpose, how could I ever tell? If the consequence of my failure was something that benefited him, what was stopping him from not doing it? He could teach me badly on purpose, or not at all, and collect whatever he wanted from whatever subject I failed.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEbGbQnZWU
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qu1R4D8Sj
I needed to say that. I needed to push back on it directly. The words were right there.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RUFSApvIM
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskLBvPxQWw
I looked at him.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaA4sc8uQsy
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I opened my mouth, but he went first.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3Z9AfozJ2
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“Don’t misunderstand,” he said. “I’m not going to teach you halfheartedly. When I said top ten, that wasn’t a promise. It’s my intention. And I intend to follow through on it. But I need to know your resolve.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaAIX5HpzN
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I didn’t move.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jr62gLqOG
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8MpeqYV1O
My resolve?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQS4WJ5G2i
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFO561h3gz
“You don’t have to decide now,” he continued. “You don’t have to decide at all. If you don’t come back, that’s your answer.” He paused. “But if you do come back. Then that’s your answer too. Not just to me. To yourself.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOJEyd9n7B
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUw0RB3O8y
I didn’t know what to say to that so I didn’t say anything.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkXMv0tZKu
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3N91uYRSI
“You can go,” he said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkYqloQIQR
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVAubIgZuM
I didn’t move right away. I didn’t know if I can even move right away.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGqEr5m8XR
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIR0mOYSVY
When my eyes reached him, I saw him reading his book again, like he just didn’t say the most outrageous thing to say to a girl.
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FKcLuGNR2
For a moment I sat with everything. I felt the weight of what he’d put on the table and the equal weight of what he was offering in return.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQcahgEB4b
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUNfaqeblw
Finally I stood up. I picked up my bag from the floor and held it against my chest.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPQGIQC8OY
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyofBNAFdd1
I started walking towards the door, as fast as I could.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VLHkoHSj2
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pqnYw35fS
“The condition stays between us,” he said before I could walk towards the hallway.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqewYTrriOQ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8BMMIPDIA
I hesitantly nodded. I shouldn’t have. It felt like agreeing to something before I’d decided anything. But I also didn’t want anyone else carrying the weight of this before I’d figured out what I was going to do with it myself.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9aC3qvC0H
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSIOltGmYC
I let myself out.
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjDk0OnBxZ
The elevator was waiting. I got in.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVytGMnXgwk
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTfwmk7xKq
What do I do?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV49yEwuvxM
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYK1O4ChTBL
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuvW8AqwoC
Wednesday, Night.
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhGS5O5mxY
That night I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling with the lights off. Dinner was done. My replies to the group chat were done. Just enough to prove I was alive and accounted for, nothing that invited follow-up questions I wasn’t ready to answer.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVUhny1vu5
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0b1tkMghN
The dark was easier right now. Less to look at. More space to think, or to avoid thinking, which was what I was mostly doing.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOzbyyZglZ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9DKAqQAM3
My phone rang.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPbKbncq1T
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzoogRt8tn
Mika.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMVLMKi3xD
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HfPqXfKm7
I picked up.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJztW0K91Pl
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9S4myC6Wr
“Hello.”
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKx7d2cPMJS
“Are you okay?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosBOfLPmY9
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCTvCCOQrW
“I am. Don’t worry.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eENJHsC4l
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gwZMW9xPT
“Did he do anything?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVws3DqHLk
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCLjYaT5QD
“No.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqKQc5za7o
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieyWccGn2P
“Are you sure?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqFy8aD2kA
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡog2I1PzJE8
“I’m sure.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7R6wKG92d
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHTOHrLLVB
She didn’t answer for a few seconds.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyTnO8jriU
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwv5CwperHT
“You don’t sound sure.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIFzzvepl5
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiW68Ab2KiT
“I’m just tired.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pOIse0Boy
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbPRjGhiNr
“...Really?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzyiPTe1lk
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMAeYsOm6n
“Yes.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zx7Os1DOY
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhSARnsPV7
She paused.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7nr2pAkX8
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl85se0EWRm
“Okay.” Her voice was careful. “I’ll let you sleep. But tomorrow, tell me everything.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzoO9YS6p7
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWjARQAVJQ
“Okay.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6isVIkBwgU
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBj1BJTWh9
She hung up.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzZ5gEL8ad
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I lay there in the dark looking at the ceiling.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdmlQP2zlT
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWI9Gqa5STq
Sorry, Mika.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7pumM5ZCu
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDIUjON8wJ
I was already apologizing to her in my head. Because I knew, even now, that I wasn’t going to be able to tell her everything. Not even a single word of what had been said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNHwrQNNRD
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkC64PsI7a
That part…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLWjROXhmV
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All of them…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1A4HJKVtt
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5X1v97oqx
Were all mine to carry…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDAwUdpHvq
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I pressed my hand flat against my chest.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OAYBmHSm1
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfFNIc8cwN
What do I do?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtwybK3w9c
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZSubolZtf
The ceiling had no answers. It was just a ceiling.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaSabITA2O
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa12i7ZtX8k
But somewhere underneath all the weight of it, quieter than everything else, something was still there.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUrSbSRPsP
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUkPp2NYzt
I saw the hard work written on every answer.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR9EJHelmj
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uL2Ilb0Wi
I closed my eyes.
and then Add to home screen.