Thursday. Before first period.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcfF1a2TLA
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I feel lost144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkjJNbNCdM
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I felt very lost.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1cOF7oBEp
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This morning just didn’t feel right. Every morning this week hadn’t felt right. And I would definitely feel worse as the day went on.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLT1UKhk9zB
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I didn’t know how many minutes had passed since I lowered my head onto my desk. Forehead touching wood and I didn’t care if it was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to me right now was my only real comfort.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnPbQFVlYt
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The classroom was filled with its usual pre-class noise. Classmates arriving, chairs scraping the floor, bags being dropped, and conversations mixing together. All contained inside this room.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpayfc7ssYQ
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I tried to listen.
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None of it was reaching me.
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Not right now.
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Probably not even later.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEqlPOQOZF
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While everyone else was enjoying their youth. I was here, too busy having the same argument with myself that I’d been having since before I slept last night.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyq8AUeY2T
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What do I do?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7cOXvcxCV
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Unwillingly, I turned my head to my right, where Yui sat. I only noticed now, but she had been working through a box of strawberry Pocky. She had that focused contentment of someone who absolutely was just enjoying a snack early this morning.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2X3bDW1Z3u
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My head turned away from her.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspPFUWhcUx
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I didn’t mind her eating. I wasn’t bothered with that at all. I was more bothered that she seemed unbothered while I was here accepting that uncomfortable is the best comfort I’d had ever since the start of this week. Nope. I am totally fine.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzUgwC3GbM
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“Are you okay?” Yui asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEByT3RF8o
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She noticed. I wished she didn’t.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmK2F11lxMx
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“Yeah,” I said. Still not looking at her directly.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnq1zwoBZV
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She tugged at my sleeve. I lifted my head, straightened up, and turned.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkf2fAfmKTY
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“Here.” She held out a stick of Pocky, smiling. The way she always smiled when she was trying to make someone feel better.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXs6khn9ywT
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“You shouldn’t be eating before class.”
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVA5knZljq
“I didn’t have breakfast. This is all I have.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcK37JCZZu2
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She pulled the piece back and ate it herself.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FNqRPW3SP
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“Did you wake up late?” I asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9yNzRF9T5
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“Yep. I didn’t eat breakfast because if I did, I would have missed you guys at the train station.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1XRM3djOo
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Alright, it was bothering me after all. So I had to say it.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpSV07c9tY
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“You know, eating snacks early in the morning isn’t healthy,” I finally said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8gIIDbDTg
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“Don’t worry,” she replied, still eating, “I have a strong metabolism.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uVa5uikYX
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I stared at her.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgFKYrfGe6
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Is that… does she think that’s how metabolism works?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcKXUDefh3
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My mouth opened. I wanted to say something. Instead, I sighed.
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I shouldn’t have asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSkUwffsoF
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I tried to shake the thought away. It didn’t matter after all. Nothing about Yui’s nutritional logic mattered right now.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaPRbVxAAp
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“Hey,” I said carefully.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSgzPtWKon
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“Yes?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtKcnKyIaE
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“What if someone challenged you to climb a really long ladder, and at the very top there was a huge bowl of curry waiting for you. You could eat all of it.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoRGcEbLBX
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Her eyes lit up immediately.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XY2zRmy3s
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“I’ll climb it! Definitely!”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJglurAvxO8
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“But,” I said, “if you slip and fall even one step, you have to eat green peas.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡft1Lkhrugc
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The light from her eyes went out.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3G8l2yyZY
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“Ugh.” The sound came from her very soul. She never liked green peas. She hated it with such passion she would never talk to you again if you forced her to eat just a single pea.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfCue4KdCV
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She thought about it for a bit, placed a finger under her chin, crossed her other arm at the elbow to support it, closed her eyes, and tilted her head slightly.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eMD7BhXZG
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She’s actually thinking about it?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQipijgxF9
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“How big is the bowl of curry?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonrVvwABJj
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“Huge. Like, really huge.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtbIFiKDsK
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“Hmm, well… then I’ll take the risk.” She opened her eyes. Her voice sounded reluctant. But still…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyZd45ai1O
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She’ll take the risk…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxy09b8tb7
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“Why?” I asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBEzK6SujT
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“I hate green peas! And I loooove curry,” she answered with no hesitation.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6vQhifvtt
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She stared at me. The look in her eyes told me that this was more than just a serious matter for her.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJlbXVNqmm
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But to be honest… It is for me too.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gqJsmcrvo
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“But you know, even if the challenge sounds hard, if there is a prize in the end that I really love, then I would do it,” she continued, almost casually, like she didn’t hesitate just a while ago. “I think before you take on a challenge, you look at the prize first. Before you look at the risk, you ask yourself… is it worth it?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeMTAFwaA2
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I blinked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWQQ9ktRYD
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“The huge curry bowl at the top… super huge curry bowl. I think it is worth the risk!” Yui continued, suddenly sounding excited.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PGiYx1wWH
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I looked down at my own hands. I felt a sudden shift inside me. Not entirely a huge one, just a slight tug into a direction that I had not thought about. Something different that I hadn’t considered before.
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Is it worth it?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdww0mqqlzj
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I pressed both hands flat against my chest without meaning to.
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Suddenly, Yui popped up in front of me, leaning forward. I felt like she was trying to read whatever was written in my face.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RHGwhtL2G
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“So?” she said. “What is it about?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm1zD6XM6q
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“Uh… no, I mean… well…”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0HY40gfe5
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“Is it about the condition?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvatenYN6Da
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I went still.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7f15jEhRw
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“...Yeah.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsSOlpSRgf
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“Ooh,” she said, leaning a little bit closer. “So what is it?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfN7hQWJfaM
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6czcmow59
“I can’t tell you… It’s…” I didn’t know what to say. What could I even say? “It’s something that…”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qhBNzv6eJ
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“Okay,” she said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMw3TAGelQ3
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I paused for a bit.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlB9EGuSBp
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“What?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pcjonifQW
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“Well.” She smiled. “I could force you to tell me now. But it’s almost time for class.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX11Qkthp9z
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I looked at the clock hanging way above the black board. Placed in the center of the wall.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh5EyIR6NI
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She was right.The teacher would be here any second.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRKDwTXKDw
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I let out a breath.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gr8oPhHgT
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Out of relief?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKcxbkJT6x
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Yes, mostly. I was aware that this would be brought up again later. But at least I got a lot more time to think about what to say.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvV6YyBKSC
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Maybe… if I could think about anything.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsH0Leoo29o
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My eyes drifted without permission toward the back of the room.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdROs6tUGv
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He isn’t here…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3NNR8z0NB
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At least that was one less person I had to think about all day. But this afternoon…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYJxMhxB3r
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I stared at his empty seat for a moment longer than I needed to.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPMHAja9Lg
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Lunch. Rooftop.
Ever since we were in first year, the rooftop had become our place during lunch. The four of us appreciated the quiet it brought to us. Nobody else came up here for some reason. And if there were any, they would see us and go back down.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWblpAEif17
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We ate lunch here most days. When it wasn’t raining at least. It had just become the thing we did.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ98SYGNBK
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This morning the teacher had done the roll call the same way he always did. When he reached Kuroiwa’s name, he just moved on… No explanation, no pauses, he did not even wonder why he didn’t get any response.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN35hYqH4b
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Usually when a student was absent, they would call the school to tell the teacher. But somehow it seemed like Mr. Tanaka did not even think to share it with the class. He always did. But today he didn’t.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUIHSuw1ro
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Did he even call? I thought. I felt like Kuroiwa probably did not.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaa9d9TU5a
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I hadn’t expected this. That I would feel bad about how he was treated.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SXfWtUinh
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After all…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLcUYYVBO4
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A week ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But now, after seeing what he actually did, his room, his work, and his goals. Those were different pictures of his life painted on a wall separate from what we all saw at school. Everyday he sat on his seat, yet everyday he didn’t exist to anyone.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwupxz8abf
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It’s all so strange.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnklOXu1Za
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“You know what!?” Yui announced before we’d even properly settled down, lunch box already in her hand. “Miyamura-senpai from the basketball club and Anegasaki-senpai… they’re dating!”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDMfXcmnlG
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I saw Mika glance at her in disbelief. I could tell that she was asking herself if Yui was actually going to do this now. After a brief look, she went back to getting her lunch out. Her lunch box bag looked almost like a small purse. That’s very Mika.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWg8zmKSTP
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“Really?” Hina said. She sounded interested… or probably not.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEWK74MP8i
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“I saw them this morning holding hands on the way to school. But when other students got close they separated and just walked normally. Like nothing!”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4vZPg2B7d
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Mika frowned without looking up. “We all walked to school together from the station this morning.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6TKFSZyI3
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Yui slowly turned her head toward Mika. Smiling like she knew Mika was going to say what she had just said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShlZZfrECG
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“I have very good peripheral vision.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBf7WubArZ
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Mika closed her eyes briefly. Hina was quietly amused.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KqzVWesKg
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I giggled.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnGsQDZqnT
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“Just by tilting my head slightly…” Yui demonstrated. “…I can see what’s a few meters behind us in the corner of my eye. They were right there the whole time and none of you noticed!”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CYxJvtXnd
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“Wow,” Hina said. “It’s like you have a superpower.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFUVYxuYPv
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“Yes. My very own.” Yui straightened up proudly.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrt7YEwwDH5
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Hina smiled. Mika sighed for a bit then started eating carefully and calmly. I could tell she was still not fully used to how Yui exposed her energy to everyone, even after a year together. Although, I thought, she was getting better at handling her now.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2f6awkGhf
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“Also,” Yui continued, sitting down and finally opening her own lunch box, “Sakamoto-kun from our class confessed to Nakano-chan. You know, the girl from the library committee in 2-C.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsHiAAAnZr
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“The one who’s always peeking into our classroom when she walks past?” Hina asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjAljH7wya
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“Yes! They were behind the school building Tuesday afternoon. And she rejected him. That’s why Sakamoto-kun was absent yesterday and today he looks terrible.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRk47bL9PW
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Mika looked like she was trying to restrain herself, but eventually she asked. “Tuesday afternoon you were with us. You know… during that whole thing. How did you even see that?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43Cue0SIY5
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Yui looked at her with the patience of someone who had already read her like an open book.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTee0i7oeN
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“Very good peripheral vision.” She winked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcYHPjNthQ
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Mika groaned and I bit the inside of my cheek.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGjI9km63e
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“One glance out the classroom window and I could see the entire view of the back building. I happened to look at the right moment.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOT3pQN1XvQ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe1CeADrPb
Hina gave a small, genuine clap. “Impressive.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZuimWoKwY
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“Aren’t I?” Yui said, settling back with great dignity.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mYkJoCjEd
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“But then why was Nakano-chan looking into our classroom?” Mika asked, and I could tell from her tone that she had already decided not to care whether she would regret asking this or not.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPmzzEJRO6
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“I figured that out too.” Yui pointed her chopsticks forward. “She wasn’t looking at Sakamoto-kun. She was looking at his best friend! Katou-kun! Who sits right next to him.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLDj2CVmww
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“Oh,” Hina said, with the delight of someone who finally got into the most interesting part of a television drama. “A love triangle.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qWWvjb2uy
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“Exactly like in dramas!” I said, because at this point, I was already invested.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsbpXx9qvH
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I heard Mika sigh beside me.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1MqQj43jp
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While Yui and Hina continued for a few more exchanges, Mika spoke to me.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTt5Z1JmJx
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“So.” She set her chopsticks down. “What happened yesterday?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXKV5fSXC6
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Yui stopped talking mid-sentence.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoLT5CDLyQ
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Hina was already staring at us expecting to hear my answer.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2d7siSnuZZ
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I… I didn’t feel ready to say anything.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1UklsQqw8
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The rooftop went a little quieter.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7KsjB5UwT
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I stared at my food for a moment before I found the first few words that appeared in my mind.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40P6jJUrWo
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“Nothing really happened,” I said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCTLlQyl3B
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“What do you mean?” Yui asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SoMdI4IAh
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I turned my chopsticks over in my hand once. Twice.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ06SbEuBVN
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My friends patiently waited, but I knew I couldn’t let them wait any longer.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRWG9nJEQb
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“I got there, he let me in, I sat in his living room, he got me a soda, he brought out a table, and then we talked about the condition. He said I didn’t have to give him an answer right then. That if I came back today it would mean I accepted, and if I didn’t that was fine too. And then I went home.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueRfg8V2y8
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“That’s really all?” Hina asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLscPALdS0
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“Yeah.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ef7BSsaJc
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I wasn’t lying. Everything I said was true. There were just some things I didn’t add. Because they would land very heavy no matter the words I chose to say. His workspace, his sacrifices, and then the condition itself. And how he would just sit on the sofa and read his book after all that. Like nothing, like everything he had just said didn’t matter at all.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJs1pTJmK1
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I took a quick look at Mika and I knew already what she was going to say.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZ0nNGa2Rp
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“What’s the condition?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4CeDXzbFu
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I knew it144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZzGW3Dd1n
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“...I can’t tell you.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGRAGHJB1l
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“That’s not acceptable.” Her voice lifted slightly. “I knew I should have come with you.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0qztCOhUb
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“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m going to be fine. You don’t need to worry.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJfCGfgeTU
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Mika stared at me. Her eyebrows knitting showed that she didn’t like what she heard.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc6NYqIDxJ
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“Why are you saying it like you’ve already decided to go back?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiYyyC5etZ
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I opened my mouth. Closed it.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWl8KuWf0jA
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Have I?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU1aogWtTQ
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I thought about it and slowly, I was surrounded by quiet.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjWDzIHllB
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“I…” I hesitated.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3g8dn4QtH
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“You have decided to go, haven’t you?” The tone of her voice started to sound accusatory. “I can tell.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5edQ3YHZz
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I didn’t argue.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6lx33fSGy
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I knew I haven’t decided yet.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKNIHaGIqY
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Or… maybe…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5tbJaxsCg
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I was just convincing myself that I hadn’t decided even though I was already thinking about what would happen this afternoon.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3MbQennnv
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“How can you always make reckless decisions like that?” Mika continued.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrieXhsxkc9
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“I haven’t said I am going, right?” I replied.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFu5n1eEfo
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“But you didn’t say that you wouldn’t go.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE00rd3qASI
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“Mika, don’t make up things I haven’t said.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbN8lJouKv
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“It doesn’t matter, what matters most is that you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to always expose yourself to danger.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49zKKBDpph
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“It’s not dangerous.” I paused. I knew I was lying.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xqg7IzwYK
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“If it’s not, then tell us what Kuroiwa’s condition is.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkq7ytYrId
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“I… it’s none of your business…”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse85l2objK
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I looked down.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxry3vSs8A5
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I noticed that both Mika and my lunchbox were already lying on the concrete. Grains of rice everywhere. Her favorite dish, my favorite dish, both our chopsticks… they were thrown when we stood up. I didn’t even realize I had stood up. She probably didn’t either.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnHPx5lci3
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Mika grabbed my hand.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOurcNiDHwW
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“You don’t have to go,” she said and her voice was trying to reach me even though I could hear it perfectly. “We can go back to studying together. All four of us. We’ll find a different approach this time. We’ll do better.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3EZF7Wsyx
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BTBTyo1IC
“There’s no time,” I said quietly. “Midterms are next week, only six days left, including today. If one week didn’t produce any result… how would six days be different?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSozP1ONh4
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Mika let go of my hand.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDib4GZvRSI
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“So instead you are choosing to accept a condition you can’t even tell us? You’re choosing to believe what he said?” Mika’s words were just coming, she wasn’t stopping herself anymore. “He is not a miracle worker. It’s not like he can actually turn your scores around in six days either!”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEztx6b9lr
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She paused for a second and let out a small gasp. I could see it on her face… regret… and the recognition of what she’d just implied. That even if I tried, the outcome was already written. That I was going to fail regardless.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFjgoFky71
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She didn’t say she was sorry. She just looked down. I saw her grip both her hands but also bite her lip trying not to say anymore.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtSMd5dy3q
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What she said was true. I couldn’t deny it. And that’s exactly why I needed to say what I was about to say.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKZO6DHsKG
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“He told me he can.” I kept my voice careful. Even. “He told me my answers weren’t random. That even though they were wrong, they were well thought of. That if we applied the right methods, I would eventually produce the right answers.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIJ19zfxaf
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“You can’t trust him,” Mika mumbled.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNo7ZsVQnXO
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“I don’t,” I said it plainly. “But he’s the only hope I have left.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wjzP9IUPW
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My hands tightened slightly on my sides.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVbcTDmEE8
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“I don’t want to worry my mother anymore,” I said. “All four of us have been studying together since last year, but I still ended up taking supplementary lessons. It’s even a miracle that I was able to move up with you all. Last year was hard enough and now the material is harder. I laughed it off to you guys whenever I failed a subject. I tried not to show you that I was actually worried. Whenever I was at home, I studied. Whenever I was with you, I studied. But no matter how many times we did this, I could never keep up. I feel like I’ve wasted all your time, and I don’t…” My voice choked for a second, but I pushed through it. “I don’t want to be a burden to all of you anymore...”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuCA6DLh30
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Tears welled from the corner of my eyes. I fought to keep them from dropping but they kept on flowing down my cheeks.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwNhCG6KwH
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I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see myself in the expressions my friends were wearing right now.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqF46hcPGK
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I felt Mika come closer, and then I felt her arms wrap around me. She buried her face against my shoulder and I felt it slowly getting soaked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oqTWLvJOx
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“I’m sorry,” she said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXW3WvKbZJJ
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“Don’t be.” I shook my head slightly. “It’s not your fault. You’ve been helping me a lot since we were kids. How could any of this be your fault?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9L6L0MB5LQ
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Mika let go of me but not my hands. She gripped them tightly, but carefully.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjEpnagOLE
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“Are you going?” she asked. Her voice was still faint with sobs.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp37p4pdnCt
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“...Yeah.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQogIVYuBs
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Yui made a sound from somewhere and then her arms were around both of us, holding on without saying anything, trying very hard not to sob and not quite managing.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEqeuoy2ZH
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtv4KF9A7D
After a moment Hina stood up. She came to us and placed her hand on each of our heads in turn. Gently, unhurried. Then she looked at Mika.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTiNFoeUk9
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“If you’re that worried,” she said, “go with her this afternoon. You don’t have to go inside. Just wait nearby.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbSI2u7b8b
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“What if it takes a long time?” I asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rrWA7NNvb
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“Then she goes home.” Hina’s voice was calm. “But we both know she won’t.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyor1HxCytZ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhD9X17RUc
“I’ll wait,” Mika said immediately. She pulled back enough to look at me properly, eyes still wet but firm and steady. “I’ll come with you and wait outside. Somewhere close.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6O0MUbdxg
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I nodded.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ak2UnqtjV
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Yui, still holding both of us, let out a long shaky breath.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdlHRAMtxT
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“Please don’t fight again,” she said, almost begging.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixuiTRld17
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“Yui.” Hina’s voice was gentle. “That’s just how it is sometimes. We argue because we care. And then we come back to each other. That’s what it means to be friends.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hLulgKErf
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Yui peeked up at her, still sniffling, as she thought about what Hina had just told her.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyYegghTR0
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“Okay,” she said quietly.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qfmwYBhLo
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I looked at the three of them. Mika with her wet eyes and her steady conviction. Yui, who had wrapped herself around us both and refused to let go. Hina, who knew exactly what to say whenever things like this happened.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6qiWS6fZF
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These were my people. All of them. And I wasn’t going to let myself fail in front of them without having tried absolutely everything available to me first.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSSaZKhEas
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This afternoon…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WBoAPGSeA
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I’ll have my resolve.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRvn4yhNFm
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54U8xYV3TC
Afternoon.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf78tcntkim
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzGNDs3SEg
Mika walked with me to the building and stopped at the park just beside it. She’d insisted she wasn’t going anywhere. I told her she didn’t need to wait if I took too long, but she only gave me the look, her look that said she heard me, but she was the one who would decide whether she stayed or not.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOGF44R4ka
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I smiled at her. She smiled back. We laughed for a bit, the kind of laugh that showed that we were both okay, that we were both fine and we were going to be best friends for a long time.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYN0tUcgXZC
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZwtmmcYIM
I went inside, found the intercom panel, and typed in Kuroiwa’s room number.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5utKRdj6N9
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuD462rJYM
“Who?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjj6GmnqpN
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Hmm?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4zHL0uM1g
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His voice sounded a bit different today. Was he sick? I mean, it still sounded stern and strict but… somehow a bit mellowed.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwttz2v5TdZ
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I shook my head.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ65a9FIIh
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Mellow didn’t seem like the right word to describe him. It didn’t seem right at all. I didn’t know why I thought of it.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYDeq5ehq4
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I told him it was me, then the inner door opened.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMQw9Gzk9P
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I took the elevator to the fifth floor, and when I stopped in front of his door I immediately found the doorbell. I had reminded myself of that one ever since I entered the lobby.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCADj8K6byn
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I pressed it and waited.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZxMnWAU4g
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A few seconds passed and the door opened.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1m5Ft4FCYd
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Then I understood what was bothering me about his voice earlier.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3mALJbclf
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He looked… exhausted…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7ne9aHNYQ
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His hair was messier than its usual mess. The shadows under his eyes were darker and more pronounced. The way he was standing wasn’t quite as straight as it always was, like he was acutely aware that if he didn’t balance himself, he would fall.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHDjpfYEY6
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“Wait here,” he said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdqBm9EmK9
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He left the door open and disappeared into the other room he hadn’t shown me yesterday.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97pWIuweOH
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I didn’t know what to think. Was he not going to invite me in?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiV6a89qlT
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This is quite awkward.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN76woBrAA
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A minute passed. One minute of pure confusion ran through my mind. Maybe it was even five minutes. Who knows, all I know was that I was standing in front of his door, outside his open door to be exact.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVPeiNKpw3
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPi93vnyta
Why is everything with him always so specific and so unclear at the same time?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmMe6jRLHf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLON3rTkPu
I sighed quietly.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoGjfxzTsL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyArsgUcJr
And then he came back.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiucQDK6X8
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88nNmvjnNE
With notebooks?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7yovn6hpT
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1XZ7Uwl3Q
A lot of them… stacked and thick. I could already see myself struggling to hold all of them in my hands. And I could also see him struggling to keep his balance while carrying them as he kept walking towards me.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVJDZ1ATjP
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXt11JprM6h
He managed though.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwbFyUGTBT
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOd9oDnr37B
“Hands,” he said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQwE4C1Gwn
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That didn’t sound right to me for some reason.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hOnwnEX7a
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JY4IDoN3A
But I still reached both my hands out.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhgb0rEXDg
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcnBQfO3Fc
He placed all those notebooks on top of them and I almost fell. Thankfully I didn’t.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBMzCcYcKD
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM95pHXoVhr
“The three notebooks at the bottom are for the finals. You won’t be needing them right now,” he explained.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQMZ3DHalk
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4g9pz6VKG
I tried to count how many notebooks he had placed on my hands.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasqSiJAeAz
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOF2cTARVk
… nine…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRuvFf2VHY
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtgyZyfZLT
Nine notebooks… Nine? Each one as thick as a novel?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYk0Hh2ebYL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrOgMs8tMV
“The rest are the ones you’ll need for midterms. They will also be used for the finals,” he continued144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhY3OkRMbsz
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKQndXRTFb
“That’s… that’s a lot,” I said. I had no idea that we needed this many notebooks for this term. Do we really?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcSzxhLBOU
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQQlxFoYBA
“That’s all,” he said. “You can go home now.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHuGr1HMxh
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nzQ6LqWkF
I blinked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m5Nmvmrtg
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEdzBRQEIb
That’s it? Just… here are some notebooks, go home?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5VJ0ErkRA
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38wI7PoJxk
He moved to close the door.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROdkGrkEuX
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdgKJDLEno
“Wait.” The word came out before I’d decided to say it.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADWLEvEgoM
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPQjj51Sxl
He stopped.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMkKEu9zpr
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho77T90P5S
“Are we not starting today?” I asked.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06Qjnim7di
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhp18HLU0Q5
“No need. There’s enough time.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGRyiXQaYg
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyb7FAkYj4
Is there though?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENu5xerRyI
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My mouth moved before my brain caught up.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3SX6MvLiV
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSz6veMvG67
“Why were you absent?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3btUJG91jY
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOYDycf0VV
“I was writing those.” He nodded at the notebooks in my arms.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnicw46wr1
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlX20orgG8I
He wrote these!? Really?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMIVUfiEIT
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi16FDBX5X8
I wanted to check, I wanted to look inside one of the notebooks, but my arms were currently occupied and I found myself wishing I could grow at least one more. Just for this moment.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydGs0Xiljx
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncHZy1DlEw
“Since… when?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡms0jRioDCn
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8mMke1JNO
“Yesterday, after you left. I finished a few minutes before you arrived today.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU8KbGFp6Z
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4LvCJROSY
I stared at him.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3wJuc0jot
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXFpNpMEst
“Did you sleep?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7q1aORELo
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“No.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZu3bXpRmi
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFEQkllfIY
“Why?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyD69jbQCb9
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb726PMfGL
He looked at me and I guessed he was trying to understand why I asked a question with an obvious answer.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oVcAsPoKu
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDw5XWfFdV
“You want to pass,” he said. “I wrote you materials to help you do that.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDg7mNSdiG
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3sdD7ZgC9
I opened my mouth to say something… maybe a thank you, maybe ask him why again, or ask what was wrong with him… but none of it came out.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3npCbULB8
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLrOEWXxA0
He hadn’t slept just to write all these nine notebooks I was carrying? I didn’t understand. Every time I thought I had some tiny grasp of who he was, he would just shatter it right in front of me.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzbLRTv6Jn
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7hoCWsr64
I had asked him why?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKIFMsqlxV
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He had answered because I needed help.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQj1nvvyKQ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwa9YqyEIZm
I had asked him again…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghdvftlJH7
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJThdjA9pV
He had answered because I wanted to pass.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cZrlIeP7N
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCrnmGOP6U
Was it really that simple to him? That he didn’t have to think too much about it. Just, I could help you so I would help you.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSz41DIpPMP
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yudtzHF9k
Why?144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoAsA3e4aY
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4Mk8UvDjF
I asked him that question one more time from my thoughts.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvHSwAdoiM
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03scdfXZQN
“Is that all?” he said.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVt7aQaUbs
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2VWv458Vm
“Umm… wait.” I hesitated for a bit. “Don’t you need to hear my decision?”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmZmcQGBcM
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFxgSRKDEt
He stared at me for a moment.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HNORdHGUU
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE9GNs9Os2
“But you are here now.”144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrVmzXgyCr
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADXT0rhjOu
This guy…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkwuo0b9MY
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6di2cin02
I just nodded, I didn’t know what to say anymore.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhZCguShU5
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImlgykK0Ut
“If that’s all then… Goodnight…” he said as he slowly closed his door.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K7Kd1m9V7
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjeGmVwmXn
It was the middle of the afternoon. The light outside was still golden.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u7WRFNzXk
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesCNr5Fc0L
I stood there for a few more minutes until my arms started reminding me I was holding nine heavy notebooks.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXc3cDXKtRT
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0dwFuD6VX
I placed them on the floor first, knelt down, then carefully placed eight of them in my bag. They were so thick that one of them had to be left out. I stood up and carefully balanced the weight of my bag while I tucked the remaining notebook under my armpit.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsOz4TL0qZ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyug23GFZgK
I faced his door and bowed just a little. The only way I could express gratitude now, because I didn’t earlier while he was here.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfi7HVtbfR
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyXiZEs2Av
I walked towards the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor and waited for the doors to close. I started thinking about Mika waiting in the park below, about the curry at the top of the ladder, about the image of him sitting alone in that room all night writing materials for someone he’d spoken to exactly twice.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNJUGFT4QJ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiW5iQ4KECY
I don’t trust him, I told Mika. And that was true.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWiWDCZnjW
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zFv119eMz
But maybe it wasn’t about that at all.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RVkQgK8Cm
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97n1BectLz
Maybe… it was more about whether the prize was worth it or not…144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dp7VzIMxS
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPusPPHhQMy
I felt the heaviness of my bag, then took the notebook under my armpits and gripped it with my hand.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGEOXIo6Q7
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpQaPUc3Uu
Then a thought came right after.144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6tLVuzvlA
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnV6Qpu8go
I think it’s worth it.
and then Add to home screen.