Lucas’ POV
I woke up thinking about Nicholas.
I woke up on my couch most times, kitchen sometimes, toilet other times, but I hardly ever found myself in my bed. Not only was I in my bed the night before, but I was also tucked in.
Memories of how he comforted me flooded my mind.
He said he missed me.
He missed me.
Since when did I get so happy from words?
I needed him to get me into the royal system and not get with him.
I remembered everything involuntarily, his voice, his touch, his eyes. And I was powerless to it all.
My day had a simple schedule: wake up, freshen up, head to the academy, spend time with Nicholas, if possible. I’d done the first two; next came the academy.
Where I went to in the academy was the secret room. Attendance, so August wouldn’t flame me.
I got there the way I was shown a few days ago. Into the library, to the history section, then the engineering, two lefts and three rights, along with a tilt of a purple book.
The entrance opened itself. I walked in. August was the only one in there. He sat on the same seat he was in the first time I was here. Except this time, he was alone and back to his... paper play.
The table was full of origami.
He didn’t look up to check who it was but said, “You decided to bless us with your presence today, Sir Absent.”
“So it seems,” I replied, scanning the shelves around us.
“Have a seat?”
“Sure.” I pulled out a chair, the scrape of metal on the ground echoing slightly.
“How’s M3M0?” I asked, leaning back.
“You’d know if you made extra effort with anything,” August said, finally meeting my gaze.
“Fair enough.”
He looked back down, then he asked, “How are things with the prince? Any progress?”
“Nothing,” I admitted.
“You spend most of your time doing God knows what and there’s still no progress?”
“Unfortunately.”
He sighed and kept on folding his papers. He’d usually be done with it after a few folds, but he had a mini mountain piling up behind him.
“Is something going on?” I asked.
“A lot of things are going on, Lucas.”
“Did Gerald do something?”
“Yes. But so did every one of you. Decorum is so unachievable.”
“We have a goal,” he said, “but you all have decided to act out.”
“Ali being seduced by Hana. Jamal looking for a gem that’s extinct. You being as absent as ever and Gerald being... Gerald.”
He paused. “This academy session is going to be exhausting.” He pinched his nose bridge.
Then I said, “It won’t. I don’t know about the others, but I’m still helpful. What have you asked me for that I haven’t gotten?”
“You. You haven’t brought back anything from the prince. Finland is tight, and I left you to that.”
“Like you said. It’s tight. The job takes time. We’ll get to the goal in time.”
“I hope so,” he whispered. And with a head raise, his persona was back to normal.
“I’m counting on you.”
Right, I still had my duties.
All the lies I spouted helped me get out of being held accountable.
My day was simple—wake up, freshen up, head to the academy, spend time with Nicholas, if possible. I’d done the first three.
But on four, I was at crossroads. Because of August’s words.
“We have a goal.”
“I’m counting on you.”
So what was I meant to do? Speak to Nicholas for Nicholas, or go back to trying to get something out of Nicholas?
Later that day, when it was “spending time with Nicholas,” I found myself asking, “Can we talk about you today?”
Then he asked, “Why?”
“It’s just, you know me so well and all I can say about you is you like coffee.”
“There’s nothing to me.” He sat on my couch, beside me.
I moved my hand towards his, not so subtly.
“You were an adventurous kid, right? Tell me about that.”
“You need to be more specific.”
“You didn’t give me a clear answer yesterday. Have you been with anyone? I’ve not heard anything about that.”
He turned to face me, a little smirk played on his lips. “Someone’s been doing his research.”
I threaded my fingers into his, playing with them. And he started easing up. “Isn’t that enough reason for you to tell me more now?”
He tilted his head towards me before he spoke again. “I have been with this one guy. But I don’t really know if I can call it being with him.”
“Who?”
“Someone from the palace.”
“You said they were old snubs yourself. Did you like him?”
He smiled faintly. “Yeah, but that was a long time ago.”
“How long?”
“About four years ago.”
“Why aren’t you with him anymore?”
“He was done.”
“He broke up with you?”
“I can’t say we were ever really together. He got what he wanted and was just done.”
I stayed quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in. Part of me wanted to ask more, but I didn’t.
Instead, I let my hand linger on his arm. And the warmth of that alone consume us both till we were able to talk about other things.
The memory stayed with me long after he left.
Over the next few days, he kept coming by, sometimes for coffee, sometimes just to talk, and I found myself noticing more: the tilt of his head, the sound of his laugh, the warmth of his hand lingering near mine.
How had life in the palace been for Nicholas? Being born a royal, raised a royal, and he was nothing like them. How Finland operated was a mystery, but he was an even bigger mystery to me.
Nothing was different. Nothing changed.
The door clicked open like it normally did. I knew it was him. It was always him, and we were meant to have a regular day in my condo, but I drank.
I overthought, stared at my white roof, and drank. A week of no alcohol, and I destroyed that for no reason at all.
Not really a horrible thing; I didn’t feel bad about it.
I just wanted to spend more time with Nicholas, but I saw him every day already. That was the horrible thing.
The door clicked open later that evening.
He let himself in and found me on my couch. I saw him upside down at first.
“Having fun without me?” he asked.
“You can still join in,” I said.
I sat up, with my eyes barely open. I scratched them, then stood and went to the kitchen.
I opened my fridge; by then, my eyes opened more. I brought two cans out and went back.
He was already seated, with his jacket off. I handed one can to him and dropped the other on the table, which had some others. A lot of others.
“How much have you taken? You’re drunk.”
“Not much. I’m sober,” I said, almost tripping on air.
“Sit.”
“I like standing.”
“Do you need help?” He moved, almost standing.
“I can handle myself,” I said, but still leaned—more like fell—on him. That didn’t matter. I placed my palm on the headrest beside his shoulder and held myself up with it. “I can do a whole lot.”
He relaxed his back again, his eyes on mine. I moved my knee up between his legs for anchorage.
Anchorage.
I let my second hand thread through his hair then. He didn’t move; he just looked up at me.
“Your eyes are really pretty,” I said with one breath.
“And your hair’s blonde,” I said with another.
“Really blonde.” And we were really close.
Closer than we’d ever been. I could feel his warm breaths on my skin.
I could feel how smooth his hair was. How his eyes moved from my eyes to my lips.
And all I wanted in that moment was to feel him closer. So I did what I knew I’d regret.
I kissed him.
And he kissed me back.
He kissed me back.
But he did nothing more. He just took what I gave until I pulled away.
With my hand still in his hair, I said, “You’re still blonde.”
“Of course I am.” He smiled.
And I wanted to kiss him again. But I didn’t.
So I just let the space and silence consume us. And thought on how the silence wasn’t so silent with my lips on his.
The last thing I remembered was his hand on mine before I fell asleep.
And I woke up... in my bed again, tucked in again, remembering everything I did the night before.
I hid myself under the duvet as heat crept up my neck. I kissed Nicholas. And I didn’t know how I wanted to see him again after that.
What would I say?
How would I act?
Did I kiss him because I was drunk?
Did I actually like kissing him?
I did. And that was the only thing I was sure of at that moment.
I needed new air. Air away from Nicholas, even if it was just for one day.
I didn’t check my phone for the morning message that I knew waited for me.
I went elsewhere. Around the city, places Nicholas and I hadn’t gone. But he was still all I thought about throughout the day.
In the evening, a new message of his popped up on my screen. I couldn’t ignore it.
N: Where are you?
He was probably in my condo and wondering why I wasn’t there.
L: You always know where I am, don’t you? Find me.
What kind of game was I playing?
Well, whatever it was, he was better than me at it because he really did find me.
“I’m starting to think you’re keeping tabs on me,” I said. I was outside on a random street. I wouldn’t even be able to find me, but there he stood in front of me.
“Wouldn’t want you getting hurt when I’m not around.” He walked us to a run-down restaurant. He got us seats.
“How were your lectures, Prince Nicholas?” I asked.
Maybe calling him a Prince would bring me back to my senses.
“They went normally.”
The man I kissed less than 24 hours ago was seated a few scoots away from me. And I was not going to let that affect me.
“Do you really need to go for everything, or are you just a workaholic?”
“Two truths can exist,” he said. “You don’t seem to go for any.”
“I don’t need to.”
“Don’t representatives have to be social butterflies?” he asked. “You’re the exact opposite of that.”
“I don’t plan to be one for that long,” I said, drawing us back to the conversation that had nothing to do with my lips on his.
“So it’s for fun now, or what?”
“More of a fallback.”
“I see.”
He wasn’t going to talk about it.
He was going to act like yesterday didn’t happen.
So after about a minute of gathering enough courage, I asked, “Why do you talk to me, Nicholas?”
“Why do you come drinking with me?”
“Why do you comfort me whenever I’m down?”
“Why do you stay and listen when I talk about missing my mom?”
And the hardest question came last.
“Why did you kiss me back?”
“Because I like you, Luca.”
He said it simply, like it was that simple.
“I don’t want to like you. Not like that.” Curious before, scared now—scared it would become more than I wanted it to be.
“You don’t have to,” he said. “I just want to be here. However you want me to be.”
I needed to remind us both why we were together and why we couldn’t be together.
“You know what I want.” The words sounded heavier than I meant them to be.
He leaned back.
I hadn’t noticed how upright he sat before. Then he said, “Yes. I do.”
He lowered his head; his eyes didn’t meet mine again, not once. With his voice lower than I’d ever heard it go, he said, “I’ll help.”
Then nothing after.
He didn’t go home with me either.
And a part of me ached because he didn’t.
ns216.73.216.141da2
and then Add to home screen.