A letter that was never delivered - this was copied and pasted from a google doc that I wrote Just saying

Hey sisters

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When I hug you but you push me away

It hurts

But you want to know why I hug you

Because no one else would and no matter what I will be there for you

And NO ONE will love you like I do

I helped you get a better future

I bled for you I cried for you

And I’ll do it again for the million times

I never want you guys to have to drink the poison I did

Feel like I did

Break like I did

Cry like I did

No one would know the pain

So I made sure you didn’t feel it

But when your mad at me don’t cross that line again

Saying that is why you had no friends when you were young

That hurts more than a normal person telling me that

I gave up my happiness for you just for you to turn like you mom and dad

Still I love you and I hope one day you see that

I can’t live knowing that your sad

Your my whole life you kids

I gave up my life for you to have a better life than I did

You were 2 and 3 when I broke I was like 9 or 8

I had to help even if that meant to give up my own life for you

Now look at me still broken it hurts to even think about what I give

I know you wonder what I gave that was so important

I gave my life

I gave my soul

My little happiness

The rest of my childhood

My peace

Hours of digging I should have been just playing

I know what was going through my head at the time

It was to keep you safe from the horrors

The kids the bullies

To save you the trouble of dealing with what you shouldn't have at a young age

What I saw the things I did

I needed to keep you safe

If I didn’t I can’t think what would have happened

Everything I did

Was for you

You guys are my life you got something

I couldn't dream of

Mercy

A childhood

Love from our mom and dad

Hugs

I never dreamt of that I never got that but you do

They may have forgot what they did but I never will

You were 2 and 3 both of you I hope this gets to you

I know you may not like me because I’m gay

All you were taught from our mom and dad was how to be closed minded

I know you hate me

But I love you

You can change what I never had a real family

Something I needed but never got

You are still in my life

You realize that I taught you most of everything

When the sky was yellow I just got on the VR to talk with people

And Amelia came crying to me saying the world was ending

I got off dad didn’t but I did

I had 1 hour left and I didn’t get back on but

I held you while you were crying I taught you math

You know our dad was playing his game while I was but I helped

I need to be the bigger person

But it’s because I love you

Because you are everything to me

The only family I have that cares a little about me

Still If you need help I’ll be there

But I need you to know

Your my everything without you I had no reason to live

Your my only family who cares about me

Even if that is a little bit

Just for all the things I gave for you behind the scenes

Just don’t be closed minded to others like your mom and dad

For me

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