Heya, your boy is just not feeling it today.
I mean, in usual times, I could just get over it, but today’s just not buying it.
Right now? I can still feel the tension in my chest and head. As if it’s still pulling and stretching every inch of my patience.
Mapapasabi kana lang na "Lord, tama na please. Bakit ako? Bakit kailangan ganito?" (Lord, please. That's enough! Why me? Why does it have to be like this?)43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvFhGifW6t
And you see, questions and frustrations keeps popping up in your mind. Right now, it feels like there’s no answers, no resolutions. Just doubts, what ifs, worries, anxieties, and I feel like if I don’t let out right now, I might probably go insane to be honest. Like really, emotions are just too hard to bear. Just imagine if they were bottled up inside you for years that even a simple error at one day would instantly burst your bubble. Parang pinapalaki sya ng nararamdaman mo.
Yeah not once, but to top what happened in the past weeks? They all happened consecutively that it’s driving me crazy. Oh but Kuya, why are you still typing right now then? Why can you still manage to verbalize your thoughts when you’re going insane. To tell you honestly dear, it’s just how my thinking works. It’s just me. I mean when troubles come, one of my coping mechanisms is to hyper-analyze the event and what’s happening. I mean get as much information as possible. Because I did hate the uncertainties cause it’s making me feel unsafe. I never know what’s coming and I can’t be fully prepared or be confident with the right actions or words to speak. Yeah, I’m also hyper-conscious. It’s just like it wants to be certain about something and only then when I think I found a solution can feel secure and calm down. Of course, this doesn’t work for everyone. Personalities differ, so I guess it’s important to discover your own reactions when troubles come. They define a key part of you.
But yeah, right now? It feels like a storm of a sequence of unfortunate events that I personally can’t tell you to be at least general enough to you as a reader. I just don’t want my experience to be simply about me. If anyone can resonate? Better. So it’s just a mix of personal, work, and relationship problems, and they just happen one after the other, as if the world is plotting against you. You feel powerless and hopeless when they happen and you’re only just forced to rely on what you think or feel right at the moment. Yes, you might screw up and you’ll just brace for another challenge. It’s like- *sighs* it feels heavy for so long. Of course, it’s just not the first time I encounter these times. During my younger years, I would also face a storm of a mix of school and work and even family problems.
If only the world just at least cared a little more, maybe we could at least tolerate the pain more right? Cause it’s for my own good right? 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ESZrQYQGV
No. My mind at the moment doesn’t think of that bs. It just wants peace. It just wants to “rest” but it’s the rest that’s never cured by sleep, but rather by resolution of how we feel. Yes, I will say this, but there do were times when I would question my religious faith. I was born a Christian, but I never had the opportunity to understand my religion more yet, but maybe as I continue to live, I will. It’s just I was born to have the faith because my parents and relatives are really religious and we always have a habit of praying to bed, praying the rosary, and going to church. But to me? I must admit I still have skepticisms in my faith and sometimes cursing when problems arise, and it’s as if directly hitting where your weaknesses are.
But this is where you would say “Lord, tama na please” cause it feels unbearable, and I would have that thoughts to resort into harmful vices cause I felt like nothing’s working out. Everything’s a failure. I mean why would I still bother trying hard when it would just be a mess. Yes, these thoughts are dangerous cause you know when I make efforts on something I care about, I give what I can. I don’t just settle for what works. Why? Because I know to my self it is just the right thing and it is fulfilling to see the impact of the efforts you made. Yes, I can be a bit sentimental of what I do, and when things would feel not working out as expected, the hurt also amplifies.
Maybe there is also some truth to what others say: You shouldn’t dwell in the things too much. Not everything in life needs to be overthinked of or worth dwelling for. Some are just meant to pass. This is a hard reality check on me that believes in the saying: Everything happens a reason.
I must also address this important fact first. Hey bunso, I am not encouraging you to do vices like I do when crashing. Once you indulge there’s no turning back. But if you’re already struggling on anything, just know that it isn’t too late to realize. First of all, stop the blaming. I can attest that self-blaming yourself puts you even deep into despair and it’s even harder to get up.
Hear this bunso. First things first. As long as you are aware you needed a change? That’s a win. That’s it. Now, how do we attack it then? Well for me honestly, I don’t always have the answers. Of course, there will some moments when you feel the problem is just too unbearable that trying to solve it would just even lose that remaining energy you have left it inside you, and it could corrupt our thoughts into thinking the world sucks and… yeah when that happens. Sleep, withdraw, breathe some fresh air. It’s all about the intent of recharging your energy. When you feel guilty for doing so? Please don’t be bunso. Just think: I’m doing this for me. Withdraw while you can still withdraw. This is the one that I indeed struggle before cause I fear of disappointing others when I quit. But honestly? This is also a lesson for me. That is to set boundaries when I feel it’s enough. When you feel it’s too much, pause.
Honestly? It’s way better to use that 15 minute or 30 minute quick refresher just to release the tension rather than 3-4 hours and then you face it head-on and feel like worn out that you can’t no longer take the next days because of being sick.
Now, there might also be situations where you can’t really escape like some high stakes decision you can do at the moment. Like I do. This is just literally me hours ago before I am typing these thoughts cause I’m already just unwinding. Yeah, those things suck. They really test your patience and character. But you still need to pause and be calm for even like 10 seconds, just make it an alibi as if you’re thinking. Change your focus on how you feel inside rather than about how you look. That’s what matters more. Even for that short moment, that means a lot rather than facing it head on.
You know what? I really salute others who can be extremely patient and not show much frustration in dealing with life and still maintaining poise. If you’re this kind of person, you deserve an appreciation man. You have the persona that others would dream of. Please cherish that.
But you see really, emotions are part of what makes us human. It shouldn’t be suppressed if it means bottling it up. So how do these people get so calm under pressure? It isn’t like they all figured out already. But here’s one secret: Often times, at the heat of the moment, we are just so focused on what’s at present that we forget if does this still truly matter in like maybe 1 year, 2 years, or maybe even a decade? Of course, they do worry, but it’s not the worry that gets out of control. But rather they channel that worry into thinking outside the picture.
If you can’t change your reality, change your perspective, then you change what you see, then you change how you behave.
Like how we change our glasses into a clear one if they already look blurry. That’s how the analogy works. We switch our POV.
Being a young bunso, it could take time, so just keep cool when you trip. Acknowledge it and don’t fake it. And then say “I’ll do better next time.” Cause you always do. I swear. Your body knows how to respond when it wants to know right from wrong. It instinctively wants to be right to get rewards. Well, even if there’s no reward, the no argument vibe is still a reward after all. It also avoids being wrong without
Now, an important disclaimer here. What I am saying here now feels like advice counseling type of thoughts. I’m no psychometrician or mental health specialist to say these things then why am I doing this? I must clarify that yes, if you really want a medical way to manage these things, then please do consult these experts, bunso. They know far more because they have studied it for years.
As your Kuya, I also wanted to have the best care you could have. These thoughts and tips now are only for those who think you can still be open about what you learn here, and can still explore what fits for you or not, then let these be your starting guide, but they don’t replace any professional help.
Yes, for some, I know, bunso. It may feel scary to sometimes face unfamiliar doctors or specialists, because like what are they gonna do? Will they gonna scold me or whatever? But truth is, mostwanted the best. And I’m praying and hoping that you find the best treatment you could have.
Why not all? Cause the truth is, I also want to acknowledge other bunso who might have a negative experience about psychological intervention because they were felt exposed or unsafe. I feel sorry for you bunso, and I am rooting you don’t give up for yourself. That one “expert” that said and made something negative? Screw them. They don’t deserve you.
You know, this is just a sad reality we have now. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyd8mZuKbrY
Many are in need, but many are still hesistant to seek help because of this f**king stigma from these closed minded people. 43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6rj9gm9Xy
Yes, I know it feels like gusto mo sila patulan (you wanna face them head-on) but what matters more? Is you bunso. You’re worthy to survive, bunso. Period. If nobody tells you that yet? Then I will. And I’m sure there’s someone out there who also feels the same sentiment as you do.
Oh wow, I actually began writing this with having a personal burden in mind but my feelings eventually redirected the focus on my writing into providing my observations on how to deal with negative emotions. I mean we all have our own share of negative emotions, and how we manage them is not just something we only learn by the book. We have to embrace it as much as we learn. This is what makes human. And humans as we are? We are raw and true.
I actually kinda liked how it shifted into tips and advices. You could try it out and see what resonates with you the most. Honestly, for me? I also have my own share of lapses too. I sometimes get overly anxious or worried about things especially when things start to get uncertain. It just makes me unsafe. Maybe that’s another one. Learn about the things that makes you feel unsafe. Not just physical unsafeness, but also emotional or social unsafeness. If you can still manage them on your own, that’s fine. If it feels too unbearable and awful, please don’t be afraid to seek help. Your Kuya cares for you and I support your courage to do so. It’s not too late. We’re just doing it right even when reality doesn’t feel like it now.
As for me, well of course, I still have some shitty experiences in mind that’s still bothering and bringing me tension, but you know, we’re all gonna in this. It will come to pass. This is just life. At the end of the day, because we feel, humans are… whole.
(Pun intended on that last word. Iykyk. :)) )
You know at the end of this note, I actually felt a bit better compared to the first parts. Well, writing can be therapeutic to me and you really don’t have to worry about grammar or style. Just write what feels resonating to you.
But if you don’t find writing cause maybe it’s boring or just too tedious, I hear you. Find things that you find therapeutic to do. Maybe doing sports or doodling or walking outside or talking to someone. Oh again not vices... What really works for you? Is for you.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY7qddKs2i
and then Add to home screen.