When I woke up with the alarm sound, I pressed the phone and closed my eyes again. I couldn't sleep almost all night. It would be weird if I slept after what I've already been through. While Cenk was sleeping comfortably in the other room, I thought about what Cenk had done to me. Many things happened to me, but Cenk's cheating on me was what hurt me the most. Even though I had trust issues, I loved him. Even though we had problems during the years we spent together, Cenk became my haven.
The first place I saw him was at my friend's sister's wedding. At that time, I was living as I wanted and doing whatever I wanted. I had graduated from university and had been working at a college for 5 years and earning my own money and living comfortably in a city far from my family. I had no serious thoughts of a relationship with the comfort of my freedom. The men I was with were just short-term adventures that entertained my heart. Of course, in this case, the fact that the family pressure I had seen for years was over and the fact that I was experiencing my freedom at that time also played a big part. Cenk was a very handsome, tall and muscular enough man, just the way I wanted, and this meant that he could be a new victim that I would fall into my net. As I looked at him, he was holding me in his arms and dreaming about what he could do, and this dream was very passionate. I had to do whatever I could to be with him and then move on. Who wouldn't want a delicious meal.
While everyone was having fun on the wedding day, he was standing on the edge of the bar drinking his drink and trying to tirelessly reject the passionate looks of the women around him and their efforts to talk to him. While I was having fun on the dance floor with my friends, I looked at him for a while and saw that he was definitely not interested in me. Normally, especially when I was dancing, men would somehow stare at me and watch me. Cenk was not there at all. He was in a conversation with another woman, where the woman was talking and he was sulking. I couldn't accept this defeat, so I immediately made a plan and got off the dance floor and went towards him. On the way, one of the young people who came to the wedding asked us to dance, but I turned him down. When I reached Cenk and the blonde girl, I took her arm in a possessive way and put one hand on her chest and put it in his ear so that the woman could hear it;
“Baby, when we're leaving here? I'm horny, and if we don't leave now, you'll have to have me here.”
After what I said, the woman sulked and left, and Cenk looked at me confused and angry.
“Sorry ma'am, are you drunk? I think you confused me with your lover.” He pulled his arm.
It annoyed me that he snapped at me like that instead of thanking me for saving him from the sticky blonde, and I wasn't the type of woman to be left behind. I put a sarcastic smile on my face,
“Sorry, I just wanted to help when I saw that you were in a difficult situation like a trapped baby gazelle.”
As I spoke, he looked me from head to toe and looked me disdainfully into my eyes. Before I started talking, he leaned towards my ear and I couldn't breathe for a moment. He was saying it sharply and emphatically, as if he wanted me to understand everything he said.
“I constantly encounter people like her and you. I don't need your stupid help, little lady. I hope you learn from this and never pry into other people's business again.”he said and took another sip of his whiskey.
I was angry and left alone with what I heard. I was always like this, I could never talk when I was angry. I took a deep breath and poured an iced glass of water over his head, which was sitting on the bar table. In the face of what I did, he was looking at me with his eyes red with anger and fire. When I saw him like this, I regained my joyful ability to speak, so I stared at him hard without blinking;
“ First of all, since you generalize me without knowing me, it is not difficult to understand that your intelligence level is so low. I understand that you are a spoiled snob just because women are interested in you, but here's a lesson, if someone says they helped you, at least you can thank them, you don't need to be so rude. Not everyone is your fan, Mr. Snooty.”
I turned around and went back to the dance floor and continued dancing where I left off. I was still very angry, but I wasn't about to ruin this beautiful night for a spoiled maniac. My friends had had enough to drink and had not seen the little incident I had experienced. This situation was good for me because I couldn't even bother explaining it to them.
The next time I saw Cenk was almost three months later. I was continuing my life, forgetting what we had experienced in the time since that incident and that arrogant wood. My friend Sude, whose older sister got married, said that she was going to have a dinner party at home and that I should definitely come too. Of course, the party and entertainment were always on my yes list. Also, I hadn't been in a relationship for about four months and I wouldn't be idle for that long. No, that stupid guy had nothing to do with it, so I guess he didn't. I prepared carefully, hoping that maybe I would meet someone new that evening. I was wearing an attractive dress that suited my body. I had curled tongs on my long hair and put on a nude lipstick in case I kissed someone. (there was no permanent lipstick at that time).
When I arrived at the party venue, my friend warmly welcomed me and guided me towards the table. While others I knew were glancing around the table to say hello to their friends, I saw that Cenk was also there and, coincidentally, he was sitting next to the chair that was the only one empty and where I would probably sit. Even though I was angry, I tried not to show it and sat indifferently in that chair directed by my friend.
“Have you met Cenk,Suna? he is my sister's husband's friend. Maybe you remember he was at the wedding too.”
After what we went through, I smiled as cutely as if it was possible not to recognize him and,
“Sorry, I don't remember dear, you know my visual memory is normally good, but I guess I didn't find him worth looking at.”
Again the fire in those eyes came and went and he smiled at me and turned his meal without saying anything. What else can be said, he's a complete piece of wood.
It was quite fun when Cenk went to spoke with his friends later in the night. Even though Sude asked what was going on after that strange introduction ceremony, I said that I had no idea that it wasn't worth telling, and I think Cenk had an obstacle regarding speech and politeness.
As the night continued with dancing and nice conversations, I went out to the large veranda of the house to get some fresh air and smoke, and saw Cenk smoking on the side. I was just about to turn back when he started talking,
“You don't need to run away from me. There's enough space for both of us.”
I proudly turned around and stood right in front of him. I wasn't about to bow to this man who thought he was something. With the courage of being a little tipsy;
“Yes, the area is large, but there is a something bad in the air. Someone is spoiling this atmosphere.”I stood there saying. I think he was tipsy too and looked at me with a loose smile. Oh my god, she was even more attractive when he smiled. It was like my heart was beating independently of me. I was going back and forth between punching him and kissing to his lips.
“Were you always this quick-witted? Or is this a special behavior for me?”
“Let's say I speak to those who deserve it as they deserve. You know, we don't have a good story.”
He scratched his head distressedly,
“You're right. Look, I'm sorry. I was having a bad day that day and that behavior was not special for you. Also, thank you for your initiative to help me. Your method was different but impressive.” And he laughed again. After this speech, I also softened. I wasn't about to be upset with someone I saw twice. He also apologized and thanked me, which was enough for me. But my desire for this man was not going to end if it was not satisfied soon. I had to somehow get him into bed and finish this job.
“Yes, I understand you, thank you for your apology, but you can't get away with this. The price for this is a meal.”
Cenk accepted my condition and we agreed to meet that night next week.
When the meeting day came, I prepared by being as beautiful and attractive as possible and went to the restaurant we agreed on. When I got there, Cenk came and was waiting for me. I sat down, we ordered our meals and the night started. But there was a problem. Cenk was as handsome as he was, as antisocial and talked little. He focused on his food throughout the meal, contented himself with short answers when I asked questions, and was generally thoughtful. When I asked if there was a problem, he literally brushed me off. These characteristics were great reasons for me to give up, but I was ambitious once. I would be with him.
But that day I couldn't achieve that wish. Our meal was over. Cenk dropped me off at home and left without asking for my phone number and even giving me a kiss. I was so angry I couldn't sleep that night. How could he never kiss me even once. I wondered if she might like men. Why not, most such men were generally very handsome. I spent the morning wandering around in bed in distress, and finally, I decided that I did not want to deal with this issue anymore and decided to close the Cenk incident completely and surrendered to sleep.
About a week later, when I came home from school, I saw Cenk's car in front of the house. Cenk was leaning in front of the car, flowers in his hand waiting for me. After what we went through a week ago, I never would have guessed he'd be here this way. He handed me the flowers and asked if I had time to eat.
Everything changed at that meal. The person I called silent could not remain silent. He was as talkative now as he was at first dinner. This situation scared me. Frankly, did this man have multiple personality disorder? After a while, I couldn't resist and asked the question that was bothering me.
“When we met last time, there was a much different man in front of me, and now it's the opposite. You can be honest with me. Do you have multiple personality disorder or something?”
He laughed heartily at my question and explained his situation. He said that he had been dealing with a family problem since the first time I saw him, his mother had a serious illness and this turned him upside down because he loved his mother very much. He was a man like he normally was at that moment, and since his mother was recovering, he wanted to meet with me again and make up for his behavior at that time. Although I remained skeptical with his statement, I was very relieved to know his situation. We had a great time at that dinner. Then we had meetings again and we started to realize that we had things in common, and this brought us closer.
I must admit, although Cenk showed that he was a much better person after that meeting, he still did not meet my expectations. Normally, I could fall in love with a smart, confident, social, talkative man who likes to explore traveling and is good in bed. Men like Cenk, who have a very good appearance and dull other features, would only attract my attention in bed. I would take what I wanted and then give way, but things didn't turn out that way in Cenk. We met so much that he never made an attempt to be together. I was just thinking that there was a problem with this guy again and I should give up on this, but he said that he liked me and was thinking seriously.
At the time, I was so focused on being with him that I said I liked him and we started our relationship.
My friends who met him later on were amazed by Cenk's good looks, and giggled as if he were the best comedian even if he said a single nonsense word while we were sitting. But Cenk had no eyes for anyone but me. He also kissed me after I told him I was serious and I loved that kiss. One of the days we met, while we were sitting hugged, I succumbed to my curiosity,
“There are many women around you. Even my friends would end our friendship and be with you if they received a small signal from you. I don't understand why you're trying to be with me. I wonder how I am different from them in your eyes?”he hugged me even tighter and;
“You are so different Suna, you are nothing like the other women I know. Most women get together with me for my appearance, then expect more from me, and finally they go into fits of jealousy and ruin everything. You're not. You are very smart, I noticed that you did not show jealousy and strangle me in any of our meetings. To me, you are a very funny, social, talkative and cheerful person. People never get bored around you. Of course, you are also very hot and beautiful. Most of the time, I have a hard time not going forward, but I don't want to lose you. I want to take it slow and always have you in my life”.
Afterwards, things went to points I didn't expect. Normally, I had no intention of getting married, but I think I was impressed by Cenk's love, his interest in me, his commitment, the fact that I started to like him very much and the envy of those around me for our relationship. Soon, I said yes to the marriage proposal without thinking and we got married.
In the first year of our marriage, everything was like a dream. Cenk did many things to make me happy, he knew no bounds in romance. Even though our sexual life started well, it started to become a problem with what we experienced later, but I didn't pay much attention to it. At the end of Year 1, we found out that I was pregnant with our daughter. Meanwhile, Cenk quit his job and he was trying to start his own business. I don't know if these situations were effective, our relationship with Cenk began to change. Neither of us spoke out about this situation at first, but our behavior changed. Cenk was staying out more for his work, I was working, and at the same time, I was dealing with my pregnancy. We were both in love with our daughter when she was born. Emotions we had not felt before took over us and we could no longer see anything else. I quit my job to both take care of my daughter and support Cenk. When our daughter turned 1 year old, Cenk started to put his affairs in order. I spent all day taking care of my daughter and supporting Cenk. Meanwhile, our sexual life began to decrease to the point of non-existence. The reason was Cenk, not me. When we couldn't find a solution to this situation ourselves, we went to the doctor and he said that Cenk was a sympathetic mother. Supposedly, Cenk was experiencing psychological puerperium and this affected his sexual feelings. I was the one who carried the child for so many months and gave birth to him, he was the one who was affected. This situation bothered me a lot. Contact and sexuality have always been important to me. Just like that, 1 more year passed and Cenk got his affairs completely back on track. I was overwhelmed by home and returned to my profession. When I think about it this way, did our daughter's existence break the unhealthy bond between Cenk and me? We no longer spent time as before, and when we were not taking care of our daughter, we either slept or went about our own business.
Cenk was saying that I constantly blamed him lately and that I didn't see it as enough. I guess he wanted to find someone he felt competent with and be satisfied by cheating on me.
This incident showed me that I made a big mistake in thinking that we could solve everything by talking. Even though I said I had trust problems, I think I trusted him. We had talked many times, if we thought we could not solve our problems, we would tell this to the other party and leave. This way, we wouldn't throw ourselves into other arms and commit disgrace. Most of all, I was hurt by his failure to keep his promise.
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