This is entry 8 of Rogers camel. even is sorrow we have to keep moving but we are going to stay here for a few more days to mourn John's death. i know the world is cruel but i didn't know it could be this cruel this bad to slowly rip everything and everyone i love away from me.
first it was my mom when i was born, then my dad when i was 16, he got killed by the sculls, then my wife jacks mother died from sickness when jack was 4.
whos next why can't the world take me not everyone i love slowly leaving me alone in this cruel, dry world. i hide the pain to stay strong for jack, but kathy can see right through it. cuz me her and john were a tight-knit group, like family even if it wasn't by blood it was a real family.
i look over at jack he is still in the same spot as last night looking out into the ruins of Chicago. i walk over to him and hug him hold him like i did when he lost his mother.
kathy is standing guard while i take care of jack who is old enough to feel the full blow of the pain the grief of loss. jack finally falls asleep and i go over to kathy and ook at her and ask her how she is doing and she tells me that she will eventually be ok.
as we watch over jack we talk and cry but after a while, i go to sleep. as i dream i dream of when i was a kid how my dad taught me to carve and sew leather together, but then it goes dark. the dream becomes a nightmare i'm alone everyone i love and care for is dead. i try and try to wake up but i can't and when i eventually wake up painting a sweating and kathy had fell asleep we where completely unguarded.
i get myself fully awake and i go over to jack he is crying in his sleep i feel regret for even having the thoughts of giving up in my head.
i can't do this but i have to for kathy for jack but how?
how do i move on for them?
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