I pick up a dandelion and go cross-eyed trying to count each individual white, fluffy bit attached to the stem. If I could pluck them individually from their stalk, it would take hours of deliberate effort not to yank out several seedlings. Instead, I blow them into the wind, dispersing the fluffy white bits.
Not that any sane person would try to play He loves me, He loves me not with a dandelion. But if my hands and fingers were small enough, I would.
Because I think I like Mikael.
I’m not sure that I want to know if he likes me back or not. Maybe I’m confusing our steadfast friendship with romance. Whatever this feeling is, I wake up everyday hoping that it will pass.
There are more important things to worry about. Midterm grades are coming back today. With them, comes the new class rankings for our junior year. I’ve crossed my fingers for a better rank this year. I even prayed to Buddha, lighting incense sticks. With no more exams to study for or classwork to submit, there’s not much else I can do.
Well, nothing except pick dandelions in a garden with Yuey.
Her family recently moved into a new apartment in the Upper East Side. Even though it was still winter, she wanted flowers to decorate her room next to her karate trophies and classical music awards. She told me there was a greenhouse on the ground floor of her building, but I wasn’t sure it was open to all apartment residents. We already gathered a sizable amount of daisies and roses, although I wasn’t sure if we were allowed to pick any of them. A part of me was anxious to leave the hothouse, but Yuey was calm, serenely gathering more flowers than she needed.
“I think we have enough flowers,” I tell her, hinting that we should exit the premises.
“Oh, we can pick a few more. What’s the rush? We don’t even have homework today.”
“Well, these aren’t our flowers …” I slowly edge toward the gate.
“No, but the person that planted them should know us. They wouldn’t mind.”
I stop in my tracks. “They know us?” I didn’t recall being friends with anyone with a bountiful garden. “Are you sure about that?”
She shrugs. “You hang out with them more than me.”
“Yeah right.” I didn’t have that many friends to begin with. “You’re lying so we can get more flowers.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” She gathers the blossoms in her hands nonchalantly.
“This isn’t funny. What if someone calls the cops on us?”
“They won’t do that.”
From the other side of the greenhouse, I hear a door swing open, the hinges creaking. I give Yuey a panicked look, but she doesn’t respond. Maybe she was more like the other rich students at Two Bridges than I thought, doing whatever they pleased because their family’s money would pay for the consequences.
From behind the rose bushes, I catch sight of the top of a familiar blond head. It can’t be.
“Yuey, are we in Mikael’s garden?”
She nods emphatically. “I’m his new neighbor.”
“We’re stealing his flowers!” Immediately, I searched the hothouse for a place to hide. What would he think if he saw me like this? Better yet, what would his family think if they knew I was taking their flowers with a friend? I imagine the call made to the police by his equally blonde and distressed mother.
“You’ve been talking about him all week. I don’t think there’s any harm in paying him a friendly visit.” Maybe I was imagining it, but I swear I saw a mischievous twinkle in her eyes beneath her glasses.
For the first time, I got a taste of what Natalie must have felt when I confronted Louis about his feelings for her in freshman year. I wish I minded my own business back then, the same way that I wish Yuey would have minded hers.
But she was right. I had been talking about him all week. The conversations we had with my friends and at Radio Club bothered me, even if things between him and I went back to normal the week after. It didn’t help that Maia and Ainsley constantly teased me about him, Maia more than Ainsley because she was projecting her romantic delusions. Had things in life turned out differently, I could easily imagine Maia and Natalie huddled together reading romance novels or watching chick flicks.
“Yan. What are you doing here?”
Since when did the sound of my name in his voice give me butterflies? I turn around from the gate and take in his appearance.
He approaches on the stone path, wearing blue flannel pajama pants and a gray t-shirt with a mathematical equation printed on the front. I wasn’t used to seeing him outside of his uniform. It was jarring and even more so since I was technically breaking into his family’s home.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you,” he adds. “I’m always glad to see a friend.”
“I didn’t know you lived here. Yuey brought me here to get flowers with her. I’m sorry if we’re intruding,” I babble, my cheeks growing warm.
“Oh is that all? My mom will be pleased to hear that the neighbors are enjoying her flowers. She likes it when people take as much as they can.”
I relax slightly and give Yuey an accusatory look. Why didn’t she just say that? My friend shrugs innocently.
“But where are my manners? Would you guys like to come in for some tea? My mom will be angry if I keep my friends waiting outside the house.”
He ushered us inside before I could refuse. We take the elevator up to the apartment complex, breezed by the doorman, and greet the elevator operator. The building was old, with fixtures that a tasteful grandmother would appreciate. Despite the dated facilities, I could tell that his apartment was in better condition than mine.
We step into the carpeted floor of his apartment, our feet muffled by the threads. The interior was modern and minimalist, a shocking contrast to the rest of the building. I spotted contraptions in his kitchen and living room that I didn’t recognize, futuristic-looking tea kettles and vacuum cleaners that had round ergonomic shapes.
His mother tells us to sit with her in the kitchen, slightly less blonde than I imagine her to be with gray and gold hairs glittering at her temples. She greets us at eye level, pushing herself to us in her wheelchair with remarkable speed.
Mikael makes tea for us, even when his mother insists that she’ll do it herself. He pours hot water into dainty cups and dips in green tea bags for us before getting up to grab cookies.
Yuey and I introduced ourselves to Mrs. Svensson. At the sound of my name, her eyes widened slightly in surprise.
“You’re Yan? I didn’t know you were a girl. Mikael talks about you all the time.”
Whether that was a good or bad thing, I couldn’t tell. From the corner of my eye, I spot him blushing in the kitchen, red as Swedish fish. Yuey suppresses a chuckle, pressing her lips together.
“What did he say about me?”
“He says you’re very smart and good at building radios. He never said that you were pretty as well.”
“Mom! Stop bothering her.” He places a large plate of tea biscuits in front of us. “Yan is our guest.”
“It’s okay, “ I say. “Your mom is just being nice.” My face was warm, no doubt from the steaming hot tea. But maybe it was partially due to the knowledge that the boy I liked talked about me.
“She was the one who gave you all those nice radios, right? What a lovely gift. You must be good friends. Take care of him, alright? He can be shy. I keep telling him that he needs more friends.”
Embarrassment was an understatement from the emotions I saw emanating from Mikael. He looked like he could crawl into a hole and die.
“I think he can take care of himself,” I offered. “And he has enough friends.”
It was an odd weekend. Ainsley texted me on and off, venting about Natalie. Curiously, she and Maia did not invite me to go out with them, but I saw plenty of evidence of their time together through carefully curated social media photos. Maybe they were intentionally excluding me, but I didn’t want to think about it.
On Monday, the new student rankings were released. Like last year, I pushed to the front to see where my name was on the list. I returned to third ranking, with only two names above me. To my surprise, Mikael was in second place and Yuey took the first spot. Ainsley was in fourth place, a dramatic jump from eighth place. And as she anticipated, Natalie was nowhere on the list.
Yuey stood with me as we read the names on the list.
I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Mikael’s ranking dropped. How does it feel to be in first place?”
“I didn’t expect it. But I think he did worse this year on purpose.”
“Why?” It baffled me that he would ever sabotage himself.
“To see his name next to yours.”
“That’s so stupid.” I looked at our names on the list, stacked next to each other. “He wouldn’t do it for a silly reason.”
“Mikael wouldn’t think it’s silly.”
“Why would he do something like that? It’s going to hurt his chances at college admissions.”
Yuey studied me from behind her glasses. “Yan, for someone so smart, you sure can be dumb.”
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