From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibUd6qrHei
To: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSe786j2WZn
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2D8R1EAvq
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvB3QlWGKPY
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmynuEVjCR5
helvetica loyalist
From: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jVtmlZrZd
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUiLx5nKjZ
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5Spyg4Iul
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQzE3jDjMT
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk5AWECyhQ
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iV2NuXD2f
To: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOIZgeqWCJ
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGHjGVneDe
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwO8dzRewxL
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl6Mtyoglr
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Qk4NSZ8pc
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNByE67k8Gr
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uKxZqHaKe
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkQVz3OwFY
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuCLhQKKBn
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJrO8lfrlb
To: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j9Ql66A8F
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWHI4ORvS9
and never speak of feelings again.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXyLCcQ56n
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQC1Nf9tgD
what would you write in a breakup text?96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOpFqmVicC
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBzzzPsN60
font judge, emotional auditor
From: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8q7dcO5Dw
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPZK4AwvVR
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32RoRCgmRe
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUcsp0MD47
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxMbl93d1K
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcqpK366A6
To: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFO4YPMf8s
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjCT9xmMw6
that was weirdly lovely.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOYDGa2aiw
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuQueIRcbj
was there a form i missed?96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2eEtPRwOw
should i be sending muffins?
— maya96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7QBjKbnnx
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: eli.martin@redmail.net96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoStR7h1HD
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleXCm56MSw
Subject: it’s official
congrats.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT3VtsXGTx
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBykLmviL8v
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpcAvGaYmg
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNTWHtpTF9
friend of font victims
96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgTi0Iv6Fm
and then Add to home screen.