"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnadsXZLfqS
To: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcekBgiVWl
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssDhCmX5Yg
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CucPs3Bal
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkKhGADqpZ
it’s a mood.
– maya73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD0zvvcFUK
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtlTKY9y7j
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh44gtZFiuG
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXghJIsT7N
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDQIsd8ZlH
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F35sQWogg
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqI0WuXwCL
music snob, chaos enabler
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVhgwro6cd
To: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8z28DpIIe
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtJ77QjHPJ
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag2DDEfxja
the most dramatic person you never met
From: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjzgTQrXlP
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FA07rrmQE
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmnHlS7iXH
i have goosebumps.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrE922HBrxg
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQTWx5WNuQ
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FE325V27n
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yIxu5piVL
threatened. inspired.
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeppvTNxWD
To: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFCXGOraie
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViSmDxEPrN
you passed the vibe check.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL9quV6Lkm
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hEaFf3Lxp
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfoyMeTh9O
emotionally stable adjacent
From: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ustKnKKba
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EMgrrLQqG
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPev25hcnF
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8WQ4ScECR
i did cry.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdQAU6KtbT
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBt2GzOHkQ
co-president, feelings club
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4PIVkqJhI
To: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5d9PRyaW0V
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkA5qDYvsGl
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: eli.martin@redmail.net73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ3ndOADnJ
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWjkNjj4bO
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLLpiQHhVW
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJzW5Wogzv
together we’re like...73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqdqJ6Juwy
the emotional avengers.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzBG1yffxw
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qcY0F6MKX
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscolOuBExX
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChR9SFlwyQ
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAela565iq
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecgY5JdQf8
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHkI1vEpkF
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKPJVGhpo9
screamed into a spoon. felt better.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfu5kPGUZU
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOyp0FBNI7
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrZBrsT8ic
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsFUIEIbsL
the rain cried for me.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnrfpWf016
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkovRyLS6r
i do not condone murder. but i understand.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkISx8dApeW
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnXrBUOcw6
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZPLgnTBb8
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyKTByLxtf
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli73Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjtrwRe11o
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.