|| 8:00 pm ||
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcNNXaTVXr
To: eli.warrington@uni-mail.org89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndC8viM5vI
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37kkeqnpUr
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf5gDO209L
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3uGnxLX0m
From: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtBmDfME49
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp4DasITbd
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG6mjoZTzb
You’ve got the wrong Eli.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j6GZ1ixyP
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouHXLgyZ1O
aka Eli Martin
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMVpPWGMvJ
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIQL9f46hU
To: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyK6f0XOaM0
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ixicBECtm
definitely wrong eli.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBA1xwueAF
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78HQQx8Pij
sincerely,89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5kKBV7Dkl
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJO5R2VBgR
From: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtV6hUnJv5
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIT41juJxfX
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGDVat9wTt
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8nyANywOL
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MH8tLE74h
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0TQoAMt69
To: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KS9VvLsMo
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7iFljgNNy
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPt7kWbmCMt
From: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8YeJMn7gw
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlMLVDJ5MH
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hbW2jeZMm
is this our meet-cute?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxgNwvbOXQ
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZDqT61k4i
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j256Emaql
but i might be a decent one
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgfqohpfIH
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxdLmjWkqa
To: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozx01e4Kl3
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qjFrEL4cN
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9b7N2PoEpY
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxxdJ4hErB
professional emailer of strangers
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VEL0cs7by
From: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvJ6NGO35b
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1Pp2FrRiS
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXKsJkpd1W
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVZ4errXf0
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrq2Kz4SG3
To: eli.martin@redmail.net89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAcbGcE6oX
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzEEnrEUgV
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSs9fgO2ufU
and then Add to home screen.