Chapter II: The Hangout
"So, how's life bro?"
I look in front of me, it's my best friend, Daniel. We're actually on a hangout in a café just a few blocks from the Heritage Village.
"Well, I'm still recovering from what happened bro.", I say to him.
I take a sip from my hot choco. Oh yeah, you might wonder; why hot choco and why not coffee? Apparently, there's a string of events in the past, in which maybe I would shed light on sometime soon.
"Yeah, I feel you bro. It's nice that you had broke it off with her. I hope that didn't cause or made you to have a broken heart again. Unlike the last time", he sighs and shakes his head.
In the midst of this, I'm actually not heartbroken from my recent relationship, more or less it is. But instead of feeling bad or depressed about it, I feel relieved from it. Again, the torture and everything I've gone through with her, it's like I escaped the wheel of a vehicle going around that corrupted rotunda. I would have ended up going round in loops if I haven't broke it up.
"Say, your breakup or friendzoned by the first one is actually something, since you even wrote a lot of books now. Several years have passed now, yet you still have that element, how past impacts the present.", he says.
In actuality, there are two books I've written regarding the incident, yet the footprints and the bedrock of it still lies embedded on walls of my being. Before my previous relationship, there was an earlier relationship I had back then making my previous as the second relationship. The incident was 6 years ago, back to my Grade 7 days.
"I can't believe that back then, you were saying the whole event over and over. Which also made Tyler and EJ hitting their heads on the bleachers, LMAO", Daniel says.
I remember something as I see a maroon bag passing by. 6 years ago, I look unto an event that have impacted me, something that have shaped my past. Like if it was the massive asteroid that cleaned up a layer of my atmosphere, or something psychologically bleached something off. A neuron activation if I may take it.
A shy and introverted girl had a crush on me. Although she was my classmate, she was one year older than me. If it's regard if we had a relationship back then, it's actually confusing if I were to be asked. You might ask, "Was there really a thing between us back then?"; "How would one label it?". Answer to the first question, factually there was a thing between us despite it was just 1-2 months. Second, that's something I can't take account for or to describe it. I can't definitively put a right label to it. Daniel might know, but others view it differently. People have their own opinions or point of view on things, and if you ask some of the people who might know it, have different point of views or insights on it.
Rough ups and downs, but still never a dull moment. Until May 2, 2019; a day I wouldn't forget. It's also the same day that coincides with the feast of St. Peregrine. In the afternoon, I was crying and I went outside. My friends accompany me, including Daniel. Then, the girl also goes to where we were. I don't remember much of who were the witnesses. I see the girl in front of me, he jacket tied on her waist, slightly haggard hair. What was the notable thing that scarred me was the statement, "YOU WEREN'T OPEN TO ME! I... only see you as a friend". This have started an artillery, likewise friendly fire I must say. This was a major trauma that have affected me, I trauma I won't forget. My heart was like a shattered glass. Due to anger, she threw a dirty glass shard to Daniel's foot and it bled. A teacher called us back to the classroom and lectured us about love, romance, and relationships. In the end, we reconciled in front of the teacher and via chat, but we are only friends anymore.
Many years later, as I ponder what was that event back then, I begin to study on the question, "Why". One word, but it's a question that needs an answer greater than itself. Specifically, 'Why did that happened?'. I reflected, and what I found was actually kind of an immature and childish sense of act, behavior, and attitude. From my past, I saw that I was so clingy, and that was peer pressure from my friends and classmates, thus it happened. If I may quote it, her reaction was valid, and the crash-out was valid, but my own crash-out during the event, is invalid.
"Hey, Mar, you still with me?"
The present snaps back at me. Daniel is asking me.
"Oh yeah, sorry, I was just in the zone", I say to him.
"Zone? Another overthinking? Remember what Angelo told you during the Personal Development activity man", he says.
If I may quote-unquote what Angelo written back then, "Overthinks too much", but it's a written activity.
Daniel sighs, and asks, "What were you thinking about? Her?"
"Nah, it's not the previous one, but the first one", I say to him.
In fairness, there are things we regret most and realize overtime in our lives. We learn at our own pace, and different people have their own perspectives. Perception of time reveals to us tinu unrevealed details of what was back then. It's art, when a painter paints a masterpiece, there's still no detail yet, of either why did he/she paint this, symbolisms attributed, and hidden meanings. Overtime, we advance to years, and there's hidden messages that would be soon revealed or unveiled.
We see a person whose motive might be notorious to us. Yet, as we progress overtime, our perception changes and sees a different scale or view on that matter.
She, the first one, the first girl who I was in love with; I thought she was just being mean to me. But, as I grow older, I begin to realize that she was in the right thought. She was an introvert like me, but the ideology behind it, is that she doesn't want pressure nor showiness like public relationship, and it's because we were young at the time. Without the blast of the barrier, I wouldn't know how harsh reality would be. That friendzone changed me, not just on the perception of women to men, but a whole new point of view in reality.
"Hey Niel, do you remember that DDLC you made me play?", a sudden thought on my mind.
"DDLC? Oh Doki-Doki Literature Club! Now that you've mentioned it, yeah", he says.
"Dude, I did not expected the twist. I thought it was innocent at first, but the Sayori scene, that's dark", I say.
The song in DDLC, "Your Reality", shows how reality is. You think everything is innocent, but reality is that it's an entropy of good and evil.
Throughout that 6-7 years of friendship, changes are always a catalyst that could alter the paradigm of friendships. I saw through that with Daniel. He is like a brother to me, and presently he is as always. When my classmates were against me, he never left my side. He understands my side, as it would be with my other friends; Tyler, EJ, Laurence, and Kirsten.
Daniel, even though seeing me at my worst, he still comforts me, and have fun together playing on his tablet. Although we had bad times back then in Senior High, ups and downs, but also with reconciliations. I can say, he is a genuine friend, a good friend, and I'm thankful for it.
I sip my hot choco while Daniel sets up his tablet and controllers.
ns216.73.216.66da2
and then Add to home screen.