Dear Diary,
This isn't the first time I've been robbed. Nor the second, nor the third. But this time marks it all. Forget playing kind for one another. Forget trying to influence the ones who were seeking hope. Forget those who play the role of role models. Forget those who seem like real people but, in reality, are your foes.
Nothing is going to calm me down for this one. Despair is going to fear me. To the ones who stole from me — I hope your life reaches your standards, but I also hope you're haunted by the thought:67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4v7AWv0B4
"Was it worth it? Was it worth putting others down to make yourself happy?"67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yCnmRdrt2
You're a pathetic, useless, non-existent person — and not even one of my worst foes could've seen this coming.
The amount of hatred I have right now could fuel a palace full of roaring warriors. No amount of forgetting will make me forget the unforgettable. And I'm not a materialistic person who cherishes things. Because, realistically, when you're on your deathbed, lying there with family and friends, you won't be thinking about your phone, your tablet, or your electronics. The only electronic that'll be around is the heart monitor — and even that will fade from your brain after a while, the beeping becoming background noise. Skies may be brighter, days may feel longer — but the sunrise and sunset never last long.
The amount of time I've spent searching for what was either given to me or bought with hard-earned money — or even what I was born with — being taken, stolen, or manipulated is ridiculous. I shan't taint you in the name of Jesus, but I am no god. I am a mortal, put on this earth to speak to the ones who are here to listen to what I've written.
I had two clear visions of myself. The first one was me searching, then giving up. The second — me holding a pistol, cocked back, aimed at the people who stole it all, waiting for the police to arrive. But I am not someone seeking vengeance. I'm not someone who will give up on something I've used my breath and time to fight for.
Words like this might not make a difference in the near future. If anything, they might fill me with more rage, more violent thoughts, and more visions — the kind I just had — where I see the face of the one I believe stole from me. Just for the case to remain unsolved... or even worse, ignored. It's like planting two thoughts in your head:67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlBq9ZBxSZ
One says "You lost it somewhere." You start blaming others to cope with the loss.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhhPAJGrXh
The other says "You found it." And in that moment, you feel relief.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ31UnwZ9P
But neither thought settles.
Like my mother once said, "Why should I drop everything to help you, if you didn't do the same for me?"67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQU2JNAi9K
And maybe she's right. Or maybe she's not. I don't know — and yet, somehow, I do.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxwdw4IqrI
It feels like living through the same situations, just on a different path, with a different beginning — but always with the same ending:67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jc5uqH9ui
You get what you wished for, only to realize it's not what you wanted. Or maybe it is exactly what you wanted — just not how you imagined it.
The disgust I feel for those people... may they still be blessed. Let them be known as traitors in their own unique way. The amount of hospitality I've shown to those seeking peace — only to be misused, misguided, and taken for granted — is painful. Like I said, I'm no god. I'm a human who listens, who acknowledges what the Lord shows me to do. I'm someone you can talk to and get along with — not someone who should be labeled a "bad influence."67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqzcyzUCq1
No one should be labeled that.
To my foes:67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8Jcww6KDK
I hope you stay out of my way.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfaoAh5laH
If not — make yourself known. Say it loud and clear, for the ones who want to listen.
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq4m4dPSRd
and then Add to home screen.