Money really changes people.
Oh boy, recently I just had this unfortunate experience and I am actually still coping with the post-feeling right now as I am typing this. Honestly? I don’t feel like writing this, the weight I feel now just feels heavy to put it into words. If only… just only, these feelings can be understood without the need of words.
But after all, I try to redirect as much pain from this feeling from something else. And while I’m trying to just make sense and try to find a deeper purpose on this, that’s when an idea of putting this into writing came to mind. This feeling? It’s something I only rarely feel, and I hardly remember even feeling this before. The feeling of hopelessness to the realities of life. The lack of support. And I know soon, as I rise up against these odds, I would eventually forget the feeling of what it means to be helpless, desperate to survive. It really changes the best of you. And it needs to be documented while I could now.
Yeah, I still having a heavy heart of what happened now. As if I’m forcing it to make sense. Really like… you know to yourself, you have a dream of your own. You know you are meant for that, you are destined for that. But right now? It feels out of reach. Right now, you have to survive first. Right now, you have to be financially stable.
I guess adulting really took over me. I kinda understand now why my parents were acting sometimes like carrying the world on their shoulders. Cause they do. I’ve been living years failing to understand it cause I never would from my own perspective alone. For me, to truly understand life, I have to experience life. To witness and feel with my own emotions and body.I guess no theories or knowledge in the world can ever give you that same lesson as experience will. Yes dear, I’ve been an avid reader of things, ever curious of whatever topics that interests me… and it just aches me that no matter how ambitious our goal is, we would still go back to that very side mission we must have: learning to survive.
If you ask this same sentiment I have to the older ones who are used to working hard, I know because they are used to the grind every day just to make a living. The most common response I could have is 64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJh5S2mklP
Get over it! You’re just being overreacting.64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmRVqVaOlD
And you know what? I don’t blame them. Maybe life really took the best of them. It’s true that life doesn’t care how you respond, the world just continues to exist on its own, and when you don’t? You get left behind. You suffer poverty.
Now, if you vent out these same sentiments to the children and the young, some might not fully comprehend it yet especially those who grew up in a well-sustained family. They would respond to just enjoy life and stop worrying too much. Just follow your dreams and don’t let anyone stop- *sighs* I guess if it’s not people that’s stopping me, it’s life or at least that’s just how I feel now. What if it’s just a test? It could be.
Right now, at least I still have that ability for me to express these in words. That I feel that I’m in the middle between these two worlds of innovation and ambition by the young perspectives and practicality and survival by the old ones. You know, I don’t usually care about money. Back then, I only see money as just being something you flaunt or something you just use to buy something. That’s it. No sentimental value. I’d rather focus on my goals for the future than work on money.
I do actually make money months before, but it wasn’t enough to shoulder the expenses we have every month. There were also months that I chose to pause in pursuit of my goals and dreams, and maybe I was kinda naïve. Reality slaps in front of the face and tell me to go to work and enough of this dreaming.
I mean when the time comes that I would live on my own. I have to embrace these struggles. I actually came to a point where I do know what I wanted in the future with the specific things I do resonated to what I deeply crave. But yeah, it’s time to face the truth of reality. Every year in my country, economy continues to worse and prices have becoming increasing higher. Living has become less and less sustainable. And I’m sure it is the same sentiment with my fellows here. We struggle to find jobs we actually wanted only to be forced to just consider what’s available. Anything as long as available, we can maybe pursue it soon when we become stable… and you know what years pass, we settle family and then we eventually forgot our dreams when I was young.
I actually asked my mother one time of her dream career and she said a chef. She was actually a very good cook and I would look forward her meals. But right now, she landed on an entirely different career.
I just fear to face that same fate. Yes, diskarte na lang talaga ang kailangan ko ngayon but I don’t wanna let my dream die.
So going back to the thought: “Money really changes people”
Yeah, and I’m not talking about having more. You also change when you have less, and you just instantly have to sacrifice your dreams just to survive. It forced me to be more pragmatic, which is what I might actually need.
Ah this is an uncomfortable topic for me to personally face, but it feels aching to just keep and ignore it either. Having nothing signals you to society as being lazy and not knowing how to take care of yourself, but beyond those social barriers hide the many stories that we fail to hear just because we are so used to our perspective.
These persons who are tambays and just smoke or play mobile games? Maybe reality got hold the best of them, and just chose these as a means to escape the burden of reality and to feel safe.
Yup, safety can manifest in the things we do, not just what we see. Like this one, for me, I considered writing and venting my thoughts out as my own “vice”.
Disclaimer at this point: I am NOT actively encouraging anyone to engage in any harmful vice. What I’m advocating instead is to be more understanding why they do it. Yes, they need help and now I’m giving you some perspectives to leverage in encouraging them. I am not a licensed professional either so, it’s best to leave the treatment to the professionals.
So yeah, a lack of money can indeed change you. You know those millions of stories of eventually being street beggars because of life. I just hope I manage to survive. I guess I have to sacrifice a part of me to at least make through in this life. Really, the thought of where to find money on every day just emotionally drains you. Worries on every day? How much more pa kaya ang mga providers like our parents? I might eventually get there, but I’m bracing myself for what’s to come, but I don’t wanna let my dream die. I don’t wanna let my dream die.
There’s not much more I could express now at this point. I’m just being numbed by a part of me that wants to survive for now, but I hope I already expressed what I have to. It’s still bothering me and maybe that’s ok. This is maybe one of the things I have to understand after all. Not just understand through learning, but by truly experiencing it.
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and then Add to home screen.