We talked so much that day. We didn't even notice forty minutes flying by. By the end of it your cousin found us. Those security and technicians in uniforms wrenching the doors of the elevator open. I had to lift you to give you a boost to climb out. You, all shy and reluctant, yelped so much while I helped you out it took everything in me not to burst out laughing.
No, you weren't heavy.
Do you remember, Ayla? By the end of our little adventure we both stood outside the art department. The evening sun was sinking already. "It was nice meeting you." you had said. "You'll come back to the class right?" I had asked.
You had laughed. It's funny when I think about how long it took me to realise how I felt about you, despite feeling warmth filling up all the hollow spaces of my heart when I heard you laugh.
I can be so incredibly dense sometimes.
"Ill be back next week."
Your cousin was waiting for you by your car, you turned to leave before you stopped short. "Your name. We don't know each other's names."28Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vT84TTxw5
"Naia."
"That's a pretty name. I'm Ayla."
"Nice to meet you Ayla."
You giggled, "Yeah, nice to meet you Naia. I'll see you next week then."
"Yeah, have a safe drive home." you had simply smiled at me and walked back to your cousin.
I watched your car till you drove off, only after you left my sight I realised. That weird weight on my chest had lifted while I was with you.
I didn't feel that pressing, suffocating feeling when I was beside you.
Ridiculous, I thought to myself.
As if simply being next to someone could curb whatever was wrong with me. I had an itching thought at the back of my head even then. I knew I'd come to like you more than I should even then.
I simply buried it, and convinced myself it was nothing more than a new friend. A very interesting and talented new friend.
Nothing more nothing less.
I wouldn't allow myself to get any closer. I wouldn't allow myself to buy into this idea of salvation I thought you brought along with you.
I was being incredibly silly, I convinced myself. You were just a friend. Just a friend.
Only a friend.
I thought about what we talked about the entire way home. I had to go listen to all the audio books you liked. I had to look more into sculpture. I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of you the next time we spoke. I thought I'd look at a few tutorials online before I meet you next week.
We had Liam's pasta for dinner that night. None of us spoke much as usual. Casey left immediately after dinner for one of his many walks, and Liam went back to painting one of our walls. I researched about sculpture till I finally passed out into a fitful sleep.
I dreamt that night, I remember. You know how I've always complained about bad dreams. You blamed my love for horror movies. How do i explain to you that the torture my mind can impart on me makes those movies feel like they were made for kids.
I dreamt of him that night. Of our first meeting.
We were childhood friends, all of us. Liam and I lived on the same street, while the other two boys lived two streets down from us.
Even when we were pretty young he loved music. He had roped Liam, Casey and me into starting our very own amature garage band. Playing songs by Arctic monkeys, sounding like a murder of dying crows.
We got better the next summer, and the next. By the third summer we were playing for our school and entering contests.
We never won. But it was never about that. He loved the stage. He loved everything about sharing his voice with people. He loved the performance, the art of it. He loved music. We loved him enough to go along with all of it.
He helped us after all.
He was there when I began scratching at my wrists very young. He was there when Liam had his first episode of a panic attack. He was there when Casey went through a terrible phase of anxiety because he kept failing his exams.
He was always there for us.
I suppose I never explained it to you. We were family. We were each other's anchors. The world could twist and turn like the turbulent seas, drown us in endless storms or raze the very ground we stood on.
We would get through it.
We had each other.
That was enough.
The day I met you I relived all of this in my dream. I woke up in cold sweat, shaking. it took me half an hour to shake off the chills. I had this thought that night, that if you were beside me you'd probably fuss over me. You seemed like the person that cared too much about the wrong people.
Nice to see the universe left a few pure souls, I had thought.
That night I sat beside Liam and played my guitar all night while he painted. Casey came back late from his walk and passed out on the couch till sunrise.
I kept thinking of you the entire time I wasn't thinking of him. Thinking of you was distracting. Thinking of you weighed me down with more guilt. Yet I thought of our conversation anyway.
I couldn't wait for the week to pass by. I would see your sculpture skill. Perhaps you'd even help me with my work. I could talk to you more. I'd hear that fun way you speak again.
I was so prepared to meet you a week later, I didn't know how to react when I saw you standing in front of me in the line at the bakery two days later.
It had to be fate. I instinctively thought, then mentally smacked myself for being cheesy before I gently tapped on your shoulder to greet you.
I wondered sometimes about this moment too. Would we ever have gotten as close as we did if we hadn't decided to go to the bakery at the same time on the same day?
I suppose the universe only ever worked in my favor when it came to matters with you.
I wonder if you ever felt the opposite.
Even then I had an itching thought in the back of my head. Every time I replied to you, alarm bells rang in my head.
Don't get close, they screamed, don't you dare drag her into your mess.
But then you spoke. And laughed and giggled and smiled.
I could think of nothing else but the stupidest things to say to see that smile again.
All while willing myself to believe you were simply a precious friend.
Just a lovely friend.
God, I was such an idiot.
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Hello!
If you're surprised by the early chapter, it's cause I'm busy procrastinating on my exams (-_- #)
Anyway I hope you enjoyed this and had a lovely day ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
Until next time then!
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and then Add to home screen.