He looked older and more worn out than the man in the photo. His wrinkles had deepened, his beard was thinner, and his hair was shorter, but his eyes and facial structure were the same. The man brought the chair that was standing by the dining table and placed it where I could see him, then sat down calmly. As I looked at him, I wondered if this was how I would end up. There had been times over the years when I had wanted to die. I had even attempted suicide during my teenage years. The marks on my wrists reminded me of that time. But I had never felt so close to death, never been so afraid.
The man in the photograph took a deep breath and began to speak;
“First of all, I want you to know that I won’t harm you. I did that injection so I could talk to you comfortably. You’ll be still and silent for a while, but don’t worry, you’ll be fine afterwards. Now I want you to listen to me carefully. What I’m about to say may seem harsh at first, but when you see that it’s true, I think you’ll understand me and feel better.”
As he spoke to me, I felt like screaming and crying like crazy inside, but I couldn't. I was helpless, and my daughter was constantly on my mind. If anything happened to me, I wouldn't be able to see her grow up or what kind of life she would have. That was my greatest sorrow. The man continued talking.
“I will explain everything in detail, with all the documents. My purpose in being here is to repay a debt of gratitude. I have been following you for a long time, you know that civil servant gave you information about me. You are a smart woman, Suna, I have known you since you were in your mother's womb.”
I was exhausted from trying and failing to do anything, and a voice inside me said this man was sincere, but he was a professional who had committed many crimes and still hadn't been caught. It was normal for him to lie flawlessly. In my situation, I was in no position to object to him. If he was going to kill me, there was nothing I could do about it. My phone was in my bag, and no one would come to the house at this hour. I pretended to be convinced and slowly nodded my head.
The man got up from the chair and went to the television, plugged in a few devices, and turned it on. When he turned on the television, a document appeared on the screen. There were data and writings I couldn't understand.
"Yes, Suna, I'll start with this document, which is the hardest to explain but will make the rest of what I have to say make sense. This document you see is a DNA test. The part you need to look at is at the bottom. As you can see, there is a 99.999% genetic match. This genetic match is between you and your real father. Kemal Öz is your real father. Of course, Kemal wasn't his real name. No one knew his real name.”he said and fell silent.
Due to the effects of the medication, I was motionless and unresponsive. Anyone seeing me from the outside would have thought I was just sitting there, but if I had been in a normal state, I would have mocked the man and said,
“Are you expecting me to believe this? My father is this man? Come on. Technology has advanced so much these days; everything can be done with computers now.”
He had obviously prepared this document that way and brought it to me. But why? What was this man's purpose in telling me such things? I had to find out.
He continued talking as if he could read my mind.
“I know what I’m saying sounds ridiculous to you right now, and you don’t believe me. You think I could have prepared this document myself, but once you learn everything and go ask your mother, you’ll realise I’m telling the truth.”
My mom?! No way… What does he mean, my mother? What am I going to learn from my mother? This man is too much now, I think he's trying to drive me crazy.
"Now I'll tell you briefly about your father, Kemal. Kemal was an agent who worked for years in a secret unit set up by the state, carrying out covert missions and achieving countless successes. He was also my colleague. He did more good for this country than you could ever imagine. Then, during a mission, he met your mother. Your mother will tell you how they met. Of course, this meeting was not good for Kemal because relationships and marriage were strictly forbidden for us. Think about it: this unit selected people without parents for the mission, demanding a guarantee that they would have no life outside the unit whatsoever, and they trained the people they selected accordingly. You decide how wrong Kemal was. Kemal fell in love and couldn't leave your mother afterwards.”
As he recounted this, the sadness and anger in his eyes were very clear. It was obvious that he had witnessed what happened during that period. He took a nervous breath and continued.
“You must have read about it in films or novels. If an agent does something contrary to their mission, they get into trouble. In reality, it's not like that. Here, if you don't follow the main rules of our unit, your punishment is to be eliminated. Because this unit is very secret."
After saying this, his eyes misted over. He ran his hand over his forehead and closed his eyes.
"Kemal knew all this, but he just couldn't control his heart. It was as if he had gone blind, lost his mind, his eyes only saw your mother and he thought of nothing else. I warned him many times, but he wouldn't listen to me. He went to his death knowingly. Kemal was my closest friend, my family. He had saved me from death countless times. Seeing him like this hurt me deeply; being helpless and unable to do anything was worse than death for me."
As time passed, I think the drug's effect was wearing off. My body was still independent of me, but I felt I could find the strength to speak. I gathered all my strength and said in a weak voice,
“Why are you here? Did you put me in this state just to tell me all this?”
“You'll need to be patient, my dear, I can't get to the end without telling you the whole story. It's all connected. Your father was a clever man, Suna. When he was with your mother, she was married. That didn't stop Kemal at all. In fact, it worked to his advantage for a while. Your mother was a married woman, and it was unthinkable that she could have a relationship. Your mother never knew who Kemal was or what he did for a living. She was in an unhappy marriage, and Kemal's love blinded her too. She never thought about what could happen to her if her husband and the town people found out about their relationship in that small town. Kemal was professional and took every precaution to ensure that didn't happen. After a while, your mother told Kemal she was pregnant and wanted to build a life with him. Kemal never doubted for a moment that the child wasn't his, but I later somehow convinced the doctor your mother went to and got your DNA, and I was sure. If you ask why, call it an occupational hazard, call it an attempt to save my closest friend, a glimmer of hope. I thought that if the child wasn't his, I could say, ‘Leave her, it's a shame and a sin to break up the family.’ The document you see is from that time. But I didn't find what I hoped for; you were Kemal's daughter. Your mother's suggestion to run away gave Kemal the courage to look for ways to quit his job, but there was no such way. During this time, the unit had learned everything, of course. It was impossible for them not to find out, as they were following us like a shadow. The period I'm referring to is three months, which isn't very long. One day, Kemal was summoned by the higher-ups and never returned. The unit knew your mother was unaware of anything, but if they found out you were Kemal's, they could have eliminated you too. I intervened again and altered the DNA.
Your father knew this would happen, Suna. Especially after learning about you, he took all precautions to protect you and asked me to do what he had planned for you. I am here now to repay my debt of gratitude to him. I have never contacted you until now because the unit always had its eye on me. For years, I served them as their most loyal man. It was all for the promise I made to Kemal and for you. When you built your own life, Kemal wanted me to give you this information and this."
He took a black rectangular box out of the suitcase beside him. The box was metal and had a digital screen and buttons on it.
“Kemal said only your mother could open this.”
I think the effects of the drug were wearing off now. I was coming to my senses a little more. I sat up straight in the chair and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and waited to process what had been said. My experiences, the exhaustion, the effects of the drug, and what had been said seemed to have wiped out all my emotions. I think I was in a kind of shock; I felt nothing. My head was spinning, and my stomach was churning.
‘I'm not well,’ I said, covering my mouth. The man immediately got up, fetched a bag from the kitchen, and held it to my mouth. I threw up everything I had eaten. I was exhausted.
“It's the effect of the medicine I gave you; your body is cleansing itself right now. Throwing up is a good thing, don't worry, you'll feel better soon.”
I looked at him angrily but didn't say anything. He gave me medicine and told me not to worry. I took my attention away from him and started looking at the document he showed me. If this man was telling the truth, the man I had called father for years wasn't my real father. If I were a child or a teenager, I might have been happy, I might not even have questioned it, but as an adult, that's not possible. Especially if both of them are dead...
For years, I wanted to experience a father's love. That's why I didn't want the man I called father to disappear or for my father to be someone else. The man who tormented me for years, caused me trauma, and whose wounds I'm still treating to heal, wasn't my real father. Oh, how wonderful!
A voice laughed in my head,
‘Hahahaaa, Suna, you're such an unlucky girl. That's how it is. You suffer for years, your mind wanders, you almost die, then a man comes along and says your father is someone else but he's dead. Hahaha, I think it would have been better if you had died when you attempted suicide. What kind of life is this?’
I took a deep breath as if to chase the voice away.
"What you're saying has stopped my mind. I can't think of anything right now, but what's important to me right now is this: the police are looking for you everywhere. I'm a mother, I have a daughter, I have a family, I have a life. According to what you're saying, you came and did your job, but the police won't drop this until they find you. I don't want to get myself into trouble. Do you have any ideas about this? How am I going to get out of this?"
"You really did inherit your intelligence and protectiveness from your father, Suna. Don't worry, you'll get out of this situation without any problems. I've arranged everything perfectly. I'm still in the unit and I'm here on assignment. When I was assigned the task and realised the operation was happening around you, I found the opportunity I'd been looking for for years. It's been five years since I started working on this task. It was our wish for the police to come after me. Right now, I'm after someone else, but I chose you as a decoy. While they think I have a relationship with you, I'll complete my real task. This is our last conversation. After I'm done, that policeman will come to you one last time, that's all. What I want from you is to talk to your mother first, and afterwards, don't mention me or our conversation to your mother or anyone else. If you tell even one person, you could get into trouble. If the unit I work for suspects anything, there will be a major wipeout. That includes you. Let your mother think Kemal left her and went away."
“From what you've said, that unit you're in sounds very dangerous. You're really very clever. You told me about your job so that I would fear for my own life and that of my family if I said anything, and so I would keep quiet. Because you know very well how much I love my daughter. I would never do anything to put her in danger.”
He looked into my eyes in admiration and smiled,
“As you talk, I feel like I see Kemal in front of me. Oh girl, I can't tell you how pleased you made me. I really miss my friend.”
He pressed his hands to his eyes and remained so for a while. Then he scratched his neck distressedly.
“I need to show you one last thing. It may be too much, but there's no way I'll ever see or reach you again, so I have to do this.”
Something new? no more! I think all the devastating events that could happen to me in my entire life were piled up this week and raining down on me. I wonder if it was retro or something that was going to spread all over the world and only hit me?
“Your husband is not who you think he is, Suna. He has been cheating on you for a long time and has no intention of telling you or breaking up with you.”
I looked at his face stupidly. I think my brain stopped again because I couldn't perceive it. My husband was cheating on me and had been doing it for a long time. What? how?
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