I hold myself over her, her eyes glistening, and I feel the focus slipping away as she reaches up towards my neck, and I lean forward, ready to meet her lips. It's a natural impulse, and I feel a shiver run through my body as her hand stretches into the curls at the back of my head. The scent of her perfume weaves its way around me, intoxicatingly. As our lips connect, my breath catches, and I can't drag in my next one. I want to meld with the tender nymph whose fingers are dancing along my bareback. I pull away-
And as I open my eyes, she's poised next to me, looking down with her lips quirked up, her hair a delicate mess. She makes a soft chuckling sound as she stands to check her backpack. I sit up and look down at myself, disappointed. I'm still wearing the T-shirt I picked out last night. The sink in the bathroom is running, and she's brushing her teeth. I take the opportunity to change into my clothes for the day and freshen up. I hold off on putting on the new shirt; I'm not sure why, until she walks back into the shared room. Her eyes widen, and I think her face becomes pinker.
"Ty, put on a shirt, jeez!" she scolds as she turns away. Quickly, I throw on the shirt, getting my elbow stuck in the sleeve for a moment.
"You can turn around now, Charlie," I mutter. I grab my toothbrush and hide in the bathroom as I brush my teeth.
The me staring back in the mirror is more rested, and I want to have his joyful demeanor, but Charlie's in the other room, unaware of what I just did. I'm ashamed and frustrated, yet if I had the chance, I'd slip back into that dream so fast.
"Ty, hurry up, we check out in an hour and I want to grab breakfast first!" she calls. I sigh, splash my face, dry it fast, and seek her in the main room. Her legs are crossed, and she's scrolling on her phone, paying me no mind.
"Let's go then," I'm already opening the door, heading to the hotel breakfast bar.
I watch her grab her breakfast first, guessing at what she'll grab. Yogurt? Yep. Banana? Yep. Toast? Yep. Coffee? No, tea. "Hey, why didn't you grab a coffee?"
"Oh, I'm trying to cut back on how much caffeine I drink," she opens the yogurt, and I quickly grab a plate of food just to sit across from her once more. She looks at my plate and her nose scrunches up, "Those eggs look disgusting."
She's right, but I eat a forkful of it, staring at her, ignoring that it's rubbery. "Tastes fine to me." She snorts and returns to her toast.
"So, the drive is five hours, but I want to drive some of it this time, please?" I glance at her, confused. "You did the entire drive up here; it's only fair."
"Charlie, it was snowing, and I just felt more comfortable having the wheel. The roads are clear now. Drive whatever part of it you want, I don't care." I eat the bacon on my plate and look up the weather on my phone.
"Okay... Cool. I... um... thanks for coming with me and for driving," she says, "I got some really great pictures and I think my mom will really like the souvenirs. It was prettier than I thought it would be."
"Yeah, it was nice," I stare at the cord wrapped around my wrist to avoid looking at her eyes.
"You really could have just spent the break with your family; this wasn't cheap or anything, but... I am grateful, truly," I look up at her, and her face is so soft. I want to trace my thumb along her bottom lip to clean the banana off it, and the look in her eyes almost welcomes it, but I pick up my fork and focus again on my plate, more bare than I thought it was. "Ty, what's up? You seem off."
"Nothing, I'm just tired. You should drive," I can't tell her about the dream. Looking at her, I feel like kissing her or holding her, but I remember our conversation from last night before we cut the lights and drifted off. She told me that I was her best friend and that she could trust me with her life because I didn't think of her like that, that I am her only genuine male friend. I feel like an asshole, because I want her to always feel safe, but how can I be safe for her if I am just like the rest? The ones who called her names, started rumors, and worse, stopped talking to her when she said she could never feel the same. That she said hurt the worst because the animosity was one-sided, and she couldn't bring herself to stop caring for them even if they stopped caring for her.
I grab our empty plates and hand her the room key. I get back to the room, and the bags are on the floor in the hall. I get to glance once more at the bed. She fell asleep last night mid-conversation, her head ended up on my chest, and I stared, not knowing I had already crossed the boundary. She jumps out of the bathroom and surprises me, her smile is so wide and wicked. I smile, and before I can stop myself, I grab her hands and pull her close enough that our foreheads touch. And I watch our friendship die as her accusatory eyes burn me in an instant. I let go and watch her leave, clenching my car keys in a tight pale fist.
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