To the One Who’ll Never Read This - Mom

Dear Mom,

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I can’t bear it when I see you cry. It feels like a dagger stabbing and twisting in my stomach, but I know the feelings aren’t mutual anymore. 118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Bolf8TqYY

Your voice echoes and rings in my head when I do something wrong, your words making my head spin like a Maypole. You’ve said horrible things, yet I still care for you. It’s natural, because you’re my mother but I know you can’t possibly feel exactly the same. Realizing this makes my heart twist.

I recall every moment, every fight, every second of every time where I feel overwhelming pain overflowing in my body— all because of you.

I’ve reached out to you, extending my hand for both giving and receiving help. But you keep pushing me away, and I feel like you have no idea how much it affects me. At times, I think of ending it all— all because of you. Sometimes I just ask myself,

118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFog4SfWGi

If one’s lust for life kept them alive, why the fuck am I still here?

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