Human beings long for permanence. We want relationships to last, dreams to remain steady, and identities to stay fixed. Yet the world around us constantly reminds us of the opposite. Everything changes. The seasons shift, tides rise and fall, people grow and move on. Still, we hold on to the idea of forever because it gives us comfort. This chapter explores how that longing is shaped by culture, faith, and personal beliefs, and why embracing impermanence allows us to live more freely and authentically.
From childhood, Filipinos are taught stories that celebrate lasting commitments. Fairy tales end with “happily ever after,” religious teachings emphasize the sacredness of marriage until death, and family traditions remind us that harmony should be preserved at all costs. While these lessons encourage loyalty, they also create unrealistic expectations. Relationships, careers, and even personal identities are imagined to be permanent, even though change is inevitable.
Values like walang iwanan (never leave each other) reflect the strong cultural emphasis on loyalty. But they can also make it difficult to walk away from relationships that cause harm or limit growth. Fear of being seen as walang utang na loob (ungrateful) or tampalasan (heartless) often outweighs the desire for well-being. This is common in family businesses, where individuals may stay even when their passions lie elsewhere, all to avoid conflict or disappointment.
The importance of pakikisama (getting along) further reinforces the illusion of permanence. In small, close-knit communities, stepping outside of expectations can feel risky. The fear of mapahiya (being shamed) or becoming the subject of gossip discourages people from making choices that might lead to growth. As a result, conformity is rewarded, while individuality can be silenced.
Psychological tendencies also play a role. Optimism bias leads us to believe that situations will improve if we stay long enough, while confirmation bias causes us to focus only on evidence that supports what we already hope to believe. These patterns make it difficult to recognize when a relationship or career has reached its natural end.
Faith adds another dimension. In the Philippines, Catholic teachings about eternal life and the sacredness of vows can encourage resilience and trust. Yet this same sense of permanence can also discourage acceptance of change, keeping people tied to situations long after they have become unhealthy.
Clinging to forever comes at a cost. Staying in unfulfilling relationships often leads to resentment, numbness, or the inability to experience joy. Persisting in careers that no longer align with one’s values breeds dissatisfaction and burnout. Communities that resist change may unintentionally stifle creativity and perpetuate outdated norms.
The alternative is not cynicism but acceptance. To embrace impermanence is to acknowledge the reality that everything changes and that change, though sometimes painful, allows growth. This shift requires new practices. Mindfulness teaches us to notice the present without clinging. Self-compassion helps us move through loss with kindness instead of harsh judgment. Non-attachment frees us from the illusion that happiness depends on controlling outcomes. These practices are not about detachment from life but about living it more fully, with less fear of what might be lost.
In the Philippine setting, embracing impermanence might mean questioning traditional gender roles, following a career path outside family expectations, or redefining family beyond traditional structures. It could mean prioritizing inner peace over appearances, or daring to pursue passions even when others disapprove.
Nature itself offers wisdom in this regard. The rising and setting sun, the cycle of flowers blooming and fading, and the constant turning of the wheel of life remind us that change is natural, not something to resist. In the words familiar to many Filipinos, ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa ilalim (life is like a wheel, sometimes on top, sometimes at the bottom).
The illusion of forever comforts us, but it can also hold us back. By learning to accept impermanence, we create room for growth, resilience, and creativity. We open ourselves to the joy of the present moment and the freedom that comes with trusting life’s constant motion. Letting go of forever does not mean giving up on love or commitment. It means learning to love more honestly, to live more fully, and to embrace the truth that change is the only constant.
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