Human beings often cling to relationships, ambitions, or identities that no longer bring fulfillment. This tendency is shaped by a mix of personal, cultural, and psychological forces, and it can be especially visible in societies where collective values are held in high regard. In this chapter, we will explore the reasons why people persist in holding on, and the many costs that come with resisting release.
One of the strongest forces at play is what psychologists call the sunk cost fallacy. People tend to continue investing in something simply because they have already poured in time, effort, or resources, even when it no longer serves their growth. This investment can be material, such as money or years of labor, or deeply emotional, such as loyalty and sacrifice. Within the Filipino context, this persistence often reflects cultural ideals like utang na loob, or the sense of indebtedness for past sacrifices. For example, a person may remain in a career that brings little joy simply because it honors the expectations of parents who worked hard to provide an education.
Fear of uncertainty also makes letting go difficult. Releasing a long-familiar relationship, dream, or role means stepping into unknown territory, which can feel overwhelming in a culture that prizes stability and predictability. The possibility of failure, judgment from others, or financial instability can outweigh the imagined benefits of change. Social narratives that glorify endurance as a virtue and label release as weakness further reinforce this fear. Divorce, for instance, carries stigma in many communities, discouraging people from leaving unfulfilling marriages even when the emotional toll is heavy.
A deeper reason for holding on is the way commitments shape identity. Careers, family roles, and social positions contribute to a person’s sense of self and belonging. Releasing them can feel like losing a part of oneself. A woman who devoted decades to being a wife and mother may struggle to rediscover her identity once her children are grown or her marriage ends. Such transitions can leave people feeling disoriented, empty, or stripped of purpose.
The cost of clinging tightly is rarely hidden. On an emotional level, people often experience ongoing stress, anxiety, or depression when they stay in situations misaligned with their values. Over time, this can affect physical health, showing up as headaches, fatigue, or digestive issues. Suppressing one’s authentic emotions also strains relationships, leading to resentment, irritability, or withdrawal.
These struggles do not remain contained within the individual. Families and communities often bear the impact as well. Children exposed to dysfunctional relationships may internalize toxic patterns that harm their development. Adults who feel stuck may withdraw from community life, weakening social ties and reducing collective well-being. When traditions or expectations are upheld at the cost of personal growth, communities risk stifling creativity, compassion, and progress.
The spiritual burden of refusing to release is perhaps the most profound. Clinging to what no longer serves us can distance us from our truest selves, leaving us without a clear sense of meaning or direction. This disconnection often shows up as stagnation, lack of motivation, or the inability to experience genuine joy. What is left is a persistent emptiness, a quiet despair that lingers beneath the surface of daily life.
To carry the weight of holding on is to bear an invisible load that affects the heart, the body, the community, and the spirit. Understanding why we resist release, and recognizing how costly that resistance can be, is the first step toward freedom. The chapters ahead will offer ways of discerning when it is time to let go and how to do so with both courage and compassion.
ns216.73.216.174da2
and then Add to home screen.