They had dinner with Ayumi in December.
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It was the first time they had been out together as a couple. They had not called themselves a couple. They had not used the word. But Ayumi had invited them to dinner at her house and they had accepted and they had gone together.
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Ayumi was the friend from the summer program. She was the one whose wedding they had both attended. She was the one who had called Ren in November two years earlier and told him about Saki.
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She was married and she had two children of her own and her house was in a suburb of Tokyo and the dinner was at six.
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They sat around the table and ate and talked about ordinary things.
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Then Ayumi asked the question.
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"So," she said to Saki. "Are you staying?"
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Saki looked at her.
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"I don't know," she said.
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Ayumi looked at Ren. Ren looked at his plate.
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"You've been there a year and a half," Ayumi said.
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"I know."
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"And you don't know if you're staying."
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"No."
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Ayumi set down her chopsticks.
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"Can I say something," she said.
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"Okay."
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"I've known you for twenty years. I met you when you were fifteen. You have been leaving places since I met you. You left Kamikochi. You left Kyoto. You left Japan. You left every place you've ever been and you left every person you've ever been with and you did it every single time without looking back."
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Saki did not say anything.
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"And now you're living in an apartment with a man who kept your letters in a shoebox for fifteen years and you've been there for a year and a half and you're still saying you don't know if you're staying."
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She paused.
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"What are you waiting for," she said.
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Saki looked at her.
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"I don't know," she said.
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"Then figure it out."
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The table was quiet for a moment.
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"I think we should go," he said.
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They left early.
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They took the train back to the city and did not talk for most of the ride. The train was crowded and they stood near the door and held the handrail and looked out at the dark.
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When they got to the apartment she went to the balcony and stood outside in the cold.
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He came out after a while.
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"She's right," he said.
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"I know."
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"She's not wrong."
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"I know."
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He stood beside her.
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"Are you staying," he said.
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She looked at the city.
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"Yes," she said.
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He turned and looked at her.
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"You're staying," he said.
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"I'm staying."
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"For how long."
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"I don't know. For as long as this lasts. For as long as it's good. For as long as I can."
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He was quiet for a moment.
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"That's not a commitment," he said.
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"It's the only one I have."
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He looked at her.
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"Okay," he said.29Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUK6CD2PkC
and then Add to home screen.