I woke up instinctively trying to curl into a tighter ball as the cold wind sent shivers through my body. I struggled to open my eyes while trying to move my legs, which had gone numb from my damp clothes and the hard ground. It wasn’t very bright out, but it didn't look like night yet, either. I looked around as I forced myself up from where I lay. Before I could even comprehend where I was, my brows furrowed as I stared at the large building in front of me. There was no one else around. To my left, there were small structures built along the seaside and some wooded areas, but no sign of any people. Slowly, I stood up and checked myself. There was no pain anywhere, no blood. I was wearing my usual gray high-collared coat and heavy boots. The hems of my pants were soaking wet, and my hands were bright red from the cold. I instinctively held my head, but I couldn't think or remember anything beyond the dense fog inside my mind. I had no memory of where I was, what had happened to me, or how I had gotten here. But the reason for the fear now creeping into my chest was much heavier: I didn't remember who I was. My head spinning, I began taking heavy steps toward the building ahead.
The building, painted in dark blue and gray, was reminiscent of a school or a hospital. There was no sign or writing on the door or anywhere else. Despite the aching in my knees, I climbed the stairs leading to the entrance and pushed the cold metal door.
I had expected it to creak, given the dilapidated look of the exterior, but it opened effortlessly. I squinted slightly against the bright light inside. The interior was clean—almost too clean. And most importantly, there were people inside. The strange thing wasn’t this building that felt like a perfectly sterile hospital, nor the corridors lit with pale white light. It was that not a single person in here turned to look at me.
As I walked past them, they didn't look; and even if they did, it was as if they briefly scanned me without ever meeting my eyes, before just continuing on their way. I didn’t even know if I wanted to speak to them, my mind was too blurry. When I climbed the stairs ahead and reached the upper floor, the layout was something I couldn't quite grasp. It had walls and rooms that made it look like I was in a hospital or a school.
Taking small steps down the corridor, I noticed a "WC" sign a little further ahead and headed towards it. Inside, there were a few women waiting in line. I stopped in front of the sinks to look at my reflection in the mirror. Staring back at me was a girl with pale skin and dark hair, whose eyes held no emotion other than emptiness and a blatant sense of unease. Feeling a sharp sting amidst the bangs falling over my face, I touched my forehead. There was a faint bruise.
None of the people coming in and out of the restroom looked at me. It was as if I were invisible. Only a few of them were talking among themselves; other than that, it was completely silent.
When the line behind me thinned out, I decided to wait in front of one of the stalls to check my body. I wanted to see if I had any wounds anywhere else. Just as it was my turn, I sensed a presence behind me and turned around.
An old woman stood there, holding the hand of a little girl. As I stepped aside to give them my turn, the old woman did what no one else here had done for minutes: she looked into my eyes and smiled. For no apparent reason, I felt as though I was seeing a crumb of life in someone's eyes for the first time. They finished up and headed to the sink to wash their hands. Since the old woman had difficulty walking, she looked exhausted trying to help the little girl. Unconsciously, I took the old lady's arm and supported her. I lifted the little girl and helped her wash her hands at the sink, which was too high for her. The old woman's grateful gaze and smile felt like something no one else here possessed. But what was even stranger than the fact that I didn't know why I was smiling was the sentence echoing in my mind.
"This is what I have wanted to do my whole life."
I had thought this sentence so sincerely and happily that, for a brief moment, it felt like I had escaped the situation I was in. But the moment I realized this, all that warmth vanished, and the freezing cold returned.
Why had such a thought crossed my mind? What was it that I wanted to do?
Suddenly, that feeling of unease began to choke me again, like a pair of hands wrapping around my throat. Forgetting what I was supposed to do in my distress, I rushed out of the restroom. Walking toward the end of the corridor, my eyes caught sight of the people in the room on the far left. It looked like a classroom belonging to a school. There were desks arranged in a circle with people sitting at them. Driven by a momentary impulse, I entered the room and scanned the seated people. They were all young men and women who looked to be in their twenties. Their faces were as blank as everyone else’s I had seen here, and they seemed absorbed in their own things. Not a single one lifted their head to look at me as I walked in. Still acting on impulse, I kept walking further into the room. The row closest to the door had only two empty chairs. I slowly sat down on one of them. Just as my lips parted to speak, someone sat in the chair next to me. At that moment, everyone went completely silent and turned toward us. I turned my head to the person beside me.
He was a well-dressed man in his late middle ages. When I noticed a few of the young people looking at me, whispering amongst themselves, and then laughing at me, I wanted to stand up in sheer confusion. I was just about to ask what was going on here and who they were, when the deep voice of the man next to me echoed through the classroom.
"I wouldn't make fun of her if I were you. She was smiling when we found her."
A few whispering voices abruptly stopped, and I felt everyone's gaze fixed upon me. The man wasn't looking at me. Was he talking about me?
My brain was functioning like a robot refusing to take commands from me. What made me think this was the unmistakable smile on my lips and the sudden surge of power I felt inside me.
A few seconds later, I snapped out of it, and my smile faded with terrifying speed. "Fuck, what is this?" I whispered in horror.
I found myself doing things that didn't belong to me, or things I had no idea why I was doing, and it terrified me. This building and everything in it terrified me. It made me feel like everyone except me knew exactly what was going on. I looked at my trembling hands, only to flinch at the touch of a hand on my shoulder.
The man beside me hadn't said a word. He merely tapped my shoulder to get my attention and then walked out of the room. The others in the room followed right behind him.
I quickly stood up, rushed out of the room in panic, and practically ran down the corridor. Utterly convinced I was somewhere I shouldn't be, I stepped onto the stairs, only to freeze in fear as a figure blocked my path.
Standing in front of me was a tall boy who I thought was slightly older than me. The reason I thought he was older was based on the reflection I had seen in the mirror.
"Are you going out?"
Behind his black eyes, there wasn't the emptiness I had seen in my own reflection. They were more intense, yet at the same time, overly still. He had short brown hair falling over his forehead. I had to tilt my head up to make eye contact with him.
Although it took me a long time to process his question, I gave a faint, barely-there nod.
"Let me escort you," he said, extending his hand toward the stairs.
"I—"
"You can't go outside alone here, it's forbidden." I swallowed hard as his firm voice cut off my anxious one. I needed to get out of here immediately. But I couldn't escape while I was still inside.
I stepped past him and started descending the stairs. When he reached the exit alongside me, I pushed the door open. The atmosphere outside was the exact opposite of when I had first entered. The sun was setting, painting everything in shades of orange. The previously empty seaside was now illuminated by dim lights, and there were quite a lot of people around. I furrowed my brows, wanting to cry in response to the utter chaos I was experiencing.
With apprehensive steps, I went down the stairs and started walking on the sidewalk. Suddenly, the ground beneath my feet vibrated slightly before shifting violently. I looked around in terror. But there was something that scared me even more than the tremor itself. No one had reacted to it.
I flinched at a phone vibrating in my pocket. How could I not have known I had a phone on me all this time?
When I quickly pulled the phone out and looked at the incoming call on the screen, my heart started beating like crazy. "Mom"
"Hello?" My voice trembled, but the woman's voice on the other end was unfamiliar.
"Are you okay?"
The fear consuming me grew even stronger. I didn't recognize my mother's voice. It was a voice I had no memory of.
As I pulled the phone away from my ear with trembling hands, I turned to the figure standing beside me, watching me, and uttered a sentence I had no idea why I was forming.
That sentence didn't belong to my mother. It belonged to me.
"I'm fine, I'm at home, don't worry."
ns216.73.217.93da2
and then Add to home screen.