I read over my answers one last time just to make sure I didn't leave any questions blank. There once was a time when I cared enough to check for correctness, but now, if I wrote anything at all on an exam, I considered it a personal victory.
I noticed Lacie doing the same a couple of seats away. She was the girl I had sat next to for the better half of a term. I don't think we've actually had a real conversation yet, but I didn't mind. The way I saw it, if I got friendly with a pretty girl who sits next to me in one of my harder classes, it was going to be extremely difficult to pass that course.
So, for the sake of my grades, which needed all the help they could get at this point, I refrained from fraternizing with the locals. Besides, she was kind of... special. I had fifteen more minutes until the end of exam time so I decided to wander down memory lane.
***
Philosophy of Law, I knew the professor from last term and I enjoyed his class so this one should be at least tolerable as well. However, since I knew he loved class participation, I would have to strategically choose a seat in which I would be safe from ever being forced to give my opinion on the issues surrounding intellectual property.
Five minutes after I chose my seat, comfortably in the back on the right side, but not so far back that it was immediately clear that I was trying to avoid being called on, the seat next to me was taken by a girl who decided to blind me with a brilliant smile. I spent the rest of that first lecture dazed and I missed out on some vital information such as when the midterm was going to be and what would be on it.
***
“Hi neighbor,” I smiled. It was two weeks into the course and the first 'turn to your neighbor and discuss this question' was happening.
“Hello,” She smiled back, the same smile that blinded me on the first day, but today I was prepared. I looked away at my shoulder and pretended to brush off a spec of dust.
Her honey colored hair was tied back in a ponytail today and a few loose strands fell around her forehead. I'll admit to having sneaked a few glances at her during the lectures, but in my defense, she was sitting between me and the professor. I couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of her profile once in a while. Besides, a couple of times she looked back and gave me a quick shy glance before looking down at her notes.
“So what are your thoughts on capital punishment?” I never thought I'd strike up a conversation with a girl using that line, but hey, the situation called for it, might as well go with it. “I'm Daniel by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, I'm Diane.” She brushed her blue scarf out of the way and extended a hand. I noticed that her fingernails were painted orange as I shook it, an uncommon color choice.
“So...” I masked the awkwardness with a laugh, “Your thoughts?”
“Hm...” She furrowed her eyebrows a little as she tried to come up with an answer. “I guess it depends on the crime.”
“Which crime do you think is okay to use capital punishment for?” I smiled. She took the bait, now all I had to do was to keep questioning her position until discussion time was over. I haven't had to give my point of view on anything since term one when some guy used the exact same tactic on me.
“Well, I suppose murder would probably fit that punishment.” She was a little unsure of her response. Small details like that could tell me so much about a person. For instance, I now know that Diane wasn't the type of person who was actually interested in this class. She was merely taking it because it was required or because it seemed like easy elective credits, so she wasn't a philo-major. Thank God. I hate philo-majors, I really do.
“Sounds reasonable,” I nodded, “But what if the murder was provoked? Like a crime of passion.”
“I don't think that's a good enough for someone to kill another person. You should just let the law handle things if someone did something bad to you.” She shrugged.
“You take it for granted that the law is on the side of justice. Sometimes the law works for money.” I pushed on. “Like if someone ran your family over in an accident, there are places in the world where if that someone had the right connections, you’d be buried for causing a fuss.”
“I guess if it was just an accident...” She spoke slowly, unable to really come up with a reply.
“Yeah but alcohol and general stupidity on the driver's part would likely be involved, so it'd be like he got away with murder. And you're saying letting the law handle it is the right thing to do, but you also said that murder should lead to capital punishment.”
“I guess you have a point...” Diane averted her gaze from me and stared intently at her hands.
I think I overdid it.
“That's just an example,” I laughed nervously. “I'm simply pointing out that a functioning justice system is pretty rare and one shouldn’t assume it for granted.”
“I see...” She still hadn't looked up again and I started praying for discussion time to end.
The discussion period went on for five more minutes, which the two of us spent in silence, pretending to look over our notes, texting on our cell phones and anything else we could do to avoid acknowledging the presence of the other person.
The rest of the lecture went by agonizingly slow, and the entire time there was a buzzing in my head. When it finally ended, Diane packed up her stuff without looking at me like she used to, and left in a hurry.
The next class, Diane sat on the other side of the room, and I couldn't help but laugh. When she looked at me, I could only shrug and smile, I hoped it got across as a form of apology. One of the things that annoyed me about North-American culture was that there's no hand gesture that says 'I'm sorry' there are only gestures for 'Fuck you' and 'What the fuck are you doing?' I'm really good at giving those.
I was taken out of my thoughts by a girl who dropped herself into the seat that had belonged to Diane for the past two weeks. She turned to look at me and the first thing I noticed was her eyes, she was definitely here for a purpose.
“You're kind of an asshole.” She said with a smile. “I just wanted to let you know.”
“I'm sorry to hear that.” As far as I knew, if I just sat through this until she was through, I'd never have to hear from her again.
“Diane's mom died in a car accident when she was seven.” She continued. “You are a total jerk.”
“I'm sorry to hear that.” I repeated. Ok, I do feel terrible now.
“I hope you get run over by a bus.”
“I'm praying for it every night actually.” I replied. “Maybe God will listen to you, ‘cause he is clearly ignoring me.”
She narrowed her eyes at me and a strand of her black hair fell over her face. I had to try very hard not to burst out laughing at the ridiculous situation. It was at this point that I realized everyone in the vicinity was looking at us and suddenly I felt very uncomfortable.
This was turning out a lot worse than I thought it would. I'm forever going to be known as 'the asshole who sat near me in that one philosophy class' to about ten people.
“Dick.” She abruptly turned away from me and flipped her hair behind her shoulders. It was long enough to brush at my face, and her motion was practiced and completely accurate. I caught the faint smell of water lilies as strands of it whisked past my nose.
Let's call this one a tie.
I regained my composure and tried to focus on the professor who had just started the lecture. For the rest of the hour, I could feel hatred emanating from the girl next to me. I was already sitting as far to the right as I could but I think some of her hate got onto my shirt.
I'm going to need to do laundry early this week, in case the stains don't come out once they settle in.
***
The next class, she was already sitting in the seat beside mine when I walked into the lecture hall. I sighed and slowly walked down the few steps towards my destination.
Maybe I can sit elsewhere... No, that would be like surrendering, can't do that.
I stood expectantly in front of her, waiting for her to get up so I could get by through the very narrow gap between rows of seats. But she only looked at me with a sweet smile, one that was obviously fake and barely masked her malice.
I think I see fangs behind those lips. Her lip gloss was shiny though, and her cheeks were slightly red from the cold.
“Can I get to my seat?” I asked.
She gave me a questioning look and then pointed to her ears which were blocked by earphones. She shrugged and resumed looking at me with that sweet smile. I sighed and looked around, I could go through the aisle above or below mine... but there were people in those too, and they were all glaring at me.
I guess they're not going to let me pass either. I gave up on the short path and walked all the way up to the top of the lecture hall, behind the last row of seats and back down to my aisle, on the right side. I finally got to my seat and sat down.
This was not going to be easy, not only do I have to eventually get this girl to stop hating me, I'm also going to have to get everyone around me to stop hating me. Or wait... I looked across the room and found where Diane was sitting.
I made my way to her side of the room, taking the long way around my aisle again. When I was standing in front of her she looked at me nervously and I could feel the eyes of my side of the room on me.
“Hey, I'm really sorry about what I said the other day, I didn't know any better.” I gave her my sincerest smile. “I feel like an asshole and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you.”
“It's ok...” She said quietly and nodded. The people around her looked at me as if I had a third arm growing out of my ass. Which in all fairness, is how I would've looked at myself if I was spectating this.
I returned her nod and walked away. On my way back, I saw Ms.I-flip-my-hair-in-yo-face looking at me and I locked eyes with her until I was standing in front of her. After a moment of silence, she stood up and let me get to my seat.
Success!
“You're still a jerk.” She said without looking at me.
“An improvement over an asshole. I think you're starting to warm up to me.” I grinned.
“Dick.”
This girl seems to have an unhealthy obsession with my genitalia for some reason. I shrugged it off and the rest of the lecture passed in peace without either of us looking at one another. I was actually starting to get used to limiting my field of vision to directly in front of me or to my right, who needs to see the left side of the room anyway?
***
It was a week before she spoke to me again.
I got to the lecture hall five minutes early, since that was my strategy these days. I didn't want to go through the whole awkward 'let me by please' and 'no, I'm a bitch' script again. So I made sure I got to my seat before she got to hers.
As I was waiting outside, I noticed a familiar face, so I waved to her. Diane waved back with a shy smile and I was reminded of how adorable she was. She was wearing a light jacket over what appeared to be a summer dress and I remembered thinking that her sense of style was strange, but somehow it worked.
“Hi again,” I said.
“Hi.”
“So I met your friend,” I chuckled. “She's kind of...”
“Nuts?” Diane giggled.
“Intense, but that works too.” I nodded. “So what's the deal with her? She seems to be pretty good friends with you so how come she doesn't hang out with you instead of bothering me every class?”
“Lacie's been like that for as long as I've known her,” Diane explained. “She's always been protective of me and kind of goes out of her way to pick fights with people. And she doesn't let up.”
“That's unfortunate for me...” So her name's Lacie. It's been a month since she first called me an asshole and I finally have a name to call her.
“Well, hang in there, she kind of grows on you.” She laughed.
“Still unfortunate for me.”
“Hey Jerk!” A voice behind me notified me of the presence of Lacie.
I turned around with a mocking smile, “Hey Lacie.”
Her reaction was everything I could have hoped for, a mixture of confusion and anger.
“Diane!” She made a beeline for her friend and I deftly sidestepped to avoid her pushing me out of the way.
“Sorry, your name came up in our conversation.” Diane apologized.
“Thanks a lot,” Lacie sighed and then returned her attention to me. “Well Mr. Jerk, got another name I can call you by?”
I shrugged and feigned ignorance, which caused her to bounce back to Diane. While Lacie wasn't looking, I put my finger to my lips and signaled to Diane to keep my name a secret, she smiled and nodded in response.
“Great, you're helping him?”
Just then, the door to the lecture hall opened and a stream of students came out. I took that chance to slip through the crowd and into the room.
***
“Can I see your notes from last class?” Lacie asked while wearing my favorite rendition of her fake smile spread across her ruby lips.
“I don't write my name on my notes.” I grinned.
“Asshole.” She looked away and flipped her hair in the process.
I dodged it with expertise. Practice makes perfect right?
“So we're back to ‘Asshole’ now, eh? And here I thought we were slowly becoming friends.”
“You wish.” She replied without looking at me, pretending to be focused on the lecture.
For the rest of the hour, I sat there in the uncomfortable silence, doing my best to actually listen to what the professor was saying. My only hope was that Lacie was having just as hard of a time concentrating, if I'm going down, I'm taking her with me. As soon as class ended, she packed up and left without even a glance in my direction.
“See you on Friday Lacie.” I called out as she took long strides with her model length legs away from me. The only response I got from her was the middle finger.
***
“Good afternoon Danny-boy.” Lacie sat down with a triumphant grin.
“So she cracked huh?” I laughed.
“Diane can't keep anything from me for long.”
“I bet you were waiting all day for this moment. How's it feel? Was it everything you dreamed of?”
“And more.” She flipped her hair at me.
“New shampoo? Smells like apples.”
She ignored me as usual and focused her attention on the professor. It would've been an otherwise uneventful lecture had it not been for the discussion time. Today's topic was anarchy. Why it was appealing and why it doesn't work.
“So, your thoughts?” I asked.
Lacie just shrugged and continued to write in her notebook.
“Ok, since you're clearly not interested in today's lecture topic, how about a more interesting conversation?”
She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, waiting for me to continue.
“Does Diane have a boyfriend?”
Lacie blinked a couple of times and then frowned. “You better purge that thought from your mind, because I swear to God, if you even try to get close to her, I will smite you down like the insect that you are.”
“Wow, biblical, I didn't know you were into that.” I laughed. “But seriously, does she?”
“I'm warning you.” Lacie raised a clenched fist.
“Is that a no? So she's available?”
And that, is the story of how I got a black eye from a girl in the middle of my philosophy of law lecture. She claimed that she was demonstrating the most fundamental flaw of anarchism and the prof let her off.
***
“Oh my God, she really let you have it huh?” Diane leaned in to get a closer look at my eye.
“For a girl, she hits pretty hard.” I chuckled. We were having coffee at a small shop near the bus stop, far away enough from anywhere Lacie was likely to be. I was milking my injury for all it was worth, like hell I'm going to let this go without gaining something from it.
“Sorry about Lacie, she can be rash sometimes.” Diane apologized, probably something she had to do often in her friend's place.
“So tell me, how did a nice girl like you become friends with a barbarian like Lacie?”
“Please don't call her that, Lacie's a really sweet girl.” Diane frowned. “You just have to get to know her better, and it helps if she doesn't hate you.”
“Fair enough,” I nodded. “You think she hates me?”
Diane gave me a funny look, “It's pretty obvious isn't it?” She pointed at my eye.
“Could have been a love tap,” I shrugged. “Who knows how her mind functions.”
“I highly doubt that,” Diane shook her head.
“Well enough about her, I'm curious about you.”
Diane looked confused for a moment, and then realized the situation. “Uh oh,” She quickly stood up and I followed suit. “You tricked me. Totally played the sympathy card and I fell for it.”
“Yep.” I grinned. “But in your defense, I'm really good with that card.”
“Lacie is never going to shut up if she finds out about this.”
“I ain't telling her, so unless you do, she'll never know.” I shrugged. I watched as Diane tried to make up her mind about whether to leave or sit back down. “Come on, we're just chatting, nothing wrong with that.”
“The last time I heard that line, I ended up in bed with the biggest jerk in my high school.”
“I'm only the second biggest jerk at this university, so I think you'd be improving.” I grinned as I gestured at her seat. “And we both know who today's biggest jerk is. Although it would be quite something if you were to end up in bed with her after this chat.”
Diane did her best to suppress a laugh but it eventually found its way to the surface. She gave in and sat down, careful not to spill her coffee while the last of her laughter faded and she regained proper control of her body.
“I really shouldn't be doing this,” She sighed.
“How's this,” I pointed to her coffee. “You only need to stay until your cup is empty, sound fair?”
“Ok, until my cup is empty.” Diane smiled and took a sip.
“Let's start with the basics, what are you studying?”
“I'm a major in economics, second year. You?”
“Biochem,” I paused. “First year.”
“Oooh, so you're a year younger than me.” Diane looked amused.
“It would appear so,” I smiled, it wasn't exactly the easiest situation, but I did what I could at the time. “So what are you planning on doing with your degree? Once you graduate.”
“Haven't really thought about it, grad school seems kind of bleh, but so does getting a job. You?”
“Probably grad school, not a whole lot else I can do with a bachelors in science right?”
“I guess that's true.” She nodded in agreement.
“Alright, next topic, how did you and Lacie meet?”
“Oooh...” Diane tilted back her head slightly and thought about it for a moment. “That, is a very very long story.”
“I'm curious about it, indulge me.”
“Alright, let me think about where to begin.” Diane sipped at her coffee as she tried to decide. “Ok so, I used to be on the tennis team in high school with Lacie. I didn't know her at the time, and to be honest I was kind of apprehensive of her, ‘cause you know... it's Lacie.”
“Truth.” I nodded.
“But we played a few doubles matches together and so we had a lot of time to talk and stuff. At that point I guess we were kind of acquaintances? Anyways, after the season ended, we'd pass by each other in the halls and we'd just say hello and stuff, so it sort of seemed like we weren't really going to be more than that.”
“I'm guessing something major happened that sparked the lovely relationship you two have now?”
“Quiet you, I'm getting there.” Diane gave me a mock frown. “So, as I was saying, we were drifting apart-”
“Drifting apart? You make it sound like you were old lovers who lost touch.”
“Hey, if you keep interrupting, I'm not going to tell you the story.”
“Alright alright, sorry.” I chuckled.
“And quit it with the lesbian insinuation, I'll have you know that I have a boyfriend and that...”
There were words coming out of her mouth but all I heard at that point was a buzzing in my head. I tried to shake it off but found that I couldn't, the noise persisted and I didn't catch much of what Diane said after that.
“I see...”
“Yeah so Lacie...”
“Right.” I nodded, trying to look like I still knew what the fuck she was talking about.
“... Lacie... punch bowl...”
“Wow.” I gave her a look that I hope passed for amazement mixed with slight disbelief. I checked her coffee cup to see how much was left and sighed inside my head when I realized I had to sit through another two thirds of her beverage.
Drink dammit, I have places to be.
“After that...” Diane was making hand gestures now, and was smiling about something, probably about Lacie.
Maybe something she did? Fuck if I knew.
I chuckled and nodded.
“... drove two hundred miles...”
“Impressive.” Alright, she's forced my hand, time for my last resort. I toggled the ringtone on my cellphone and it rang once in response. “Sorry, can you hold on a sec?”
“Sure.” She nodded and took a small sip. After all that talking, you'd think she'd be chugging the coffee.
“Hello? Hey, what's up. Um... I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.” I looked back at Diane, my voice at a level that was just loud enough for her to overhear me, but quiet enough to not be obvious. She smiled when she noticed me looking. “Can't you get Benny to drive you? Fuck man, I'm busy too. Alright alright fine... I'll see you in twenty, you owe me.”
“Friend needs a lift?” Diane asked when I sat down.
“Yeah... sorry, something about a package that he really needs to deliver by today. His car's in the shop so I've gotta haul his ass down to the post office.”
“Sure no problem.” She nodded.
“Sorry again, I was really enjoying the story, maybe we can pick this up some other time.”
“No worries, maybe some other time.” Diane nodded again.
And with that, I was gone. Truth is, I don't know anyone named Benny nor did I own a car. But hey, it was either that or spill coffee on myself and sneak out the bathroom window. That just seemed low class, even for me. Diane deserved better than that.
***
“Hello Danny-boy.” Lacie gave me her usual greeting.
“So I heard you like tennis.” I grinned.
Her head snapped so fast, I barely had time to shield myself from her glare of death. “You...”
“Me...?” I peeked out from behind my hands.
“I told you to stay away from Diane.”
“Relax, we talked for like ten minutes, I won't go near her again, I promise.” And I meant it, at least while she had a boyfriend.
“Give it up, she's way out of your league.”
“Was that a challenge?” I lowered my hands.
“I will cut your balls off and shove them up your ass.”
“Wow, vulgar.” I chuckled. “But alright, I get it, stay away from Diane.”
Lacie glared at me for a few more seconds and then went into her ignore mode. There's definitely something special about the relationship between those two. I kinda wish I paid enough attention to Diane's story to know what it was. All I got was Lacie, tennis and something about a punch bowl.
Now that Diane was no longer on the table, I didn't need to deal with Lacie anymore. I poked her arm with my pen but she brushed it off without looking. I poked again, same response. On the third poke, she finally turned to me with a glare and practically shouted, “What?!”
I looked around and saw that everyone was looking at us and the professor stopped his lecture.
“Take it outside you two.” He pointed to the door.
We both packed up our things and did the walk of shame out of the lecture hall. The eyes of the entire room were on us. At least I wasn't doing the walk alone, Lacie was beside me, glaring the entire time.
Maybe she's pmsing today, ‘cause I think this is worse than normal... although it's kind of hard to measure accurately.
Outside, Lacie gave me one last glare before storming off. I caught her arm as she was about to be out of reach.
“Whoa, hold on.”
“Let go of me.” She shook her arm and I complied.
“Relax will ya? I just wanted to ask you something.”
“I have nothing to say to you.” Lacie turned to leave again but I grabbed her arm a second time.
“No way, you're not getting off the hook that easily.” I shook my head. “Do you have any idea of how much crap you put me through?”
“Sounds like a personal problem.”
“Tell me, what's with all the hostility?”
“I just don't like you.”
“Then why do you insist on sitting beside me every class?”
“Why do you insist on sitting in the seat beside the one that I happen to sit in every class?”
“Uh... I was there first?” Elementary I know, but hey, firsties.
“What are you six?”
“Seven thank you very much, turning eight next week.”
“You're wasting my time,” She tried to shake her arm out of my hand again. “And let go of my arm before I rip your head off.”
“I'd like to see you try.”
We stared at each other for a minute, sizing one another up.
“Is there a problem here?” A passing professor stopped to question us.
“Yeah, this guy won't let go of me.”
“I'm going to need you to remove your hand from the young lady.” The prof gave me a stern look.
I shook my head at Lacie and released her arm.
That's how it's gonna be huh? Alright, whatever. I've had enough.
I walked away, and after that incident, I stopped sitting in my usual seat. I moved to one of the only empty seats in the room, front row, center stage. Every lecture, I could feel Lacie's glare boring a hole into the back of my head.
It was kind of psychotic of me, but it was Lacie, so I wasn't taking any chances. I began wearing hoodies to class, the prof gave me looks of disapproval but nothing else so I kept wearing them. If I got to the lecture hall the same time she did, I would detour to the washroom and accepted that I would be five minutes late walking in and the prof was going to hate me one percent more. In short, I went out of my way to avoid Lacie altogether, and life was good again.
***
That brings us to now. I handed in my exam, Lacie on my heels. I quickened my pace as I walked out the door but she kept up. The long slender legs I once admired were now stalking me and alarmingly getting closer. The moment my foot stepped into the hallway, I broke into a run. Thankfully I didn't bring my bag with me for some last minute cramming. This was the only class in my entire schedule that I didn't need to study for. I actually had nothing to do but listen to the lectures for the second half of the term. I knew that shit like I knew my ABC's. Hazy at the start, picks up after elemenohpee.
I made a beeline for the men's washroom, but I had a suspicion that my tactic wouldn't deter her. At least I'd be as close as I could get to 'home turf' if I'm standing in front of urinals.
There were a couple of guys inside already, maybe that would keep her out.
I looked behind me and saw that she was hunched over, hands on her knees trying to catch her breath.
One of the students who was currently relieving himself looked at me with an arched eyebrow. “Condom machine's broken, hope you brought your own.”
The other guy snickered, “The stalls are pretty nasty, you're better off looking elsewhere.”
“Out.” Lacie growled, low and gutteral. She raised her head up, her hands still on her knees. The look in her eyes scared the rest of the piss out of them and they quickly zipped up and left.
“So like, I really need to take a giant dump right now, could you maybe wait outside if you need something from me?” I slowly made my way towards one of the stalls.
“I'm sorry ok?” She straightened up.
“Wow, apologizing. That's different. You feeling ok?” I cautiously released the tension in some of my muscles. I was ready for a fight but apparently that wasn’t what she was here for.
“You're such a jerk.”
“Now you're back to insulting me.”
She looked at me for a moment, probably the first time she's looked at me without a frown on her face. I noticed that she was actually very pretty, her cheeks were slightly flushed from the running, and her hair was just a little out of place. A red streak hung over one of her eyes, refusing to stay tucked behind her ear. We continued to look at each other in silence for a while.
“So uh...” I fished for the right words. “It smells like ass in here... we should probably do this somewhere more pleasant.”
And for the first time since I met Lacie, I saw her smile, hell I even got to see her laugh. I’m glad I didn’t until now. If I had, I would’ve let Lacie get away with all of her bullshit. Because I am an adolescent male with a functioning sex drive, not because I am weak willed in front of pretty girls.
“Let's get coffee, my treat.”
“Oooh, now you're treating me to coffee, what's the catch?”
“We talk until you finish your cup.” She motioned for me to follow her out of the washroom.
“That sounds vaguely familiar...” I sighed and complied.
***
“So...” I felt awkward without our usual banter to hide behind. “Here we are... drinking coffee together... almost seems like we're... friends?”
“Mmhmm.” Lacie nodded.
“Well, I'm trying to think of something to talk about, but my mind is drawing a blank. How're you doing with that?”
“Blank.”
“You're the one who brought us here... you must have some semblance of a plan.”
“My plan ended at my apology, everything after that was just me improvising.” She shrugged.
“This is awkward.” I said.
“I don't feel awkward.”
“You don't feel anything but rage.”
“That's not true.”
“Oh yeah? Name one emotion you're capable of besides anger.” I challenged.
“Embarrassment,” Lacie looked at me over her coffee cup. “Nervousness, fear and a little bit of excitement.”
“Huh...” I took a sip of my coffee to test its temperature, it wasn't too hot to drink in gulps anymore so I chugged the rest of it. “Well then.” I put the empty cup in front of her. “I see your coffee, and I raise you a dinner. Your call.”
***
“What happened after that?”
“Meh... I guess we dated for a while, but it didn't work out.” I shrugged. “She's kind of a bitch, and I'm kind of an asshole. There was a lot of sex though, so I guess it wasn't all bad.”
“Wow, you are an asshole.” Trisha giggled. A lock of her copper-red hair fell onto her forehead and she brushed it back. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold and the tip of her nose was a little red as well. The thing I found most attractive about her were her eyes though, they were a light hazel color and they always seemed to be smiling.
“I'm just telling it like it is.” I shrugged.
“I don't know about that, it sounds to me like you two were perfect for each other.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Well, the way you talk about her... I can tell that you still think of her fondly.” Trisha gave me a knowing look.
“Nay, you are wrong ma'am.”
“Oh really.” She smiled. “What if she walked through that door right now.” Trisha pointed. The steam rising from her coffee cup wrapped itself around her finger.
“Hm... something like... how would you feel about a three-way tonight?”
“Oh God, you're such a pig.” She laughed and hit me playfully.
“Just being honest.” I shrugged.
“I certainly hope not, if that's your honest answer, then I'm afraid we're going to have to break up.” Trisha frowned.
“Just messing with you?” I tried again.
“Better, but still not nice.” She pouted for a second. “Sometimes I wonder why I'm even with you.”
“I'm charming, handsome, funny, and great in bed.” I counted out the reasons on my fingers. “I think there was one more, but I can't remember right now.”
“You're an arrogant ass.” Trisha laughed.
“Ah yeah, that was number five, strangely, girls find that attractive.”
“There must be something wrong with me.” She sighed.
“I hope you don't figure it out anytime soon.”
“That probably passes for sweet talk with you doesn't it?”
“Probably.” I grinned. “What do you have in mind for this weekend? I've got both days off for once.”
“Hm... I'm driving up to my parent's house... I don't suppose you'd want to tag along?”
“Hell no.” I replied.
“That wasn't the answer I was looking for, try again.” She frowned, mocking me a little.
“Sure I'd love to meet your folks,” I faked a smile. “But no, I'm not going.”
“So I'm leaving at ten-ish on Saturday, you can either get to my place at nine and help me load my bags,” She started planning. “Or you can stay the night on Friday since I know you won't wake up that early unless I physically force you out of bed.”
“I got somewhere to be on Friday.”
Trisha looked at me for a moment, trying to decide if I was lying or not. “I'm baking a couple of pies to take to my parent's place, I'm thinking strawberry and cherry.”
“You know what, I think it was next Friday that I'm busy. I'll be there.” I gave her a thumbs up, I didn’t want to miss out on her homemade pastry.
***
“Can I get a gin and tonic, a pitcher of your seasonal draft and... I think it was dead Nazi.” I looked at the beautiful bartender with my best hopeful expression as I ordered the first round of drinks for my friends.
“No,” Lacie glared at me. She glanced around for other people to serve but they all seemed to have their drinks.
“Come on Lace, that's not nice.” I laughed.
“Stop coming to this bar, and don't call me Lace.”
“Stop working at this bar.” I shrugged.
She pointed to the sign behind her, 'We reserve the right to not serve douche bags'.
“That thing wasn't there last week.”
“Well now it is,” She crossed her arms and looked at me expectantly.
I looked back at my friends and waved Tyler over.
“What's up? Your credit card failed?” He asked.
“No, the bartender won't serve me cause I'm a douche bag apparently.” I complained.
Tyler glanced at Lacie and then back at me and nodded. “Alright I'll get this, pay me back later.”
“Thanks man,” I looked at Lacie again and shook my head. Still so angry a year after our break up, I've got to hand it to her though, she sure can hold a grudge.
“For the record,” Tyler said as I walked away. “You're right, he is a douche bag.”
“Hey, I heard that.” I shouted back at him.
Tyler winked at Lacie as he picked up the drinks.
When I sat down at our booth, Luke was grinning and so was his girlfriend.
“See, this is why I said this bar wasn't a good idea.” I sighed.
“Maybe if you didn't break the bartender's heart, she wouldn't be breaking your balls right now.” Lissy shrugged.
“I didn't break her heart,” I denied. “It was just a casual relationship.”
“Maybe to you,” She shook her head. “It looked like Lacie was pretty serious about you.”
I gave her my best 'oh really' look.
“Mmhmm.” Lissy nodded.
“Whatever,” I sighed. “And besides, she didn't start working here until after we broke up, how was I supposed to know this was going to happen?”
“You should talk to her and sort things out, leave on peaceful terms you know?” Luke suggested.
“Hey man, you're the last guy I want to hear girl advice from.” I pointed. “If I recall correctly...”
“Yeah yeah... I get it. I'm just saying.” He shrugged.
Tyler set the tray of glasses down in front of us and took a seat beside me. “You owe me fifty bucks.”
I almost spat out my drink. “What the fuck, are you serious? That's like double what it's supposed to cost.”
“I guess that girl must really hate you then.” Tyler laughed.
“Goddammit Lacie...” I dug into my wallet and pulled out a couple of twenties and a ten. “This was supposed to last me all weekend.”
“What's going on this weekend?” Luke asked.
“Taking a trip to Trisha's parents' place. Meet and greet the folks you know? Her idea.”
“And you agreed?” Lissy raised an eyebrow, “That's not the Daniel I know and sort of tolerate.”
“There's pie involved, two pies to be precise.” I grinned.
“Ah yes... the age old tactic of using pie to lure a man to his demise.” She laughed. “Well, good luck. Word of advice, have enough for a bus ticket back, in case things don't go so well.”
“I love your confidence in me.” I drank the rest of my gin and tonic in one gulp. “Guh... what the hell did she put in this?”
“I get the feeling she doesn't want you coming to this bar.” Tyler said with a grin.
“Yeah, no shit. But fuck her, this is the most convenient bar for me. I'll just only come when she's not working.” I shook my head to try and clear the dizziness. “Shit seriously, what did she put in this? I feel... not so great.”
“I didn't know you were such a light weight.” Lissy looked at my face, which I could feel was pretty red.
“She put something in this, for reals.” I tried to explain. I looked back at the counter and saw that Lacie was giving me the middle finger with a wide smile on her face. “Oh god, washroom, be right back.”
***
“Hey man, you ok in there?” Tyler knocked on the stall door.
“Dying.” I croaked out weakly. “Tell my wife and kids that I love them. I leave my game collection to Luke. You can have my car.”
“You don't have any of those things, well except for the games. Unlock the door, I got a glass of water for you.”
I swiped at the lock without turning away from the toilet bowl and managed to unlatch it on my fifth try. I held my hand out behind my back and felt a cold glass being placed there. I rinsed out my mouth and then took a few gulps of the water.
“Thanks man.” Gotta love Tyler, he's always the one taking care of people when they need it.
“No problem, are you gonna be ok?” He asked again.
“Maybe, I'm feeling a bit better now. How long have I been in here?”
“Half an hour or so.”
“Shit...” I completely lost track of time as I was puking my guts out. Goddammit Lacie.
“Last call was ten minutes ago so we gotta go soon.”
“You guys go ahead, I'm in no shape to leave right now. Don't want to be throwing up inside Lissy's car.” I waved at him behind my back. “I'll catch a cab or something when I feel better.”
“You sure man? I can wait here if you want.”
“Nah dude, go home, your wife and baby need you more than I do.”
“Alright... call me if you can't get a cab ok?” He patted my shoulder. “Man, I think that girl took the joke too far this time.”
“Lacie doesn't joke around when it comes to being a bitch. She goes all fucking out.” I spat into the toilet. “Oh and don't tell Trisha about this.”
***
I was sitting on the bathroom floor with my back to the side of the stall, my arms across my knees and my head slumped down on them. There was a buzzing in my head along with the blood pounding in my ears, but at least the urge to throw up was gone. Or rather, there was nothing left in my stomach, near the end, I was throwing up bile.
The door rattled as someone tried to open it.
“Unlock the door Daniel.” Lacie said.
“Fuuuuh...” I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth.
“I've got some medicine, it'll make you feel better.”
I rubbed my face a bit before speaking again. “I ain't falling for that twice in one night.”
She slid a tray under the door, there was a glass of water and two white pills. “Fine, take it or don't. I'm waiting here five minutes for you to come out.”
“This is fucking ridiculous.” I mumbled. “Poisons me and now acts like she's here to save me.”
“What? Speak up, I can't hear you.”
I didn't even have the energy to yell at her at this point so I kept my mouth shut while staring at the pills. Even Lacie wouldn't poison me twice in one night right? She's not a murderer right? I flipped through my memories of her to see if she was capable of such a thing.
I think she is, but she's smart enough to not do it in the proverbial 'broad daylight'. My friends knew I was here, and knew that she slipped something into my drink. So if I turn up dead tomorrow, they'll know who's responsible.
Fuck it. I swiped the pills off the tray and washed them down with a gulp of water.
“Good boy.” Lacie said, a hint of a smile in her voice. “They should take effect in half an hour. You feel good enough to ride in a car?”
“Buuuh...”
“Unlock the door and come out, I'll drive you home.”
I stood up on shaky legs, keeping one hand on the wall to keep myself from falling over. I unlocked the door and looked at Lacie with as much hatred as I could put on my face at the moment.
“Wow, you look like shit.” She laughed.
“Fuck you Lacie.” I reached out with one arm and she took it around her shoulders. I used her for support as we walked out of the washroom and eventually to her car.
I realized that it has been a while since I've stumbled out of a bar, completely fucked up, using my girlfriend for support. Trisha had a petite figure so it wouldn't really work with her, but Lacie was just the right height, about half a head shorter than me. She helped me get inside the car, being surprisingly gentle.
“What did you put in my drink? Am I going to wake up with three arms tomorrow?” I asked as she turned the engine on.
“I admit nothing.” Lacie shrugged.
“I could have died, you know.”
“And the world would be better off for it.” She shrugged again.
“What about you? Would you be happy?”
Lacie looked over at me, her face a mixture of defiance and reluctant honesty. “Maybe, I don't know, probably not.” She looked away and stared at the road for a moment, her car still in park. “You still live in the same place?”
“Yeah, you still know the way there?”
“Mmhmm.” She put the car into drive and turned on the music. The familiar sound of her playlist enveloped us and I turned to face the window, away from Lacie. Exhaustion took over and I closed my eyes for a moment, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I was already gone.
***
“Wake up,” I felt someone poking my shoulder. “Come on, wake up.”
“Mmm...” I opened one eye and waited for my vision to focus. “Hey Trisha.”
“Good afternoon, get up.”
“What time is it?”
“Three.”
“Two more hours.” I closed my eye and turned my back to her.
“Late night?” Trisha sat down beside me.
“Very, and it was super shitty.”
“Yeah? What happened?” She ran her fingers through my hair.
“Don't wanna talk about it.” I grumbled.
“Alright, come over to my place when you're feeling better. No later than six though, ok?” I felt a kiss on my forehead.
“Yes ma'am.” I mumbled as I fell asleep again. I vaguely heard the clinking of keys as she locked my apartment door, which reminded me that it was probably unlocked when she got here. Hopefully Trisha just thought I forgot to lock it last night since I was so messed up.
An hour and a half of guilt-ridden sleep later, I finally gave up on it and threw off my covers. I stumbled my way into the kitchen and opened my fridge, hoping I still had some leftovers to eat. I don't think I've had any food in the past fifteen hours or so and my stomach was letting me know all about it.
My eyes lit up when I saw a pot covered with tin foil and a bowl of rice beside it. I took both of them out and read the note attached to the pot.
'I made some beef curry for you, heat it up for about fifteen minutes on high.'
There were a thousand words that I wanted to tell Trisha at that moment, but when I tried to sound them out, I couldn't bring myself to give life to my thoughts. So I stared at the pot as it sat on my stove, and after five minutes of struggling I finally managed to get out a simple “Thanks”.
The next ten minutes was one of the most awkward moments in my life, and the funny part was, it was between me and that pot. I felt guilty, I felt ashamed and I felt hungry. The pot didn't look at me weird, or ask me prying questions, it just sat there on the stove, heating up my food.
After a while, I found that I couldn't look the pot in the eye anymore, if it had eyes. My gaze wandered away every time I tried to look at it. The last two minutes lasted far longer than I was comfortable with, I was counting the blinking colon on my microwave.
Come on, it's been fifty blinks already, shouldn't the minutes be changing?
The aroma of the curry wafted into my nose as I was pouring it onto the rice, pretty much perfect as usual. I've gotta stop going to that bar, I'll let Lacie win this one. It's not worth fucking up my relationship with Trisha.
At least that's what I kept telling myself, but my thoughts inevitably meandered back to the days I spent with Lacie. Sure she never cooked for me, but spending time with her was always... interesting. It might not have been fun all the time, but stuff always happened, and I never got bored. I guess it's just that after a while, I got worn out, and we got sick of each other.
***
“So why did we break up again?” Lacie took a sip of her coffee.
“Let's not do this alright?” I took a gulp of mine. “I'm just meeting you to give you back the sweater you left at my place last night.”
“Mmhmm.” She shrugged. “You're going to scald your mouth if you keep drinking it like that.”
“Small price to pay.”
“Is seeing me that awful for you?” Lacie asked, she looked a little hurt by what I said.
“It's not that,” I sighed. “I just can't be here ok?”
“But you came anyway.”
“Yeah, only cause you left your sweater.”
“You know I did it on purpose.”
“I know.”
“And you still came.” She looked at me, waiting.
“Well what the fuck was I supposed to do?” I said in exasperation.
“Throw it in the dumpster and continue your happy relationship with that girlfriend of yours.” Lacie kept looking at me, sipping at her coffee.
“Yeah, I probably should have.”
“So why didn't you?”
“How should I know?” Now I was frustrated. Why did I come here? I knew it was stupid, but I just couldn't accept it.
“Well since you’re here, might as well answer my question.”
“I don't remember.”
“Huh, funny, I don't either.” Lacie laughed a little.
“You were probably pmsing about some small thing and I got sick of it.”
“You make it sound like you dumped me.” She frowned.
“I'm pretty sure I did.” I replied.
“You said you didn't remember.”
“I said I didn't remember why, but I do remember how.”
“No way, that's not how it happened according to my memories.” Lacie shook her head.
“Yeah? How did it happen according to you?”
“I remember you being flaky as shit, never showing up when you said you were. Your apartment is a mess every time I come over. Plus you act like you're never going to grow up. So I left.”
“It's my apartment, what's it to you if it's messy?”
“Because I stay in it sometimes?”
“It's still my apartment,” I shrugged.
“See, that's the kind of attitude that pissed me off.” Lacie pointed at me. “You don't ever think about other people, it's always about you.”
“No, it's not always about me. But, when it comes to my apartment, it's about me, cause it's my fucking apartment. I pay the rent, I live in it, and I get to have it however I want. If I like it messy, it's messy, if I wanted it clean, I'll fucking clean it.” Suddenly I was starting to remember these words very well.
“Well, maybe I wanted to move in!” She shouted. It was followed by dead silence from both of us.
After replaying that message in my head about ten times, I managed to come up with the word I needed. “What?”
“Nothing, forget it.” Lacie sighed.
“You wanted to move in?” I chuckled. “How would that actually work?”
“What do you mean 'how would it work'?” She frowned.
“Like... how do I put this delicately...” I thought for a moment. “I mean, I like you and all, and we have a lot of fun together... but I never figured you wanted a serious relationship.”
“And why's that?” Her frown got a little more serious, it was bordering on a glare.
“Well... it's like... you're you. You know?” I tried to explain.
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“I don't know, you just never struck me as the type of girl who wanted to take a relationship past the casual dating stage.”
“Why not?”
“I can't fucking explain it.” I threw up my hands. “It's just you!”
“So it's my fault now?”
“No! It's not! It's just how things are, reality and all that shit. You're you and I'm me, and our relationship isn't meant to go any further than friends with benefits.”
“Is that what I was to you?” Lacie looked at me seriously.
“I dunno, maybe? That's what it felt like anyways.”
She took a deep breath and nodded, lips pressed together tightly. Then after a while, she took a sip of her coffee and spoke. “I didn't think you'd be able to break my heart twice, but you did it Daniel. Congratulations, I hope you're proud of yourself.”
“You know Lace,” I wasn't buying into her guilt trip. “I may be an asshole, but this isn't completely on me. You've got just as much blame in this.”
“Yeah? How so?” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. “Tell me, I'd love to know.”
“Well first off, I'm not as childish as you think, and you're not so mature yourself by the way. Secondly, and more importantly, you never presented yourself as anything other than a girl I can hang out with.” I crossed my arms as well. “All you ever want to do is go out and drink or party or whatever the hell interested you that day. I think we spent ninety percent of our time together drunk or passed out. One time, I woke up in an alleyway with you.”
“I remember that, it was a pretty wild night.” Lacie laughed. “It was kinda sweet though, you holding me in your arms to keep me warm.”
“Well it's not something I want to get used to, once or twice in my life is enough.” I sighed. “Moving on, for all the bitching you do about my messy apartment, you've never once tried to clean it.”
“What am I? Your maid?”
“No, you were my girlfriend. I think that it wouldn't kill you, or demean your gender in any way, if you were to pick up a pair of my jeans once in a while. And I promise you, if I get annoyed that your panties are on the floor, I will slap them back onto your very fine ass for you.”
Lacie opened her mouth to reply but then decided not to, she thought it over for a moment and begrudgingly shrugged. “Fine, whatever.”
“I mean, I get the whole 'it's rude and chauvinistic of me to expect a woman to cook and clean' but that doesn't mean I won't like it.” I took a sip of my coffee to whet my throat. “The way you acted, it felt like if I asked you to make dinner, you would just pat me on the head and laugh.”
“That's what I would've done.” Lacie nodded with a smile. “Why don't you ever cook?”
“You never asked.”
“Neither did you.”
“Yeah cause you wouldn't have.”
“Would you?”
“Yeah, I would.” I nodded.
“Really now...” Lacie looked skeptical. “How about you make us dinner tonight then? Prove it to me.”
“I’m not falling for that.” I brushed Lacie's challenge away. “Next topic, you never say shit, and just expect me to know. Like the whole moving in thing, how the fuck was I supposed to know?”
She could only shrug. “You didn't seem like the kind of guy who'd listen.”
“I-” I closed my eyes and thought it over. “Fair enough, I'll let you have that one. But I'm listening now.”
“So?” Lacie looked at me out of the corner of her eye as she sipped at her drink.
“So, say what you want to say.”
“You first.”
I raised an eyebrow and looked at her. Lacie was still turned away from me, glancing back furtively once in a while.
Dear God, I think she's embarrassed or shy or something. Fuck, she's so cute when she's like that. “Well, I guess I'm sorry things didn't work out between us. I had a lot of fun, but in the end, a lack of communication ended it. Your turn.”
I looked down into my cup and saw that it had one last gulp left. I was about to drink it all when she spoke, and then my arm just hung there, the cup a few inches from my lips.
“Let's get back together.”
***
“So Daniel, what are you studying?”
I shook myself out of my thoughts and looked at Trisha's dad. “I'm sorry what?”
“What’s your major?” He looked at me expectantly.
“Oh, um, biochemistry.” I blinked a couple of times to try and get myself back into this moment.
“I see, any post grad plans?”
“Dad, what's with all the questions?” Trisha interrupted. “Give him a chance to eat for God's sake.”
“Ok ok,” He held his hands up. “No more questions from me.”
I poked my fork into the braised lamb and saw the juices and seasoning leaking out. “So I see being an awesome cook runs in the family.”
“Oh please,” Her mother laughed. “You have no idea how many dinners Trisha ruined before finally figuring it out.”
“Mom.” Trisha gave her a look.
“What? It's true.” She shrugged.
I looked down at my plate and focused on eating, the dinner table was silent for about five minutes before Trisha's father spoke.
“This has be to be the most awkward meal I've ever had.”
“No kidding.” I looked at him and nodded.
“I need a drink,” Her dad got up. “I'm a scotch man, you?”
“Brandy.” I answered.
“Good choice.” He nodded in approval and went into the kitchen. Shortly after he returned with two glasses and set one in front of me.
I looked at Trisha and she shrugged. So I took a sip and continued eating my lamb. Her father drank the entire glass in one breath and then looked at me expectantly.
“Oh,” I set my fork down and drank my brandy as well. “Good stuff.”
“This is still awkward as hell.” He laughed. “What are we supposed to talk about if I can't ask questions?”
“I don't really mind, the questions that is.” I looked at Trisha again.
“Fine whatever, just don't interrogate him.” Trisha rolled her eyes.
“How was the drive up here? The roads get pretty bad this time of year.”
“Yeah, it was pretty icy along the way. But I put treads on the tires before we took off.”
“Impressive, I still can't get the damn things to go on right, have to take my car to a garage every winter. In fact I'm probably going to have to do it tomorrow, before the snow really gets heavy.”
“Oh I can do it if you want, do you have a crank?” I offered.
“I'm pretty sure I do, we can take a look tomorrow then.” He smiled. “You won't overcharge me like the bastards at the garage will you?”
“All I ask is a place to sleep this weekend and a few meals.” I chuckled.
“You have yourself a deal, young man.”
The rest of the meal passed in a relatively normal fashion. We talked a bit about current events, a little politics, a bit of philosophy and eventually the meal ended and I was sitting in front of the fireplace with Trisha's father, drinking another glass of brandy.
“So how long have you two been dating?”
“About three months now.” I replied.
He nodded, “How'd you meet?”
***
“Hey um, would you mind explaining this part to me again?”
I looked up from my notes and saw an attractive red head looking at me. I was TAing a freshman biochem class at the time. It was kind of strange but when I walked into that room for the first time, I had a feeling it was going to be a nice term.
So I explained the bit that she was having trouble with and every class after that, she'd come up and ask another question. They were always complex questions too, not something I could answer in one or two sentences. I'm talking questions that take like, fifteen to thirty minutes to explain properly. So one day, right before the midterms, everyone was swarming around me, asking me questions non-stop and I could see that Trisha wanted to talk to me but never really got a chance to during the hour that I'm in the room. So as I was packing up, she finally came up to me with her usual deep question and I just shrugged.
“Sorry, hour's over, I now know nothing about biochem until Thursday.” The look of disappointment on her face was enough to make me burst out laughing. “Tell you what, buy me a cup of coffee and my memory might come back.”
So, we went to get some coffee together and then we started talking. When she tried to ask me her question again, I interrupted her.
“Hey tell me if I'm right or wrong about this ok?”
“Ok...?” She looked at me with a confused smile.
“You actually know the answers to every single question you've asked me this term.”
“Um...”
“Come on,” I grinned. “Be honest.”
“Yeah, I do.” She laughed and nodded. “I guess I'm busted.”
“I guess you are.” I scratched the back of my head for a moment. “So... wanna talk about something other than glucose formation?”
“Definitely,” Trisha smiled. “I was starting to go insane from the ridiculously nerdy conversations we've had.”
“You have no idea how much prep I had to do before each session just so I could answer your ridiculously nerdy questions.” I shook my head. “I haven't studied that hard... ever.”
“You could've just said you didn't know.” She shrugged.
“What? And look like a total idiot in front of a pretty girl? I think not, my dear lady.”
Trisha covered her face and laughed. “But I gotta admit, the way you handled enzyme kinetics was hot.”
“Mmhmm.” I took a sip of my coffee. “I put the sexy in biochem, even though there's no sexy in it.”
Trisha laughed again, “Not one for lacking confidence I see.”
“Hey now, when girls like you start hitting on me, how can I possibly not feel confident?”
“Who said I was hitting on you?” She tried to frown but ended up laughing again.
“Oh I'm sorry, I guess you just have a habit of coming up with elaborate excuses to talk to your TA.”
“Quiet you.” She threw her napkin at me.
I was about to say something when my cellphone rang. “Sorry, give me a sec.” I checked the caller ID and saw that it was Tyler. Trisha nodded and I walked a few feet away to a quiet corner.
“What's up?”
“Hey Dan, I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. Hailey's not feeling very well so I'm going to stay home with her.”
“Oh, sorry to hear that. She's probably exhausted from taking care of the baby, I guess it's your turn huh?”
“Yep, I think Luke is free tonight though, you could try giving him a call.”
“Nah man, don't worry about it. Take care of your wife and kid, I'll be ok.”
“Alright, sorry to bail on you like this.”
“No problem dude, priorities man.” I hung up and looked up at the ceiling. “Thank you God.”
I made my way back to the table where Trisha was waiting.
“So...” I said slowly. “How do you feel,” I paused. “About going to a hockey game with me tonight?”
“Did your friend just bail on you?” She asked.
“Yes he did.” I nodded.
“You sure you're ok with me? I know hockey night's kind of a bro thing.”
“Tonight, you're an honorary bro.” I gave her two thumbs up.
“I'm flattered.” She laughed.
***
“That's quite a story.” Trisha's dad laughed. “I could never get Trisha to go to a hockey game with me though.”
I laughed, not knowing how to respond to that. “You want a refill sir?” I pointed to his empty glass.
“Sure, liquor cabinet's the second one from the right.”
I picked up his glass and walked towards the kitchen, I stopped in the hallway when I heard voices.
“He seems like a sweet boy dear, and your father seems to like him.”
“He is, he's really sweet and I really like spending time with him.” Trisha said, I could hear the smile in her voice. “I think he's the one, mom.”
I almost dropped the glasses I was carrying when I heard that.
“Well it's a little early to say that isn't it? How long have you known him?”
“Three months mom, that's long enough for me to know. And I know!”
“Well, you always were quick to make up your mind.” Her mother sighed. “Have you talked to him about it?”
“About what?”
“You know, about taking the relationship to the next level.”
“I'll bring it up after this weekend.” Trisha said. “It's not an easy topic with Daniel, he's a little... flaky when it comes to commitment.”
That's God's honest truth. Commitment is not my thing, but these days that seemed like the only thing girls wanted to talk about. Even a girl like Lacie.
Dammit Lacie... why the hell did you say that?
We were together for a long time though. So I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings for her.
“Just be prepared for the possibility that he doesn't want to move forward.” Her mom said with a sigh. Wise woman, I hope Trisha listens to her.
“I know. I knew right from the start that he would be a long shot, but I have to at least try.”
“Oh honey...” Her mother hugged her. “What's a mother to do at a time like this...”
“Don't worry mom, I'll be ok if he says 'no'.”
I shook my head and went back to the den without getting refills. Trisha's dad looked at the glasses in my hand and laughed.
“Did you get lost?”
“Yeah, your house is huge.” I chuckled. “Which way to the kitchen again? I'm gonna give it another go.”
“Go down that hall, take a left, then take a right.” He gestured.
I spoke aloud as I walked, making sure my voice was loud enough for Trisha and her mom to hear me as I got closer. “Then take a right... ah, here we go, the kitchen.”
I walked in with my best nonchalant look and saw that the two of them were unpacking the pies that Trisha had baked.
“Oh nice, I knew I smelled something delicious from the hall. It's the only reason I found my way here. Got lost the first time.”
“Grab a tray for the drinks and a couple of plates.” Trisha’s mother pointed to one of the cabinets. “Trish, cut the pie will ya?”
“Ok, how big of a slice?”
“Medium for me, smallish for your dad.” Her mom looked at me and smiled. The kind of smile that said 'I will haunt you if you break my daughter's heart'. So I smiled back with 'I have no idea what's going on'.
***
“Hey Danny,” Trisha whispered. “You awake?”
“Mmm,” I mumbled and held her a little tighter. “What's up?”
“I know it's pretty early to ask this, but where do you see us in a year?”
“We've been dating four months and you're asking for a year in the future?” I chuckled.
“I want to know.”
“I liked it better when you asked me questions about cell respiration.” I tried to deflect her question.
“I'm serious,” She said softly. “I want to know what you think.”
I took a deep breath, so here it is, the moment I knew would come sooner or later. Man Trisha, four months and you're asking me stuff like this already. Talk about an overachiever.
***
“So what'd you say?” Lissy looked at me expectantly.
“Nothing, I finished my coffee and left.” I replied. “What could I say anyways?”
“You could've given Lacie a clear answer, you owe her that much.”
“I don't owe her shit.” I scoffed. “The way I see it, she tried to kill me, which negates any owe-ness from my end.”
“I think the made up word you're looking for is, owe-age.” Luke grinned. “But I'm with you on this one. Lacie doesn't deserve a straight answer, not after the way she fucked with him.”
“Oh come on, she slipped something into his drink, so what? I've done way worse.”
“Yeah you have.” Luke raised his glass and I tapped it with mine.
Tyler laughed and shook his head. “One time, Lissy locked Luke out of his apartment for a week ‘cause of a fight.”
“Yeah dude, she not only kicked me out of her apartment, she kicked me out of mine as well. I mean, can you believe that shit? I spent the week between Tyler's couch and the back of my car.” Luke shook his head.
“Taught you a lesson though.” Lissy shrugged.
“Yeah yeah...”
“Look man, my advice is, don't screw things up with Trisha.” Tyler spoke as the voice of reason. “She is a wonderful girl, probably the best you'll ever find. And she's totally in love with you for some odd reason. Don't ask about door number two when you know happiness is behind door number one.”
“Yeah...” I sighed and drank the rest of my vodka cooler. “I'll be happy, but will I be happy? You know what I mean?”
“No dude,” Tyler shook his head. “I don't.”
“Like... you know, happy and... happy.” I held out my hands. “Trisha is an amazing girl, takes good care of me and I love her. But Lacie... she's Lacie.”
“I don't follow.” Tyler raised an eyebrow.
“I can't explain it, there's just something about her.” I shrugged.
“You know what it is?” Lissy piped in. “It's the forbidden fruit factor, or triple-f as I like to call it.”
“Yeah? What's that?” I asked.
“Lacie's off-limits as long as you're with Trisha. So she's extra sexy, and you think you want to be with her.” Lissy explained. “But I bet if you were to break up with Trisha, you wouldn't give a damn about Lacie anymore.”
“I don't see how that actually helps me.”
“Ignore the triple-f!” Lissy smacked me on the head with her palm. “Let Lacie go and be happy with Trisha.”
“You know, calling her a triple-f somehow makes her sound even hotter.” I frowned.
“This is true.” Luke nodded. “I kind of want to get in on that action now too.”
“Shut up Luke, you're not helping.” Lissy smacked him on the head too. “Danny, focus for a minute here.”
“I'm listening.”
“Imagine if you were to get back together with Lacie.” She started.
***
“The first couple of weeks would be great, we'd have fun, lots of fucking and drinking and partying. But that'll get old you know?” I recited. “We've done all that before, and we're both sick of it. We're not teenagers anymore Lacie, and like you said, you want more from a relationship. I just don't think we're compatible in that way.”
Lacie looked at me and shook her head in disbelief. “It was Lissy wasn't it?”
“I admit nothing.”
“That bitch.” Lacie narrowed her eyes. “I think we can make it work Daniel.”
I could only shrug, the words I had rehearsed were said and I didn't have much of a follow up.
“I mean, it's been over a year since we've been apart and I think both of us have matured quite a bit.” She said calmly. “I, for one, feel that we're ready to have a real relationship.”
“I...” Words just didn't come to me. “Was... expecting a more violent reaction from you.”
“I'm not the girl I used to be Daniel, I've mellowed out a little.” She smiled.
“So about that three-way with Diane...” I thought that now might be a good time to bring it up.
“Not that mellow.” Lacie glared.
“Just checking.”
“So what do you say?” She gave me her sweetest smile. “Wanna give this another shot?”
“Uh... I need to talk to my lawyer.” I held up my index finger as I pulled out my phone. I quickly went into the washroom and called Lissy.
“Hello?”
“Hey Lissy, it's Danny.”
“What did you do?” She sounded angry. “Did you get back together with Lacie? Dammit Daniel! I told you not to.”
“I didn't! Not yet! I mean probably not ever but she's looking at me with like... puppy eyes and shit.” I said frantically.
“So?”
“So? I can't say no to that!”
“Sure you can, close your eyes.” Lissy said sternly. “Do whatever you gotta do to keep her out of your life, Lacie's no good for you Daniel.”
“She said she's changed, she says she thinks we could work.” I told her Lacie's side of the story.
“Danny, Danny, Danny...” Lissy sighed. “I cannot believe what I am hearing right now.”
“What?”
“I want you to think good and hard about Lacie's words for a minute. And tell me if they don't sound like something you would say to a girl to get into her pants one last time.”
“I-” I paused, wait a minute... “Shit, I almost fell for that didn't I?”
“Yes, yes you did.”
“Thanks Lissy, you're a life saver.”
“Mmhmm, you owe me.” And with that, she hung up.
I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. “When did conversations over coffee become this difficult?”
I made my way back to our booth and sat down again.
“So what did Lissy say?”
“Who?” I feigned ignorance.
“Your lawyer, Lissy.” She gave me a knowing look.
“Oh uh, nah, I just took a piss.”
“Your dick is your lawyer huh?”
“Yep... he's given me some pretty shitty advice over the years though. Pretty shitty.” I said.
“So? What's your answer?”
“Um...” I scratched my head. “Can I get back to you on that tomorrow?”
Lacie closed her eyes for a second and then nodded. “Sure Daniel, give me a call tomorrow.”
“Wow.” I said in surprise. “You're really trying hard at this huh?”
“Yes Daniel, I am.”
“Well shit...” I suppose I should put in some real effort as well. “Um... look Lacie, I think you're a great girl, very attractive and very fun, but... I can't just dump Trisha for you. You understand that right?”
“I guess.” She frowned.
“I mean think about it, what kind of guy would I be, if I dumped my girlfriend for my ex? That would make me a colossal asshole and I don't think that would make anyone feel good.” I think my own thoughts were finally clear to me. “It's not that I think I'm better off with Trisha, it's just the way things happened you know? Fate, I guess.”
“Okay,” Lacie turned away from me. “I understand.”
“I'm sorry Lace, I don't think there's anything I can do to make you feel better so I'm just gonna go.”
“Okay.” She replied, still not looking at me. I could see tears forming in her eyes though, and she was trying to blink them back.
“I know there's a lucky guy out there who's waiting for you. I bet he keeps a clean apartment.”
She nodded.
“Also, I bet his dick's like... four, wait no, three, actually hm... let's go with two and a half inches bigger than mine.”
Lacie laughed as tears rolled down her cheeks, she brushed them away with her palm. All this time, she hasn't turned back to look at me, and I don't think she was going to ever again. I guess it just hurts too much right now.
“Goodbye Lacie.”
“Goodbye Danny-boy.”
I drank the last of my coffee and left.
***
“Wow, look at you.” Luke clapped.
“Damn I look good.” I examined myself in the mirror, my wedding tux fit me perfectly.
“Still can't believe it, you're actually getting married.” Luke shook his head.
“Yeah well, the time is right.”
“One year and four months, that's fast dude.” He repeated what he had been saying since I broke the news to the gang.
“The time is right.” I said again.
Thirty minutes later, I walked down the aisle and waited for my bride to do the same. Her father gave me a nod as he walked Trisha up to me. I saw Tyler and his wife in the front row, he gave me a nod as well. Beside them, Lissy sat with a wide grin on her face and she gave me a thumbs up when our eyes met.
The priest went through his lines and then we spoke our vows.
“I knew from the moment I met you that you were the one for me. I saw you change from a childish flirt to the wonderful man that you are today. I vow to spend the rest of my life cherishing everything you've done for me, and never forsaking your love.” Trisha recited the lines that she probably practiced a million times with Lissy.
I took a deep breath and spoke mine. “I have never been good with commitment, but when I look at you, I know that I will always love you. I will always want to be beside you, sharing laughter as well as tears. I will always know that you're the best thing that ever happened to me. But most of all, I will always remember to put the toilet seat down from now on.” I said my vows with a confident smile.
“Do you, Trisha Collins, take Daniel West to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
She looked up at me with a brilliant smile and nodded. “I do.” I slipped a ring onto her finger and gave her a wink.
“Do you, Daniel West, take Trisha Collins to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
I nodded, “I do.” She winked back at me as she slipped a ring onto my finger as well.
“By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
We leaned in for the ceremonial kiss and everyone cheered. The surreality of it suddenly hit me as I came to the realization that I was married. Holy fuck, I'm married, what the hell just happened? Then I opened my eyes and saw Trisha looking back at me with her smile. Oh yeah, that's what happened.
“Well then,” I grinned. “Shall we dance Mrs. West?”
“We shall Mr. West.” Trisha laughed as I led her to the dance floor.
I passed Tyler on the way and he patted me on the shoulder and then leaned in to whisper into my ear. “So when will my baby girl have a friend to play with?”
“What are you crazy? Do you know how bad pregnancy is for a girl's figure?” I whispered back. Tyler shook his head and laughed.
***
“You know what?” I sighed. “I'm going to be honest with you here.”
Trisha turned around to look at me, her nose an inch away from mine. I brushed a lock of her fiery red hair off her face.
“Go on,” she said.
I readjusted the pillow and the covers to stall for time.
“I haven't thought about it, at all.” I finally said. “We've been together four months and it's been absolutely great. But it's not long enough for me to actually think about it, you know?”
“Ok.” She nodded.
“I don't know what's going to happen between now and next year.” I closed my eyes for a moment and worked up the courage to come clean with Trisha. “And lately, things have been really messy for me.”
“What do you mean?” She sounded a little worried.
“I had coffee with Lacie last month, before we took that trip to your parents' house.”
“Ok...”
“She said she wanted to get back together.” I dropped the bomb.
“I see...” Trisha spoke quietly. “What did you tell her?”
“I didn't tell her anything that day, I just left. I couldn't process it.” I gently stroked her cheek with my hand a couple of times. “I had coffee again with her yesterday, and I said goodbye.”
“What did she say?”
“‘Goodbye Danny-boy.’” I replied.
“So you chose me.” Trisha looked at me quizzically. She didn’t seem angry about the fact that I had kept this secret from her for a month. I know that if our places were reversed, I’d be pretty choked.
Looks like Trisha’s a far better person than I’ll ever be, I thought, and that’s why I want to be with her. So that I know what a good person is, so that I can become one too. There was so much about love and life that I could learn from her, with her. And all I had to teach her in return was random shit like how proteins interacted with various enzymes.
“Yes I did.” I smiled. “And now, I know I made the right choice.” I snuggled a little closer to Trisha and gave her a kiss. For once in my life, I got a multiple choice question right.
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