If you shut yourself away in your room, the world beyond the walls becomes filled with countless places you know nothing about. This rule worked both ways. As long as your eyes remained closed, something was always happening somewhere. Even the familiar street outside the window changed with every passing moment. People laughed, people cried—some were born, others died.
Though I couldn’t see it—or perhaps simply didn’t want to—the world went on existing.
But what about me? Could I say that I existed? How precisely could one even define that word? I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure I had the right to say: I was here.
“Where are we going now?”
“Hmm… let me think.”7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHHglxBSG0
She pressed her index finger to the corner of her mouth and looked up. “There’s one interesting place.”
“Hm? Interesting?” I tilted my head.
It was always hard to understand what she had in mind. Where exactly was the line between interesting and not so much?
I could agree with her when we climbed mountains, crossed forests and rivers. But once, she stopped… by an ordinary bench.
I thought she was joking. Yet there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on her face. She sat down, invited me to join her — and we simply sat there. I even peeked under the bench, as if something interesting might be hidden there. Of course, there was nothing.
“Is that it?” I asked her silently with my eyes.
“Friends are important,” she said. “Everyone needs someone they can trust. And someone who can trust them.”
I couldn’t deny that, in a way, her words carried weight. But I didn’t immediately understand where she was going with it.
I looked around once more. A sudden gust of wind hit my face, making me squint. When it died down, a faint outline of the landscape revealed itself to my eyes. The lines were thin, barely visible, as if someone were sketching them in pencil.
Stroke by stroke, as if guided by an unseen hand, the lines grew thicker, clearer. Then came the colors — spilling down like soda poured into a glass bottle, fizzing to the top, gradually breathing life into the scene.
It was something I remembered — something I understood. The landscape before me made it clear: this wasn’t just an ordinary bench.
It stood where we used to say goodbye after school — at the edge of a small park, between a camphor tree and an electric pole wrapped in torn insulation. A single streetlamp — always flickering a little — cast a long shadow across it, as if the bench were quietly watching everyone who passed by. By day, it seemed ordinary; but by evening, a gentle kind of detachment settled over it.
That’s where we used to sit with friends: talking about nothing, arguing about even less, and laughing far too loudly. I knew those conversations meant nothing. And at the same time — they meant everything. Like children’s drawings: uneven, but sincere.
It had been so long that it felt more like a dream than a memory. So why were we here? Did that mean…
“So, we’re friends, right?” I asked, half teasing.
“Who knows,” she replied with a careless shrug.
“Eh? What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, suspiciously.
“Hee-hee.”
What’s with that ‘hee-hee’?
Grinning, she patted my shoulder, to which I responded with an irritated mutter. In a sense, I had already grown used to it. She was always like that… always herself.
It might sound cliché, but she became like air to me. And since there was no real air in this place, she was its perfect substitute. With every moment spent together, it grew harder and harder to imagine life without her presence.
For a while, we simply watched in silence. Strange shadows, shaped like human figures, drifted across the asphalt in different directions, mimicking a routine day-to-day life. But there was no one alive they could belong to. Only us — if we could even be called alive.
Then we talked. I must admit, surprisingly constructively. As if I had met an old friend at the same spot, only years later. Or at least, that’s how it felt.
Well, not that it really mattered.
That’s why I was curious to know what she found “interesting” this time. A playground? Some lonely stump in the forest? Or that old oak tree?
I remembered someone once telling me it had stood there for hundreds of years. I can’t recall why, but every time I went there, I’d run to hug it — as if to thank it for its long years of service. And then — to say goodbye.
And now, years later? Would I still hug that tree the way I did as a child?7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDL6maScRV
I doubt it. Not only because it would seem foolish now.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHN5QpdQGR7
I couldn’t even remember what it looked like — or where it stood.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5O9kRMgFsu
Perhaps I’d seen too many trees since then to notice any single one.
“Hey, you.”
Something soft brushed against my cheek — not painful, but insistent.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfksMfgP85
I blinked, and her finger appeared before my eyes, swirling lazily as if underwater.
“You think too much,” she said.
I brushed her hand away and rubbed my cheek.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36yKQi0j4x
“What are you doing?” I muttered. “Counting my teeth or something?”
“Seems like it…”
From her tone, she wasn’t apologizing.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ESTaaFw6n
It sounded more like she was simply voicing an observation.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZap6PV619Z
If you looked closely, you could even catch the hint of a smile on her lips.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEgg9ZNqno
Nothing about her expression suggested guilt or embarrassment.
“It’s rude to zone out in the middle of a conversation,” she continued, crossing her arms.
Oh, so now it’s my fault, huh? I thought — but decided to take another route.
“You’re telling me that?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t you recognize my voice anymore?” she replied, mirroring the gesture.
She turned sideways and waved a hand dismissively — as if brushing me off again.
Seriously?
Sometimes it felt like I was just background noise to her.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyilQZxVDu
Like a voice assistant: useful as long as you stick to the script — but once you hesitate, you’re swiped away.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHIvFsDYNj
Maybe I just wanted her to look at me a little more seriously… even for a moment.
“All right,” she suddenly said. “Look around. What do you see?”
“Hm?” I blinked, drawing out the sound. “What do you mean?”
Little by little, shapes began to emerge before my eyes.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfqb1d70Bi
Walls, scarred by time, rose from the ground — as though someone were pulling them up by invisible cables.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uNLWLvyWG
They weren’t being built — rather, resurfacing from beneath layers of dust, like ruins awakening.
Some were covered in writing; others, cracked and crumbling, exposed the brick beneath the plaster.
Words began to appear — some smudged, as if someone had tried to wipe them away by hand;7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3jB2UGX9O
others, clear and sharp, as though freshly written in chalk.
I turned around.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGmAJpAwUH
The entire space had narrowed down to these walls.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnRXIdgpYg
“Before I die, I want to…” — the phrase repeated hundreds of times across each one.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8aRCmsesS
And behind each — just as many confessions.
Street lamps, grown into the very architecture, cast a dim light, scattering a milky haze in the air.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcDS1TZyn4
Their beams fell at uneven angles, stretching into fragile, broken shadows.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOmiKnZRPo
Sometimes they crossed over someone’s words, as if refusing to let them be read.
I stepped closer.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwQAWdU1hQ
When I touched the stone, I felt the chill of the walls —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiumhniuPfu
the sense that everything written here had already been lost forever.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OhZUivQhY
As though the hopes and wishes of these people had never been heard.
The irony was that the promises you make to yourself are the most fragile of all.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD53bTspnK
This place was exactly that — a graveyard of promises.
I walked along the wall, tracing my fingertips gently over the faded inscriptions,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMUq9CINDX
as if trying to erase them.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ae7lMGOQi
Even if they had been created artificially — somewhere beyond the boundaries of this universe — they still felt real.
Most of them were unreadable now.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD1bugYcE7
Maybe I just hadn’t remembered them.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGymBZyLsFT
I usually paid attention only to the ones that seemed cheerful — or truly important.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v5xdOgQps
Like this one:
“I want to see space.”
I wondered what the person who wrote that meant.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAfm73iTKP
In our time, it wasn’t difficult to look through a telescope, or visit a planetarium.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpvyzGG9Zl
Of course, it couldn’t replace the real feeling of flight —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnewtCQh4f5
but they hadn’t said which kind of “seeing” they desired.
A little further on, I came across another:
「勇敢になりたい」 — I want to be brave.
To be honest, those words stayed with me the most.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXH3r9lphE
I often wondered: how brave does one have to become to satisfy themselves?7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraRYKrIkTo
And where did courage end — and recklessness begin?
And yet, even among true desires, there were those that seemed vague.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZKfx6b5Fn
They were sincere, yet indistinct.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17EQyQNmnA
And therefore — fleeting.
The less clearly your desires take shape, the harder they are to fulfill —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXHyAxoCKp
and even harder to be content with,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCX5x8sQVO
even if, somehow, they do come true.
Then, as now, the whole topic felt far too philosophical.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCUVq42Nfc
So I decided not to think about it too much.
I turned to the girl.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6UOMvL2ba
She was crouched by one of the walls, staring intently at something.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi69K4WvuFB
The bright, almost childlike gleam in her eyes was disarming.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzGAKqEJe9
Supporting her chin with one hand, she kept rereading the same line again and again.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTcFq2dmxN
Even in the dim light, I could see her eyes darting across the words.
What on earth had she found there?
“What did you find?” I asked.
“What do you think?” She winked and straightened up, as if inviting me to come closer.
It was hard to deny my curiosity, given how mysteriously she was acting.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxH52x7O1d
When I stepped closer, I saw it:
‘I want to always be…’
Without a moment’s hesitation, I started frantically wiping the words away.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMr4VvBfKCs
The girl burst into laughter.
“Oh, come on… Are you serious right now?”
The louder and more melodic her laughter became,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXOeG59jA9
the more I could feel the heat creeping from my neck up to my ears.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiPS3xtXc1
Still, I stubbornly kept erasing each word until not a single trace remained.
When it was finally done, I collapsed to the ground.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSfWXOGqzO
A faint tingling spread through my body —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGH46Oxaiw
the gravel beneath me pressing into my skin like tiny spears.
“Do you really think that by erasing the words from the wall,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0eJju2b6N
they’ll disappear from my memory too?” she asked at last, her laughter subsiding.
“That’s exactly what I think. In fact, I strongly suggest we stick to that version,”7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPsaxpYK0B
I said, nodding — which stirred a small cloud of dust.
“Oh, really?” She looked genuinely intrigued.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpanFlwZ7J
“Because I actually thought it was kind of cute.”7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknAg4LFdje
She giggled softly, covering her mouth with her hand.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. That’s all in the past. Or… wait.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4WNmQSpmH
You saw something, didn’t you? How curious. I didn’t notice a thing.”
I kept joking and rambling until her cheeks puffed up with laughter,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4I72Kh7OA
like a little hamster’s. Then, as if swallowing it down,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46vz80OllT
her shoulders lowered and she nodded.
“I see, I see.” After a brief pause, she went on:7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhI1eS11zNG
“Then tell me — what’s real?”
“Real?”
That was the last thing I said before her words truly sank in.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySuDUStrU2
Feeling a faint confusion, I straightened up and sat cross-legged on the floor.
My wish was clear.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0dfUcOIzi
Not that it differed much in essence from the one before —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkE0cn4Vi4C
but I couldn’t bring myself to say it aloud.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWL7wzvKKYv
I lacked the courage.
Before lowering my head, I glanced at her once more and smiled faintly.
Spending these moments with her,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDI3fdCqTR
I began to understand why people were so afraid of dying.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnjLLf4UP8
It wasn’t death itself they feared —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZ3sXCqPy4
but the thought of missing out.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh84TelJOB
Of losing the chance to see, to meet, to feel.
“Does that mean the present isn’t about longing for what’s gone… but simply being in it?”
The question wasn’t directed at anyone in particular.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDosxjTL3yz
It was more like I was thinking aloud.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCSKPrbI09
Naturally, there was no answer.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXZHxmceA2
It was something I would have to figure out on my own.
Life could seem bleak —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaq9KQDmP44
while memory preserved only the sunny days.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw4DljymY7
It’s hard to say that the adult me smiled when recalling yesterday,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqk2b7B30g
but childhood… perhaps.
In truth, the gray shades never completely drowned out the bright ones.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmh94dTmdP
They were always side by side.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBi7HpGtpq
It was up to you which of them to notice.
She reminded me that even the silliest places could become beautiful7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6OhKmhbcD
if you only paid attention to them.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsXw7KDaJm
That an ordinary bench could become interesting7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgw4a5ytEFU
if you just lifted your head and looked around.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHub7AnP8q
That sometimes, you simply need to find someone7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3OnvzwTd8
you can forgive — even for betrayal.
My wish was clear.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFauYzwbvP0
It didn’t end with death — it reached beyond it, into eternity.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySlHH3eI5v
And yet, I still couldn’t say it aloud.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAq7MDRwdL
So, I chose another way.
Rising from the ground, I brushed the gravel from my clothes7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡen6PPEkoK8
and held out my hand.
“Give me the chalk, please.”
She nodded with a gentle smile.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYX3yIFiye
There was no surprise or question in her eyes —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeD201RfOE
she had understood everything long before I spoke.
She raised her hand.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfnx2HJC2P
The chalk appeared between her fingers, forming as if from billions of tiny grains of sand.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFsramu0J8
Then she offered it to me.
I took the chalk and nodded — a silent gesture of thanks.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtnArY5kwJ
Standing before the wall, I scratched my chin once more before beginning to write.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5cLAJyZGV
My inscription spread across the entire surface, as though dozens of unspoken words had all led to one single desire — my desire.
“Before I die I want to... see everything again. And even more…”
With a satisfied expression, I clapped the chalk dust from my hands and turned to her.
“I think it looks pretty good, don’t you?”
“Mmm,” she hummed. “How selfish of you. And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“What do you mean, what does it mean?”
She let out a long sigh — or something close to one.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAsMuX6g3D
In moments like this, it was hard to tell whether she was joking or serious.
“What about those who haven’t had a chance to leave their message yet?”
“But there’s no one else here. What’s the problem?” I said, surprised.
I was almost certain there was no one but us.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AemKNit9x
No — I knew it.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiskzxisIM
So why did her question make me feel like I was missing something?
“Oh, I see how it is,” she said, turning her back to me.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiDSTTURTI
“So there’s no space left for me, huh?”
My stomach muscles tightened as if I’d been punched.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZinQDsHAWV
A light spasm ran through my jaw; my lips moved on their own,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWevY3Kug3n
but no sound came out.
If I’d been thinking about her all this time,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4CqIGTjzx
why hadn’t I thought of her then?7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqwz5J3Aiv
The thought tangled itself into knots,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKXmnWKPDc
but it still captured the storm of emotion swelling inside me.
“Wait, no, I…”7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzDeawJJmM
My first instinct was to explain myself, but I quickly let it go.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvBkukBUsk
“Sorry… I got carried away.”
She glanced back at me through half-closed eyes.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpL0xYqi7o
Then, seeming finally to relent, she turned around and smiled faintly.
“It’s fine. Anyway, I’ve already written what I wanted to.”
“Huh? When? Where? What did you write?”
“Secret.”7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKxi5Ap6lj
She pressed a finger to her lips.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7se20MNvtF
“You were too busy with yourself to notice anyone else.”7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWJwPINJzf
She giggled, as if it didn’t matter at all.
I knew I had no right to push her.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY6izIhLZj
But I couldn’t help it — I desperately wanted to know.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiP8aFZGWAT
What would someone like her wish for?
Reason whispered that I should wait,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcvgwl0WHD
but I took a step toward impatience.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69YG6ydHJR
I glanced around again, my eyes sifting greedily through the lines,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeo6aY4i5yH
searching for her handwriting — though I had no idea what it looked like.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0ULuptxqa
The longer I stared, the clearer it became —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34jaM8Sr6r
nothing new had appeared.
My shoulders dropped, heavy as if weighed down by stone.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEmm8smoG1
I wanted to keep my eyes open,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QCtJYXCZF
but it felt as if a second pair of eyelids had fallen —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjMQh9E5QY
thick, unyielding, like wet sand.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjZsZjjFYe
Outwardly I was frozen,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZAEy8xCQ4
but the “me” inside was expanding, swelling like a universe before a star is born.
I looked once more at my inscription.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu61grOlEVu
Its size felt like an offense — to the wall,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlTQLDpARn
and to anyone who might have come here.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xmHgOCMus
The louder the words, the emptier the space around them.
I wanted to erase everything I’d written.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS44wyWyx5D
It felt as though my words no longer had the right to be seen.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsMH7z3KdQ
I raised my hand, as if claws might grow from my fingers7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPpj6BkjaU
to scratch out that ugly scar.
But before I could, the walls collapsed.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8klg8bkqi
As if touching a single point had been enough to topple a chain of dominoes.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5q2jznGQwS
They fell with a thunderous crash,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEQ7VydcBp
like the roar of breaking stone —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKx1VZQjuIU
and for a moment, it seemed as if the earth itself had jumped.
Buried beneath a swirl of dust,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoh5yXDXrIW
the walls vanished — without a trace.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6sAG2gtiA
Just as they had appeared.
.
It was a dream I had that night.
More and more, I began to doubt the claim7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuj2xeAPnEF
that dreams are nothing but illusions of the mind.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWqKY38Vk0
Why?7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegc6CtzCDG
Because they had started opening windows to the past.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshxxZCcMPM
There was something real in what I saw, night after night —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYvJXsMU3H
so real that I was no longer sure where the present truly lay.
My room was still dark.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJOkgEHktk
A rare thing for someone who had once known only daylight.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLL6MwWTHb
But since then, I had met not only the moon —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MyiIknHpX
but also the sunrise and the twilight between.
I rolled onto my side and found my pillow damp beneath my cheek.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURvcmH7Gdk
So were my cheeks themselves.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIeHiwgyJA
It had stopped being a rare occurrence.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxBhlCWs7t
Perhaps it was simply my body’s way7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiQFtPnIiy
of releasing the weight that had been building somewhere deep inside.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuIObXWkAO
Or something like that.
Anyway.
Sniffling, I wiped my nose. Grabbing the hem of my pajamas, I pressed it to my face to dry it off.
The strange thing about my dreams was that I never took part in them directly.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxcWcIOBQA
It was as if I were merely watching — moving alongside the protagonist, but never steering him myself.
I wonder… would that count as full immersion, or only partial?7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVUeQAyIxb
A good question.
I rolled back onto my back. It was too hot under the blanket,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVa7X0vZIX3
so I pulled my arms and legs free, sprawling across the bed like a snow angel.
Outside, the blizzard howled — long and drawn-out,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzXHUkQW69
with a scratching undertone, as if someone were clawing at the walls.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtoQ056vkv
The windows trembled with each gust, and thin frost gathered in the cracks of the frame.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXoGJIt7Uq
At other times I would have hidden beneath the covers, but now…
The house was surprisingly warm.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOvxkTcOKX
Too warm — the air wrapped around me like the heat of a July noon,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpgzs9cApp
when there’s nowhere left to hide from the sun.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQedINbGnc2
Unlike the green stone, the red one worked too well.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7gUZTXLrF
It felt as though dozens of invisible heaters were hiding in the room.
I turned onto my side again.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlXSKHRBJs
My knees pressed painfully against each other — the bones felt too sharp,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1PNtaKeUt
as if nothing were cushioning them.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia9s7AsN9Q
I slid a corner of the blanket between them, just to make it a little softer.
An itch bloomed somewhere under my shoulder blade,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLFaIpPKC7
then on my neck, then on my calf —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfk6T2CaUU
as if my body itself couldn’t decide where exactly it was uncomfortable.
I scratched absentmindedly.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLpyq4cV4N
My heartbeat was uneven.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHyGu86T69
None of it really mattered — and yet, together, it somehow made it hard to breathe calmly.
What did she write on that wall?7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjZjBP6Ylo
That question wouldn’t let me go.
If her wish even indirectly involved me —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8h8dgn5yw
then I failed to fulfill it, didn’t I?7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqYFfEWZyc
It was a bold assumption, of course, but… what if?
Through our journeys, she taught me how to live.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9csPfOQ3k
She tried to show me that a world existed beyond these walls —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMlsckcVOk
and that it was worth looking at.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWIYQx2TSi
All I needed was to find the strength within myself.
But people don’t always need a reason to throw stones.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHc14VqSma
If someone stronger hurt them,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNgsjruiO6
they’d hurt someone weaker in return.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZj41OpL6x
They could smile, yes — but their only honest laughter was born from spite.
Maybe that’s why back then I thought isolation7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpNXcJ3fP8
was the safest way to protect myself from pain.
Cowardice isn’t weakness.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFUo5SM7SX
But only by overcoming it do you become truly strong.
…At least, that’s how it seems to me.
But behind all her lessons, I never saw the most important thing —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mn4RplBkv
her own desires.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjKSJATqlw
In her teachings — there was a plea.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDHxrkwaPg
In her jokes — sincerity.
She showed me how to see the world in wider colors.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdedV3euig
I wanted to believe she’d become part of it, too.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VDO4dXmyZ
But that was a lie.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGNh0ML4uL
I accepted her as something self-evident —7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjBmSTn9j0
something that would always be there.
And when she left… I felt betrayed.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblRv2ZPv10
Without noticing that I had been betraying her again and again, all along.
One doesn’t cry out for help — one whispers for it.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMfcdn1Cl0
Even if someone seems important to you,7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5rGnUPQon
that doesn’t guarantee you actually hear them.
Love and attention — are not the same thing.
Love is blind.
And I wasn’t just blind.
I was deaf.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTNNWFeyEj
and then Add to home screen.