Who am I?
That is a question that has lingered in my mind for as long as I can remember. It is a question I still lack the knowledge to fully understand, or perhaps the confidence to answer. So, who am I? How could I confidently introduce myself to another individual if I do not even know who I am?
What makes this question so difficult to answer is that I have been numerous people throughout my life. I have had numerous personalities, experiences, relationships, and versions of myself. Yet, not one of them has been able to completely identify the person I truly am or where I stand as an individual in this diverse and ever-changing society.
With that being said, after years of trying to figure out the answer, I have finally come to an epiphany: I cannot tie myself down to a single adjective, personality trait, or interest just to describe myself to others.
I have learned that some people may know me as shy and reserved, while others know me as loud and annoying. Some know me as an art junkie, while others recognize me as a book nerd.
Some people know that I enjoy reading and writing and think, “Maybe she’ll become an author someday.” Others have seen my critical thinking and interest in computers and think, “Maybe she’ll become a software engineer in the future.”
If you asked my family, they might tell you that I like to bake, that I love computer software, that I spend my spare time doing graphic design, that I love video games, that I am loud and annoying, that I am a ray of sunshine, that I am organized, that I enjoy painting, and that I am motivated, hardworking, and goal-oriented.
If you asked my friends, they might describe me as goofy, unserious, smart, a history nerd, someone who loves reading and writing, someone who wants to become a writer, someone who cares deeply about others, and someone who works hard.
But if you asked me?
My answer would be completely different.
I love to read. I love writing. I drink coffee. I enjoy exercising and taking late-night walks. I love the beach, and I love winter while simultaneously having a love-hate relationship with summer. I tend to isolate myself when I am hurt. I care about my health, even though I sometimes have a strange talent for doing the exact opposite of what I know I should do.
All of these things are true.
And that is where my epiphany comes in.
I am a diverse individual. I cannot be tied down to one adjective, one hobby, one dream, or even one version of myself.
I am a layered cake.
Every layer represents something different: a personality, an interest, an experience, a relationship, a dream, a mistake, a lesson, or a version of myself that existed at a particular point in my life. Some layers may be sweet, some may be messy, and some may contradict each other completely. But remove one, and I would no longer be the same cake.
So which layer is the real me?
I don’t know.
Maybe all of them.
Maybe I am not supposed to have one definitive answer.
Perhaps discovering who I am is not something I am meant to finish. Perhaps it is something I am meant to continuously explore, question, and learn.
So, who am I?
After all of that, I still don’t know.
And strangely enough, I think I am finally okay with that.
Because I am still exploring.
I am still changing.
I am still learning.
And perhaps the person I truly am is simply the person I am becoming.
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and then Add to home screen.