ANDERSON “ANDI” ROE:
“You shouldn’t wait for me.” Elise picked apart her vapor-softened root medley —a steamed potato. “It’s late. And we both get up so early.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.” Spoon in my tea. I swished the water around.
“You look tired.”
I laughed a little at that. “I look like I take care of my siblings.”
She stared at the potatoes. Her lip still cut. Bruises on her arms. I knew what she wanted to say: I look like that, too.
She knew what I’d say after that: No. You don’t.
My tea tasted bitter, lukewarm. The steam from her potatoes dwindled away.
She cleared her throat. “How’s Walter? Daisy?”
“Walter’s recovering well. Daisy’s great at math.”
“That’s good.”60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyImHus0As
I tilted my mug so it covered my eyes. Elise drummed her fingers on the table, pursed her lips. The way things used to be. Maybe I’d never get it back. But God, I wanted it so bad.
Silence so long it almost felt deliberate.
You play these games with someone you love, and you get shifting glances, sharp replies, the stream of resentment that carves out canyons.
“Thank you.” Elise took my mug, dumped water over the dishes. “For making me dinner. For sitting with me.”
I said, “I wouldn’t want anything different.”
⚙⚙⚙
A few hours of restless sleep and I was up again. I stepped out of my room, rubbing my eyes. Breakfast: Rice. Tomatoes. Maybe I’d use some spices.
Maybe I could tamp down my hurt. Find the right words for the long silences.
Light in the kitchen. Elise’s voice, humming. When was the last time I heard her sing?
“Elise?”
She set a bowl at my seat. “I made us breakfast this time.”
Rice, with cinnamon and strawberries. A little bit of honey. Fancy. I must’ve made a weird face because she said, “It’s like oatmeal.”
I sat down, tried a bite. “It’s good,” I told her.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
She smiled, pressed her hand over the cut on her lip. “You’re not just saying that? Like the time I tried to make risotto?”
“Oh. No.” I made a face. “Not the risotto.”
“I thought I could cover the taste with more cheese.”
We both broke into whispered laughter.
“I still remember your expression.” She covered her face with her hands. “You told me it was great, and then Chaos said something.”
I said, “Thank God for Chaos.”
Footsteps. Someone crept into the kitchen. Chaos: her arms crossed, face twisted. “Me? Thank God for me?”
Elise and I both nodded.
“Yeah,” she said, “You speak up about the bad things.”
She squinted. “I thought you hated that.”
“You’re like—” I thought for a second— “The alarm. Shrill and obnoxious. But now we all know when something’s wrong.”
She grinned, pulled out her chair and sat down next to me. “What are you, then? What’s Elise?”
I bit my tongue. Man. That pressure behind my throat again. What was Elise? A Corps Recruit. A liar.
I stood up from the table, spooned some of the breakfast-rice into a bowl for Chaos. I gripped the ceramic. Part of me hoped I’d shatter the bowl, spill rice and shards all over the tile.
Elise’s voice: “Andi’s the house. Stays in one spot. Rigid. But he takes the rain for us. The sun. He’s always there. He keeps us safe.”
Chaos said, “Yeah.”
I set the bowl in front of her. Turned away so she wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes. I tried to blink them back, but my vision swam, and everything blurred.
I said, “Elise is the pathway. Takes us places. Sometimes dangerous places.” I looked up at them. “But she moves us forward.”
Tears in her eyes, too. “Andi, I know you’re still upset.”
Some weird mix of defensiveness and relief. “I am.”
“I am sorry. You know I have to do this.”
Chaos gripped the sides of the table. I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Can I stop you?” I asked, “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”
An inhale. Three heartbeats. “No.”
But of course, I already knew that.
Chaos asked, “If you had the files, would you need to do this?”
Elise shook her head. “No.”
Something strange about Chaos’s expression. She already knew that, too, didn’t she?
I took a deep breath. “We are a team,” I told them, “Your goals are my goals.”
Elise set both her hands on the table. Said, “I will be safe. I’ll follow procedures, keep myself with people I trust. I promise.”
Promise. Ha.
I thought my sigh was subtle, but she glared at me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I want to believe you.”
Elise held out her pinky, a small smile on her lips. “Promise to trust me?”60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2cidH7uaM
I locked my pinky with hers. “Promise to stay safe. Come back home. This house falls without you, Elise.”
She said, “I promise.”
I said, “Me too.”
We looked at Chaos, who crossed her arms. “I’m not promising to change anything. I’m still gonna be an annoying pain.”
I rolled my eyes. Almost smiled. “I wouldn’t expect anything different.”
When Elise left, I locked the door behind her, and Chaos looked at me and said, “No way you’re not mad anymore.”
“I’ll get over it.” I glanced away from her. “I don’t have a choice.”
Voices upstairs. Ivy’s, Walter’s, Daisy’s. Chaos gave me a look. “I never had a choice either. Welcome to my world.”
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and then Add to home screen.