Afternoon of Monday, 3rd week of June
Another day, and I found myself in another situation where someone grabbed my arm. It seemed like it was something that fate had already decided that I would experience ever since June had begun.
The first week was with Itsuki; he grabbed my arm to pull me into his own reality. He convinced me and made me believe in the things that he himself had once believed. But when he turned his back on them, he tried to make me do the same. But then Ayane and Kanoko appeared when I thought I had no real friends. And they reminded me that building friendships wasn’t that complicated. Which made me realize Itsuki was wrong. Because Hina and Yui weren’t just Runa’s friends. They were my friends too.
The second week was with a stranger. It was an accident, but it escalated in a direction that would have been dangerous. I had only meant to consume the nostalgia from the memories I had lost. But the stranger misunderstood, and he made mistakes, yet he blamed it all on me. He pulled me to take accountability for something I didn’t do. I didn’t know what he was intending, but Kuro-kun appeared, and he pulled me away from danger. Kuro-kun also made me realize that the things I lost weren't necessarily lost forever. That I was just hesitating to bring them along with me again when someone made me drop them. I had picked them up once more. And I tried to move forward along with them.
And this time, it was Katou-san.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1vxJ3Zs3D
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“Where are you going, Tojo-san?” Katou-san said with arrogance in his voice. His eyes returned to how they were before. Not looking into my eyes or away from me. This time I could sense how he feasted his eyes on my body.
He stared at my chest…
He stared at my legs…
He stared at my neck…
Anywhere he looked made me feel disgusted. And I saw his grin, that awful grin of someone who thought they were on top of others and having fun looking down at them. His eyes, his grin, his hand gripping my wrist. All of it made my body shiver along with the cold pouring rain.
“You lied!” I yelled. I frowned, remaining resilient. “You hid my umbrella! You never invited Ayane, nor did you invite Kanoko and Sakamoto-san. You tricked me!”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MM7pfrpMU
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“Haha! What are you talking about?” Katou-san replied, his grin widening. “I have proof, right? I invited Kenji to come with us. And he confirmed it with you when you asked him.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyy2ntB33i
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“You lied to him too!”
“Ha!” Katou-san yelled. He lifted the hand he was holding along with my other hand that tried to resist. My face moved up with them, then he leaned forward to look directly into my eyes. “How do you know he’s not a part of this? He was a former delinquent after all.”
“So you admit it,” I firmly replied. “I know he wasn’t. Takeda-san is a decent person. He is a bit awkward, but I know he would never agree to this if you told him. He might have been a delinquent before, but he tried his best to reform himself. He is not scum like you!”
Katou-san leaned back, his smug look transforming into a sour one. He frowned at me and gripped my hand tighter.
“I look better than him. I look much better than anyone else in school. Everyone believes what I say. You’ve only hung out with him for about two weeks. And now you think he’s a better person than I am? He bullied me last year!”
“Everyone believes what you say, not because of how you look. It’s because the two most trusted people in our class were your friends. You used them. And maybe, you deserved to be bullied by Takeda-san.”
The sourness turned into bitterness. Katou-san gritted his teeth. And I could see the composure in his eyes was starting to fade.
If I provoked him further, maybe…
Then he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I took that chance to pull my hand, but he still refused to let go.
“Ah!” I yelped as he gripped my hand harder.
“I see what you’re trying to do,” Katou-san said. The grin on his face emerged once more. “But I won’t fall for it.”
“Scum! Degenerate! Liar!” I shouted insults. I shouted to rile him up once more. But he only laughed.
And then he sighed.
“Stop resisting. No matter how fiercely you look at me, you’re still helpless. You’re still weak. And you have nowhere to go.”
I took a deep breath.
“Go on, yell as loud as you can. Call for help. I’ll allow you to do that at least.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbS2BDM1X9b
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I slowly exhaled all the air I had inhaled. He was right. We had been walking for about ten minutes. I should’ve noticed it before, but the road ahead had become isolated. The last building of the business area was a few meters away. Cars passing by had become a rarity as well. And the rain continued to be heavy and relentless. No matter how hard I tried, my voice would only drown in the loud downpour hitting the road.
“You told me you would take me to a cafe,” I said. I felt my head dropping, but I forced it upright immediately.
“Well, we’re on our way to one. I know how to brew a great cup of coffee at my house,” Katou-san replied.
“Take me there and let your parents see what you did to me!”
“My father will come home late. And I already told my brothers to leave the house. When we get there, we’ll have it all to ourselves and no one will disturb us. I’ll make sure to help you study. About a lot of things.”
My eyes widened. I felt an urgency creep in and overwhelm my body.
I started feeling scared… very scared… but…
“Tell me then,” I said. “Would you go to my house and grovel in front of my parents and beg them to let me study with you alone in your house?”
“Hah!? Are you crazy? Why would I have to do that?”
Immediately, I aimed a kick at his shin.
“Ow!” Katou-san yelled in pain. But he never let go of my hand. Even though he grimaced in pain, his hands never let go of what they were holding.
But before he could recover, I quickly slid the strap of my bag off my shoulder and swung it toward his face. Katou-san finally let go as he tried to protect himself instinctively. The handle of my bag became slippery, and it flew directly at him instead. But I had no time to even think of recovering my bag. All I knew was that my body was yelling at me to get away.
And so I did…
I ran…
I ran as fast as I could…
I ran with every bit of energy I had, so that my lungs had already started gasping for air after only a few steps. I knew I was faster than him. I saw how fast he could run during PE. If only I could put enough distance between us. Just a few minutes away, Ayane was waiting for me.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHoXe0cTBR
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I reached the business area immediately, but the pavement there was slippery. I didn’t care about being careful, though. I only cared about the path ahead of me. A few more steps and I would reach the last cafe we passed by earlier. It was empty, but at least there were people still working there. I could hide there in the meantime. And then I would tell Ayane what happened.
I started to think that I would be fine. After all, I should already be far ahead of—
I slipped. I felt my shoulder sting when it hit the pavement first. I twisted my face, but I never let out a sound. I pulled myself up, then I noticed my phone wasn’t in my hand anymore. I turned to where I heard it sliding. I caught a glimpse of Ayane calling, but when it reached the road, a passing car ran over it.
My eyes widened, and I reached out my hand and attempted to crawl. But I heard a muffled shout drowned out by the rain behind me. Katou-san was getting closer.
I pushed off the ground and stood up.
But then…
“Gotcha!” Katou-san proclaimed as he grabbed my uniform from behind. He immediately grabbed both my hands and twisted my arms behind me. He secured them with one hand and pulled me closer to him. I struggled.
“Quit it!” he yelled.
“Let me go!”
“Shut up!”
“Help! Someone Help—!”
His free hand covered my mouth immediately. I tried to bite it, and when he felt my mouth open, he let go.
“You little—”
I gathered some air to shout once more, but his hand came back—this time with a handkerchief balled up to seal my voice. I tried to spit it out, but his hand was in the way. I still shouted, but the sound I was making was muted by the handkerchief.
I felt the dread settle to my feet. I felt like I was going to fall again, but he pressed my back against his body so that I couldn’t. I felt helpless. I felt weak.
“Look at what you’ve done to me!” Katou-san yelled. “I’m wet. My uniform’s ruined, and you bruised my face!”
I attempted a defiant yelp, but it only made him look more amused.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6eaD1Iqsu
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Katou-san smirked. “What’s wrong? What happened to your resilience earlier?”
He waited.
“Oh, can’t say a word? Then just give up, you bitch!”
I tried to gather strength in my leg. For the last time, or at the very least, I wouldn’t let him do whatever he wanted without me trying. I kicked behind me, aiming at his shin.
But this time… he avoided it…
“Hah! That won’t work a second time.”
He laughed.
I struggled once more, but unlike the first time, I wasn’t able to move him. And he kept talking.
“I was able to charm many girls. Some of them resisted, but they folded almost immediately. One smile is all it took,” Katou-san said as if he were telling stories about his trophies. “But you… you resisted me for months. I tried everything to charm you. I smiled at you, you ignored me. I tried to be kind to you, you still ignored me. I tried getting your attention, and you still had the audacity to ignore me even more. I’ve put a lot of work into getting you. And it ended up this way, me having to put in more effort. You better be worth it later.”
My eyes widened as I stared up at his face. I tried to stomp his foot and missed, but when I tried again, somehow I was able to step on it. But stepping on it was the only thing I could do. He didn’t even flinch.
“You’re weak, you’re naive,” he whispered as he leaned toward my ear. “Just like every single one of them. Kenji… Yuuta… both of them will always believe whatever I say. And you just followed me so easily without really questioning my intentions.”
He paused for a moment.
“I didn’t know why trying to be kind to you again started to work. But when I saw you with that weird transfer student at that park on Saturday, I knew. It was because of him. But thankfully, because of that, my plan worked. You probably thought you should give other people a chance when you got to know him. Now, I don’t know for sure, but that’s where your naivety came into play. You might change your opinion of him. But he and I, we’re both the same.”
I tried to protest. I screamed with all I had.
How dare he compare himself to Kuro-kun! How dare he!
Katou-san turned me around so that I could face him. My arms were still behind me, but now they were secured by both his hands. He pressed me against him. He lifted me up and pressed me even tighter against him. At that moment, I hated even more that I wasn’t tall.
“You’re as soft as I had always imagined,” he smirked. But then he wiped that smirk away, replacing it with a frown. “And I can’t believe you let someone else enjoy this before me.”
I moved my shoulders. I kicked my feet. I slammed my head against his chest. Nothing seemed to make a difference. And every time I couldn’t hurt him, it took a little bit of my strength away. Until I stopped moving. All I could do was finally let the tears flow, and it became harder for me to breathe.
“That’s good,” Katou-san said. “Be a good girl and just accept me already. You’ve already done it with that bastard. So let me have a go, too.”
What was he even talking about? What did he even want from me? My affection? My body? What should I do? I hadn't even done anything with Kuro-kun… I only…
Kuro-kun…
Rei-kun… Save me…
I closed my eyes…
Footsteps erupted quickly from the direction of the road. And before I knew what was going on, the sharp sound of flesh getting struck exploded.
I opened my eyes. And for some reason, everything I saw slowed down.
I saw hair swaying in front of me—beautiful blonde hair. Earrings dangling from ears that looked familiar. It was Runa.
Then I saw Takeda-kun appear behind Katou-san and pull his arms away. And then I was on the floor. But as my body was screaming at me the whole time to get away, I turned and ran.
I heard Runa calling me. I wanted to turn, I wanted to stop, but I kept going.
I caught a glimpse of the opposite side of the road. There was a taxi parked there. Yui was in the middle of the road running toward me, Hina was in the back looking concerned, and Ayane was peeking out from inside the taxi, gesturing with my umbrella for me to take it. But I only saw them for a second. And after that second was over, they were gone. All I saw was the path in front of me.
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I didn’t know how long it had been. I didn’t even know what time it was. The rain had started to ease up, but it was still pouring. And I caught myself still walking under it, catching every drop with my already soaked uniform and wet eyes.
Where was I? Another thing that I didn’t know. I was just looking at the road below me, walking toward whatever was in front of me.
Earlier…
I ran until I found myself inside the train. There were some people already inside, and I stood in the middle. I felt all their stares as the train kept moving. But when someone finally approached me to ask if I was okay, I ignored them. And when the train finally stopped, I ran again. And so here I was. Exhausted.
I embraced myself. I covered my chest with my arms. I held on tightly, and I bit my lip. I felt sullied. Before anything could happen, I was let go. Yet the disgust I felt toward him, I couldn’t bear.
I stopped walking, and then I fell to the ground. Curled up with my legs pressed together, I hugged my knees and hid my face.
Why did I let this happen? I should’ve known. I should’ve been more careful. I was more concerned about my textbooks getting wet and my uniform getting ruined than about walking away. That was stupid. I was stupid.
And now, what did I gain? Nothing. I only lost more than my bag and my phone. I felt my dignity trampled. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone anymore. And when I was saved, surrounded by the friends I thought had already moved on without me, I ran again. Away from them.
Tears started to well up in my eyes. All I had been doing this month was cry. I was sick of it. I was tired. And everything happening around me was causing me to end up like this. What should I do?
“Someone… tell me what to do…”
“You need to get up and get changed before you catch a cold.”
A familiar flat voice suddenly spoke above me. Then I noticed that the rain had stopped falling on me. I took a peek. My eyes were blurry from my tears.
“Are you okay, Mika-san?”
That voice. I knew it was him.
Kuro-kun.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHjOdJAs34
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I stood up without even having to tell my feet to move, and I grabbed him with my arms. I embraced him tightly and pressed my body against him. And finally, for the first time this afternoon, I felt relieved.
I buried my face in his chest and cried. He didn’t say a thing. He didn’t move. But the warmth he had and his heart beating loudly assured me that it was safe to finally release everything.
I cried. Loud and ugly. Messy and soggy.
And we stayed like that for a while. Not moving. He was silent, and I was a total wreck of emotions.
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I ended up sitting on Kuro-kun’s couch. I had a long, thick blanket he offered wrapped around me while I wore the shirt and shorts that he gave me to wear temporarily. My uniform and my underwear were still in the dryer. I would’ve felt more vulnerable if I sat here in only the clothes he gave me, but thankfully he also gave me a blanket for extra cover. I didn’t think he gave it to me as a courtesy to a girl. Knowing more about him now, it was probably because he thought I was cold.
I smiled. But that smile immediately faded. No matter how warm everything else was right now, I still kept biting my lip.
I lowered my head and closed my eyes. Then after a few moments, I felt footsteps drawing closer, and then a hand was placed over my head.
I opened my eyes.
“What are you doing?” I asked when I saw Kuro-kun.
“Trying to make you feel better,” he replied. “This is the only way I know how.”
“I am not a kid, though,” I said.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
But before Kuro-kun lifted his hand away, I grabbed it and placed it on top of my head again.
“I said I am not a kid. I didn’t say it wasn’t effective,” I pouted.
“Can I sit next to you?” Kuro-kun asked.
“Why?”
“Because if I have to do this for a while, it’ll be tiring for me if I remain standing the whole time.”
“Pfft,” I muffled my laugh. “Sure.”
I smiled at him and shifted over slightly to give him room.
I closed my eyes and let the silence take away my thoughts, but somehow I didn’t grieve. I felt like Kuro-kun’s hand was catching all of my thoughts and removing the bad ones. I raised a hand and placed it over the one he had on my head. And I squeezed it, carefully and gently. I suddenly felt curious, so I took a peek. His face was the same.
And I felt a bit disappointed, so I let go of his hand.
“Aren't you going to ask?” I asked to shake away what I just felt.
“Would you feel better if I asked?” Kuro-kun replied.
“...No. Not yet at least.”
“Then I’ll ask when you’re ready.”
I nodded.
“All I can say to you right now is that you’re safe here and you have nothing to worry about,” Kuro-kun continued.
I glanced at him. “Did you know that I was in danger?” I asked.
“I didn’t. But the way you acted when I saw you on the street looked like you were trying to protect yourself.”
“How long had you been standing beside me earlier?”
“For a few minutes.”
“Why were you there?”
“Because I was on the train you suddenly boarded. I was in a different car, but when I saw you run off desperately from another car, I got off the train and followed you.”
I kept quiet. I just stared at him.
“When I got out of the train station, you were gone. I wasn’t familiar with where I was, and I would’ve gone back, but I was worried. So I decided to try walking straight, and luckily I found you.”
“You were worried… about me?” I asked with gentle eagerness. I felt my eyes widen and glitter as I stared at him.
“Yes,” he replied.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtErxQkUBGS
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I see… so he was worried.
“You were actually the first person I talked and conversed with besides Runa-san. Even though you and I only conversed a few times, all of those times were meaningful. I had no one confide in me about their personal problems before. So I started to think of you as a friend.”
A friend.
He thought of me as a friend.
I felt happy—genuinely happy that he considered me a friend. But the tightness I felt in my chest stopped me from feeling satisfied with it. I knew why. Being just a friend wasn’t what I wanted to be. But at least it was a start. So for now, I would have to accept it.
“What about Runa?” I asked.
“I feel like Runa-san and I were bound by an agreement.”
“Is that really how you saw it?”
He looked up, and then to the side.
“Hmm…” he whispered. “Truthfully, I wasn’t sure, because the majority of what we did was study.”
“Were you not having conversations with her?”
“Sometimes… hmm… I guess maybe I was wrong in my assessment. Maybe she is a friend. But I need to ask her to confirm.”
I giggled. “Silly, that’s not how you become friends with anyone,” I said.
“But wouldn’t you need permission and consent?”
“Did you ask me for consent?”
“...I didn’t.”
“See? But you still considered me a friend.”
“...But what if—”
“You know, Kuro-kun,” I looked up at the ceiling. “I didn’t have a lot of friends myself. Recently, I even thought I lost some of them.”
I returned my gaze to Kuro-kun.
“But you know what I learned? All it takes for you to become friends with someone is to say ‘hi.’”
Yes. That was all it took for me to become friends with Ayane and Kanoko just about two weeks ago. That was all it took for me to become friends with Hina and Yui last year. And that was all it took for me to become friends with Runa—long before we started preschool.
“All it takes is for you to approach them, or for them to approach you,” I continued.
Kuro-kun placed a hand on his chin.
“I see,” he whispered. “Then I guess it would be the same with that girl from before. I didn’t know.”
“Girl!?” I asked, almost yelling in a high-pitched voice. “Who?”
“Before graduation in middle school, one girl approached me. She gave me a letter and then told me that she’d be waiting.”
My eyes widened. That didn’t sound like someone who just wanted to become friends.
“Seriously? Had this girl talked to you before?” I asked.
“No,” he replied. “I had no one talk to me before she did, nor anyone approach me for the whole three years of middle school. So it was a surprise, even for me.”
“D-did you… go and meet her?” I asked hesitantly. I looked away for a second, but I immediately went back to staring at him.
“I didn’t,” Kuro-kun replied.
I exhaled.
“Poor girl,” I whispered. But I wasn’t actually feeling bad; I was more relieved. “Did you read her letter at least?”
“I thought it was rude to read it without permission. She only gave it to me, but she never told me to read it. I thought about it for three days and realized I had to ask. So I tried to return it afterward, but when she took it, she tore it apart and ran away.”
Alright… now I feel very sorry for her.
That was kind of harsh.
“Are you feeling better now, Mika-san?” Kuro-kun asked.
I looked into his eyes—still only looking at mine.
“...Yes,” I answered. Then he took his hand away from my head. I didn’t want him to let go yet, but I didn’t want him to think I was being weird.
Suddenly, I heard a phone ring.
I reflexively touched the pocket of the shorts I was wearing, but then I remembered my phone had been run over by a car.
I sighed.
I looked at Kuro-kun and saw him looking at his phone, but he wasn’t answering it.
“Mika-san,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I told Runa-san earlier that you were here with me.”
He held out his phone toward me.
“Would you like to answer it?” Kuro-kun asked.
I stared at his phone for a moment, then took a deep breath and looked at him. When I glanced at the phone and saw Runa’s name, I nodded decisively.
I had thought about it for a long time. I never intended to run away from her for so long. But that was because I wasn’t ready to face all the reasons why I did. And now, I felt ready. I felt I could tell her everything.
All I had to do was be honest. And so I reached out for the phone. For now, what I had to tell her first was “Thank you,” with an apology after that.
Then I hoped she would understand everything else afterward.
I answered the call.
“Hello… Runa?” I said.
ns216.73.216.183da2
and then Add to home screen.