Monday afternoon. 1st week of June89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAInYjLpkmG
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Encumbrance.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrkxxvLwTj
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Every step I took was scraping over the concrete road. The roughness of its surface scratched the bottom of my delicate shoes, yet I felt like I was sinking. The concrete wasn’t even close to being quicksand, but it was dragging me down just the same. I felt myself getting swallowed by the ground with every forward step. And even when I was careful carrying this weight inside my mind, it still got heavier and heavier the more houses I had passed by. My breathing was deep, like I was sighing every time. I wasn’t doing it on purpose though, I just felt my lungs trying to carry whatever burden they could take, a burden my thoughts couldn’t bear alone. An inhale for every impossible expectation, and an exhale for every time I got disappointed by the results.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdE6pSW1so
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“Rank 36…” I muttered.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR5mfXD1uq
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It wasn’t a bad rank. Out of three hundred plus students in our grade, getting ranked 36th was already a huge feat. But it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t the rank that I was aiming for. That was far too low.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8cgAWn8H3
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There were a lot of reasons I could use to excuse why I fell off, and I could name some people to blame as well. But the result of my ineptitude wasn’t the fault of anyone but me. I knew my scores this time weren’t equivalent to what I knew I could do, and yes, I knew I could do better. If only I tried harder, but the evidence marked on each test paper that came back to me, each score written in red ink, showed I didn’t. And I had seen the truth when reality finally revealed itself during lunch break.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKhudJRAmg
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I shook my head. I didn’t want to sink deeper into my own thoughts.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wpezIi0Dx
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“I’ll just do better next time.” Another whisper to myself. But I didn’t know if I believed my own words.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3mwuTifLc
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Because I felt ashamed…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11K46d5V3W
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This wasn’t the kind of result a child of the Tojo household casually brought home. Not for a second time. If I even failed, then what of my parents’ reputation? Who would continue their brilliance?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1EKJ0s56a
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I slid my free hand into my pocket to pull out my phone. I turned on the screen to check the time, 3:48 p.m. Still early. Not the usual time I always went home. Mother and father still wouldn’t be home at this time.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgOHSVoM5Y
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I stopped before I entered our gate. I looked at the house in front of me.
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…
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My head turned across the street. Two houses ahead was where Runa’s home was. Just a short walk away. She still wouldn’t be home at this hour. Maybe she would still be hanging out with Yui and Hina. Or maybe even…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr27KrMUO7E
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At Kuroiwa-san’s apartment…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeb2tT8EWNw
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I…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvS9z4cTQls
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I really didn’t know what to do. I ignored Runa again today, not only that, but I ended up avoiding Hina and Yui as well. On top of breaking my promise to Yui. Everything today was just not the ideal. I could attribute it to bad timing, but I placed myself into a more awkward situation which I could’ve avoided, but chose to run instead.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIi0f71kjh
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Ugh…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcxICwVErg
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I lowered my head. I felt like it was going to explode. This fight with Runa was so stupid. It was so petty on my part, and I knew that if I only talked with her, everything would turn out fine. But what did I do? Nothing…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTP82np9dJ
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My eyes closed without me intending to. I was worried about my grades, and I was so frustrated seeing Runa wasting time teasing Kuroiwa-san instead of just studying. I knew it was just a brief moment, but I needed more time alone with him…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8E053V2P6x
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Huh?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KvCGEN8Zy
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Oh yeah… to ask him questions about lessons I couldn’t understand. That was all there was to it…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbbE24Q9kW
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I sighed…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWHCcG1a6K
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I was too stupid. I could’ve just told Runa instead of acting like she did something wrong. She didn’t. I was the one who did. I acted immature and walked out of the apartment for seemingly no reason at all.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrD2M8cTo2o
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I hope he did not think badly of me after…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLneaca9o6j
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No… It was because I didn’t want to leave a worse impression than the annoying girl Kuroiwa-san already thought of me. That was what it was all about. Nothing else…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2tI2pNELa
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Wait…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0kivEaLfk
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Why was I thinking about him? I didn’t need to worry about his motives anymore or whether Runa would be fine alone with him. Every reason I had to even mention his name had already been solved. So why?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1eZaW1pT6
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I needed to stop…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUEnIpi353
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For my own sake…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPVbT8kkud
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I looked toward the sky. And I saw the looming dark clouds above. I remembered this morning, the forecast said there was about a 60 percent chance of rain falling tonight.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6IMcY0x2Q
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…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwm251vpUKE
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I would call Runa tonight and apologize. Tell her everything. It was my fault anyway. I would talk to Yui as well, and Hina. Maybe… everything would turn back to how it was. All I needed was to have a conversation. All I needed was to tell them…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIV6acVG0G
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“I’m home,” I announced after I went inside the house.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqrY3DLbKr
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There was no answer, of course. Itsuki, my big brother, would be here, but he often wasn’t the kind of guy who always paid attention to whoever came in or out of the house. At least, not anymore. I was surprised my father hadn’t made him leave the house yet. He was still supposed to be studying in Tokyo and was supposed to be enrolled in a prestigious university there. But last year, he came back home declaring that he would transfer to a local college instead.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzdxT167g0
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Father and Mother didn’t argue with him or even scold him… they just welcomed him back like he didn’t waste all their money paying expensive tuition fees for two years… leading to two years of nothing…
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I sighed.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FSgTBjRNy
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Right by the entrance, I took off my shoes and placed them carefully inside the shoe stand located at the corner. I wanted to go to my room immediately afterward, but when I was about to turn toward the stairs, I noticed the living room door was slightly open. I placed my bag below the staircase and decided to get some water from the fridge in the kitchen area, which was the first area you would see inside, near the doorway. As I went in, the loud sound of the television welcomed me. It was irritating, but I didn’t feel like arguing with Itsuki about it for like the millionth time now, so I just went on to get what I wanted.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEU7dU3hCgf
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I immediately turned toward the fridge. I opened it and crouched to get a water bottle from the shelf below, then I noticed sounds coming from the living room area. It wasn’t just from the TV. It sounded like two people doing… something… I didn’t want to think about. I looked up with the expectation of disgust already building in my eyes, and when I finally saw the image of my brother and a woman on the couch lying down together, the disgust immediately turned into abhorrence.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYVjMItQo3
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“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” I shouted.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHhHjVUD1N
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The woman on top of Itsuki looked at me, her eyes widening. “Oh no!” she said and immediately took her shirt that was on the floor and put it on. She was still wearing her top when I saw her, but I had a feeling they were just about to start doing something… indecent… and I was not going to let things go there. Not in this house, never!89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmNHny35lC
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Itsuki looked at me with annoyance. One of his eyebrows rose as if I were the one who had just done something wrong.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzgYMzs7wl
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“You’re disgusting!” I told Itsuki immediately.
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Itsuki sighed as he fixed his shirt properly. I looked away from him for a second only to find the woman finally fully dressed. She rushed out of the doorway. “I’m sorry,” she quickly said and bowed a little while walking as she passed me in the kitchen. My eyes followed her with a frown still on my face while my expression carried my anger. When she finally left, I turned my attention to Itsuki, who was standing around looking at me with disappointment.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CIp5jbVMc
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“You really do know how to ruin someone’s day, don’t you?” Itsuki said.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxq6bhXRlRv
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“Why are you making it seem like I was the one who did something wrong?” I replied fiercely. “Itsuki, this house is not your own private hotel!”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOdOQrgx03
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“What? We were just kissing,” Itsuki told me as he turned around and relaxed back onto the couch.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakycZScGwd
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“With her shirt on the floor!?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67x1MQqYH0
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“Well, she was the one who took her shirt off.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4eLhVWjdw
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“That’s beside the point!” I leaned forward to ensure he understood me. “There is a high school girl living in this house. You could be more considerate!”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse65lheKGK
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“I am being considerate. I thought you would still be at school at this hour, but you came home early. That's not my fault,” Itsuki said, then looked at me. “Why did you come home early, actually?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLRTE6yZ5T
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“That’s!” I choked. I didn’t want to tell him why. He wouldn’t care anyway. “That’s beside the point,” was all I said.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCAJHfkI4g
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“Alright. Fine. Whatever,” Itsuki said, sounding annoyed. “Next time just message me or something if you’re coming back early. You have me on Line, don’t you?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNF3id0nz80
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Itsuki took his attention back toward the television and then started switching channels. He would watch a few seconds of the program he switched to, but then he would get bored and switch to another one. I stopped talking, but I was still irritated. I looked down at the floor and clenched both my hands.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhd4Jk5Cqn
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Message him? I had to be the one to adjust? Why couldn’t he just go somewhere else? Why must he taint this house with his own lechery? This house that our parents built with their hard work. This was not fair. I lived here too. And I had to be the one to be careful so he could do whatever he wanted?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqg01B3xUvq
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“Hey, tiny,” Itsuki said.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrrjTxMJ9V
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“Don’t call me that!” I yelled. “I’m not tiny… or short…”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhRPpXvSa0
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“Ha! If you’re not short, then I must be a giant.” Itsuki laughed.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaILrd3cAV
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My irritation grew even more. I stared at him to say something, but his look caught me off guard. I didn’t like that look. It was always the kind where he was trying to figure out what I was trying to hide from him. We were not on good terms now, but when we were kids, he would always be the first one to know if I was trying to hide something. I knew I was worse at hiding things now compared to when I was younger, but the one thing about him that I was cautious of was that he always knew how to make me talk.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWIuMw0ZsV
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I sealed my mouth tight.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLwJd1AnAT
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“Why are you looking more short-tempered than usual?” Itsuki asked.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0YGzqGjOT
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I turned away from him. I tried my hardest not to reply, even though it should be easy. But even so, to make it easier, I decided to leave.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXsOT32p1U
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“I could guess two reasons,” Itsuki continued as I started to walk. “Something happened between you and your friend Runa… or… since last week was your exams, today should be the day when you got your grades, and you didn’t like the result that you saw.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡox0G1cRIyX
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I stopped mid-walk, and my eyes opened wide. Then I lowered my head toward the floor.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡribReHcCxJ
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“Heh… Based on that reaction, it means both…” Itsuki laughed.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvduhVo2Nh
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“Shut up,” I said quietly.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFw4YawIuG
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He was right…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wAS38JedU
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“What do you know about me?” I continued.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Qjv9xk8BV
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Why was he always right?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UL0vQz6b5
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“You’ve worked hard to enter a prestigious school in Tokyo…”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQda1KJLE8
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How could he even figure it all out?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsQ5j1cj54
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“...and then came back telling our parents that you dropped out…”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFcMEBTYTV
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And then say all of it casually.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tV4gEZNfU
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“...you just wasted our parents’ time and money, you just wasted your dream. You weren’t like this before.” I turned around to stare at him. “So why? Why did you come back and give up on your dreams?” All the thoughts that I had never told him started leaking. “You’re not my big brother anymore, you’re not him!” My voice started to sound like a roar. “You’re a different person with the same name, but you’re disgusting and annoying!!” I took a breath and closed my eyes. “My big brother was always capable and kind. So… why did you turn up like this? Because of that… I…” I said, my voice softer, as I started to grieve.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHeDTiSydz
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Tears started to fall. I didn’t even notice. But even when I noticed them now, I still didn’t know how to stop them.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyYsOmq4HT
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I heard Itsuki’s footsteps come closer, and I wiped my eyes immediately. When he finally stopped walking, I looked up and saw him right in front of me. He raised a hand and placed it on my shoulder.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGWvyuwpWv
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“Move,” Itsuki said as he shoved me out of the way. “Don’t just stand in the kitchen like that, leave some room for others to walk through.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5adEAMIyYO
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What Itsuki did just now, what he just said. All of it should be annoying. But instead, I felt hurt inside. I squatted down, knees together, where I used to hide my eyes, which were starting to fill with tears.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR2XvxcczL
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“I hate you,” I muttered.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWiCev1dSG
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“I know,” Itsuki answered.
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There was silence for a moment. I tried to contain my sobs while Itsuki busied himself in the fridge . And then…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ONDltagDt
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“Look at me,” Itsuki said.
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I didn’t move. To be honest, I didn’t want to look at him.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7IPzPWhw4
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“Alright, fine. Then just listen,” Itsuki continued. “I know you don’t want to hear anything from me, but let me give you some advice.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2igwwGgfGD
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I took a peek at Itsuki. My eyes were still suspicious of him.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMx1nLFYMcF
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“Don’t chase a dream that isn’t yours.” Itsuki leaned back on the kitchen counter and placed his elbows on it. “If I had to guess—”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEazo3QVBEu
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“Don’t guess,” I told him immediately.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXp83E7f9kD
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Itsuki only looked at me a little irked. “If I had to guess,” he continued. “Since you were disappointed in me when I came back last year, you took it upon yourself to continue what I had started.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfyGBP5JrN
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I bit my lip. He wasn’t wrong. Again.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92ym5nFMCA
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“And now, you’re frustrated because you failed.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoew0dyhTl
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“I did not fail.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDKXnk4UUP
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“Heh. Good for you then,” Itsuki said as he scratched his chin. “But you still didn’t get the result you wanted, right?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0FpL6HF0N
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“...Yes,” I replied hesitantly.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtseWrYtTWh
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“Figures.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8lzPPQdlU
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“But I could still—”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXObvdx9eb
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“Try again? Next exam you’ll do better? That’s not going to work, just give up.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei5jSWuItj
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“How could you say that!?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi4y6uwC52
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“Because you’re not suited for it.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBtLANps4C
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I wanted to say something back. But what? I didn’t even know what he meant. Was I not suited to achieving my goals?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZ33Pp6DUK
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“You’ve always had good grades,” Itsuki continued. “But you’re not one to actually achieve elite grades. You know, you’re always around rank 40s or 50s. And that’s good enough.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DWFJcJNAR
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“I managed to reach rank 11 last year.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDuiwsJybA
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“And? What did you get from that? Did you have fun?”
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I didn’t answer. I looked away instead.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg159CmCCNA
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“See, nothing, right? All those times you put into studying, all those times you did nothing but read notes and textbooks. Times that you wasted.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LJ2FX4nKs
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“It wasn’t—”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XNEsrqlZA
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“During weekends, you cooped up inside your room and only came out whenever Ma called for you to eat. Is that the kind of life you want? Do you even go out at all?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDAvGicKi1
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LJzGJVaYj
“You’ve seen me go out with—”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Phloz9wfq
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“Carrying your study materials with you. For all I know, you go out and still end up studying in the library or a cafe out there. What’s the difference?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXbouz09lR
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQNH2hGQVh
I only stared at him at this point. Why was he still so smart and somehow knew what to say? I frowned.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIh4eWDV4J
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“You’re putting too much unnecessary pressure on yourself,” Itsuki continued. “If I had to guess—”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi45ivuUSPt
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“I told you to stop guessing!” I yelled.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV06wk0dFvI
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“IF I HAD TO GUESS…” Itsuki replied, leaning a little forward to emphasize what he said. I looked away. “...since I came back and gave up university, you probably took it upon yourself to continue whatever ‘legacy’ you always fantasized about for our parents.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowtQIwj4si
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I heard Itsuki coming closer.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTZxixUCAe
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“Look at me,” Itsuki said when he stopped in front of me. I kept looking away. “I failed, I couldn’t make it. But you always admired me when we were kids because of my grades. I wasn’t special, I found out I was mediocre like anyone else. If I am mediocre, then what do you think that makes you?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L81t8QX2F
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeKIcgGbMv
Why? Why was he telling me all this? It stung. I couldn’t stand it. Of course I knew. Of course I wasn’t special. I had never thought of myself like that. But all I could do was try. At least try.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHviDT2Xe1K
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“Ma and Pa always tell us to be just who we want to be. They always said they will support us no matter what,” Itsuki continued. “A PhD graduate who once led a group of researchers in Europe, then went back to Japan to become a professor. A genius programmer who once gave up her career to become a housewife, and after six years when she went back, was promoted into becoming a head developer. Aren’t they amazing? Our parents? And they told us not to become like them. So why are you even trying?”
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbZYOKMb7h
“Stop!” I didn’t want to listen anymore. I closed my eyes and covered my ears. But he took one of my hands and pulled me up. I looked at him, and I was terrified. Not of him, but of what he was saying.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HxfXSVgAK
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“Do you know how I ended up like this?” Itsuki asked. “Because I struggled. Just like what you’re planning to do with yourself. I studied hard for the entrance exam. I did great, but it cost me my freedom. It cost me my time.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTX8se9utUB
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“Let me go!” I struggled. But he only continued to talk.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRsKyfRo7r
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyf66tLCox1
“I did well in the first year, but I was getting tired. Every month, everything got harder. Every new lecture, I started not being able to keep up. Then tiredness became exhaustion, and it showed. I wasn’t able to sleep properly, or eat properly. I started to get sick of studying.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUx4oPBzS4
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“I beg you, please! Big brother, please!”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaQRh9zzMm
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“And then one day, a friend asked me to hang out. He said it was a good idea to have fun from time to time to cure myself of burnout. But after just that one time, I realized something that I should have realized before. I realized I had forsaken living my life. And then I just stopped caring afterwards.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIgmNvTUnQ
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXAWQYA8cy
Itsuki let go of my hand, and I immediately fell to the floor. I curled up, hugged my knees, and closed my eyes. I kept telling him to stop. Not to him who was in front of me, but the one who was repeating his words inside my mind.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWpVJa8yoI
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“That’s why I am advising you to stop now. Don’t make the same mistake that I did,” Itsuki continued. “Also, if you’re not on good terms with Runa now, then you can just ditch her. You’ve been friends for so long and she never even figured out the burden you’ve been carrying all this time.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6qu1onr6z
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8dQa5WGqJ
“Don’t get Runa involved—”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2mExgvxzF
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“Come on! Did she even call you at all? Talk to you at school? Did she even realize how your scores affected you?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiMiZo5Ld6
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“...No.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvkiBerulv
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“And you call her a friend?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSmlqzQgRy
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“But it was my fault!”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSXR3osWkL
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“Now you’re starting to blame yourself too?” Itsuki laughed. “It would be nice if you could do the same thing for me, hah!”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6M7CRvRT43
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“But…”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqn7w0E2rSM
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO3SlNCmhg
“Just ditch her. She never even bothered checking on you.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5gsWxj0TW
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ELD99cn0y
“How did you know?”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6Fr9nTU9V
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“I didn’t. I took a guess and your face is telling me everything I need to know,” Itsuki said. He turned around to face the living room. “You’re still young. Go out and have fun. Live your life a little. You’ve been so obsessed with studying that Runa is the only friend you have. Time for you to meet other people.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW32SkXigaF
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOQxcCphCH
“I have… other friends… too,” I said hesitantly.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkZDxC6ye7
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“Who? Those chicks that visited you last time? Weren’t they Runa’s friends? They’re only tagging along with you because of Runa.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrZHVJijtZ
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDEMzmRZre
“That’s not—”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPspqFgojw
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8QGtxlGc9
“It is true.”89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbg3ezkBUO
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqTboZA5Gm
Itsuki turned around to face me. I was sobbing quietly. Then he sighed.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWjwY4PZhy
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“If you are going to cry, go to your room,” Itsuki said. “I’m going to watch TV, and I don’t want your cries to distract me. Go think about what I said, instead.”
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My hands tried to stop the tears from flowing, but the tears didn’t stop. I stood up slowly and had my forearm covering my eyes. I started to walk and almost bumped into the door because I couldn’t see. But it would have been better that way, maybe if I did, that pain would drown the other pain I didn’t want to feel.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsypAwPKwg
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I opened the door. When I stepped out, I grabbed my bag that I had left below the staircase, and I climbed the stairs with tears still drowning my eyes.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfCTzRJqQ3
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—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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That night, the rain started falling. It was deafeningly heavy. I tried to sleep everything off. But I couldn’t. Not because of the loud sound coming from the roof catching the weight of the raindrops, or the endless calls I was getting from my phone that I chose to ignore. I couldn’t sleep because of what Itsuki told me. Everything.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf9T8BXZku
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I didn’t want to believe them. I didn’t want to think about them. But as time went on and the longer I stared at the ceiling from the darkness of my room, every word started to make sense. Why had I given myself goals that I knew would be hard to achieve? It was to honor my parents. But they would still be glad with whatever results I showed them. They were never concerned about reputation, about legacy, about anything else. They were only glad that we were working hard.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSdL8vTF6t
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But still… it would actually be nice if they could acknowledge the path I was trying to go through. I would want them to be proud of me, tell me that I was their hope. But then again, why did I not tell them anything?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡma1kihDopC
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My phone rang again. I had lost count of how many times already. This time, I decided to pick it up. When I looked at who was calling, the name that showed was Hina… It wasn’t even Runa…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLJfy7FovT
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I waited for the ringing to stop, and when it did, I checked the missed calls notification. Ten from Yui, six from Hina… and two from Runa…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEP9Ette6Sj
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Only two…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfNePF9JCc
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Well, at least Hina and Yui cared…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCPXZEBz8X
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Runa’s friends89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tYqTzWvPk
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Itsuki’s words replayed in my head. I resisted… they were my friends too… but it was true that I only met them through Runa. It was also true that I never befriended them on my own. Were they really my friends? Or was I the one who really was just tagging along?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvKpkDTrOG
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“This is so unfair,” I muttered to myself.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3ATS2HC2c
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Life was unfair. If only I had gotten better grades, then I would have told Itsuki off. If only I had been able to focus on studying, then I would have had better grades. If only I hadn’t had anything I was worrying about, then I would have been able to continue with no doubts.
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPXsFqHPDh
…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQRX5tR2Hr
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…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc45VSVUNpx
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If only Runa would just let me have time with Kuroiwa-san… then…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9zrgxUdBv
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But, it wasn’t her fault…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwewapggwUn
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Was that really true?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7O9TuapqQT
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She didn’t even know…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysvhPHl0c4
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Did she even ask?89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDCW8jINbx
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I should have told her…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgFHhVqSoP
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She should have noticed!89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbiULjlWa2
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All I wanted to do was ask him…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4W7xzdpFh
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And yet she never gave the space I wanted…
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…
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…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY5EOMWtsq
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Whose fault was it? I didn’t know. I didn’t want to know. I just felt… exhausted…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWYNLLB6Ko
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Who cares about studying? Who cares about trying hard? Why should I do all of that? When I needed help, no one was coming…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzIfuVrayy
89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIrvd6miwU
I felt very disappointed in myself…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3Etp5thCf
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That was why… I was giving up…89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiKwrwK0GY
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Sadness started overwhelming me. I had just stopped crying thirty minutes ago, and now my eyes were starting to well up again. I grabbed my chest to stop it. But like I had expected, there was no effect. I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes tightly, and yet the tears just kept flowing.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVOaIE8U0l
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“Someone… Help me… please…” I whispered.89Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1780RGSqQ
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And as no one answered my plea… I just let the rain drown out the sound of my cries…
and then Add to home screen.