Nicholas’ POV
The day after I kidnapped Lucas, Nouelle came.
Without sending a message first.
“Nico,” she pounced on me like an eight-year-old would.
“Aren’t you a little too old for this?” I said as I adjusted her on my back.
“Don’t age shame me, I’m not even thirty yet.”
“Where to, old woman?”
“I’m not old, gosh! Take me to your room.”
A few minutes later, “And we’re here.”
“Thanks, bud.”
“Why are you here?” I asked. “You know it’s dangerous.”
“I came to see you,” she said. “I’ve missed my little brother.”
“Where’s your son?”
“With my husband.”
“They aren’t safe, you aren’t either.”
“I’m not getting killed for just existing, Nico. And I already have your dad breathing down my neck, cut me some slack.”
I sighed. “Why are you actually here, Nouelle? Don’t say you miss me, we both know that’s a lie.”
“It’s not, let me be your big sis again, like the good old days.”
“You’re my sister. That’s why it’s a lie.”
She took a breath in, and as she let the air out it sounded heavier. “Being your sister means more than being your father’s daughter, we’ve gone over this before.”
“Same difference.”
She walked around the room, then sat on my couch, on the exact same spot I had Lucas sit the day before, then she said, “You might be wondering what led me to sneak in.”
“That’s what I’ve been asking.”
“And I told you the truth.” She paused, “Ever since I gave birth to Lyonel, I’ve been thinking. Thinking about you.”
She leaned back on the chair, then leaned forward, her hands moved as she spoke. “He looks just like you, you know. And that makes me wonder.” She looked at me, maybe to make sure I was looking at her.
“What if my son had to live like you?” She stood then. “What if his sole purpose was for other people?” Then she came back to where I stood and held my hand in hers.
“You’ve helped me escape this place before. The only reason I’m out of here is because of you. Now can you just let me help you?” And she was done.
“There’s no escape, Nouelle. This is my life.”
“That’s what everyone tells you. You can live whatever life you want.”
Her voice was sweet, so sweet that it made me remember all the times she’d tried to talk me into running away. I smiled.
“I’m not a kid anymore. I want to be here.”
“Are you sure you’re not just lying to yourself?”
“Yes, so don’t you ever pull this kind of stunt again.”
She pursed her lips and looked over me.
“If you need anything, you can tell me, okay?” she said.
“I don’t need anything.”
“Not even a hug?”
“No.”
She walked closer and wrapped her arms around me. I used to try to escape that. But this time, she patted my back like I was her kid.
“Better?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “So when do you plan to leave?”
She let out a breath, the strained kind. “And there he goes again, so fast to make me leave.”
“You’ll get hurt if you stay here any longer.”
“I haven’t seen you in years, Nico.”
“And you shouldn’t be seeing me now.”
She sighed. Then she asked, “Are you, uhh, still with Jay?”
“No.”
“When did you end it?”
“A long time ago.”
“Are you seeing anyone now? Please tell me you’ve made real friends.”
“Yeah, lots of them.”
“I hope so.”
“Now that we’ve established that, I can help you find your way out.”
“I’ll do that myself. Since you don’t seem to be happy to see me.”
“I am. I just... care about you.”
She took a few steps back. “I know. I’ll leave now, but I need you to promise me something.”
“What is it?”
“If anything is bothering you, tell me. Tell anyone you trust. You shouldn’t go through any of this alone.”
“I hear you.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“Thank you.”
She left soon after. I really should be taking her advice seriously. I really should have taken her advice seriously when we were younger too. There was this specific argument we had that still lived rent-free in my mind.
“I’m not here enough but I know he’s not good company,” she said.
“It’s none of your business.”
“He’s twenty and you’re fourteen, why don’t you just find friends your age?”
“Leave me alone, Nouelle.”
“You know what, I’ll tell Dad since you won’t listen to me.”
“I’m not you. He won’t care.”
“I’ll make him care.”
“You won’t, and you have no right to. You’re jealous because your helicopter parents won’t let you love someone like he loves me.”
Oh, how stupid I was.
We didn’t talk normally after that.
She got married about two years later and I hadn’t seen her till today.
I should have been happy to see her again.
But the moment she mentioned Jay, something inside me shut down.
What I did when I was in that space was sit at my desk, pick up a book, anything that could advance my knowledge. Past nations, trade routes, projected rations. Something that would make me enough for the nation. Something that was not Lucas.
But that was a mistake.
When I held Lucas in my arms, all I felt was regret.
His skin was cold within my arms, his voice hoarse, his eyes red. That was not the Lucas I knew.
I’ve never known real care, never been missed, never been wanted for my presence. Seeing his messages didn’t change that, but seeing him, I knew I had done something terribly wrong.
Apologies were just words. Reassurance, just words. A hug, measurable. I had to give him something more. Something that amounted to something.
So I started being more open with him, not necessarily explaining myself but letting him into my world, something that could end up profoundly bad but I needed to make it up to him.
What came first was spending the night with him. I never stayed after he fell asleep, but I couldn’t just leave after I implicitly told him I wouldn’t. I sat with him on his couch, I held his arm and we both didn’t say anything till he fell asleep while resting on my arm.
I took him to his room, laid him on his bed and tucked him in like the other times I’d done it.
I envied Lucas; he could just shut his eyes and everything would end. A moment where the world could stop. He slept at least six hours every day, leaning twelve sometimes.
I paced the room while I thought about what I had to do next, the responsibilities waiting for me or the man who slept curled up into a ball beneath me.
That was the theme of the night. It took Lucas exactly seven hours to wake up and it took me seven hours to know exactly what I wanted to do.
His body shifted on the bed, his hands were thrown out before he yawned, then sat up. He scratched his eyes, which opened more after. He saw me, then scratched them again.
“Good morning,” I said, then walked closer to the bed.
“I— You’re here.”
I sat on the bed.
“I am. How are you feeling?”
I held his hand, like I did the night before.
“Okay, I’m okay.”
“That’s nice.”
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m good too.”
He moved his hand from beneath mine, placing it above. “You look tired, did you sleep?”
You shouldn’t be the one caring about me right now.
“A little,” I said, even though I spent the whole time watching him.
He had this tentative look on his face. “Do you have anything you want to tell me?” I asked. “Or want anything?”
“I want you closer,” he said. And I wrapped my arms around him again, falling into bed with him. While caressing his face and his hair, I said, “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s alright,” he said. “You’re here now.”
Then I said, “I am. Do you want to spend the day with me?”
He nodded, then he held my chin and raised my head. My eyes met his. And he leaned in closer, with his lips finding mine.
Lucas and I spent half the day together. We went for a walk, went to a park, got coffee and went back to his condo. Then I made a promise to see him again after. That was how the week went, spending most of my time with Lucas.
Lucas liked being touched. Sometimes he wanted cuddles, other times more. But with whatever we did together, I loved when he got his payoff. I loved when he casually drifted into sleep. And I loved watching him sleep the most.
I decided to take things further by inviting Lucas to the palace, letting him into my world.
We both stood; he walked around, checking my room.
“The last time I was here,” he said. “You pinned me to the wall.”
“I did. Sorry about that.”
“I— No. I liked it.”
“Oh. Want a redo?”
“Yeah,” he said. His eyes were extremely doe-like.
He walked closer to where I stood. His lips hovered right below mine. And he let them fall on mine, the same way he had been doing.
I wrapped my arm around his waist, like I liked doing. I broke away from his lips and said, “You’re going to tell me everything you like and dislike.”
He nodded.
“I need you to speak, Lucas.”
“Yes,” he whispered.
He was close to the wall; a light push and his back rested on it. I went on my knees. Unbuckled his belt. Dragged his trousers down. He was hard. His boxers weren’t hiding it. They went off next. He was uncut.
“You never told me this,” I said, then licked the tip and around. Teasing but never really giving. Lucas thrust or was it grunted? Then he said, “You never asked.”
“I don’t need to ask.”
I didn’t give him any more.
“Keep going,” he said.
“Please,” he begged.
And I let him have his way.
I liked letting him have his way. I liked how Lucas made me feel. I wanted him to feel more. So I used my thumb to nudge his hole. He went silent.
I looked up, then asked, “You okay?”
He nodded.
“Words.”
“Yes.”
Then I let my fingers sink into Lucas, and with slow thrusts I had Lucas moaning again.
He grabbed me by my hair, just his hand there doing nothing but with the feeling that he was present.
“More,” he whispered.
I took him to my bed.
“More of what, baby?”
“Everything,” he said. “I want you.” Then he kissed me. He touched me this time, inviting me. He pushed my shirt up a little but I helped him finish the job.
Then he leaned back down on the bed, legs spread apart.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I want this.”
And I kissed him again, melting into him. Craving only him. And I couldn’t have wanted anything differently.
ns216.73.216.141da2
and then Add to home screen.