**Content warning** hateful slurs, homophobic slurs, racism, annoying characters, stalking, manipulative characters.
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~XAVI~
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I've been in love with my best friend, Ryan Wesley, since we met in high school seventeen years ago.
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He was the star quarterback back then, and I was, and still am, a nerd.
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I used to get bullied so easily that he eventually took me under his wing. After that, no one messed with me again... well, except for the one time I was pressured into going to a frat house to "lose" my supposed virginity.
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The girl who gave me a blowjob couldn't get me hard, and I practically closed my eyes, imagining Damon Salvatore's abs and sweaty skin. I moaned and called his name, completely freaking the poor girl out. Afterward, she went around calling me a freak and a faggot which, of course, the mighty, angelic Ryan Wesley quickly debunked.
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But I knew then and there that I was gay.
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It's not like I'll ever tell him I have feelings for him, much less tell him I'm gay. He'd totally hate me for it. He probably wouldn't even look at me again—or worse, he'd give me a black eye. I've seen how he talks about gay guys. I'll never tell him anything. I'll just love him in secret forever.
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Right now, we're in his living room overlooking the New York skyscrapers. I'm holding the second bottle of vodka he's just consumed, listening to his sobs as he curls up on the floor, looking like a complete mess.
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All because of Delancy.
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His inconsiderate girlfriend since college. The one I've always hated, not just because she's a woman who gets to have him, but because she's cheated on him multiple times, and he still lets her back into his open arms.
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"You can't keep slouching, dude. Come on, you're getting drunk and it's only three in the afternoon," I murmur, touching his shoulder.
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"I can't believe she did this to me, Xavi," Ryan mumbles.
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Hesitating, I crouch beside him, trying to feel his warmth, glad I can feel it without him noticing I'm smelling his shampoo.
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"She cheated again, didn't she?" I ask. "You don't have to tell me, really, I know."
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"It's not that." He sniffs.
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"Then what? What did she do this time?" My voice is calm, but I'm hot and pissed inside. Whenever she cheats on him, I'm the buddy he always feels comfortable to cry to. And then by next week, after he's unfollowed her on Instagram, he'll follow her back and they fuck again. Guess who gets to hear about that painful experience? Me.
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I should be more sympathetic, I know.
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But it's pathetic watching him pine over Delancy for what? Her ass? Her Botoxed face? Her... okay, now I'm beginning to sound really jealous, and what he needs right now is a friend.
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"She just posted on her IG," he says, looking ahead.
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"Okay? Is that a bad thing?"
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"She posted her engagement ring." My heart leaps at that. I glance at his side profile, feeling the ground beneath me opening.
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No, he couldn't possibly...
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"She's gotten engaged to Robb! My boss," he finishes.
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"Oh, thank God," I say without thinking, and almost immediately wish I didn't.
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He shoots me a hot glare, green eyes squinted and I quickly change tactics.
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"I mean, no, of course not. Not 'thank God.' 'God, why?' is what I wanted to say." I hit him playfully, then clear my throat. "I wanted to say 'God, why?'"
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"You're lying, Xavi." I avoid his sexy eyes, picking up the bottle, lest he sees the happiness on my face. Delancy getting married?
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"I know you never liked Delancy, and you're probably thinking I dodged a bullet."
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"Oh, but didn't you? You practically introduced her to Rob only last year and she saw an opportunity to get to the richest man. What is he? Sixty?" I deadpan, and he shoots me a glare before sighing and falling back on the floor.
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The sunlight from the glass reflects on his face and I can see the stubble on his jaw, thick and totally unlike his clean, smooth aesthetic. I can't help but think how it looks better on him.
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Well, apart from the stained shirt he's wearing that has blood on it from the fight I literally dragged his drunk ass out of yesterday night.
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He fumbles for his phone in his back pocket and I instantly move to help him with it, not wanting to miss the opportunity of feeling his firm ass through those jeans.
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I look at the screen and my eyes widen at the image he's showing me. A wedding invitation. Announcing the union of Delancy Donovan and Robb Makenzy, CEO of the biggest tech company in New York and Ryan's boss. The invitation states the date is six weeks from now.
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My heart skips several beats, a fluttering sensation spreading through me.
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I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. This is the best news I've heard in years. I can finally have Ryan all to myself without this bitch's interference. I'm a little angry at his boss, though. Why steal your employee's girl and still invite him to the wedding?
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"Damn, man," I say, trying to sound sympathetic. "Did you know they were dating?"
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He scoffs. "I suspected it. She was getting these really expensive gifts and she'd post on her story these weird quotes about older men being the best and stuff. When I ask her what she meant, she'd say she just loves her dad so much. Then it got to a point where she started blocking me from seeing her posts and I had to create a fake account to stalk her page. That's where I saw her posting on a date with a guy, but she didn't show his face. Obviously, I confronted her and she said it was her brother and..." he sighs, shaking his head. "I sound pathetic, don't I?"
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I hand him back his phone.
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"You want an answer as a friend or a stranger?"
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He shrugs. "I'm already pathetic, Xavi. I don't care about what comes next."
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That statement pisses me off. I mean, hello, I'm here. How can you be pathetic when I'm literally right here?
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"You're not pathetic, Ryan. You're just broken, and it's normal. Heartbreak happens to the most beautiful people." I know from experience. My eyes trace his strong jaw, his lips, the eyelashes spiked with dried tears. He's so beautiful it hurts.
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"I just can't believe it's over. She's really leaving me for good to be with that bastard just because he's richer than me. Xavi, I want to quit my job."
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I shake my head. "No, you don't."
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He collapses back onto the floor, staring at the ceiling like it might offer some sort of explanation.
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"He probably didn't know. Your boss. He probably didn't know she was your girlfriend, knowing how good of a liar she is."
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"I introduced her to him as my girlfriend, Xavi," he cuts me off.
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"Oh." Is all I can say, sagging back in defeat. I so badly want to get him out of this mood.
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"She's my everything, Xavi."
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"I know."
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"She's my rock."
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"I know."
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"She's my pillar."
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"I know."
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"Without her by my side, I'll kill myself." I spare a glance at him then to see fresh tears gushing out of his eyes. I don't know if he's just saying that for the sake of it, but that isn't funny at all.
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Delancy was never any of those things he mentioned. It's almost as if she has him tied with African juju or something.
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"You don't need her," I find myself saying.
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"There's thousands of people who would die to be with you, Ryan. Including men." I add, watching his expression morph from sadness to amusement.
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"Men? Is this your way of saying you have a crush on me, Xavi Bailey?" I know he's joking, but I can't help the way my heart is beating like it's about to burst.
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I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
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"Chill. I know you're not gay. You just haven't found the perfect nerd girl that fits your nerd aesthetic," he says, and I can't help feeling hurt at his words. I'm the nerd friend who he can openly cry to and show his weaknesses to, then when he's on his feet, he goes to chill with his "big bad real bros" and dawgs.
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I stand abruptly, smoothing down my jeans and adjusting my glasses.
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"You know what?" I say. "Let's go to a club and fuck some chicks."
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Ryan looks at me like I've grown two heads.
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"I knew you weren't gay but... I've always suspected you were a virgin. Do you seriously want to lose your virginity to a one-night stand?" he asks, a playful smirk appearing on his handsome face.
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I laugh, throwing the nearest pillow at his head just as he dodges it. "Asshole. Let's go get wasted."
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"Wait a minute." He sits up straighter, watching me with all seriousness now. "You really wanna go to a club with me?"
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"Yes? It's not like you don't normally chill there with your bros."
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"Yes, well... it's just, you're... well. A club isn't your kind of place."
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I frown. "But I practically went there yesterday after you called me to bring your drunk ass home."
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He says nothing and I almost want to bite my tongue. Is he that uptight about going to a club with me?
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"You know what? You're right. Let's get wasted. I need, I do need a distraction."
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With that, he stands and shrugs out of his shirt, exposing smooth washboard abs that nearly make my eyes pop out of their sockets.
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He bumps past me then totally oblivious of the effect he's having on me. "I'll go shower and we'll leave, hopefully by seven."
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After he leaves, I glance at the photo of Delancy on his desk and, with a huff, I stuff it in the trash.
Good riddance, bitch.
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****
Nightlife in New York has always been something I personally dislike, mostly because I don't fit into a club full of half-naked girls. It is also because all the men in here are most definitely as straight as the poles these strippers are dancing on. I'd much rather spend my time in my art studio, drawing the torso of a hot anime character. I understand now why Ryan calls me a nerd.
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The leather pants I'm wearing, which Ryan insisted on lending me, are too big for my lanky frame. Even if he insists they are perfect because girls love guys in baggy stuff, I can't help but be self-conscious.
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The black vest I'm wearing is tight in contrast. A glance in the mirror and I could swear I looked like a girl playing dress-up. I'd have badly preferred some skinny jeans and baggy tshirt. It doesn't help that the men around here are eyeing me.
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We've been here for more than an hour and it has been hell.
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Immediately after we stepped into the club, Ryan ditched me to hang out with a couple of dudes he didn't even bother to introduce me to. I suspect they are his colleagues from work.
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They are currently sitting at the bar, watching a red-haired stripper twirl on the pole. Her tits are exposed and his eyes haven't left them. I should blame myself for insisting we come here. What was I thinking, anyway?
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Someone bumps into me and I look to my left to see a big, ugly man grinning at me. "You're a faggot, aren't you? I could see that waist from afar."
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I stand awkwardly on the dance floor, my hands tightening painfully on the can of soda in my hand.
"Fuck you," I manage, because I know I can't fight the fucker.
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I move toward the bar, only to stop as the stripper on the pole climbs onto the table, twirling a lemon in her mouth.
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I watch with bile in my throat as she crawls toward Ryan. He leans in, kissing the lemon out of her mouth. Just like that, the entire club erupts in cheers as if it's the greatest display of eroticism.
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And she's not stopping. She's on his lap now, her fingers tracing his thighs. God, how much of this can I take? Her back is against his chest, her arms raised above her head, and her fingers are tangled in his hair.
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His hands are on her hips, guiding her movements while his face is buried in her neck.
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I feel hot and sweaty. I feel dirty. I feel pathetic.
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"Xavi?" Ryan calls out, finally spotting me. "You can't just stand there. Go get laid!"
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"I..." The couples dancing beside me snicker and move away. God, did he have to be so loud?
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"I'm getting to it!" I shout back
.
The redhead on his thighs looks at me and a strange look crosses her face, though it is quickly wiped away. "Are you brothers?"
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"No! I'm his best friend," I say defensively, wishing she'd stop touching his chest like that.
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"Oh. For a while there, I almost mistook you for a chaperone," she says.
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"You can mistake me for anything you like, lady. But my eyes aren't leaving yours just in case you try to poison my friend."
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Ryan looks embarrassed. "He's only joking, sweetheart," he says quickly to the girl, his arm tightening around her waist. "He's like that sometimes."
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She snorts. "He's acting like a weirdo control freak to me."
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"A caring brother would be more appropriate," Ryan corrects. "Xavi, meet Sheila. She's the girl I told you about." I can't help the frown on my face. What girl did he tell me about apart from Delancy?
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Sheila's eyes rake over me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. "Your friend is really hot with those glasses, though. I can picture him on Brazzers banging a stepmother."
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Ryan grimaces. "That's not a very nice thing to say."
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"Oh, come on. Don't you see it? He's totally fuckable."
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"What do you mean he's totally fuckable, Sheila? He's a guy, obviously."
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She grins then, and I feel my blood running cold. "I know he's a guy, but you know, most gay guys aren't appealing to us straight girls. But your Xavi here would make a straight girl think twice."26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvN5GxtzDB
and then Add to home screen.