What I learned in my 14 years - this is 5 pages in a google doc and this is a life story

What I learned

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I’ve learned a lot over the years I’ve been alive

Spitballs to how to protect myself from people

But nothing compares to the pain I got though it all

It’s way easier to paint a smile and pretend your okay

That’s something I learned

Humans are not easy to be with

I fell so much

But I learned the more I get up

The harder it is to go back to normal

In my short life which has only been 14 years

My mind has suffered so much

With my own blood family leaving to my friends hurting me

Sometimes I fall asleep looking in the mirror

Wonder when I’ll get better

I barely see anyone I know

At this point I see a creature a monster

I learned

You can’t trust in this world easy

Humans are mean and cruel

If a kid is reading this well sorry to burst your bubble

You can’t trust who you think you can

But I also learned that Life is great

That you should overuse your innocent self

That life is nice to you as long as your kind to people who need it

It seems like I’m lying because of how much I say people can’t be trusted

But some can like my friends now

These people were with me when my family wasn’t

When I wanted to be buried 6 feet

Now I’m you know happy sort of

It’s weird because I’m sad but I have these part of happiness

Because of my friends

I was dead inside good as gone

But now I know I’ve learned

I may be a monster but I can still love

I may be broken but I have a heart still

I am immature because I had no childhood

And I’m trying to get back what I never had

I’m not in control of myself

Honestly if I trust you don’t break that trust I have in you

Because I don’t trust easy

But over the years I found bad people

And good people

Who care

But I needed that years ago

Someone who cared

Now I have it I’m happy but sad

I don’t want to die people need me still

I’m not bitter but I can be salty if I don’t like you

But I feel like I’m dying

All the time

If your like me then your dream is to be free

Something you haven’t tasted in years

It’s something I need

No how much I cry out no one listens

But that has helped me learn the world is a scary place

Not everything is rainbows and butterflies

If anyone would know it’s me

People have told me I’m like a mad hatter

Happy fun but can kill you

Honestly what I’m going to write might change your look on me

I used to smoke like Marijuana it was like twice

But I still have that thing to want too

That’s why if you know me

I make arson jokes

That’s to cover my feeling to light a lighter

If you knew my dad’s side you would know they smoke like a campfire

But that makes me more likely to smoke

It scares me I don’t want to end up like them

But though it all I’m glad to know them

If I didn’t well I wouldn’t know what not to be

Life is full of darkness and cruelness and is broken

But I can tell you there can’t be darkness without light

It makes the light a lot more powerful for me then others

Deep down I know I can’t make everyone happy

But everytime I do it gives my life a spark of hope

A light that makes my life more pretty and less dark

I was given a bad hand in life but I still kept my child in me

She was a great person she fades comes and goes but you can see her

Sometimes when I’m talking about things I like

My eyes light up

That is the only sign that I still have a heart of gold

Even when I’ve been pushed down

Broken down still I’m standing

I may never have another sign besides that

But it proves I’m still trying to keep my childhood

I missed out but I’m still standing right

Even though it all I help others because that is how I am

Like why I was late to class today on 3/13/26

Because I was helping a kid named Adam he is a learning for life kid

He is so sweet man and I wish I was like them carefree full of life

So I helped him cut his food and clean because I’m like that

When I’m bleeding I’ll help

When I’m dying I’ll do anything for people I care about

Like my friends they are my stars when It’s dark

My mind may be a dark place but I swear I’m a good person too

My bright smile holds a very dark past and loneliness

Plus a lack of childhood

But I hold things close to me no matter what

I’ll die for people I care about

But over the years I learned that people who care about you

Wouldn’t let you bleed alone like my friends now

They don’t let me give myself up alone

I am still held to my darkness and my past

It may control me but I as a person try my best to be better

Not everyone sees it like my mom

She doesn’t see how hard I try

How bad it hurts

But in the past 3 weeks she has been trying to help

She may not get me or understand me but she tries

It’s going to take time for me to trust her

Just because she is my blood doesn’t give her a pass in my trust

I’ve always tried to be a good kid

But she doesn’t see my pain I get doing it

As a human I learned

I trust you don’t break it I don’t trust easy but I’ll break for you

I’ll cry for you I’ll die for you but I hope you do the same because I’m

A human too and a mind can only take so much darkness and emptiness

I love myself but I hate myself at the same time I get attached to people

And yes that’s a bad thing I’ve been the bigger one my whole life

That’s why I think a song knows how I feel (Lauren Spencer Smith - Bigger Person )

I broke so many times but now I have people who are stopping me from bleeding too much

I’d do a lot for people I care about

Everytime I help someone it makes my life a little bit better

And a lot more beautiful then it was before

Not only beautiful but brighter

It makes my smiles way more real

My laughs happier

My mind has hope

Every time I help someone

I feel great makes me miss my old self the one that was

Happy carefree kind innocent playful

I would laugh at the stupidest things

Now I’m hiding myself from everyone

Hiding everything no one sees me

When you don’t have a childhood you end up sad

But in the end you still have that child in you waiting to be free

That is something that is happening to me now

She shows up at the stupidest times and lets me laugh

But still I know I can’t trust people

Only a few I let in

I am very wise for my age I’m only 13

Still I’ve seen it all what drinks do to people

In fact I’ve been high myself and I’ve seen

Dark parts of the human mind

If I could say it was one word it’s

Power hungry

That’s what humans minds do its hungry for power

I’ve seen it way too many times

I was just a kid man

I was 4 when my dad punched a hole into a door

I didn’t know what I saw that day

But now I do

My mom and my dad got in many fights over me

They think I don’t remember but I do

I grew up like that seeing them

They would put me in my room and fight

But I know it was all over me

I was the main cause of them fighting

I still wish I got a happy childhood

But I have time for a happy ending

New starts new endings you know

But my old start has stayed in my head for a long time

But still I’m fake

Not all my smiles are real some are still fake

Sure she still comes out at times smiling

But I still feel fake no matter what

I’m empty

I bled out a long time ago

But I can help people It only heals a little

But as I said in light there is darkness unless you were just born

Nothing can fully heal me

But still I try to be a better human but it doesn't always work you know

It's just as the type of person I am I'm one to give and give until I can't give

People take advantage of that which is very unfair and sad

But now I’ve learned

Sure not all humans can be trusted but not all are bad

And there is no darkness without light and even in the light there is darkness

Because not everyone is the perfect friend

Because no one is perfect

I learned that the hard way so others don’t have to learn the way I did

But I’ll let you know

You need to understand the way to act to people

It would have helped me a long time ago if someone was nice to me

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