I'm afraid not being enough is what I'm made for. To carry the pain of almost winning. In a lot of ways the place I've been stuck at is good. It is as good as it gets. And yet, is not enough.
I used to wish for more as a kid. The more I could get by reached out my hand further. Alas my hand, no matter how much i grow, remained just short of the fruit.
I'm afraid that if there is a god and this is his cruel way of punishing me. To fill me to the brim with large dreams. Dreams so overwhelming your eyes tear at the very thought of them. To be filled with such dreams, and to be born with arms like mine. Just short of the fruit.
I feel I am alone in this world. In a world where people with hope and faith feel it within them, the power to get things done. In such a world I am but a stoneheart. I feel no hope or faith.
Every time I cry for god and am rejected I hear it.
I hear the echos of the fear in my voice as I cry to him. I hear the echos through my stone heart and feel it crack just a little bit.
I pray sometimes, that for once I am able to reach high enough for the fruit, but deep down i know once isn't close to enough. I want the fruit. Maybe not always, maybe every now and then. Maybe that would be enough.
The way my existence has been written in the world is to fill space. I exist to simply exist. At a point in time that comforted me. That was before i realised my hands would be so. I could never reach what I saw and all I ever saw since we're beautiful nightmares. Nightmares filled with bright lovely futures.
Futures I could never have.
There is a god out there, and he wrote me to never be enough.
What a bitter fate to bear.
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