Ever since I was a little girl, I have always subconsciously felt the pressure of knowing who I am. This desire of figuring everything out as soon as I can led me to make many assumptions about who I am and what I am meant to do. At 13, I was confident I had found the answer to all my questions. But just like most stuff, that certainty didn't last more than a year or so.
As time passed, things only got worse in this regard. With each year, I found myself being more and more unsure. I don't think I know who I actually am other than the attributes given to me. And no, it's nothing dramatic like standing in front of a mirror and not recognizing oneself or not knowing whether I am alive or not. The only feeling attached to it is this agitating confusion, especially when being asked things like this. And to tell the truth, I had significant difficulty while thinking about what I should write here.
And to be honest, I think this question no longer appeals to me either. I don't see what I will get if I finally figure out who or what I am. And our perception changes with time. It seems like a tedious idea to update one's personal profile to keep up with our current view of the world.
I don't say any of this with certitude; in the back of my mind I wonder whether I should just write, "I am someone who loves Art and Emotion and likes to learn new things. And I like to write, draw, read, watch anime/tv shows/movies and love to talk about my interests with anyone who is willing to listen." instead of whatever I am writing. But the truth is I never was much of an Artist or a Writer or anything at all.. I find that I may have nothing unique to contribute to the world. It used to be a sad thought for me, as I had big dreams once. It's not like I am some depressed ambitionless person now, it's just that I can't care as much anymore.
So to conclude it all, I can't give a concrete definition of who I am and I don't think I need to find the exact definition either. After all, one can only figure so much at 18. I would rather sit back and watch as life molds me into whatever. Who knows, maybe I end up with super powers in like 10 years' time. (Never lose hope). This realization doesn't really bring peace, neither does it unfortunately bring the much-needed thrill in my life. It brings nothing that I can describe in adequate words. It just is. Somethings just are, right?
ns216.73.216.10da2
and then Add to home screen.