Soldier in pain
This book is my life, my pain, my hardships, everything about me you would never remember my name so call me Ray winters (not my real name ) this is my inter self the one i cant get rid of. If your a mom or dad reading this then your kids are going to end up like me if you dont listen to them make them feel happy and that they matter .
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Everyday in pain
Everyday I think about my past and I can't forget it. My mom and dad forgot the way I would come home and not talk to them because I was mad at them for not being there. I remember it like it was yesterday. I won't forget the way it feels to have no one with you all alone .
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Everyday of my life was a shit show even when i was 4 and it still happens today ive had so many people tell me to kill myself because im gay (bisexual ) and its not fair but then again when is life ever fair its not .ive had a bad childhood it was took from me i still have the scars to prove it the ones you can see the most are the ones on my legs they stayed with me and are staying i cant get over that when im reminded of it everyday when i look at my legs . I won’t ever forget my past they threw rocks at me or anything they could find people who i thought were my friends im so scared to lose them i know they are real i need them in my life without them i wont be happy my family is shit i told my grandpa i didn’t like his tone and the way he talked to me and i got told that i dont have a say in the way he talks to me but i need to treat him with respect .respect isnt given its earn and you need to understand im not you nor my mom who can deal with you im my own person .he said that i needed to respect him but i dont respect anyone if they don’t respect me thats who it works in real life .
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My whole life ive been neglected, failed and bullied and no one cared. I told my friends when I was sure I could trust them ( 3 years ) then I learned not everyone is against me . But it's a bad game to play , it hurts its all about your luck in life when your like me witch is not a good thing
Then the worst happened i got a crush on my best friend i can’t stop thinking about her is that a good thing or bad thing .but i hope she can love me for my flaws (ughhh i need to make this not a romcon ) im a problem but i can still love right . When I was 4 - 9 my mom and dad would yell at each other. My sisters were too young to remember but I do like it was yesterday .My whole damn life is a shit show . because my mom and dad would yell and my sisters were young (very young ) they were 0-4 when it happened . my whole life its fulled with pain and it upsets me its filled with anger .no one came to love me at all and babies can die from lack of love , sure they like me as a baby because they didnt know that i was going to be like this but that is their fault that i am this way .
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Scared of myself
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The worst thing is when your crush talks about their crush in front of you then that's when you know that you need to stop crushing but in the end someone ends up crushed right? All I've known is sadness and anger and pain. I am trying to be better than my mom and dad but lets be honest i will end up just like them ( fighting, smoking or yelling ) im not them right ? I'm really scared that I will end up like them ,then I'm scared that when I tell my crush I have a crush then she will stop talking to me . Then I'm scared of Rose. She has changed me so much. I was a crybaby when she first came into my head. Now I'm a scared teen who has anger issues .
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Soldier in real life
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Today im very overwhelmed i am on the verge of a panic attack but im keeping it together but the more i think of my sister and those stupid girls the more overwhelmed i get , I just feel so …different and weird and just outside like i cant get better no matter how hard i try then rose she is just trying to make me let it out show them what i was made for … im just a solider a warrior to be used then thrown out but i dont have the heart to show them who i am under this happy girl that girl is the main me not what is under it ..its mean hurtful painful she kills and hurts me the more i keep her in its who i should be not happy or cheerful im a solider made to kill .
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I hate myself so damn much i want to be better butt i cant be better i cant deny the killer in me the way i want to burn stuff to the ground until nothing is there but im so …different i should be thinking of idk friends and drama like a normal teen but no i think about my killer inside my head is so messed up and ugly the last person i showed they got scared and ran her name was amelia but i cant whenever i hear that name but my sister is amelia (not the same person ) so i call her amuy (idk how to spell it ) but i cant get better my whole life is a shit show at this point …im too broken to think anymore its all pain pain pain and i cant see pass it … when can i get better
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between the reader and me nothing stays golden ,gold fades or rusts away nothing good stays so keep it while you can . im just 13 and I deal with shit like this im wise sort of i make friends that are older then me 17,18,14,15,16 and im the voice of reason because i know both sides the one who is being hurt and the side who enjoys it ive been both mainly the one who is hurt .this book is my life the one who is listening to my cries when no one else hears .im so young yet so broken , I got this idea form The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frankto write this book I might not be a jew and this isnt world war but im still dealing with hard things in 2025 almost 2026 still life isnt easy its hard its painful and all kids my age are taking it all for granted
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No matter how hard you try to hide what you are when you grow up fast you cant hide that people point they stare they laugh at me like i have green skin or 3 eyes but some people go up to me and say it to my face that im weird but i cant tell myself im good or normal and to all mom or dad readers take care of your kids dont let them fall dont make them do things that are for older people until they are 15 - 14 i get being a mom or dad is hard but dont make 4 year olds do chores and expose them to the harsh world let them have a childhood i sure didnt get one .
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When you live older than you are then it's hard not to see the doubt i feel so different then everyone because i grew up when i was young i went through hell to save my sisters childhood then after my mom and dad saw me they gave my sisters better and left me .i dont get what they get when i was their age at this point my mom and dad forgot how they treated me but its different when it happens to you but im going to make sure they dont fail my sisters they are my whole life .
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I don’t care
This part of the book is for the kids
I don’t care if you have a happy life good family but things can be so much worse you can be a soldier from birth meant to be in the amery to be a 6 gentishin of military .so stop being mean to the kids with less we are human we have feelings we can breathe we can talk but we take it to the grave the pain the hate all the hurt that haunts us we take it because we are used to it to being hurt by other kids our kind hates us it feels like the whole world is hating on us .ive lived my whole life just taking it or beating up the kid on the spot or crying but now this book listens to my pain my hurt my hate .everyone i know left me i was worthless i wasn’t anything to anyone and like the book name im a soldier in pain watching as everyone moves on . I was a kid but it didnt matter im a soldier i take my pain to my grave at this point i hold the very little love ii have close but nothing stays gold and i cant imagine my life without my friends .and people these kids aren't all good aren't all kind they are mean and if you found out your kid is bullying a kid with less would you step up and say thats not alright nope i had no one and all you kids in my grade hate bad hair days their is worse then i bad hair day its what you guys do to me at this point im lost and this book is my last hope of telling anyone . I know that some kid story on her life won’t be going out everywhere I just need a couple people reading it .
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and then Add to home screen.