I should hate him. I really should. But I don’t. Not really.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lwgyOTrft
His lips touch mine, and the world tilts sideways. His hands find my hips like they belong there, and suddenly, I’m remembering how to breathe—but only barely. People call this toxic. I call it necessary. He’s Zane. No last name yet, but names don’t matter when he makes me forget everything except that he exists. That he’s mine, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Even if he doesn’t love me the way I love him. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsb32Xj2TdQ
And maybe that’s the worst part. I love the version no one else sees. The one that laughs too loud at my stupid jokes, the one that can be soft when he wants to, the one whose poisonous words cut sharp but also thrills me. I know he’s dangerous. I know I should keep my distance, but I can’t. People warn me, my friends roll their eyes, tell me I’m insane. That he’ll never stay; they don’t see what I see. They don’t feel what I feel. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLdtjZFFhJ
Because when he’s near, I’m alive in ways I can’t explain. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to keep coming back—even when I know the ground beneath us could crumble at any moment.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtHasy6OsO
I glance at him across the room, his smile is casual, detached, like it’s nothing. Like it’s all a game. My stomach twists, my chest tightens. I remember every kiss, every touch, every “forever” he whispered into my ear. And I know he’s all I want. Maybe he’s the reason I can’t let go. The moment he looks up from the girl sitting next to him, and looks at me, my heart stops. He smiles, like he knows I feel it too. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1ZvjT8flT
But I look away, and look at Jenna, who’s glaring at me like a mom. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybKTFygmce
“Why the hell are you looking at Zane like you just got laid or something.” She asks, brushing her silky hair away from her face. I raise a brow at her, and fidget with the chicken nuggets on my tray like I don’t have a clue. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0vaEsfbaF
“I dunno what you’re talking about, you weirdo.” I say, taking a bite out of it, relishing the soft texture as a distraction from the hard truth. Alexis laughs at me from the other side, and shakes her head.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGf7xWcvNP8
“Blair, you’re like the worst liar. You’re my best friend, and Jenna is your cousin, but I know when you’re lying. There is no way you’re not looking at Zane freaking Montgomery.” She says, crossing her arms. In the end she is right, of course she is. But I deny it further, because I can’t admit that I was looking at my ex-boyfriend. Because that just isn’t who Blair Roslyn Whitehouse is. Middle name and everything. And who is that girl next to him anyway? No one has the right to sit in the space that used to be mine.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDa8ILunFQ
“Who’s that girl next to him?” I blurted out, both Alexis and Jenna looked at each other, before turning their heads to his table, where Zane is sitting, and that girl is sitting way too close for a normal friendship. I noticed the way her hands moved closer to his, or the way her eyes looked at him like he belonged to her. Jenna scoffs, and turns back to me. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JDgNtbXMg
“She is way too ugly for him, there is no way he downgraded to that after you.” She says, grabbing a french fry off her tray, and shoving it into her mouth. I shrug, and pretend not to care, because that helps when your heart is being loud. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WW3FkLLyO
“C’mon, you can’t be serious Jenna. She’s as pretty as me.” I say, crossing my legs. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfBo9MEMHC
“Girl what? Did you like, hit your head on a rock or something? If I weren’t dating Liam, I would literally hook up with you.” Alexis says, pointing her fork at me like a weapon. I blink, and shake my head. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zEIdDRIQh
“Whatever, if Mrs. Debbie comes by with the trash can, just throw my tray away. I’m going to the restroom.” I stand up, and fix my shirt before walking down the main isle of the cafeteria, feeling his eyes on my back. I almost want to turn around. But I don’t, I just keep walking. Shoulders straight, head held high. I walk into the hallway, and to the restrooms. As I enter, two girls are giggling about something, before shoving past me. Wow, rude. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoC8eQ4FBbY
I look at myself in the mirror, take out the hair tie, and redo my ponytail. The door opens, and the same girl that was sitting next to Zane smiles softly at me. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRz2FN2A2Y
“Hey.” She says, I smile awkwardly at her. My eyes looked her up and down subtly, huh, so she’s one of the rich kids. I didn’t know people around here were this rich. Not that I’m jealous, she’s pretty, and looks sweet. Just that she hangs around Zane. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IXLIHjowq
“What’s your name?” I ask, I realize that I’ve never seen her. She must be the new girl people were talking about. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStTlgQr877
“My name? Oh, I’m Audrey, Audrey Laurent. I moved from Quebec to Foxden just last week.” She says, smiling brightly. I nod, as I finish the last twist of my ponytail, and fix the two pieces of hair in the front, and look back at her.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1EzwgD8j5
“How are you liking Foxden so far?” I ask, she shrugs, and leans against the wall. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKngVARA265
“It’s pretty, at least Manhattan is just a few hours away. But Connecticut is actually a really pretty place to live in. I'm a scenery person, so seeing the trees, and pretty lakes around, it reminds me of home.” She says, fixing her hair. I nod, and look at her. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw34Ju92BT
“Well it was nice meeting you.” I start walking to the door, but her hand catches my arm. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaflfZxN8Ge
“Wait, you know Zane right?” 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiJYYC1dBK
“Um, yes, why?”50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlzHp05P67
“Really? I can see why, you’re gorgeous, and you seem sweet. That boy is in love with you, he told me about your… relationship. I just know he still wants you, I just felt like I needed to tell you.” Audrey lets go of my arm, and gestures for me to go. I blink, and walk out the restroom, out to the cafeteria. I pause for a second, and look around the hallway, well that was weird. I walk over to Alexis and Jenna, they’re already gathering their things. They wave goodbye, and leave. I wave back, and grab my backpack. I say hello to Mrs. Debbie softly, and she smiles at me, her crooked teeth showing. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ359if2wtVE
As I walk out the cafeteria again to class, I swerve through the crowd, while popping a piece of gum into my mouth. My feet guide me quickly to Biology, my favorite class of the day, not. I really didn’t want to today, mostly because our teacher, Mrs. Birdwhistle was here today, after she wasn’t here for a whole month. And the other half of my annoyance is because Zane is there. And unfortunately we’re lab partners, but I didn’t choose him, I mean I would have, but he chose me. Kind of weird, right?50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gdabGePuR
I enter the classroom, Mrs. Birdwhistle looking up, pushing her glasses up her nose, she gives me a crooked smile, and hands me a paper. I smile back, and walk over to our table, he’s doodling on his paper, the faint smell of cologne fills my nose. I swallow, it’s the same cologne I gave him for Christmas last year. I sit down, and keep looking down, until he clears his throat, and leans closer. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR0Wm84WCo
“You were looking at me during lunch today, Audrey told me.” He whispers, I scoff, because internally I’m screaming, and I want to punch him, but also kiss him. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng8e8wQha0
“Well then she’s just nosy.” I whisper back, taking out my pencil. He raises a brow, and tilts his head. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES27AvfPJT
“You can’t fool me, sweetheart, I know you were looking at me.” Oh how I hate him. But then since apparently my eyes never stay in place around him, they drift to his hands, tracing over the soft veins, the way his fingers tap on the desk, and suddenly I’m getting hot. I notice the way his rings glint softly in the light coming through from the window, and the bracelet. The silver one with my initials on it, that I gave him last Christmas. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhhc0DDqsS
My heart twists in anger, confusion, and the one thing he made me feel, that shouldn’t even be inside me still… Love, that damned word was the downfall for all of this. I look back up at him, and roll my eyes. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0nxb9yygq
“Well then what you know is totally wrong in that stupid head of yours.” I hiss, crossing my arms. He was about to say something when Mrs. Birdwhistle began the lesson, thankfully we didn’t have to do partner work today. Just a simple worksheet, but maybe I jinxed the no partner work thing because suddenly I’m closer to him than usual, and he’s whispering something in my ear. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkb9inzMDf
“You’re doing it all wrong, Blair.” He mumbles, I scoff, and grab the tweezers from him, looking down at the dead frog in front of us. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGjuQuRHUH
“I’ve done this billions of times, actually.” I say, grabbing a scalpel. He tilts his head. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9yzCqmGa9
“So you dissect frogs on a daily basis?” 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5KcbQfYdC
“Precisely that.” I say, it’s been so long since we’ve had an interaction like this, that I nearly forgot how normal he can actually be. And I know he’s enjoying this in that messed up head of his. The messed up head I fell in love with, I bite back a small laugh, because again, this is my ex we’re talking about.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OJaFTDkgz
“So, miss ‘I dissect frogs on a daily basis’ what now?” He leans closer, grabbing the instruction manual, and reading over it. I move closer to read over his shoulder. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipWhVDTHfb
“Now we investigate the inside, could you measure the size of its heart?” I hand him the ruler, he steps forward, eyes focused. It’s funny because just two years ago, we were crying and yelling at each other the night we ended things. My head drifts, taking me back to that night, I remember it like yesterday. It was raining, hard, as if the sky needed to scream too. Because that was the night I realized just how fucked up we were.
❦︎
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He’s pacing my room as if that’s going to give him answers, I sit on my bed. My eyes follow his every move, I’m sick of being hidden, sick of being his emotional support piece, that’s the only thing I am to him, a simple shitty piece for him to use when he needs me. I can’t take it anymore, that’s the only reason why I told him to come over tonight, for him to finally understand.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6m1zv6eK3G
“Blair, look, I don’t know why you’re mad at me, or what I did wrong, but I’m sorry.” He says, turning to look at me. I laugh bitterly under my breath, standing up and stepping closer. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHcnp975Jg
“I’m not mad at you, Zane,” his name sounds like honey on my tongue, sweet poisoned honey. And I don’t even know why I’m doing this. “I’m fucking furious at you, do you know how sickening it is to be hidden like a-a forbidden thing?” I hiss, tilting my head. He blinks, pretending he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and I want to kill him. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5puKnyu8cz
“Baby, what the hell are you talking about?” He asks, stepping closer. Too close for the heat between us. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlqJSyefXL
“What do you mean ‘what are you talking about?’ Are you insane? You say you love me, you say that you’ll never leave me. But then you hide me from the world, you pretend I don’t exist, I hate that.” 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtg19KZmKl
Zane blinks, and raises a brow. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTWnWhvPnI
“So all of this is because I’m supposedly hiding you?” He scoffs, almost mockingly, and it angers me even more. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAtf0kJSfC
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Blair. You really are as clingy and needy as you said you’d be, why would I show you off, when I can have you all to myself?” He steps closer, but I push him away, he doesn’t get to act like this, not anymore. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTly95MSbvm
“What the hell is your problem, Blair?” 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7GXpoLfgs
“My problem is that you’re basically saying I’m not good enough for you.”50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWccCLVZXa
“When did I ever say that? You are good enough, hell you’re more than enough, but fine. You wanna do it like that? That’s totally okay, but you’ll come running back to me, we both know you will.” He steps closer again, and this time I don’t push him away, I can’t push him away. Because he’s right, I’ll come back, no matter what. His hands cup my face, and he kisses me. Desperately, messy, angry, and for a moment, I kiss back. As if that’s going to ground me. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPn7IIBWzO
But then I remember who I’m trying to be, and I push away. Glaring up at him. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdzypasQ1o
“I hate you.” I hiss, he laughs, under his breath, humorlessly. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sJxmx1yEo
“You say that like you mean it, but you don’t. You love me too much for that, because I’ve got you all wrapped around my finger.” He smiles, and my heart breaks just a little. I want nothing but to never see him again. I look away. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOTOJLN4HJ
“Fine, then I’m going to ask you to leave.” 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SiWTq96fP
“That’s fine by me, sweetheart,” he walks over to my door, “but remember. You’ll crawl back to me, eventually.” He walks out, and the moment the door clicks, I fall to the floor. I started crying, because the truth of reality hit me. He never truly loved me, I mean who would? I thought he would, and part of me still hopes he does. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfbjDDbMIp
It feels like the air in my lungs just got ripped out, that my life is meaningless. It’s meaningless without him. He really does have me wrapped around his shitty finger. And I swear that I will never ever love him again. And that’s a promise I plan on keeping.
❦︎
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But that promise was a stupid promise. Because it’s clear that I still love him, and it’s clear that he still knows that I love him. So why can’t I stop? Zane was saying something, but I didn’t plan on listening to him. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7xBMmqedo
“Blair, did you hear me?” He asks, my eyes snap up to him. I blink, and shake my head. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjfCpnkYII
“No, what did you say?” I tilt my head, he sighs, and puts his pencil down. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWYHlNttHk
“I said, the heart measures about 9.8 millimeters, are you okay in that pretty head of yours?” His hand tucks a hair strand behind my ear, and I visibly flinch at the contact. What the hell is wrong with him? I scoot away a bit, and clear my throat. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwvxDrumO3
“I’m fine, thanks for asking.” 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA46wV9pmme
Mrs. Birdwhistle speaks up, directing us to start putting up, and placing the frogs in the blue bin on her desk. I place my paper inside my bag, and walk to the back of the classroom, placing my safety goggles up. Zane walks over to her desk, dropping the frog gently into the bin. He walks back to our table, and looks down at me. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohOLRXCy6x
“Good job today, darling.” He mumbles, his eyes flicking over my face, and stopping for just a second too long on my lips. I watch as his eyes darken, before they look back at my eyes.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmPIEmPQ0N
“You too, partner.” I say, turning away, and closing my bag. I walk out the class, and head to poetry class, I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to be his again, or am I still his? Maybe I am. 50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5jxnOE14j
All I know is that no matter how far apart we are from each other, we’ll always belong to one another.
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and then Add to home screen.