I could never tell if chess was enjoyable enough or it was something that my mind craved like some addiction. Each piece moves no differently than the people in my life yet sometimes those pieces are sacrificed. Pawns are the first to go yet they always hold the most important position for me. These insignificant little pieces represent new people in my life and also those kept at a distance. Those new people carry a hope that they could become bishops or even knights but disposable pieces make it difficult.

Often while playing chess it dawns on me maybe these people are not to be blamed for leaving my space or world. That this problem is because of me and that change will make life better so these pieces can grow. At the end of every match is a reminder that I cannot be blamed for what loss was discovered or made. Sacrificing that knight for victory was indeed my choice but what did that knight do to be sacrificed in the first place. Justification over emotion and logical process of elimination is the only way to survive. Yet somehow I always manage to protect my queen no matter the cost as if possessed.

The queen should represent some romantic attachments but for me it's just my heart. Something that can make me panic just because someone has gotten close. Even though my play style is unpredictable I have taken at least three hundred and sixty one wins and taken one hundred and eighty nine losses. In every single game the king fell before my queen which brought people to call me the protector of my queen. Some have criticized me for playing like this but others took it as a challenge to understand why my playing was like this.

Then just as summer began taking over a woman started playing opposite me. It took me some time to understand but her only goal was my queen. At the end of every game or even in the middle she always smiled at me. Yet I felt despair and crisis trying desperately to protect that single piece. After a week she began countering me perfectly no matter what was done or switched up. My queen fell repeatedly after that day onwards without any explanation available. It still leaves a devastating mark on me because understanding was impossible.

After taking my queen twenty seven times regardless of win or loss she spoke finally connecting the missing pieces.

"I have captured the queen so many times so do I have the right to claim that heart now?"