A chess match that did not aim for victory was difficult and no matter what strategy was used it failed. Even trying to block my queen's capture with the king piece was pointless.
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"I have captured the queen so many times so do I have the right to claim that heart now?"
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The goal was my queen yet she spoke so confidently as if knowing what this piece represents. The world I built and saw was crumbling down.
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"What do you mean by that?"
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"Well my mother and I never had conversations beyond the bare minimum. When I started watching you play here it was captivating. When I could not find the chess board or even the pieces it became obvious they were custom made. That's how conversations started becoming normal with my mother."
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"So did she tell you what it means or did you both arrive at that conclusion?"
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"Well she's a therapist so every time I had a new question about you we would talk for hours. Then I saw how desperate you protected the queen even if it meant sacrificing everything else. She found that fascinating which made our conversations even better. She said each piece is a representation of something most likely and if that was the case what could a queen represent if not the heart."
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"Did you two never suspect the king being a representation ?"
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"She told me a theory and considering how you play it makes more sense even now. The king represents absolutely nothing, an empty piece that simply exists. Even though my mother was responsible for helping me understand you, that captivation still remains. Playing chess with you has made that even more obvious."
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A smile that was impossible to fake never once wavered and eyes that felt like they belonged to me only. Defeat in chess was fine because to me the only victory was protecting that Queen piece, so defeat like this is like waking from a dream. Even though I wanna struggle against what's happening just to return it's impossible.
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"You have figured me out so continuing to fight is pointless I guess. So what now that you have captured such a valuable piece?"
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"Well... I was hoping you would agree to having dinner?"
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How long has it been since laughter existed inside of me and could freely be expressed. Yet this simply made her smile even brighter or maybe my eyes are simply bewitched.
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"Sure since the victor claims the spoils."
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Desperately refusing to admit defeat and now I surrender without a single fight as if this is natural. After packing everything up she guides me to a restaurant that I have never visited before. Food stalls had always been the choice yet now I will be feasting like an actual human. The conversation between us flows so perfectly that we share a smile or laughter together over dinner. Things once lost returned as if they had simply been waiting for a chance to appear once more. Pieces of my life come to light little by little as she delicately maneuvers through our conversation. Someone that could leave me feeling so defenseless without making me feel tense.
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"So since our food and drinks are so good and the conversations have been fruitful, shall we exchange names?"
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"I thought names should be the first step in conversation but you can call me Taylor."
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"If we were normal or met under normal circumstances that would be true. Unfortunately someone like you is beyond normal and you will see how special you are."
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Things I put into chess surfaced every time she spoke but just as her speaking ended her fingers traced letters on my palm. While I was gonna ask what her name was she did something unexpected once again.
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"Heather is a good name but couldn't you just tell me?"
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"Sometimes people don't need words to convey something, the ways of communication are nearly endless. My mother said chess was how you communicated even if you were unaware of things around you."
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From the start I was lagging behind her in every way struggling to keep up but she never let me fall behind entirely. Every step she was pulling me along even if my feet stumbled or words lacked in conveying something. She was like the wind that my fingers could never truly grasp yet here we sit having conversations.
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"Starting to feel like you have an advantage in these conversations. So what kind of job are you invested in exactly."
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"Call center but it's just a temporary stop in life. What about you miss chess master?"
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"I once did gym and coaching work but that was so long ago now."
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"No one would have ever guessed since you wear such revealing clothes. Seriously, I have never seen such baggy clothes before."
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"I doubt anything worth looking at even remains anymore so it should be fine."
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Banter that just flowed naturally as we trade or share moments of laughter. Every worry was submerged beneath the ocean inside of me and she keeps drowning out their sounds. Not a single second can be spared for what's inside my head and this is the most peaceful moment of life. From dinner to a stroll around looking at random shops or food stalls. Deep into the night after walking her home my mind still remains silent as if a charm or something was in place.
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After arriving home sleep does not come easily because my hands seek out my tools once more. Although I have no idea how temporary this connection will be all that matters is the now. While it only occurred to me towards the end of night that a gift was necessary, I had an idea on my future queens shape as well. Most of my pieces had been carved in designs but the queen was always so plain or basic. Thanks to Heather I can add some life to my heart at least even if this connection is temporary.
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Instead of waking up in bed my desk served as my pillow with tools and a mess all around me. However clutching in my hand was my masterpiece that will become a gift. Thanks to her I can at least put some color back into my life which was difficult to find in others. Those that did leave me seeing color have long since left and moved forward in life. Sometimes I wonder if my purpose in life is to be a doll that only comes to life for moments like this. Yet how sad would that be since I would be nothing short of defective. Before starting my day cleaning up my appearance comes first because that's what makes them most attractive.
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Like most days I find my spot in the park setting up my chess board but unlike before it's only victory in sight. The goal is simply winning while sacrificing minimum pieces since my plan of protecting this queen has failed. Another shift in my play style since that's how life keeps itself flowing without stopping, constant changes are necessary. While sloppy at first every match was a victory at least and this new play style was coming together nicely. While defeat eventually found its way in every so often it surprisingly affected nothing.
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Before I never noticed my surroundings but now my eyes seek her out in the crowd. She watched around the same time which made it easier and it let me build up my courage. Presenting a gift should carry a value that is impossible to simply find in this world. So playing matches with this new Queen piece adds sentimental value which hopefully conveys my intentions. Even if she happens to be another temporary existence we instinctively crave attention and socializing. For me chess became my way of socializing which was all I could handle then. Yet with her presence it's hard to simply be satisfied now with that type of social engagement.
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Although we gave no name or label to this relationship we continue onward enjoying each other's company. She calls them dates but they always feel like so much more than that. If a single problem could be pointed out it would be how she always leads us forward. Yet having been out of touch with this world for so long has left me almost paralyzed.
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"Hey everything okay?"
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"Sorry was just thinking about some silly thoughts."
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"Well that's fine this is our thirteenth date after all so thinking can be a good thing."
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"I suppose that's true but for now let's just focus on this moment. Otherwise we would waste this effort you put in right?"
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She gave me that familiar smile that made me feel disarmed entirely but I did not hate it at all. Towards the end of our night I finally presented my gift hoping now was a perfect time. Her eyes showed recognition which was expected but such an emotional reaction was unexpected. Through our time together we held hands as a form of contact but neither of us did anything further. However she broke the barrier with a deep embrace pulling me into her rhythm as we shared the first kiss. Her lips made me feel young yet desired but that tongue turned me into a clumsy child who struggled to keep up. With every passing second spent in this moment I was slowly catching up once more almost enough to match her pace.
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The longest kiss ever took place and yet I felt like the ending was far too soon for either of us. Our second kiss while still important was far shorter as we said goodnight. Tonight reminded me how often this dance has played out in my life yet each one is so vastly different. This tonight and set of moments could be the change needed for me to move forward with life. Disappointing her would be enough to devastate me beyond what simple words could describe. Now like a giddy teenager I await the next tomorrow wondering what will happen next.
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Yet I wonder if this is how a doll acts or is this something else entirely. Are these just the motions happening once again before reaching my starting point once again.
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Whatever the case she holds a queen crafted from my own hands. Unlike anyone else my heart lays at her mercy, how reckless.
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and then Add to home screen.