The first thing I’d tell myself is, don’t trust her. She is not your friend, she will weaponize her affection, trust, and friendship. She will be hot and cold. One week she will be amazing, she’ll be the girl you fell in love with, then the very next day she’ll pull away and leave you wondering what you did. She’ll turn cold, you’ll think she hates you. She is not your friend, she never was.
The next is that people come and go in your life. You’ll lose over ten friends in the span of eight years. You’ll be hurt. You will have two of those friends numbers, but you don’t talk much. You do still love them like friends, but you won’t know anything new, you will become distant from them. You will feel like an outsider, even when you’re with the friends you still have. You’ll feel alone.
The third thing I’d say is, don’t close off your heart. Yes they left, yes it hurt like hell. But it’s not worth losing your feelings. It’s not worth never feeling anything for the next five years. You will always get hurt, you will always be in some kind of pain as people leave, as they die, as they change and decide you’re not part of their life moving forward. But, you still have amazing friends, you’ll still have amazing memories if you can feel. You’ll want to feel with them.
And finally, you will find someone amazing. He’ll light up your world like no one else has. He’ll convince you that you’re not broken, that you’re amazing, and perfect, and worth loving. He’ll make you feel better when you never knew you were feeling horrible. But, you’ll need to do the same for him. You’ll have to use your empathy, and you’ll have to remind him that he is also perfect, that he’s enough, that he’s your safe place. And you love him, all of him, irrevocably. Nothing he has ever done has changed that. So don’t you dare close your heart like I did.
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