or How Dick the Lionheart Went to Jerusalem
Characters:26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jUwN1A5d3
Richard (Dick) the Lionheart, King of Britain, attempts to capture Jerusalem26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaK3Pgivup
Philip Augustus, King of France, Richard's accomplice26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUquhDSy9Wj
Leopold, Duke of Austria, Richard's accomplice26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6X1dHbaFb
Saladin, Sultan of Egypt and Syria, defender of Jerusalem and leader of the Saracens (Muslims)26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttrx2AWkZi
John, Richard's brother, acting king26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10vmTMYvYW
Henry, Holy Roman Emperor, Leopold's suzerain (boss)
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkycUV1ikWU
Richard: Well, I'm King of Britain now. Come on, people, chip in a quarter of your annual income for the war against Saladin.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoryi4P8yjU
People: (Grumbling, but paying).26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7qVT47BmA
Richard: John, bro, you're in charge now.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95bJw69dNA
John (aside): Yes! (Out loud, crossing his fingers behind his back): Good luck, bro.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTA3RPKqvx1
Richard (swimming across the sea and heading for the Holy Land): Well, I'm going to have some real fights here... Guts, gore & hardcore...26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsLjWBO9Ap
Knights from Richard's army: Shit, that'll probably make you even more sinful... Time to bow to the holy places and quietly go home...26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvNmeRd5om
Richard: Guys, where are you going?? Hey, Saladin, be a pal, forbid them from visiting the holy places in Jerusalem.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyB2H4LT5q
Saladin: Dude, what's wrong with you? My religion doesn't allow me to forbid Christians from worshiping their holy places.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT10tgXx2F4
Richard: Ahhh, okay, I need to think of something else. Oh, Leopold took the castle? And who the hell are you, and why are you rushing ahead of the king? Hey, army, throw his flag down from the wall.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgca0UYAIH
Army: (throws down the flag).26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01tos03dXH
Leopold (setting off for home): You'll remember me, Dick.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDFzyhoJUh
Richard: What else can I do? Oh, I'll take some hostages and then slaughter them all.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHO5v0p8k0t
Philip Augustus: Dick, you're completely nuts, I'm going home.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0Epibq3VO
Richard: Oh my, I don't have any allies left. It's time for me to go home before I get my fill. I didn't take Jerusalem, but oh well... Saladin, a three-year truce?26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOSLmK1y0j
Saladin: Okay. Richard, if you want, come to Jerusalem like a brother and see the holy places.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdO6vB0LtmM
Richard (muttering under his breath): I won't go there as a simple pilgrim... Three years from now, oh, Saracens, and I'll show you, well, I'll... (sails across the sea and ends up in Europe).26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghvbiI0QjU
Leopold: Stick up! Do you remember, Dick, how you threw down my flag? Welcome to captivity.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjJ96aPDlj
Richard: (sits angrily in captivity).26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPh02CERyg
John: Hey, Leopold, be a pal, let him sit there a little longer, okay? The aristocrats still haven't left me alone for his previous tax antics.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDW643NETI
Leopold: No problem. We'll demand a bigger ransom now and let him sit.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrKQptdGkt
Henry: Wow, that's some decent cash. Well, let him pay and go home. But you, Richard, will be my lackey... I mean, vassal. To you, Leopold, so be it, a third of the spoils... The rest is mine.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1WwYlgIRy
Richard: Fine.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRt3wLRkdsQ
Leopold: Scheisse.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUc4dVn9aDM
John: Oh, shit.26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhYDuEWvPW
Richard (ransoming himself from captivity): Uhh, now I'll show you, Saracens, I'll... Oh, no, I won't show you again – there's no money left in the country now! I had to give up 23 tons of silver to the captors for ransom. Damn, what can I do, what can I do... Oh, I've got an idea. Scotland, do you want freedom from the British crown?26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHydenMn27a
Scotland: Sure thing!26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0OfgZFkDB
Richard: For a cashback equal to my ransom, I'll let you go... Okay, it's done. Well, Saracens, now I... Oh, no again, oops! Philip Augustus, what are you doing on my remaining lands? Well, I'll show you...26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV0GNmkq5j
Richard's Death: (arrives).
The End
John: Yes!26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1mCq1onpD
British aristocrats: No.
But that's a whole other story.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPkBXbRXKl
Notes:26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPWr9bNE2a
"Scheisse" is "shit" in German.
and then Add to home screen.