**Song: Animal By Sir Chloe**
Recently, the air on the ship has been tense. Ever since the fight, our relationships with each other haven't been able to recover. Everyone sided with Will. I've been getting cold shoulders and angry looks.
I can't help but wonder if I overreacted. He was telling me I should give up the only thing that reminds me of my mom, and I defended myself. Maybe it was too intense. Either way, I probably wasn't in the wrong. Right?
I shut up my thoughts. If I keep thinking like this, it will only make me go crazy. I was right to defend myself, so what if I push people away?
Over the last few days, I've just been going through the motions. Getting food, doing things to keep myself sane, sleeping. Repeat. Over and over and over again. Every time I see someone I bolt back to the comfort and safety of my room.
I can't eat, sleep, or breathe without feeling the pain of the fight. I don't want to feel the pain, what's done is done. I act like I don't care though, because you can't show people you are hurting without feeling more pain, right?
I'm second-guessing myself a lot right now, because I'm stuck in a cycle of pain, friendship, heartbreak, then repeat.
I decide to talk a walk. No better way to calm down than a walk underneath the starts at midnight. I walk around the deck when suddenly I see everyone with LED lights and paper making ninja stars. I want to go over there, but they wouldn't except it.
I start having a mental breakdown. I want ninja stars. I want to be with them, hanging out underneath the moonlight, and most of all, I want friends. I've already broken that friendship though.
I run back to the calm of my room. I can't let them see this. I just need to let them go. Let them be. They're clearly happier without me.
I pack a bag and leave. I can't bear to let them deal with me. If anything, they need to be on their own, without any problems from me. I can do this quest on my own. I don't need them. The happy world i tried to built is gone, destroyed, like someone ripped off a bandage. I'm fine, just useless to them.
I shadowtravel to one of the islands of Hawaii. It seems cool at a first glance. I spend the next few hours sleeping under the stars.
~~~
"Hello little girl! Where are your parents?" I just woke up when this happened. The lady who walks up to me looks Hawaiian, but she can speak some English.
"Um, I don't have any." I say in a awkward voice.
"Come with me. I have family you stay with." I took that as her offering to give me a place to stay. I follow her to this lovely looking house. She seems to have two little girls and a baby boy.
She says something in Hawaiian to her husband who nods his head and waves hi to me. I smile a friendly smile. One of the little girls runs up to me.
"Aloha! What is your name?" She's small, with long black hair, tan skin, and lovely blue eyes. She looks to be about four.
"I'm Luna." I tell her. She grins with her top teeth. For a second, I feel calm, happy even.
"Come play with me and Haila!" She goes over to her older sister, maybe six, and picks up a wooden doll. I walk over too, and grab one that looks a but like Solana. It's so pretty. I miss her. Her smile, the way we would have midnight hang out sessions and I would want so much to kiss her, but refrain from it because it's me.
"Hey Kalani!" Haila said.
"Hey." I looked at Haila as I said it.
"Who are you?" She asked me.
"I'm Luna. I'm from a magical world of fun." I told her, which was not true about the magical world I was stuck in from birth.
"Wow!" Oh, the sweet innocence of a six-year-old. "Let's play dolls!"
"Okay." I'm all for forgetting about things for right now. We spend the next few hours dreaming up fairy princesses and magical knights out of the small wooden dolls. Who knew how fun playing with dolls was? Clearly these girls.
~~~
"Lunchtime!" The woman calls out from the kitchen. I'm pretty sure her name was Maya. The girls rush over to the table, digging into their Poke. I walk over slowly, and see there is a plate for me. I look at Maya and she nods.
Thank you I mouth. She smiles and comes to sit down at the table. The poke was delicious. It had a nice fishy taste to it, and it was salty. I love fish and salty foods, so this seemed like heaven to me. The way the seafood added a crunchy shell made me love it all the more.
"This is so good." I told Maya. She just smiled at me and chuckled a little bit.
"I'm glad you like it!" She seemed overjoyed. The girls seemed to like it too. It is good to the point where I forget about the drama with Will, Nico, Solana, and Percy. Almost.
The memory comes back to me in a wave of agony. I suppress it. No way I'm going to burden this wonderful family with it. I smile again, not wanting to look like the food was giving me an aftertaste so disgusting that I couldn't physically smile without faking it. Not that the food did, it was still the best thing in the world.
After I finish eating, I excuse myself. I go on a walk to really think about things. I needed to resolve this issue before it caused a mental meltdown in front of people who seemed so happy.
I miss Solana. How her smile could change my mood whenever she walked in a room. I miss my weekly jam-out sessions with Nico. It was so fun listening to our favorite bands together at full volume. I missed how Will could some every injury, mental or physical. It was funny watching him and Nico get all sappy too. They were like a loose canon with when they would show affection together.
Most of all, I missed the healing that happened. Every time I was with them, the cracks in my soul would slowly heal. It was magic how they were the recipe for fixing me.
I also didn't miss some things. I didn't miss how Will would force me to do things he claimed were 'good for my health'. I didn't miss how Nico would try to claim he was just like me, how he lost people too. Yeah, right Nico. You'll never know my pain. Solana was sometimes too bright and happy for me. She couldn't just accept my darkness. She had to find a way to make me light. All these people pissed me off sometimes. By focusing on that bit, that will help me get over it faster. Forget the good parts if them, I didn't need them.
There. Now I think I can go back. At least now I'll be able to get over myself, even if it means forgetting people who tried to do so much for me. It's hard to think how much has happened to me since that fateful night when mom died. It's sometimes crippling.
I get back to the house and the girls are coloring. I join them, coloring a picture of some character from Rosie's Rules. I can't help but make her look like Solana. It's my final goodbye. I color, planning to rip it apart tonight under the moonlight. For now, I forget about how cruel life is. I just let loose, my tiny inner child laughing and giggling like a three-year-old. It's relieving to take a break.
~~~
It's midnight. I walk to the beach under the stars, pointing out constellations to myself. They're pretty.
When I get to the beach, I whisper a quiet prayer to the gods asking to keep them safe. Then, I set the paper on the water, watching it sink down until it's deep under the murk.
"Goodbye" I whisper. Goodbye to thee old memories, the death of my friendship. It's all gone. I head back to the house, ready to put my mind to rest for the night. Goodnight world, you are cruel.
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