There was another moment connected to the yes dear philosophy that struck me deeply. It was when someone casually joked that my wife was bossy. We were with a small group of friends, and one of them laughed as Chin reminded me about something I had forgotten. They teased me and said, “Parang bossy si Chin ah.” I smiled at first, but inside I felt the need to defend her, because I knew that was not who she is at all.
Chin has never been the type to boss me around. She does not treat me like a child who needs constant scolding. What she does is guide me. She notices things I sometimes overlook, and instead of letting me stumble through them alone, she steps in with gentle reminders. She helps me keep our home and our lives in order, not out of control but out of love. There is a big difference between being bossy and being caring, and my wife falls completely on the side of caring.
I explained it to my friends that way. I told them, “You know, Chin is not bossy. She just knows how to make things lighter for both of us. She helps me remember what needs to be done and she joins me in getting things done. That is not bossing, that is teamwork.”
The truth is, she has always given me enough space to be myself. She has never demanded that I follow her every word or that I surrender my own preferences. In fact, she encourages me to pursue my own hobbies, to take time with my friends, to sing whenever I feel like it, and to keep dreaming even about things like becoming a soldier. She respects my individuality and never tries to erase it.
At the same time, she provides me relief when I am overwhelmed. There are days when work, family obligations, and life in general weigh heavily on me. In those moments, Chin quietly steps in. She takes care of tasks I have no energy for. She gives me a nudge when I forget something important. She lightens my load without ever making me feel inadequate. That is not bossiness. That is love expressed through action.
I realized that sometimes, in our culture, when a wife takes an active role in guiding the household, people are quick to label her bossy. But I see it differently. I see it as leadership born out of love. Filipino women have always been strong pillars in families. Our mothers and grandmothers carried so much responsibility, and they did it with grace. Chin is the same way. She is not bossy, she is a partner. She does not order me around, she walks beside me.
Even in the small things, she shows this balance. When we shop at the market, she takes the lead in picking vegetables and meats because she knows what is fresh. I carry the bags and handle the heavy lifting. That is teamwork. When we plan our budget, she lists the priorities while I calculate the numbers. That is teamwork. When we cook together, she seasons the food while I handle the fire and the chopping. That is teamwork. There is no boss, there are no subordinates, just two people who love each other and want to build a life together.
When I think about it, if Chin did not step in to guide me sometimes, I would be lost in the chaos of responsibilities. I would miss bills, forget birthdays, and probably leave the house with mismatched socks. Her guidance does not diminish me as a man. It strengthens me. Because I know she has my back, I can focus on bigger goals without constantly worrying about small details. That relief she gives is priceless.
So whenever someone jokingly calls her bossy, I no longer laugh it off. I clarify with a smile and say, “She is not bossy, she is my partner. She is helping me, guiding me, and giving me strength.” Because the truth is, a strong marriage is not about who leads and who follows. It is about two people who respect each other enough to share the load.
The yes dear philosophy, in this context, is not about me submitting to a boss. It is about me honoring a partner who makes my life better every day. And if others cannot see that, then it is their loss. I see it clearly every time Chin steps in with kindness instead of criticism, with guidance instead of demands, with love instead of pride.
That is why I will always defend her. She deserves that. And more importantly, she deserves to be seen for who she truly is — not as a bossy wife, but as a loving wife who makes me a better husband and a better man.
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