How learning when to agree creates peace and saves arguments
When I first heard the phrase yes dear, I laughed. It sounded like something a husband would say with a sigh, a line you use when you are already tired of the debate but do not want to keep fighting. Growing up, I had uncles who swore by it. They would tell me that this simple phrase is the secret weapon of every married man. They would joke about how it has saved their marriages more than anything else. At the time, I thought they were exaggerating, but when I got married, I discovered the hidden wisdom behind those two words.
Yes dear is not about being weak or spineless. It is not about agreeing with everything without thought. It is about knowing which battles are worth fighting and which ones you can let go. It is about realizing that peace in the home is more valuable than proving you are right. And in a Filipino married life setting, where family, work, and daily stresses are constantly pulling couples in different directions, the ability to create peace is more important than ever.
I remember one particular evening a few weeks after our wedding. We were settling into our new routine, figuring out who does what around the house. I was in charge of taking out the trash, but I had gotten so caught up in watching basketball on TV that I forgot. My wife noticed the overflowing bin and gave me that look. Every husband knows that look. It is the one that says you are in trouble without a single word being spoken. I started to defend myself, explaining how the game had gone into overtime, how I planned to do it right after, how it was not that big of a deal. She listened, arms crossed, not saying anything, which somehow made it worse.
At that moment, I remembered the yes dear philosophy. Instead of continuing to argue my case, I stopped and said, yes dear, you are right, I should have done it earlier. I grabbed the trash bag and headed outside. It took me less than five minutes, but when I returned, the tension had already softened. She smiled a little, shook her head, and we moved on with our night. That small moment taught me that agreeing at the right time is not surrendering. It is choosing peace.
Of course, saying yes dear is not about blindly agreeing with everything. It is about discernment. If the issue is something serious that needs real discussion, then we talk about it honestly. But if it is something small, like whether the curtains should be blue or beige, or which way the forks should face in the drawer, then I have learned that it is often better to simply say yes dear and keep the harmony. The truth is that I do not lose anything by letting her have the final say in small matters. On the other hand, I gain a peaceful home and a wife who feels heard and respected.
Filipino married life has its own unique quirks that make the yes dear philosophy even more practical. In our culture, extended families often play a big role in daily life. There are visits from in-laws, family gatherings every weekend, birthdays that turn into fiestas, and uncles or cousins who drop by unannounced. These situations can sometimes be overwhelming for a new husband who is still adjusting. In moments like these, my wife often takes the lead in deciding how to handle family dynamics. Instead of resisting or insisting on my own way, I find it easier and wiser to say yes dear and trust her instincts. She knows her family better, and she knows the subtleties of how to navigate those situations.
Another example comes with household purchases. My wife has an eye for details that I honestly do not notice. She can tell if a sofa is slightly off in color compared to the curtains. She can sense when a certain brand of cooking oil tastes better for adobo. If it were up to me, I would probably just grab the cheapest option in the grocery store. But she cares about these things, and they matter to her sense of creating a home. So instead of debating, I practice yes dear. At first, I thought I was giving in, but eventually I realized that these choices bring her joy. When she is happy with her choices, the entire home feels more welcoming.
Of course, there are also moments when saying yes dear saves us from unnecessary stress. Take traffic, for example. Anyone living in Metro Manila or even provincial cities knows that traffic can turn even the calmest person into someone irritable. There were times when I insisted on taking a certain route because I was convinced it was faster. My wife would suggest an alternative, and I would ignore it, determined to prove I was right. More often than not, her route ended up being quicker. Eventually, I learned that it is sometimes better to trust her judgment and say yes dear, let us try your way. Even if we still got stuck, at least we were united instead of bickering.
The yes dear philosophy also applies to emotional battles, not just practical ones. There are times when my wife comes home tired or frustrated from work. She tells me about her day, about the small things that annoyed her or the stress she faced. As a husband, my first instinct is to fix things. I want to give advice, to point out solutions, to tell her how she can avoid the same problem tomorrow. But I realized that most of the time she is not looking for solutions. She is looking for empathy. She wants me to listen, to nod, and to say yes dear, I understand, that must have been difficult. That simple agreement validates her feelings and makes her feel heard. And more often than not, after she vents, she already feels lighter without me saying much more.
What I love about the yes dear philosophy is that it creates balance. It reminds me that my marriage is not about me winning or her winning. It is about both of us choosing peace over pride. It is about creating a safe space where we can laugh at our mistakes instead of magnifying them. And in a Filipino setting where stress from work, family, and society can be heavy, that kind of peace is priceless.
There was one instance that really drove this home for me. We were planning our first Christmas as a married couple. Both our families wanted us to spend Noche Buena with them. Naturally, it was impossible to be in two places at once. We debated for days about how to handle it. I argued that we should spend Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with hers. She wanted the opposite. At first, I stood my ground, listing all the reasons why my plan was more practical. But I saw how much it meant to her. I remembered how Christmas traditions are deeply emotional in Filipino families. In the end, I said yes dear, let us do it your way. That night, I saw how happy she was, surrounded by her parents and siblings, and I realized that one evening of adjusting on my part had created a lifetime memory for her. That was worth more than any argument.
Some people may say that yes dear is just a way of avoiding confrontation. But I believe it is a way of choosing which confrontations are necessary and which are not. Not everything needs to be a debate. Not everything needs to end with one of us proving a point. Marriage is not a courtroom where evidence is presented and verdicts are declared. It is a home where love grows stronger when we learn to yield.
I also learned that yes dear is not a one-sided philosophy. It works best when both partners practice it in their own ways. My wife has her moments of saying yes dear too. When I insist on watching a basketball game late at night, she could complain, but instead she lets me enjoy it. When I want to try cooking sinigang even though she knows her recipe is better, she lets me experiment. She knows how to choose peace too. That mutual practice is what keeps us balanced.
In Filipino marriages, humor is also an important ingredient. Saying yes dear often comes with a playful smile, a wink, or a laugh. It lightens the mood and shows that we are not taking ourselves too seriously. Sometimes I say it dramatically, almost like a line in a teleserye, and it makes her laugh. That laughter breaks the tension and reminds us that marriage is not about keeping score but about enjoying the journey together.
The yes dear philosophy, for me, is a daily act of love. It is a recognition that peace is more valuable than pride. It is a decision to put my wife’s happiness at the center, not because I am less important, but because her joy fills our home with warmth that benefits us both. It is a philosophy that has saved us from countless arguments, created countless smiles, and reminded me that marriage is not about being right. It is about being together.
So whenever a small disagreement rises, I remind myself of those two words. Yes dear. Simple but powerful. Humble but wise. A choice that turns potential conflicts into opportunities for peace. And in the life of a Filipino couple surrounded by the chaos of daily life, that kind of peace is truly priceless.
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