Giving her dignity, honor, and the space to be herself
When people hear the word romance, the first images that come to mind are flowers, candlelit dinners, handwritten love letters, and sweet surprises. These things are important and beautiful, but there is something deeper that sustains romance beyond all the external gestures. That something is respect. For me, respect is the real romance. It is what gives love its dignity, its depth, and its ability to endure through the years.
In Filipino culture, romance is often celebrated with sweet public displays of affection. Couples walk hand in hand at the mall, men buy roses for their wives on Valentine’s Day, and serenades are still performed in some towns. These acts are outward and visible, but what keeps love alive inside the home, away from the public eye, is the way two people treat each other with respect.
Respect in marriage is more than polite words or avoiding fights. It is about giving your partner the dignity she deserves. It is about honoring her as an equal, not treating her as someone less. It is about giving her space to be herself, not trying to mold her into someone else. Romance begins to fade when respect disappears, but it grows stronger when respect becomes the foundation.
I have seen this truth in my own marriage with Chin. People sometimes think romance is about constant sweetness, but I have learned that the sweetest thing I can do for her is to respect her in all circumstances.
Respect in Words
The words we use can either lift or wound. In the heat of arguments, it is easy to say things that we regret. I have made mistakes in the past by raising my voice or using words that were harsher than I intended. But I realized quickly that words once spoken cannot be taken back. They leave marks. So I made a choice to practice respect even in disagreements.
When Chin and I argue, I remind myself that she is not my enemy. She is my partner, my wife, my teammate. So instead of hurling insults or belittling her feelings, I try to listen and respond with calm. If I feel too angry, I step back and breathe first. This is not always easy, especially for a Filipino husband raised in a culture where men often assert dominance through volume or authority. But respect means breaking that pattern. Respect means choosing gentleness over harshness.
I also make it a point to speak words of affirmation daily. Simple phrases like “Thank you for cooking” or “You did great today” go a long way. Even just saying “You look beautiful” before she heads out can brighten her day. These words may seem small, but they communicate respect. They remind her that I notice her efforts and I value her presence.
Respect in Actions
Respect is not only about words but also about actions. For example, I make it a point never to embarrass my wife in front of others. If she makes a mistake in public, I do not call her out or make jokes at her expense. Instead, I protect her dignity. If something needs to be corrected, I wait until we are alone to talk about it. In Filipino gatherings, teasing is common, but I believe there is a line that should not be crossed when it comes to your spouse. Protecting her image in front of others is an act of romance.
Respect in action also means sharing responsibilities at home. Many Filipino households still hold the expectation that the wife should carry the bulk of domestic chores. But I believe marriage is about partnership. If I see Chin tired after work, I help with the dishes. If laundry needs to be folded, I fold it. If the trash needs to be taken out, I take it out. These actions may look ordinary, but they show respect. They say, “I see your effort and I value it. I will not take you for granted.”
Respecting Her Dreams
One of the most profound ways I can show romance to my wife is by respecting her dreams. Chin has her own passions and goals in life. Some are connected to our family, while others are personal to her. As her husband, I do not see my role as restricting her or keeping her dreams small. Instead, I see my role as cheering her on and making space for her aspirations to grow.
When she wanted to pursue hobbies that took time and energy, I supported her. When she dreamed of achieving certain milestones in her career, I encouraged her instead of holding her back. This is respect in its truest form. It is telling her, “I fell in love with who you are, not with who I want to control you to be. So be yourself fully, and I will stand by you.”
Romance loses its meaning if it comes with control. Respect keeps romance alive because it allows each partner to grow individually while still growing together.
Respecting Boundaries
Marriage makes two lives one, but that does not erase the need for personal space. Respect means acknowledging boundaries. If Chin needs time alone to rest, I give it to her. If she needs a day to visit her family or friends, I encourage her to go. Respect is not clingy or possessive. It trusts.
In Filipino relationships, jealousy is sometimes mistaken for love. People say, “Selos ako kasi mahal kita.” But I believe real love is proven not by jealousy but by trust. Respect means trusting your partner enough to give her freedom without fear. It means understanding that she is her own person, not your possession.
Respect During Hard Times
The real test of respect is during hardships. When money is tight, when tempers are high, when stress is heavy, respect is often the first casualty. But I have learned that these are the moments when respect matters most.
There was a time when Chin felt overwhelmed with responsibilities. She was juggling work, household chores, and family expectations. She broke down in tears one night, saying she felt like she was failing. My instinct was to tell her she was wrong and to give her solutions. But instead, I simply held her and reminded her that I respected her efforts, that I saw her strength, and that she was more than enough. That moment of respect restored her confidence more than any solution I could have given.
Respect means never weaponizing weaknesses. It means never bringing up past mistakes to win an argument. It means never comparing her to other women. Respect is the decision to treat your spouse with honor even when it is difficult, even when emotions are high.
Respect as Daily Romance
Everyday life is where respect shows its true power. It is in waiting for her before eating dinner even if you are hungry. It is in asking her opinion before making big decisions. It is in thanking her for the everyday things she does that others might overlook, like ironing clothes or paying the bills on time.
Romance is often thought of as passion and grand gestures, but romance rooted in respect is deeper. It lasts longer because it is woven into the fabric of daily living. When Chin feels respected, she feels loved. And when she feels loved, the romance between us grows naturally.
Respect in Public and in Private
One of the greatest mistakes husbands can make is showing love in public but disrespecting their wives in private. For me, consistency is important. I want Chin to feel the same level of dignity whether we are in front of family, friends, or just by ourselves at home.
In public, I open doors for her, I carry heavy bags, I walk beside her. In private, I still do these things. Respect is not for show. It is a way of life. It is easy to post sweet photos on social media but harder to live out respect in everyday actions. That is why I choose to focus on the private respect that only she can see, because that is what truly counts.
Respect and Intimacy
Even in intimacy, respect is the foundation. Love-making is not about selfishness or power. It is about mutual honor and care. It is about listening to each other, understanding needs, and prioritizing each other’s comfort. Romance without respect becomes empty. But intimacy rooted in respect becomes an expression of deep love and trust.
A Filipino Reflection
In our culture, where families are often close-knit and opinions flow freely, respect also means protecting the privacy and dignity of our marriage. It means not airing our dirty laundry in front of relatives or friends. It means keeping certain matters between husband and wife. It also means showing respect to each other’s families, because love for each other extends to love for the people who raised us.
I remember one Christmas when we visited both sides of the family. My relatives teased me, asking if Chin was strict with me at home. I smiled and said, “No, she is not strict. She is my partner, and we respect each other.” By defending her with respect, I showed not only my love for her but also set an example for others about what real romance looks like.
The Lasting Romance
At the end of the day, flowers will wilt, chocolates will be eaten, and surprise gifts will be forgotten. But respect is something that grows stronger over time. It is what keeps romance alive even when wrinkles appear and hair turns gray.
When I look at Chin years from now, I want her to still feel valued, honored, and respected. Because respect is not temporary. It is the real romance that lasts a lifetime.
Romance is not only about how much I can make her heart flutter. It is about how much I can make her feel secure, dignified, and free to be herself. That is why for me, respect is not just a part of romance. Respect is the real romance.
Respect in the Face of Teasing
One common part of Filipino gatherings is teasing. Relatives love to joke about everything, especially about marriage. During family reunions or fiestas, I have often been teased about being under the saya. People laugh when they see me carrying Chin’s bag or serving her food first at the table. They say, “O ayan, sunod sunuran kay misis.” Some men might feel the need to defend their pride, to say something to appear macho. But for me, there is no shame in showing respect.
I remember one fiesta in our province where the men gathered to drink. Someone joked, “Raymond, baka hindi ka payagan ng misis mo uminom ng marami.” I laughed and said, “Kung ayaw niya, ibig sabihin may dahilan siya.” They laughed louder, but I knew my response came from respect. Chin has never been controlling, but if she feels uncomfortable with something, I respect her feelings. That is not weakness. That is honoring her as my partner. In return, she gives me the same courtesy when I want to do something important to me.
Respect means not seeing your spouse as an obstacle but as a teammate. When others joke, I take it as an opportunity to show that respect is not a sign of being less of a man. In fact, it shows strength of character because it proves you know how to value your wife publicly without shame.
Respect in Household Decisions
Another place where respect is tested daily is in household decisions. In Filipino families, there are often many voices—parents, siblings, titos, titas—all offering advice. Sometimes, these voices can become louder than the couple’s own voice. But Chin and I agreed early on that we would make decisions together and respect each other’s opinions.
When we were deciding where to live after marriage, some relatives suggested we stay with my family to save money. Others said it was better to live near her side. Both options had advantages, but instead of letting relatives pressure us, we sat down together and discussed our priorities. I respected her desire for independence and her longing to build a home of our own, even if it meant tighter finances. In the end, we chose what felt right for us, not what others wanted. That decision strengthened our bond because it was rooted in mutual respect.
In Filipino settings, respeto also means learning how to balance love for family with love for your spouse. It means listening to advice from elders while still giving your wife the dignity to have the final say with you. Romance is not just about saying “I love you.” Romance is also saying, “I choose you and your voice matters most in this marriage.”
Respect in Everyday Struggles
There was a time when Chin got very frustrated about work. She had deadlines piling up, tasks waiting at home, and she felt like she was not enough. Instead of telling her to just push through or comparing her with others, I respected her feelings. I sat with her, listened, and reminded her that she was already doing her best. Sometimes respect is as simple as not dismissing your spouse’s emotions.
In Filipino households, it is common to brush off feelings with phrases like “Hayaan mo na” or “Kaya mo yan.” While these words may sound encouraging, they can sometimes make the person feel unheard. I have learned that true respect is not rushing to fix things but acknowledging what she feels first. By respecting her emotions, I show her that she has the freedom to be vulnerable with me. That kind of trust is what deepens romance.
Respect in Finances
Money is another sensitive area in many marriages. Some Filipino couples fight about who controls the budget, who spends too much, or who earns more. For me, respect means being transparent and fair. I do not hide money from Chin, and I do not make big purchases without talking to her first.
There was a time I wanted to buy a new gadget. I was excited and almost bought it on impulse. But then I thought about our budget and our plans. Out of respect, I told her first. She appreciated my honesty, and instead of saying no, she said, “Let us save for it together.” That respect turned what could have been a conflict into teamwork.
Respect in finances also means appreciating the value of what your spouse contributes, whether it is money or effort. Even if Chin spends on small treats for herself, I respect her right to do so because she works hard and deserves it. And when she sees me saving for our goals, she respects my effort as well.
Respect in Public Spaces
Respect also shows in the way I treat her in public spaces. For example, when we ride jeepneys or buses, I make sure she is seated comfortably. If there is no seat, I let her take the spot while I stand. In malls, I do not walk ahead of her but beside her. These little things may seem minor, but they communicate that I value her presence and dignity.
In our culture, chivalry is often mistaken for old-fashioned habits, but for me, it is still a form of respect. Opening doors, carrying heavy bags, or guiding her safely across busy streets are everyday actions that speak louder than words. Respect is the real romance because it makes your spouse feel honored even in the simplest settings.
Respect in Times of Weakness
Every person has flaws and weaknesses. Respect in marriage means not using those weaknesses as weapons. I have moments when I forget things or fail at something. Chin could easily criticize me harshly, but instead she corrects me with gentleness. I try to do the same for her.
Once, she accidentally paid a bill twice. She was so embarrassed and felt like she failed in managing finances. Instead of scolding her, I reassured her that it was okay. We fixed the issue together. That respect in moments of weakness builds trust. It makes her feel safe to make mistakes without fear of judgment.
In Filipino homes, where saving face or avoiding shame is important, protecting your spouse’s dignity becomes a powerful act of romance. It says, “Your worth is not defined by your mistakes.”
Respect in Shared Faith
Another dimension of respect in our setting is faith. Many Filipino couples pray together, go to church together, or celebrate fiestas with devotion. For me, part of respecting Chin is respecting her faith practices. If she wants to pray longer at night, I do not rush her. If she wants to light candles at the church, I join her. Even if I have my own way of connecting with God, I honor her way as well.
Spiritual respect adds depth to romance because it recognizes that your spouse has her own relationship with God. Supporting that relationship, instead of dismissing it, is another way of saying, “I love you enough to honor the things that give you strength.”
The Quiet Respect
Sometimes respect is not loud. It is not about grand declarations but about quiet consistency. It is in waiting patiently when she takes her time choosing in the grocery. It is in not checking her phone without permission. It is in letting her rest when she says she is tired, instead of forcing conversation. These quiet moments of respect may not be visible to others, but they are deeply felt by her.
And that is why I say respect is the real romance. Flowers fade, surprises come and go, but the dignity you give your spouse leaves a lasting mark. Every day, when Chin feels respected, she feels loved. And when she feels loved, the romance between us continues to grow—not because of fireworks but because of faithfulness, humility, and honor.
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