Carmine spent the whole period in history fidgeting in her chair. She tried to pay attention to Mr. Wilson, but she just couldn't concentrate. She'd been avoiding Adam successfully for almost a week, but she knew it couldn't last forever. And as much as she wanted to put it off until tomorrow – again – her friends were starting to push her. And it was starting to get a little embarrassing to duck her head every time he turned around. So at lunch today Luke had decided for her; she was going to finally talk to Adam.
Luke and Conner had promised to hang out near the door in case anything went wrong, but it didn't do much to ease her fears. As far as she was concerned, they might as well have been on the other side of campus – if Adam was going to do anything to her, there was nothing they'd be able to do to stop it.
The bell rang, and Carmine stood up. She thought about heading out the door as fast as she could like every other day, but Luke and Conner were already loitering at the back of the room, near the door. She probably couldn't just brush past them. She hesitated, considering her options. She was about to just hurry out of the room and deal with her friends' disappointment later, but Adam stopped her.
"Hey, Carmine," he said, smiling sweetly at her.
"Hey." Carmine said, wishing she was anywhere else.
"I haven't seen you in a while." he told her, as the last of the students filed out of the room.
Carmine was glad to see Luke and Conner were keeping their promise and were still waiting quietly by the door. Luke took a casual step towards them, making Carmine feel just the tiniest bit better.
"What do you mean?" Carmine asked, forcing herself to look Adam in the eye.
"How've you been sleeping?" he pressed, smiling in a way that was almost friendly.
"Fine – I mean, I haven't been sleeping too much lately."
"I know. I haven't seen you at all in a few weeks." He said it casually, like an old friend who had started to lose contact.
Adam smiled sweetly and leaned in to her. He had that same tender look he'd had in her dreams, and she was sure he was going to kiss her. Her heart started pounding. She couldn't decide if it was from fear, or if he still managed to have some sort of hold on her. Must be fear, she decided; there was nothing about this boy that she liked anymore.
She stood board straight, not sure what to do as Adam leaned closer. She could smell the faint hint of cinnamon that would have made her knees weak only a few weeks ago. Now, it made her stomach turn. Carmine tried her best to fight down a growing sense of panic. But when Adam's face was only inches away from hers, he stood up suddenly.
"Your dead." he told her. She thought she saw a sneer on his face.
"What?" Carmine asked, taking a step back. Was he threatening her?
"You're dead." he repeated, shrugging. "I guess that's why I haven't been able to see you in your dreams lately."
"I'm not dead!" Carmine tried to say it quietly – after all, the boys weren't that far away. But she still felt lightheaded, nauseous. Could that really be true? Did her friends just kill her?
"Might as well be – I can't do anything with you." he told her. "So, what happened? You were perfectly normal two weeks ago."
"I...got bit." Carmine said hesitantly. "By a vampire." It wasn't like he'd tell anyone – not considering what he was.
"Really?" Adam actually looked surprised. "You have vampires in this town?"
"Yeah." Carmine told him. What else could she say?
"Hmmm," Adam thought for a second. "That could make this place a little more interesting."
"What do you mean?" But Carmine wasn't sure she wanted to know.
"I mean," Adam said with a gleam in his eye, "that if there's someone like that around, I'm thinking no one'll notice me."
"Why would they notice you?" Carmine found herself asking. "You're not in their dreams – you're just a regular student as far as they know."
"So true." Adam grinned in a way that sent shivers up Carmine's spine.
"Wait. Why is that?" she asked suddenly.
"Why is what?"
"Why are you here? In real life?"
"Well, I came for you."
"What?"
"Well, you weren't sleeping anymore – I couldn't find you. So, I came here. To check up on you."
"Well, thanks. I'm fine." Carmine said, trying to act braver than she felt.
"Well, sort of." Adam laughed. "I mean, we did discuss the whole dead thing, right?"
Carmine narrowed her eyes. "So now that you've seen me, will you be leaving soon?"
"No, I think I'll stick around – see if I can find someone more like you were – if you know what I mean."
Students started coming in, moving around Luke and Conner like they weren't even there. Someone took their seat behind Carmine, and Adam straightened.
"Well, it's been nice catching up with you again. And I'm so sorry, but I think this'll be the last time we talk. Now that I've found out what's changed with you, I really should be looking at finding someone else – nothing personal."
"Nothing personal?" Carmine could hardly believe he'd just said that. "So was it all just...a game?"
Carmine could barely get the words out. It was true she'd been afraid of him since the moment he showed up in her school, but she still didn't want to think of it all as some sort of act on his part. He had saved her from those nightmares after all. She wanted at least some of that to have been real.
"Sorry." Adam shrugged apologetically. "I mean, I liked you, but it was mostly a food thing."
"Oh..." Carmine said dully.
She didn't want to admit it, but he'd cut her pretty deep. Even if he was a demon, he was still the first person she'd ever felt that way about. She stood there for a minute, trying to keep herself together. It was bad enough to be scared of him, she didn't want to start crying about the fact that he'd kind of dumped her too. Students continued to come through the doors, and Carmine knew she was running out of time. She was going to have to face Luke and Conner in a few minutes, and she needed to look composed.
"Anyway, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Adam said cheerfully as he headed towards the door. He nodded casually at Luke and Conner as he walked past them and out of the classroom.
Carmine walked over where her friends were waiting. She must have still looked shaken because Conner immediately asked what was wrong.
Carmine's thoughts turned from Adam telling her he wouldn't be seeing her anymore to what he'd said after – he'd be looking for someone else.
"I think," Carmine told him, "that we could be in trouble."
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Carmine had been feeling great ever since she'd been changed. It had been a little over a month since that night at Anna's, and she found herself wondering how it could have ever taken her so long to convince her friends to do it. She was stronger, more alert – why had they said this was such a bad thing again? She'd been on more than a few hunts with her friends, and even those weren't so bad, once she got used to it.
But about a month and a half in, she woke up feeling different. She didn't feel weak or anything like that, but she did have a kind of nagging sensation, a sort of craving that she couldn't quite place. She knew what that feeling had to be, but she tried to put it out of her mind. Mia had told her that she'd feel great at first, but that the cravings would start eventually. Carmine thought it would have started earlier. She thought that if she wasn't having any problems by now, it meant she was in the clear. Now, she had the sinking sensation that it wasn't going to be as easy as she thought.
Still, it wasn't too bad, and she knew she could put off doing anything about it for at least another day or two. But it probably would be best to ask Anna and Mia, just in case. She really hated asking them so much; in some ways it made her feel like more of a burden than she had when she was human. And she got the feeling her friends still weren't completely comfortable with what they'd done. But Carmine knew she'd have to ask; if she didn't and managed to mess something up, it could really hurt her friends. She hadn't mentioned vampires since freshman year or heard anyone else bring them up, and she wanted to keep it that way. If she managed to make people suspicious, her friends could be hurt as much as she would; she couldn't afford to make any mistakes.
Carmine had planned on asking her friends at lunch about the craving she was feeling. But Luke and Zev were already at the table when she got there. Carmine tried not to be annoyed, but she couldn't help feeling that they were checking up on her.
Since school started, they'd had lunch with her, Anna and Mia, sure. But they'd also spent more than a few lunches either on their own, or with other kids at school. Discussing neighborhood stuff, they'd said. But since that weekend at Anna's, the boys had spent every single day at their table.
Even last week, the day of the full moon, they'd refused to leave the table. Normally those days they'd spend at the far side of the cafeteria, talking to others from their neighborhood. But not this time. Nobody said anything; they all tried to pretend like it was any other day. But Carmine knew better. Did they really think she, of all people, would forget a night that something supernatural was supposed to happen?
So, instead of asking about that craving, she decided to pretend everything was perfectly alright. No need to worry any of her friends. Especially when it looked like most of them thought she'd be screwing up soon enough anyway. Besides, it wasn't that big a deal – she knew what to do. And she couldn't rely on other people forever. Maybe it was finally time to try this on her own. Then they'd see – she really could handle it.
That night, when her parents were finally asleep, Carmine crept slowly out of bed. Claire was snoring quietly as usual, making Carmine smile. She walked quickly down the hall, opened the front door, and was out of the house in less than three minutes.
She walked casually towards her car, parked in the street. If anyone asked what she was doing, she'd just say she left her book in the back seat. Keys in hand, she walked to the driver's side door, casually looking up at the house as she pretended to search for her non-existent book. The lights were off. Good. Carmine double-checked that she was still the only one outside before taking off at a light jog down the street.
Carmine would have loved to take the car. It would be really nice to be able to wait inside while she tracked whoever she was going to grab. But she couldn't afford for anyone to see her car gone. With her bedroom door shut, anyone who did wake up would think she was still asleep. But if her car was gone, they'd know she'd snuck out. So it looked like she was stuck walking – at least until college.
Carmine found herself walking towards the movie theater where she and Anna had been about a week ago. It had been surprisingly easy to actually find someone there, and Carmine was hoping she could do it again. And if not, there were a few restaurants in the area that she could probably loiter around.
She glanced at her watch as she headed across the theater's parking lot. Almost one o'clock. Nothing was getting out that late – Carmine had checked on her phone while waiting for her family to finally go to sleep. She turned on her heel, heading for the diner across the street.
She paced uncertainly near the doors, checking her watch. She really needed to find something to do on nights like these. How could she just stand here for maybe an hour without someone remembering? Well, she'd just have to make sure she didn't take that long. Besides, the longer she was out, the more likely her parents would notice she was gone. She made her way back towards the parking lot, trying her best to look like she was waiting for a flaky friend.
She sat on the edge of the cinderblock wall, watching the few people who left as they got into their cars. No one was coming out by themselves, and Carmine didn't have the skill to grab two at once. She put her head in her hands and sighed. Maybe she really wasn't cut out for this after all.
She must have sat there for over half an hour, wondering what she was going to do, when she heard someone call out across the parking lot, "See you in class tomorrow."
Carmine looked up. Two college girls had just come out the front doors. They split up in the parking lot, the blonde going to a car in the back, while her darker-haired friend went to one near the doors. Perfect. Carmine knew instantly she'd go for the one heading towards the back of the lot. This was her big chance – she probably wouldn't get someone else alone tonight.
Carmine put on her most distressed face as she made her way over to the blonde girl. It wasn't hard, considering Carmine was already pretty nervous. This was her first solo attack, her parents might catch her coming home, and the girl might not even wait around for Carmine to do this. Suddenly, Carmine could feel her knees start to shake.
"Umm, excuse me?" Carmine called out nervously. Even her voice was shaking. Some vampire she was.
"Are you ok, honey?" the girl asked Carmine.
"Well, I was supposed to meet someone here." Carmine said. "But I don't even know if this is the place."
"Everything ok, Emily?"
Carmine jumped. She turned and saw the brunette had pulled her car around to the back of the lot and was now leaning out of her car window.
"Yeah, it's fine. She just got a little lost – that's all." The girl nodded towards Carmine. Carmine gave a guilty wave.
"Want me to wait with you?"
Carmine suffered a momentary panic at the thought. If that happened, Carmine may as well give up now.
"No, she's just a high-schooler. It'll be fine." the other girl said. Carmine tried not to look relieved.
"Alright. See you later." the girl drove off, leaving Carmine and the blonde behind.
"So what happened?" the girl asked Carmine.
"Well, I was supposed to meet my friends here." Carmine started nervously. "But I'm not sure what happened. And they're all acting really weird lately – it's like they don't trust me."
"Why wouldn't they trust you?"
"They think I'm a screw-up." Carmine admitted. Why was she telling this girl this? Carmine hadn't really meant to tell the truth – it just sort of came out. She must have been way more stressed than she'd realized.
"I'm sure they don't." the girl said, putting her arm around Carmine's shoulder.
"They really do though." Carmine looked carefully at the girl. She was about the same age as Carmine's oldest sister, Catherine. Maybe they were in the same classes.
"Well, even if you did mess something up, I'm sure it's not that bad. It happens to everyone." the girl told her.
"Not like this." Carmine really wanted to explain it all to the girl – to have someone understand for once. But what was she supposed to say? Carmine knew she'd never be able to tell her about this. Not without looking crazy. Still, she kept looking at the girl, trying to will her into understanding.
As she continued to stare, Carmine saw a change come over the girl's face. Her eyes started to get a little hazy, and she looked like maybe she was starting to fall asleep. Was Carmine boring her? Sure, Carmine's problems might not sound that different from anyone else's, but she liked to think she was interesting enough to keep people from falling asleep on her!
It took her almost a full minute to realize that the girl probably wasn't tired. Carmine had almost forgotten she could do that to people.
Carmine watched as the girl continued to fall asleep. Part of her wanted to stop it, but she wasn't sure how. Maybe if she shook the girl, she'd wake up. Carmine hated to admit it, but it had been kind of nice to tell someone about those problems with her friends. Carmine lightly put her hand on the girl's shoulder. But instead of waking her, she just sat there for a minute. Her thumb was pressing lightly against the girl's neck. Maybe it was her imagination, but she thought she could feel the girl's pulse.
Carmine took a deep breath. The girl's heartbeat felt so powerful, suddenly all her worries were gone. It was like waking up from a dream – she couldn't even remember what she was so upset about in the first place. All she could think about was the girl sitting in front of her, eyes closed, waiting for Carmine to attack.
Carmine bit down into the girl's neck easily, like she'd been doing it all her life. Blood gushed into her mouth, and Carmine actually started to feel good. She wasn't worried about her friends, or sneaking out. Finally, she felt like she was in control. It was the first time she'd felt that way in almost a year. She continued to drink greedily, her worries seeming less and less important with every minute. And soon, even her craving started to fade away. When she was finally done, Carmine set the girl back on the car seat and shut the door. As she walked away, Carmine couldn't help but grin to herself. Her first successful solo hunt – she'd actually done it.
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