It felt incredibly empty on the morning Alistair left.
"He had to leave," Father told me, the minute I knew he was gone. I left feeling disappointed and sad.
"He'll come back, wouldn't he?"
Father just gave me a sigh before signing to me that I should enter the house. "He wasn't meant to be here, Reeves."
I know.
I want to say, but I can't.
That afternoon, I swam to the lake and found a gray-colored bird at the top of the rock. I think it was a dove. It's tilting its head and looking directly at me. Instead of turning back, I tried to extend my hand to reach for it. It didn't even flinch.
"Boo!"
Still no reaction. When I finally reached out, it closed its eyes for a few seconds and flew away.
Weird thing.
It was late afternoon when I came back to the house. I sat by the front porch and look around, feeling everything all at once. I think of something to cry about, but no tears has left my eye. I think of something to laugh about, still, no sound of laughter burst out my mouth.
It felt strange.
I know I just knew Alistair for a few days, but it felt like I knew him for years. I questioned myself whether it's just all in my head, whether if he was real and I just created him because I was so lonely.
How can you be with someone for a few days and think you might never see them again once they left?
I sighed. I know I never should think of this.
Alistair will live on for years, maybe even forever, and I'll vanish from the surface of the earth without even realizing it. He won't even be able to remember me 'cause I'm just a part of his humble beginning. Father and I will just be a fragment from his memory, slowly shattering and fading away.
It sucks, but I'm glad it happened.
Slowly as the days passes on, I gradually accepted the realization with father's wise words. The process wasn't easy, I had to reel it in inside me, to swallow my pride, and to think of my mother who passed away. I had to think that just like mother, he's in a better place now, just not dead.
"Wizards has one of the best features that happened in this world," said Father while we were washing the plates. It's been a month, and he goes back to telling me stories.
He's not stopping me to forget about Alistair, he's encouraging me and reminding me of how he's right where he should be.
"Why wizards?"
"Because they can live for more than a millenia, witnessing how people be dead and alive all around again. I read it in a book written by a wizard once; that he met his brother in different bodies over the courses of centuries, people were reincarnating over and over again. He said that the experience was both wonderful and filled with much loneliness. He wished that the people he remembers remember him back the way he does, although he know it wasn't possible, and even if he's a wizard, he can't make it happen. No one can."
"That's so sad," My eyebrows lowered.
Father tapped my back. "Alistair might live on for more than a millenia too, and he'll witness you live over and over again."
"That's so sad too. I won't remember him."
"But you would be able to know him over and over again."
"That's much more sad."
Father shook his head and sighed. "It's alright to be sad."
I disagreed with Father, 'cause I don't think it's alright to be sad. Sad is an abyss that stares back at you, like a monster. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but some times, it eats me up too much I ended up wondering about...everything.
That evening, I look at the sky and closed my eyes, with all the sincerity and hope, I prayed to the stars.
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****
Summer, Winter, Autumn, and half of Spring has passed.
It's been a year of peace and longing for father and I. We went to mother's grave earlier this month and pray, a tradition of us every passing year. The cemetery were still as quiet as it is, and it's getting more quieter as the time passes by.
"She's always watching you, Reeves."
I smiled as father as I replied. "I know, you always tell me that."
"Just in case you forget."
"How could I ever?" I kissed the flowers we bought and placed in on the tombstone.
We stayed there for an hour, ruminating and reflecting how the year changes both of us. He also told me his plans for us to leave the forest and settle in the neighbouring kingdom, he said living in the border might be dangerous for us now that the war between the south and west kingdoms are approaching.
"But why? You always told me we are protected there. And what about the animals? Who will give them food?" I said while we're walking on the way home, upset lingering. Father caressed my hair and sighed.
"You know well that we can't be there for long and I planned to leave with you once you turn 18, but things have furthered on so we have to, now. We might be protected because of the Goddess, but we are not safe with our fellow beings."
"Do...Do we really..."
"I feel your pain, I know it very well. You don't have to let go of the memories from the home you grew up with, you can be sentimental about it. It's not that I'm telling you to forget."
I began sniffing. "W-What if it got destroyed or burned down by someone? What house would I go back to if I want to go back?"
"That's some situation I still thought of, Reeves."
I wiped the tear that dropped of my eyes.
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I wish days will have gone by quickly.
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