我鍾意同妳鬥氣，其實只係因為… （Tier 1-3已完結，普通讀者連載中） - 三百二十二

三百二十二

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（葉佩儀視角）

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我覺得呢個已經唔止係暗示咁簡單…我已經用盡咗自己既勇氣去問阿必…只係…個結局依然令人失望…

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儘管我已經喺成個飯局時有意無意都向林必才提示，但最後佢都係乜都唔做…

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究竟佢係唔再鍾意我？定係唔想影響到我而家既生活？或者真係由頭到尾都冇鍾意過我？我唔知道。

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或者，呢個就係「聽天由命」既結局…

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睇黎，個天都要我唔好辜負石生既心意…

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「我有啲攰，想早啲抖。」沖完涼之後，我同石生講。

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「哦，好啊，攰就早啲休息喇。」

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「嗯。」

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我吹完頭之後就攤咗喺床上面。

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石生為咗我而特登買既King size雙人床。

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一星期入面，通常我有一半時間到都係喺石生屋企過夜，雙方家長（其實我諗主要係我Daddy Mummy）都默許咗，而通常星期日，我都九成會喺石生屋企過夜，咁係因為石生覺得一個假期完咗之後，我哋第二朝可以情侶檔咁返工，係一件好幸福既事。不過就算我係女人，都唔覺得特別浪漫，我對呢樣嘢反而冇特別感覺，不過石生鍾意既，我都會陪佢做既。

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不過…而家喺石生屋企張大床上面，我心入面諗住既係另一個男人…我仲要今日暗自盼望果個男人帶我「私奔」…我就好似有一陣罪惡感同內疚感湧上黎…

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算喇，既然個天都決定咗，就算我曾經想要干預，但係都冇法改變個結局，即係上天都要我接受呢個定局…

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只係…我個心仲係好唔舒服…

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明明同淇淇食完飯只係二十四個小時，但係我既心情就好似坐過山車一樣…

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疑惑、期待、忐忑不安、緊張…

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思念、喜歡、回憶、愛情…

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全部都湧晒出黎…

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而且…並唔止呢啲感覺…

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仲有最大既感覺…不甘…

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我明白呢啲心情同感覺並唔係呢二十四個小時自己變出黎，而係由中學開始，一直慢慢、慢慢咁累積而得返黎，我將佢封印咗咁多年，強行用力將佢壓住，結果一打返開個箱，入面啲壓力全部反彈晒出黎…

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再加上好多好多好多唔同既因素…

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好似知道咗原來林必才背後為我犧咗咁多、原來林必才呢十幾年黎可能真係對我有感情、原來林必才佢要離開香港再唔會喺我身邊陪住我、原來林必才好有可能連我既婚禮都無法出席、甚至係佢同果個靚模所傳出既緋聞…

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呢一切一切「原來」，好似都喺度提醒我自己，「原來」自己對林必才既感情咁深厚…

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點解林必才佢唔比我知道呢…

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叮！

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係電話響…

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唔通係阿必？

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我緊張起黎…

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如果佢呢個時候先同我表白既話…

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不過當我拎起部電話，我又微覺失望…

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原來係淇淇…

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淇淇︰"你同阿必今日點啊？"

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點？

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唉，我都唔知點。

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明明上天已經幫我揀好咗，我應該係鬆一口氣，但係而家我心入面只係覺得好失望…

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嗯…

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真係好失望…

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不過，呢個係我自己既決定…係我決定對石生留一線、係我決定要交比阿必喺佢唔知情既情況下做決定、係我決定唔好自己主動出擊…

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所以，呢一切既結局都係我自己做成，我要自己承受返，無論我有幾唔開心、幾失望、幾痛苦，我都要自己承擔返。

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理性咁睇，我知道而家呢個結局，其實係對我身邊所有人最唔會造成傷害既決定。

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但係…

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我真係想要呢個結局咩？

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我知道唔係。

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我呃唔到自己。

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"阿儀？"

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"妳覆下我喇，我好擔心妳"

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"妳冇事吖嘛？"

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隨後我既電話震咗起黎，係淇淇打黎，睇黎佢真係好擔心我。

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本來我係攰到、心痛到唔想做任何嘢，只係想喺床上面攤下，但係淇淇對我咁擔心，我都唔好意思要我既好朋友繼續擔心落去。所以，雖然我冇聽電話（而我身處石生屋企、佢張大床，亦都唔適合講電話），但係喺電話響到cut咗線之後，我瞓喺床側住身咁send咗個message比淇淇。

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我︰"我冇事，只係需要一個人靜靜"

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淇淇秒回︰"妳真係冇嘢？"

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我冇嘢？

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…

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我都只能夠答︰"我想抖抖"

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淇淇︰"嗯，妳如果要搵人傾計，我隨時都喺度"

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呢句說話足夠令呢一刻既我心頭一暖…雪中送炭，大概就係呢種感覺…

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「阿儀？未瞓咩？」石生既聲音喺我身後突然出現，將我嚇咗一大跳，原來佢唔知由幾時開始，已經坐咗喺床上面，我背住佢既位置。

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睇黎我諗嘢諗得太入神，完全冇為意石生入咗黎。

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好彩真係冇接聽淇淇既電話。

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「嗯。」我擰轉身望住石生。

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「做乜嘢事啊？妳係咪真係有啲唔舒服？」石生柔聲地問。

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…

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其實，我今日真係唔應該上石生度。

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尤其是見到對我咁好、咁溫柔既石生，我個心就忍唔住湧現罪惡感。

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就算石生話真係好想聽朝兩個一齊甜甜蜜蜜咁返工，我都唔應該上黎。

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我而家咁樣既心情，聽朝仲點樣甜甜蜜蜜啊？甚至乎，呢一刻我成個人，根本同呢個地方格格不入…

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喺未婚夫既住所，為住一個學生時代暗戀既男人暗自傷神…如果比石生知道，咁會點？

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「冇…我真係好攰啫。」

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「真係？」

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「嗯…」

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「咁妳好好休息下喇。」石生柔聲道︰「我幫妳冚好被？」

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呢個時候，我竟然忍唔住提出咗個任性既要求。

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（待續）

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