“I wish I could stay with you like this all the time.” Bensimon said.
“You mean, walking aimlessly in the streets?” I said, blinking.
“Yes, with you, going anywhere is fine.”
“and you will always pay for dinner.” I asked.
“Yes.” He said.
“Thank you.” I said.
“But it would be wrong for me to keep eating up your money.” I said, although deep down, I felt reassured by his reply.
“But that’s what boys are for. They pay for meals, and protect girls from going to dark places.”
“But that’s a bit painful isn’t it. It would be impossible for you to please me as my appetite keeps growing and growing, and I would want more and richer foods. Just like the fisherman’s wife. You would grow tired of me.” I said plainly, but also considerately.
“I am just happy you would still need me, like a butler in your service.” Bensimon said. But he shook his head with a sigh. “I would want you to stay at home, if I could afford it. I would work three jobs, and another part time job, just to make sure you can hea at home. And if you want to go to work, I would go sneak on you to watch you at all times, and beating your boss up when he screwed with you. That’s all the things I would do for you. But it’s still not enough, and I know it. It’s not enough to earn your love.”
“You are silly,” and later I realised he was also incredibly sick, but never telling me he was descending into insanity. If I knew earlier about his illness, I would have said, how can you say such a thing, when you couldn’t even help yourself.
“You are going to spoil me sick. And make me so vulnerable.” I said. “I bet you are only thinking of how to get the girls into bed, and you would make any promises.”
“Why would I do that? You know perfectly well the space issue does not permit us to do anything – “
I said nothing. Being reminded of the housing issue for young people in Hong Kong made me want to pee.
“I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable. I want you to be so relaxed when you are around me, like floating amidst the sea in a mid summer, with the sun just up there, and the smell of sorbet filled the air.”
I am confused. I am really confused. Why did Bensimon never sleep with me? Was it only the space issue? Was it because his parents or siblings were always at home? Was it really because the place was always filled with preying eyes, and there was no place we could have done it?
Now we passed by an old building, and there was a really sad looking fishball stall. There was a young person running the stall and she looked unenthusiastic. As if searching for something we had lost, Bensimon continued down the street without looking at the stall. He seemed lost in thought.
“I am sorry.” Bensimon said sadly. He hugged me from behind and smelled my hair. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I know that’s what guys do, hurt people. I would get so angry with myself, if I ever hurt you. I am so worried you would not realised when I am hurting you, and you would be lost with me forever. I wouldn’t want that - ”
Bensimon looked at me seriously. “Bauhinia.” He called my name. “Let me tell you something, if you ever find someone better than me, I hope you would forget me instantly and be with him. Do what is best for yourself. I would never blame you, or question you. I would always protect you from afar, from the dark shadows, to prevent you from being lost in the dark alleys.” Bensimon said, I noted his sincerity from the tone of his voice. “Promise you will remember that.” Bensimon said.
We walked on without talking. The air was unbearably heavy. “I promise to remember our promise.” I said calmly.
ns216.73.217.20da2
and then Add to home screen.