Pandora died in an empty house shaped like a cube in Cheung Chau. Cheung Chau was always famous for suicides so I guessed the pull was just too great for her. She left the gas on, and died peacefully in her sleep. I had no idea if she was conscious or not when she died, or if she struggled in her sleep. She told her parents she was going to go camping with her friends, but she took the ferry by herself all the way to Cheung Chau, and possibly found the nicest house there was to die. She was supposed to leave the next day, but the tenant found that the door was locked and she didn’t vacate the premises. After a lot of chaos, they had to break the lock and go in to find the place in a strange toxic smell, and she was dead. Her ipad was still on, and in her hand was a tamagochi that she had as a child. Her bagpack was still left half opened, with the latest switch, and latest folded phone. The sugar gummies were just opened and she had barely touched them.
She had left no suicide note anywhere, and the police concluded that the scene was not suspicious. She had not been raped, or robbed. The place was safe. She probably died from an accident. The landlady was very worried about the effect it would have on the property price. Because I was on the phone with Pandora last before she died, the police contacted me and asked me if I noticed if she had any signs of committing suicide. I almost choked on a piece of fruit when I got the phone from the police. I thought to myself, possibly, but maybe that was just Pandora. Someone who always claimed the world was raping her. She had no visible social life outside of me and Bensimon. So Bensimon was the next they went to. We both knew something was deeply going wrong in Pandora’s life but we were quiet about it. We almost said the same thing to the police, although we never collaborated our reply. She was unhappy but we didn’t know she was that unhappy.
I had no idea why pandora did it honestly. She already got an unconditional offer to HKU to study Literature, so exam stressed was ruled out. She had a good boyfriend in Bensimon. Her parents were happy with her.
We let Pandora wear some of her accessories that she made, and let her take those with her. Those accessories which she always refused to commercialize or to sell. She insisted it, when she was alive, that she would keep them herself or only give to people she liked. She would refuse to sell any of those accessories. Her body was burned.
At her funeral, very few people attended. Bensimon said, “If her world wasn’t occupied by such rich spirits, Pandora would have had more time for friends.” Random people we did not know attended her funeral and they said something like, “all the school fees wasted! to die so carelessly! what were her family thinking!”
“i know - thank you” Bensimon whispered to himself at pandora's funeral, and I was overly saddened by Bensimon’s deep concern for Pandora. We stood atop a mountain in Lantau, and scattered Pandora’s ashes over the seashore. The sky felt endlessly empty and I wanted to reach out to Bensimon’s hand, but his mind was occupied by other things.
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaB0EDFLSbg
We were hit hard by her death, but we were also at a time when we were most crushed by deadlines, DSE exams, interviews with universities, chatting with people to determine our further jobs. I tried to monitor my feelings to maintain the right balance between griefing over a friend who died, and also trying to go through my exams. Her death weighed over me like a shadow which I tried to deny exist. No, I told mom, I did not need counselling sessions. I could just go through with it and do my exams. I could do it. I was repressing my own self and my grief, and holding onto life as you would hanging on a cliff. Exams and studying kept me occupied. My mind wandered into existential crisis but doing exercises and past papers kept me on track. It would all end soon, in June, and that’s when all the grief would dissipate, time would heal, I told myself. I did not want Pandora to be only a friend who reminded me about the preciousness of life, and the immediacy of death. I wanted her to be, my friend. And she left us, forever. I had no words to express it.
"I wonder if i didn't love and protect her enough as a boyfriend." Bensimon said sadly.
"Nothing you do can make her feel fully loved. That's how much she loved you. Silly."
“you always had the goodest logic. but I feel worse now” Bensimon said.
“Oh so I guess she could never say Come on James after getting into HKU then, what a pity! ” Bensimon’s mom said. She had always complained Pandora was materialistic and disliked her. Bensimon’s mouth was left agape with annoyance. “and don’t wear those pants, they look like they are falling off. If you try to look hot, you don't dress enough and you will be v cold. If you always live to the fullest, you will be sleepy. ” Bensimon’s mom said to Bensimon. She turned to me, suddenly friendly, and I forgot what she said.
“you are worse than Hoi Ting,” Bensimon said to his mom. She laughed out loud. Her laugh was shrilly like hehehehe, sounding like an airy e, as eh is pronounced in meh.
“You don’t even know what it means” Bensimon added, but she had an amused look.
ns216.73.217.20da2
and then Add to home screen.