I really loved how the opening paragraph personifies the sunlight—it’s whimsical and playful in a way that immediately sets a fun, almost cheeky tone without feeling forced, and that bit where it knocks over clouds, apologizes, straightens its clothes, and grabs its hat made me actually grin because it’s clever and light. The whole pet trio chaos works beautifully too: the duck startling the cat, the cat launching at Scarlet’s face like a furry missile, her yelling “JAYCE!!!!!” while trapped under the covers it’s chaotic, believable kid-with-weird-animals energy, and I laughed out loud at the duck using the litter box and building a nest out of books even though ducks don’t do that. Scarlet’s room description hits perfectly; putting a toddler bed in the centre at barely thirteen, surrounding it with wall-to-wall bookshelves even on the sliding closet door, dirty clothes shoved in with more books that paints such a vivid, obsessive bookworm picture without ever saying “she’s a nerd.” The dragon-watching window is a killer hook; massive jetliner-sized dragons coming and going from the mountain eyrie right above her house, tourist attraction for everyone else but front-row free for her that instantly makes me curious about the world, the dragons’ role, and why she’s so obsessed with Slayer Dragon history. Ending on her Honorarium collection feels like a solid tease; she’s not casually into this, she’s deep in primary sources, scraping together reprints on a middle-schooler’s budget, and it leaves me hungry for what comes next.
That said, the pacing feels choppy and rushed in spots the whimsical sunlight opener flows long and dreamy, then it slams into short, stubby sentences for the cat attack, alarm check, feet on carpet, dragon window gaze, room layout, duck nest panic, and lore dump, so the rhythm jerks around and never quite settles. There are way too many little grammar and typo distractions that yank me out of the story: “quite doing that” should be “quit,” “dragon eerie” is almost certainly meant to be “eyrie,” that random “+” in “Dragon-watching+ formed” looks like a copy-paste glitch, “bichord” is confusing (is it “book hoard” with funky accents or a typo?), “exhaling relievedly” sounds clunky when “exhaled in relief” would flow better, “contemporary-written” should probably be “contemporaneously written,” and there are missing spaces after parentheses, run-ons without commas, and awkward fragments piling up. Those are small but they add up fast and make the whole thing feel unpolished.

Here is a portion of the manuscript .The full document is too long to include in the comment section. If you would like to receive the complete manuscript you can contact me at : inkscope77@gmail.com

Hey. I just came across your story and found it really interesting. Am a big fan of your work and I’d love to stay connected and follow your updates. If you’re open to it, feel free to share your social media handle—or you can reach me on Discord (immartxpert) or via email (immartxpert@gmail.com)

Your story caught my attention — it has real potential. A lot of readers decide to click based on cover art and visuals, so strong presentation helps your work reach more people.
I make cover art, character illustrations, and promo graphics for authors. I can show before/after cases and authors I’ve helped.
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