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Monos Alba

This is an interesting chapter and I like how we got to see more characters and interaction. Sometimes I was confused on where the characters are. I think that stating when there's a scene change can help. Sometimes their diction cut into the story's flow. I think that's because I didn't always know how they were acting. Adding emotion descriptions at some points can help, or reviewing the dialogue.
I also learned some biblical phrases. I wonder if those phrases will have an impact on the story.

8 years agoReply

Byargus

Wowwww I totally agree with John. I think I like Craig.

8 years agoReply

Overall a great chapter

my only problem with it is that most people would not immediately calm down and apologize like that after a temper tantrum, so you might want to put begrudgingly or something alike. As Someone who gets heated easily I know that you'll still be fuming a bit afterwards

8 years agoReply